i'm so lost for you

update: mr. jones is coming home one day early! yay for next wednesday.

Today was pretty. Pretty. pretty.
oh my.
i felt a peace.
i felt a pain. a growing pain.

Life is about to change drastically. But you might not notice it at all.

I'm nervous. And I wish I was a hippie.

words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

callis is coming tomorrow! i am excited.

If faith were rational, it wouldn't be -by definition- faith. Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy. I'm not interested in the insurance industry.... I couldn't care less about evidence and proof and assurances. I just want God. I want God inside me. I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on water. - Eat. Pray. Love.

you gotta change all these feelings

They say it's hard to find good friends, encouragement and love. I think the hardest part is accepting it.

I affect. And I am affected. I cry tears of pain. And tears of joy. For myself and others. I'm learning to embrace it.

Ten days until Matt Jones is home!

Despite going to work and still having homework, I think I love Spring Break. Though I'm sure my body will hate me for the going out later.

I'm going to clean. And paint my toes. And listen to Bob Marley and India Arie. And then go to work. And then go to a new church. And spend time with my God who loves me so.

I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations. No no. I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am a soul that lives within.

remind me that we'll always have each other.

I had to apologize to God this morning for trying to ignore him for quite some time. I think he had already forgiven me. But you know how guilt is...

There is impoliteness in our experience of living. There is darkness and pain. But the wonder and the joy and the surprise are that even in the middle of darkness and loss is the unexpected presence of God. - d.crowder

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

If I turn into another, dig me up from what is covering the better part of me.

hello again. its been too long.

Midterms = Procrastination.
Procrastination = Blogging.

It is Joanne's birthday! (That's Matt's mom to the rest of you...) So, if you see her around Lexington, wish her well this birthday week and let her know that you think 28 will be a good year for her.

My last voicemail from Matt erased today. Sad.

In class, my marketing teacher compared dating relationships with customer loyalty based on satisfaction, quality of alternatives and investment. It kind of made me feel cheap and replaceable.

Also, Diet Pepsi Max and Diet Coke Plus are going to be released. Someday. One has extra caffeine. The other has vitamins. Ridiculous. And McDonalds wants to sell lattes.

You know what else is ridiculous? 50 cent tacos. I love bars with cheap food.

I also love mint in my lattes. And espresso. I love espresso. And I love espresso from Cool Beans. Especially when I'm with Rachel. And when DMB is playing. I love DMB.

And speaking of Dave. His painting is gone from Jammin Java. My favorite seat is now missing my favorite person.

That's your favorite seat - Why?
Because I'm up against the wall with Dave Matthews, right where I belong.

I don't know if that's appropriate, but it was a real conversation.

My brother has a new motorcyle and truck in his life. They are pretty. And he looks cute in his little marine outfit, too. Excuse me, I mean, it's all very manly.

I have accomplished nothing here. I think I have lost part of my zeal for life. I shall sleep little.

Crazy how it feels tonight. Crazy how you make it all alright, love.

i need you so much closer.

Though Matt cannot always appreciate everything about me when I am not around, he can always appreciate my love of Dave Matthews and my passion for spreading his music. I love that he loves that about me. I bet Dave does, too.

two weeks is forever.
i miss matt jones. alot.

Oh, maybe I'm crazy, but laughing out loud will make the pain pass by. And maybe you're a little crazy, and laughing out loud will make it all subside. Holding, I'm holding out.

i am weary, but i know your touch restores my life

David was the man after God's own heart. (That's a pretty intense description for someone.)

But with that in mind you would think about how perfect this man would be... Not the case. Evidently, David stumbled into some pretty big roadblocks in life (inquire for details) and is basically a big sign of humanity for all Christians.

So, last night, Garrett talked about all this and I don't think I took away what I was supposed to take away. I took away a lesson on forgiveness. Why? Because God forgave David. Not without consequence, but He forgave him. He let it go.

Why can't we do that as humans? Why is it so hard to move on? And is there stupidity in forgiving and allowing the same thing to happen over and over? But you never know when someone is sincere about changing.

But is it really our job? Or should we protect ourselves?

I wish I was more like God in my level of forgiving. I wish it didn't hurt so much to be hurt and that it didn't take so much to move forward and forget.

all i want you to do is be my love. my love. my love.

If I wrote you a symphony, just to say how much you mean to me, what would you do?

This weekend I'm studying. I have to because there is to much that is due and has to be done this week. But then! Then it is Spring Break. And I will continue to work, but it will without class and that makes it less stressful.

I'm at Cool Beans. Rachel is planning my hypothetical wedding, Alison is studying for her big test tomorrow, and I just finished my management strategy questions and am browsing the Wall Street Journal for interesting information.

I have a green tea chai next to me that begs for resteaming.

My mom loves me. She bought be a sixty count package of sharpies.

I'm listening to Justin Timberlake.

She looks like a model except she's got a little more ass... She's got me lovestoned.

is it in a plan. written in your hand.

Sometimes I doubt my ability to hold onto any emotion.

believe or understand
something other than
fear is blinding lights
squeeze my eyes so tight

My life changes so quickly. People are so permanent. And impermanent. Feelings seem to be as such. It creates such a rush of apathy. And then I scold myself for such a lacking.

If that makes sense.

At least God is not. [Temporary.]

These are the times when I feel both close and far. And then I get confused.

"Selective distortion is the tendency to twist information into personal meanings and interpret information in a way that will fit our preconceptions."

I will wait for you. Growing love, but like water, time will always slip through. I will wait for you, but please come soon.

if i'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry

I just got the news that a friend of mine from Charleston died in a fatal car crash last night. And that's really all I know. Please pray for the people she's left behind.

but time makes you bolder, even children get older

a message to a daughter as she is almost grown.

Did I tell you all that I meant to tell you, all that I felt was important? Did I tell you or was it lost in the shuffle of our everyday lives, the busy full days…

Did I tell you to love, not with a fair-weather love, but with a love that accepts and cherishes unconditionally. Love not with a quick and passing love, but with a love that is a quiet peace within your heart.

Did I tell you to be thoughtful? Not to be a martyr or a doormat to be trod upon, but to be aware of other people and their needs. To meet others with awareness and within your own framework, be able to meet them halfway and, on occasion, go the other half joyfully.

Did I tell you to be courteous? Not to display empty manners with no meaning, but to live the courtesy born of caring. And to express this caring through the small formalities and customs born of the years.

Did I tell you to be bold? To be not afraid of the unknown, but to live life to the fullest and meet each new experience with joy and anticipation.

And did I tell you to be cautious? To temper your daring and sense of adventure with good judgment and consideration.

Did I tell you to serve other people if only in a small way? There is growth and satisfaction in being part of something larger than yourself and your life will be richer for knowing this.

Did I tell you to maintain a sense of the past? To recall and uphold all that is best and meaningful in our country and in our society. But never be afraid to speak out where you don’t believe or where there is room for improvement. Work for what you believe, but work in a positive way within a structure of order and reason.

Did I tell you to find a part of nature that speaks to you? Then know it intimately and well. For some it is a mountain peak, for some a windswept beach. Find your own and in it find restoration.

Did I tell you to laugh, to dance, to sing? There is a lot in life that is hard, but take it as it comes and find the good. And make time to dance.

Did I tell you to be creative? To explore the seed within you. Find your creative spirit and let it grow.

And did I tell you the joy and challenge of being a woman. The joy of having a child, knowing and sharing a new life. The joy of making a home... the center, but not the limit for the lives of those you love. The joy of exploring a third dimension – a world of your own, discovering and fulfilling your own capabilities.

Did I tell you these things as we went along the way? If I did, I am humbly grateful. If I did not, then you must choose for yourself. If it has meaning, accept it and make it your own. If it does not, discard it. Your life is yours to build as you choose. And did I tell you…

I hope it will be a good life.

(by Elizabeth Knapp)

if we ever make a mess i'll do anything for you

Ok. I am a canoe.
And I miss my paddle partner.
I really like bell peppers.
I want an o-wahoo pizza.
And I'm mad at my marketing teacher.
And my finance exam review is like whoa.

lalalalalalalalalalala.
so much to say. so much to do. so much to see. so much. too much.
(uh oh. traffic jam. got more cars than a beach got sand. suck it up, suck it up, suck it up. fill it up until no more.)

no worries.

But the weather was lovely today.
And I walked through the Horseshoe and thought of everything lovely that I had ever done there and it made me happy.

I'm learning to do push ups. I can do lots of the girl kind. Not so much with the other way. But I am getting arm muscles. You should ask me to feel my arm next time you see me. It's like a rock.

Bonnaroo tickets go on sale tomorrow.
Rachel is making me dinner because she's lovely.

I'm walking away now.

If there's anything to say. If there's anything to do. If there's any other way. I'd do anything for you.

don't for a minute change the place you're in

Today I was overwhelmed by my lacking and by my future.

So scared of getting older. I'm only good at being young...

Once in awhile, when it's good, it'll feel like it should and they're all still around and you're still safe and sound and you don't miss a thing 'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

And then I was reminded...
My worth is not defined by how many interviews I receive. It is not defined by the coffee I drink. It is not defined by my relationships. It is not defined by how many times I talk to my boyfriend a week. It is not defined by the music I listen to. It is not defined by my GPA. It is not defined by the money I make.

I am none of those things and I am nothing without God.

My life. My present. My future. My worth.

These things which are important are defined by my faith and acceptance of Christ's love for me and his works through me.

Oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him - endless energy, boundless strength! (Ephesians 1:19, The Message)

I am the silence that is incomprehensible.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I’m supposed to be. The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

i'm adoring you. it's all good.

I served lunch today at the McCutchen House. Lovers at lunch. Oy. I wore red to get more tips. I figure that if Hallmark can capitalize on our affections for one another, then so can I.

It worked pretty well.

Rachel pulled coffee out of her purse today in class and that made me extremely amused and appreciative of her - moreso than normal.

My mommy sent me a valentine with a Target gift card - that's love. But she also reminded me that she loves me not just today, but everyday. And told me how proud she was of me.

We're not going to sell Wholly Cow. I'm staying. She's staying. And it's going to be amazing. Because together she and I are just like that.

I was also bestowed with a poem and some gummi jewelry by Tony and Alison. And Courtney bought me a mail order puppy. Or at least that is what I will continue to assume my surprise is.

I'm constantly surprised by the people who care about me and sometimes it takes a holiday for me to remember how truly loved I am or what an impact I seem to have made at times.

Tonight, I was at House Coffee studying (which I should be doing now) and I saw this guy/man - Micah who comes into Jammin Java and I said hi to him and talked about Charleston for a bit and talked about what I had ordered (double shot nonfat latte) and whatnot. When he left, he patted me on the back and waved. Then, Paige came up to me with a latte and a cookie and told me that Micah had ordered them for me before he left.

I felt really special. I've always wanted someone to do that for me.

And then I got a tulip. I love tulips. I really wanted a tulip today. And it made me happy.

So, I will not hate on Hallmark. I will appreciate the holiday as it has been given to me. I wish Matt could have been a part of it (I'm blaming the Air Force for that), but it's good to know that I have other people in my life who love me that much, too.

But there is no one who could wake my heart like this, could break my world in two. I felt a suddenness. I felt a suddenness. The day fell completely still. The dream was a lot like this, but I never knew until he came to meet me.

Happy Valentine's Day.

maybe we'll meet at a bar. he'll drive a funky car.

B stands for Boyfriend. Biloxi. And buffets.

I mean, I could think of other things, but those are the three words that really encapsulate my weekend. It was a lot of fun. And I'm really glad I got to meet Matt's friends there and see what he does - like do the Electric Slide.

The drive was long and boring which was expected, but the rest was certainly not. There are a lot of things I "learned" this weekend that I could type out, but no one would understand. It would seem silly. And, really, the highlight of it was Matt. We could have done absolutely nothing except stare at each other and it still would have been great. As a matter of fact, I think we actually did do some of that anyway. Hmm.

Oh yes. Biloxi has shopping outlets and Matt let me go and buy kitchen stuff. Actually, he encouraged it and then carried my bags. Yeah. He's pretty spectacular. I'm glad I'm his girlfriend.

And I will leave you with this: I want to know where Sea Monkeys come from.

well, i know that it's not easy, but you love me. you won't leave me.

It is 11:11. Please make a wish.

Today, I waited on a table of 17 very thirsty faculty members.
17 times 10 equals 170 times 0.20 equals 34 minus 6 equals 1 iced nonfat latte and 1/2 pound ground brazilian coffee (from immac).

The weather was lovely. And I walked and it was nice and I had good and meaningful conversation.

every little star. every little star. it starts somewhere.

I made cookies. Twice.
I ate some dough and now I feel sick.

I'm doing a study guide and then I'm going to Biloxi.

For some reason people think I'm saying Lexington when I say that and I'm not sure why.

Only about 20 percent of American adults reach the level three stage of moral development.

the dashboard melted but we still have the radio

WSJ: What advice would you give someone new in this (hospitality & restaurant) business?

Mr. Meyer:
Greatest business in the world, if...
A) you have a natural desire to please other people, B) You happen to love great food and wine, C) Understand that your restaurant can never be more successful than the quality of the people you hire.

i'd rather see the world from another angle

A couple of things...

Hugo and Meagan love the Shack kitchen more than anyone else.
(It loves them too. The trash can told me so.)
I hate group projects.
This time next week, I will be in Biloxi. Yay!
I have to be at work at 6am tomorrow. I might die.
Online research journals suck.
I have so much to do that I can't remember what it all is.
I can't believe I never wore rain boots before today.
The end.

So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way.

everything leaves a mark

Hi.

I served for the first time today at the McCutchen House. A group of 18 which was actually 10ish who basically locked themselves in a room for a couple of hours. $20 tip. Divided by two. Minus 10% tip out to each back waiter... Equals $8 and a trip to Cool Beans.

Barista: Hi. What can I get for you?
Me: Can I have a triple shot soy latte with irish cream, but with half the syrup, please?
B: Absolutely.
M: I love you.

I'm not sure if that's exactly how the conversation went, but that's how I felt. And then I drank it and my headache went far away... Or at least to another room.

Class is delayed tomorrow until 11am. This is surprisingly obnoxious to me.

Also, I just finished a seven page environmental trend analysis on Starbucks. Interesting.

I'm glad it's February.

no it's not, not what it seems

Matt no longer has homework.

Normally, when he has 15 or so free minutes, he uses them to do homework, so he can go to bed 15 minutes earlier (since he wakes up at 3:30 every morning). I respect that and I think it makes him a better and more responsible person than me.

Tonight, he had 15 free mintues and he used them to call me because he's amazing.

I just thought I'd share that.

Partially because the irony is that I'm using "free minutes" to blog instead of doing the five million and one other things I have to do. Hmm.

Life would be so much easier if I didn't have homework. Lots of it. So much reading. So many group projects. Tests. Quizzes. Nonsense to keep up with.

I'm doing a strategic management project on Starbucks Corporation.

You don’t stand in line at Starbucks® just to buy a cup of coffee. You stop for the experience surrounding the cup of coffee. Too many of us line up for God out of duty or guilt. We completely miss the warmth and richness of the experience of living with God. If we’d learn to see what God is doing on earth, we could participate fully in the irresistible life that he offers. (The Gospel According to Starbucks)

I say the same thing all the time. My real observations are often silent. Kind of like appreciation. Which I think is okay.

To all the people doing lines - Don't do it, don't do it. Inject your soul with liberty. It's free, it's free.

i'd be under the impression i was somewhere in between

The Air Force doesn't care who you're dating. The Holiday Inn on Beach Boulevard does.

I just rented my first hotel room all by myself. I think I'm a little more grown up now.

There is no, no song I could sing and there is no combination of words I could say, but I will still tell you one thing. We're better together.

i get to wear another dress and count in time

I have a confession.
I want to try a McGriddle.

A sausage, egg and cheese Mc Griddle has 58 grams of fat. A Big Mac only has 30 grams. So, technically, those little breakfast sandwiches are heart attacks in little paper wrappers. But I really want to try one. I just don't think I can do it with a clear conscious - or clear arteries.

I am to obsessed with Corporate America these days. My background is a really cool picture of a Starbucks. That's what I get for taking management classes and reading the Wall Street Journal. Oy.

I've done myself an impossible crime, had to paint myself a hole and fall inside.

So, if you have been around me at all recently, you've noticed that I am usually doing something or getting ready to do something. Class things. Shack things. Work things.

I complain about it sometimes. I complain about the people who I have to deal with sometimes, too. I don't want to anymore.

I prayed tonight for my heart to be in all the work I do and for it to be with all the people I encounter. I'm supposed to do everything as if I'm doing it for the Lord and I haven't been acting that way.

You're old enough, boy, too many summers you've enjoyed. So spin the wheel, we'll set you up with some odd convictions because you're finally golden, boy.

and I miss your precious heart...

So much has happened.

Work. Class. Work. Class. Etc. And so on.

I had my first McCutchen House class. I wore a dress shirt and a tie and a little apron and black maryjane crocs that were too small. A little old man gave me a little box of chocolates. It was lovely. I think I'll be a professional hostess one day.

I want to work for Starbucks. Really.
It would be an amazing interim life opportunity. And I'd have benefits.

RENT was amazing. The little old ladies in front of me hated it. The girls next to me loved it. And then some boy proposed to his girlfriend in front of everyone on stage. Kara and I both cried because it was so sweet, but I would never ever want to be proposed to like that - in front of thousands of people. Oy.

Banana Pudding ice cream is amazing.
Oh my. I have so much to do. And right now I just want to sleeeeeep. Sleep. Sleep.

Kt came today. I love Kt. We had black bean wraps at HouseCoffee and she came up with a great picture/gift idea. I can't wait. I worked with BJo tonight. I love BJo. We danced to the blue grass band and ate potato salad.

In two weeks, I'll be with Matt Jones. Happy.


Now in the quiet hour when I am sleeping, I cannot keep the night from coming in.

coming and going. asleep and awake.

My boss wants to be me when he grows up. That's nice.

I shouldn't be writing this because I should use these thirty minutes between class and work to do homework or schedule something, but no. I am a procrastinator.

Kt is coming on Friday. Get excited because I am.

I cannot wait until the middle February. I think it will be a load off of my shoulders or at least I'll be used to the load by then.

I apologize in advance for my absence both in person and in blog. I love you all. Adieu.

Well, that sounds dramatic. Let's be honest, a new blog will show up in a couple of days. Oy.

Maybe these are my glory days, and I'm not even realizing it because they don't involve a ball.

i wish i was the verb to trust and never let you down

Looking back, it was a long week. These weeks will only get longer if I continue to procrastinate my school work. I'm such a senior.

I've acquired much new music recently. I keep putting songs and lyrics on MySpace. It seems more appropriate there. Even that doesn't accurately portray all the newness in my iTunes.

Sometimes, I look outside, and I think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like I think that a lot of other people have read those books before. And listened to those songs. I wonder how they feel tonight. - The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Does it seem strange that even those people who mean the most to you are still impermanent in your life?

The Colts won tonight. I heard it in my ceiling. I think the boys were excited.

Don't let your soul get lonely child. It's only time, it will go by.

the road to you is long and i've been on it for a while

I know it's sometimes hard, but knowing just oh that we will get along 'til we're old and gray and doubled up.

I have a fear of apathy. It keeps me in a constant battle against frustration.

Last night we didn't leave work until 1:30. It was ridiculous.

I got a new journal. There was one I really wanted that was covered in little colorful squares made of bone, but it was $25 and I can't commit to a journal that costs that much when I'm so fickle with my other ones.

I finished The Glass Castle. I only cried twice. The first time already blogged about. The second time was during the very last section of the book when she says, "I'd never met a man I would rather spend time with." And she begins to list some of the reasons she loves her husband. Some of them are silly and some of them are worth tearing up over.

I bought a new book. Silly since I have a stack next to my bed to read already. Travels with Charley by John Steinbeck. It is a travelogue by Steinbeck which documents the road trip he took with his poodle around the United States in 1960. For three months these companions traveled the nation, meeting friends, strangers, relatives and immersing themselves in the fabric of the country as it was at that time.

I should do that.

I am very far away from lots of important things in my life. And that makes me uncomfortable.

under our bare feet in this brand new colony

My scarf is made of Alpaca.
This is a picture of an Alpaca.
You can buy them online.
(Both an Alpaca and a scarf.)

I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat with the collar up so you won't catch a cold.

in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee

My brother bought me a ticket to see RENT. He's the best brother in the whole wide world.

I am busy. Terribly busy. I had no idea. I'm trying to take a yoga class, but I keep remembering other things I've already committed to.

And I'm passive aggressive according to my Behavioral Analysis. I'm also in need of security and appreciation. However, I am also optimistic and magnetic. I'm laid back. I like peace and harmony. Also, I prefer activities that don't interfer with my family life. I'm customer oriented and not competitive at all. There's more. If you need to learn to communicate with me on a better level, let me know and I'll give you a copy...

So far my classes are hard to keep up with and it's only been two days. I think I'm sabotaging myself in my head. Oy. PS. I hate the word management right now. I'd be careful about saying it around me.

It's cold here now. I look crazy with all my layers and striped socks and plaid pj pants and a giant green scarf that wraps around me several times. With my glasses on. I should take a picture...

I hate printing slides.

Three weeks until Biloxi.

How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love.

i fooled the crowd when i made it sound like i was more than ready.

It's easy to blog when you have free time.

I'm reading The Glass Castle. I got half way through it today. I love memoirs/biographies and whatnot. I like learning about other people's lives. It seems more meaningful and important when a story belongs to someone and is not just something made up. Matt gave it to me for Christmas, so I moved it to the top of my reading stack.

On her 10th Birthday:
Dad said, "You know if it's humanly possible, I'll get it for you. And if it ain't humanly possible, I'll die trying."
I looked up at the thin swirls of clouds high in the blue Arizona sky. Keeping my eyes fastened on those distant clouds, I took a breath and said, "Do you think you could maybe stop drinking?"
Dad said nothing.

That's when I started to cry at The Wired Bean. That's when I had to stop reading it in public. It got worse, then better and now it's at the worse point again. I'm not sure how it will end up. It's a rollercoaster.

Loving someone's hard enough, but leaving them is torture. Don't think I don't think of you now. I'm with you every day dear.

i want to take you far from the cynics in this town

It is so not cold here.
Today, I sewed my pants. I'm one step closer to domestic.
If only I had a love for ironing...
And that's about as productive as I got.
I did do a lot though. And I got to hang out with some great people. So that was nice.
I met Moriah. She's hilarious.
And I missed Matt's phone call and that was sad. But that's life sometimes. I miss him having the constant conveniences of a cell phone and the internet.
In a week, I will have seen The Fray and Mute Math. How exciting.
"It's better than happy fuzzy kittens." (Regarding the Cinnamon Dolce Latte at Starbucks)
I saw The Holiday again. It was just as good.
Service plus Excellence plus Integrity does not equal Playboy. Just throwing that out there.
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick where you will sit and contemplate your day.

this is fact not fiction for the first time in years

China returned my roommate in perfect health and with lots of itself in her suitcases. I'm glad she's home.

Alison Stinch took this picture in England. She's studying abroad. It's my background now.

Marie Antoinette is not a good movie. It stops just short of the excitement. Oh, so those people are angry and mob her right out of Versailles. Bye. Big woop. Tell us about the imprisonment and execution. Blah.

The Holiday, on the other hand, is a spectacular movie. It was not at all what I had expected. And I think I'm going to see it again. Kate Winslet. Jack Black. Cameron Diaz (who I swear could be related to BJo). And Jude Law. And I know this isn't something I should probably say on my blog, but he is beautiful. Especially in this movie. So if any of his prior movies have discouraged you from seeing this new one, well, throw away all those notions because he is perfect in this movie.

Hmm. I love my friends. And my job. And my major. And this city. And Charleston.

And speaking of Charleston, yesterday was shoes and sushi Saturday. I actually did not get the shoes I went for, but I got two other pairs, a bag of stuff from B&B Works, and clothes from GAP and Banana Republic. Also, another book to read for only $4. Outlets are so amazing. So great. I love them. And then we had sushi at Tsunami. And by we, I mean Alison, Me, Courtney, Matt Carrowan, Hugo, Corinne, and Kt. Such a good group.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself yesterday. As I hope everyone else did. And I also enjoyed my 9 hours of sleep last night. And I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy my next two days of not working and getting ready to go back to school. *sigh* I can't wait to get back into a schedule. I like organization in my days.

I'm going to Biloxi! The second weekend of February. It's official. And I'm excited. But I'm sure no one is surprised by that. Maybe I'll buy a cowboy hat for the occasion...

Oh my. Oh my. Last semester. Last months to be young and foolish.

if you feel discouraged that there's a lack of color here, please don't worry lover, it's really bursting at the seams from absorbing everything the spectrum's a to z.

hey leonardo, she likes me for me

No skiing. Sad. I was looking forward to it. I'm using my refund to go to Biloxi.

I'm going to Charleston instead. To the outlets. Holla.

"You're the closest thing I know to a real life Gilmore Girls episode." - Claynotaiken. He's pleading that I not leave Columbia when I graduate. He's rather convincing.

You know. That's really all I've got to say.

Oh and...

She don't care about my car. She don't care about my money. And that's real good because I don't got alot to spend, but if I did it wouldn't mean nothin'...

that's the way this wheel keeps working

And airports, see it all the time
Where someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home

alieatusc: just to put things in perspective.
alieatusc: pearl earings...10 rmb.
alieatusc: i tried to buy imported orange juice...200 rmb.
eringail says: holy.
alieatusc: i just couldnt do it...that's 20 pairs of earings!
alieatusc: i walked away.
eringail says: i respect you more now

I'm going to get Alison from the airport tomorrow night! I'm very excited since I haven't seen her in almost a month. And all of her pictures don't do her pretty face justice. I'm not sure how I feel about the airport anymore. I get really excited when I go to pick people up, but the goodbyes are terrible. And, as you stand there saying goodbye, security just keeps saying "let's move it along." Guh.

I love reading Post Secret. I usually do it every Sunday and sometimes I forget and it's like a little treat in the middle of the week. I've never sent anything into them though. Mostly because I don't really have any secrets. I'm pretty open about my quirks and insecurities. Maybe I'll be one of the people who sends in an adorable picture or a single sentence like "I am happy." Something like that. One of the ones that make you aww and give a little half smile.

I bought a bag of grapefruits. Their peels smell like pot. Seriously. It's like weed farm in our kitchen. They're really good for you, though. Grapefruits. Not joints. They help lower cholesterol and fight heart disease. Red and pink ones, not yellow ones.

Speaking of red and pink... Valentine's Day threw up at Target already. I'm usually pretty cynical about the day and I've really only ever had one good Vday. But around that time, I'll be going to Biloxi, so I think that makes it better. Hallmark may get the best of me yet.

Also, I have beef with 5 Star three subject notebooks. Why does the first section have the least amount of paper and the last has the most? Do all three subjects not deserve the same amount of paper?

And speaking of books... The Pleasure of my Company was quite lovely. I didn't know Steve Martin had that in him. It was funny and really amazing at the end. I had no idea that's where the plot was headed. I'm reading The Glass Castle next. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish it by the time classes start or I'm screwed.

In other news: Courtney Jones was accepted to USC! You should congratulate her the next time you see her! And it's my brother's birthday! He is no longer a teenager. Strange. And it's Roy's birthday! Which is also exciting, yet we haven't reached another age milemark for him yet.

every word you say i think i should write down...

The Last Kiss is not all bubbles and gumdrops. It made me very upset to think that is what real life is like. People cheating on people. Oy. PS - who lied and told me that Zach Braff wrote The Last Kiss?

I finally went grocery shopping. I spent $40 on lots of fruit and vegetables and stuff to make hummus. I bought strawberries. And they smell wonderful.

Then I made dinner. And I had to have Tony open my jar of pasta sauce in the driveway for me. But it was delicous. Bean sprouts, baby bellas, fresh tomato and spinach with tomato/basil sauce and parmesean cheese. Mmmm. Who needs noodles anyway?

Delicious is Ben and Jerry's Pistachio Pistachio ice cream mixed with Haagen Daz Mayan Chocolate with sliced bananas and chocolate Teddy Grahams...

Sometimes I lead a terribly unhealthy life.

I am terrible at multitasking, by the way. I hardly got anything done that I was supposed to tonight. Oh well.

Today, I am thankful for the people I work with, Sugar Free Bawls, having Blockbuster and Hollywood Video around the corner from each other, Rachel, text messaging, and Zach Braff's inherent good taste in music.

And for my bed. And my lion. And my book. The end. Amen.

so don't fret

I worked alot today. And yesterday. And will again tomorrow.
I need two things: an iHome and a car rental to Biloxi whenever I go.
But certainly not in that order.

MmmmMiyos. How I love Maestro's Tofu. And Spring Rolls. And Coconut Cake.

Steven Fiore. I did enjoy.

so don't fret - that's just how God designed us. our hearts were made to form an alliance. in such great defiance.

I'm finishing my book tonight. (The Pleasure of my Company by Steve Martin). I thought I lost my Matt Jones bookmark. Fortunately, after crawling around on the floor, I found one of several books I had begun to read and then quit. There it was. Thank goodness. Seriously.

I'm going skiing in a week. And I am quite busy until then. The end.

in your arms warmth i did find

I will never get used to saying goodbye to Matt. But I do like it more and more everytime I get to say hi to him.

I was always a special child, circuit boards for my insides. All I dreamed of was flying high, so your lips came as some surprise.

Corinne and Courtney are amazing at keeping a girl company. As are those Gilmore Girls and the people who created the banana split. Thank God I'm so looked after.

I woke up this morning and finally called my mom. She had been waiting. It was a good talk. I think I'll like it when I can see more of her or even talk more to her. Wholly Cow has taken over her life.

I wonder if I'll end up not wanting to own my own business because I want a family more than I want a coffee shop.

Your lips come as some surprise. That they would want to come and meet mine.

I bought a cd last night. From Ireland. It cost a whopping thirty one American dollars. Um yeah. But Gary Lightbody is on it and Lisa Hannigan and so many others. It's The Cake Sale and all the proceeds go to Oxfam Ireland. It was two in the morning and I wanted it and I have a tendency to buy things when I'm upset. I get it from my mom. I swear. Ask me about the Pottery Barn quilt and our trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Anyway. It's a new day and I have errands to run, schedules to pick up, books to read, and so on. Happy third day of the new year. xoxo.

Even after all this time, your lips come as some surprise.

so everybody put your best suit or dress on

I rang in the New Year with some amazing people and with Matt Jones by my side. I'm still not sure how I got so lucky...

I wish the world was flat like the old days, then i could travel just by folding a map. No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways. There'd be no distance that could hold us back.

Looking back at 2006, there are so many things I wish to remember. So many things that were amazing and so many things that made me take a good look at myself. I'm glad because 2005 was a kick in the ass and I had no desire to remember it.

I hope that these next three hundred and sixty some odd days are filled with more moments I want to commit to memory and more people I don't want to live without.

This year, I'm going to graduate and go into the "real world" and not be surrounded by the comfort of my city and my friends. And I'm scared. I'm terrified to leave and to have everything change even if I'm taking some of my friends with me. And this is way scarier than going to college because this is the beginning of forever and I don't know where forever is going to take me.

But I'm excited. I'm excited because I do have some plans. I'm excited because I'm moving to another city I love. I'm excited because Matt and I will live in the same state again. I'm excited because I'll be able to spend more time with my family. I'm excited because I'm going to see some amazing music. I'm excited because I'm not quite sure what this year will hold and not knowing is kind of a thrill.

Mostly, I'm excited because I do know that it's going to be good. If I keep asking God what it is I'm supposed to be doing, he'll keep guiding me. And I know he wants me to succeed and be happy even more than I do.

So this is the new year and I have no resolutions for self assigned penance, for problems with easy solutions.

and so this is christmas

Christmas break is wonderful.

Right now there is no class and no work. And yesterday my only goal was to get the dust off of the ceiling in the hallway. (Success, by the way.) It's strange having nothing to do. Absolutely nothing. I filled my day appropriately with cleaning the porch, eating at Cool Beans, and hanging out with Corinne. She's such a lovely person for those of you who aren't aware.

I saw four dead squirrels on the Horseshoe. That was disturbing. It might be an epidemic. Also, I watched two movies last night. In a row. A perfect way to waste some time with Corinne and Lou.

I don't know why I put those two facts together. But Little Miss Sunshine was hilarious. I think it'll be even funnier the next time I watch it and the shock factor is missing.

And that's what I did with my day where I had nothing to do, but smile.

Me: Hey!
David: Hey! How are you? Must be good because you've probably been hanging out with Mr. Jones since I haven't heard from you in awhile.

The rest of break has been just wonderful as well. Matt Jones came home on the 23rd and I've been lucky to spend so much time with him. I actually think that I've seen him everday which will have spoiled me greatly by the time he leaves. And for those of you who knew about his gift. It went quite well. And he enjoyed it very much.

Have I ever mentioned how incredibly lucky I am? Because now might be the time to insert it if I haven't.

And now I sit eating a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, thinking about Michael and Ashley's Wedding today. I wonder how they're both feeling right now. Hmm.

Celebrate, we will! Cause life is short, but sweet for certain!

when the night falls we see the star of wonder

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. (Luke 2:10-11, NIV)

i feel it in my fingers. i feel it in my toes.

I've been reading this quote for months.

I believe in absolute truth the way Jesus defines absolute truth. He is asked, "what is truth?" He says, "I am. What you're to get is an answer so you can feel right and I'm not going to give you that answer. You need to trust Me." - dmiller

my lipstick fades away

Aren't I lovely? And do you want me? Cause I am hungry for something that will make me real.

Captivating has explained so much to me. About myself. It's beautiful and frightening at the same time. I'm interested to see where the rest of this book takes me.

Can you see me? And do you love me? Cause I am desperately searching for something real.

Tonight I was struck by the knowledge that it is Christmastime, so I stopped at Walmart on my way back from the Wired Bean. Mistake. It was so busy. And I took my meager purchases to the front of the store and stood in line for a very long time.

The woman in front of me had tons of stuff. An overflowing buggy full of toys and tortilla chips. It took quite awhile to go through it all. When I quickly paid for my things and started to leave, the woman apologized to me for not letting me go ahead of her. I told her it was okay, that I didn't have anyone waiting for me at home and she obviously did.

She thanked me for being so understanding and I then I told her to have a Merry Christmas.

Then I was sad because I realized I had nothing except a dirty pile of clothes to go back to at my apartment. Oh well. At least now I have Christmas lights and little tree that needs me.

Then that whole feeling made me think of what Captivating had said about women being relational beings. And my whole evening came full circle. Weird.

I have the next two days off from life. And Matt Jones is coming home. I can't wait.

i miss you already. i miss you always.

I'm glad Eddie and his lyrics could reclaim a spot in my life with Alison.

I just sent Alison to China for a month. Three weeks-ish. This is the longest I will have been without her since we started living together.

Who is going to listen to me complain about work? Or help me decide if my outfit is cute? Who is going to be here to get excited for me on December 23? Who am I going to go to when Matt leaves again? I think I'm going to have to make my own hot tea and do my own dishes now.

Oh dear. I miss my roommate.

they dug me my very own garden...

... gave me sunshine, made me happy. Nice dream. If you think that you're strong enough. If you think that you belong enough.

Accounting final. Oy. I think I can say goodbye to my 4.0. Welcome back 3.9 gpa. Whatever.

There is still so much going on, but tonight was good and relaxed.

I went to the Wired Bean and spent time drinking coffee and hanging out with my friends. Rachel and I stayed until we got kicked out. I've never done that before. We went to Midnight Breakfast, too. Amazing. I'm so full, but it was totally worth it for the blueberry pancakes.

"And it's not just the desire for an outward beauty, but more - a desire to be captivating in the depths of who you are." - Stasi Eldredge.

And I started reading more of Captivating. It means more to me now than it did at the beginning of the summer when I stopped reading it. It talks about three desires of a woman's heart: to be romanced, to plan an irreplaceable role in a great adventure and to unveil beauty. And as I read it, I keep thinking how true it all is.

Sometimes we don't want to admit our desire to be loved or to be in a relationship that is important or even our longing to feel beautiful. It's not modern. It's not feminist nazism. It's not 21st century. But it is how God created our hearts.

I've only read one chapter (again) but I hope to learn more and share more this time around.

Tonight, I tell you this (and I hope you know and believe it in your heart) :

The King is enthralled by your beauty! (Psalm 45:11)

she was his girl. he was her boyfriend.

So I'm told, so the story goes...

I really really want to hear Dave play Christmas Song. Really. Really. Really. I don't know how else to convey how much I really want this to happen.

The people he knew were less than golden hearted. Gamblers and robbers, drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers like you and me. Searching for love love love. Love love love love love is all around.

Shack Ball was amazing. Courtney Jones was an excellent date through all three phases - Espresso. Dancing. More Espresso. There are pictures on Facebook to prove it.

Yesterday was a long and awkward work day, but I do so enjoy working with Amanda that the time didn't seem to creepy by so slowly. And last night was fun hanging out with the guys even if I thought I was going to have nightmares about Indians and ladybugs.

I'm still waiting on my box of Om even though I've already received two other boxes of tea from the company I ordered from. Speaking of tea, there is always this guy who comes into JJ with a little bag of herbs and calls it tea and wants us to give him a cup of hot water for it. I think it's just rosemary, but whatever it is, there are definitely no tea leaves involved.

Today, I finished a project on why smoking should be banned in restaurants. Now I'm studying for accounting. And I'm reading Captivating because I never finished it the first time around.

Tony and I babysat at the Shack tonight and I've decided that I really like children who lay in your lap or play with your hair. The kind that don't scream. Those are the best kinds of kids.

Preparations were made for his celebration day. He said "Eat this bread and think of it as me. Drink this wine and dream it will be..."

Also, it was confirmed that Matt Jones is wonderful as a person and as a boyfriend.

There has been so much going on and there is still so much going on. This week is exam week and I only have one exam and one presentation, but I'm still completely busy.

David's birthday is Tuesday involving sushi, so that's exciting. I work everyday this week and Alison goes to China on Friday. Then I go see Dave on Saturday, but have to drive back to work at Wholly Cow on Sunday and Monday, then it's back to work here until we close on Friday. Then Matt comes home! And I either leave that night or the next morning to work at Wholly Cow again.

I'm glad I'm working at a coffee shop.

I'm really excited about seeing my family and working with my mom. And I'm really excited about seeing Matt again - who, strangely, I have seen more often this semester than I have my Charleston folks.

I think I'll put up my Charlie Brown Christmas Tree this week. It needs me.

I'm cold. I'm cold. I'm cold. And I don't know how to fix this problem. Slippers. I think I'll buy some. And maybe some long johns. I'll wear them all the time. That's not strange, is it? When I have a home, I think I'll make sure it has a fireplace.

Father up above, why in all this anger do you fill me up with love love love?

Oh Lord, I pray for everyone and their stress levels this week. I pray for the craziness of exams and the holiday season. And I pray for patience for us all when we feel like it's crumbling around us. Oy. Because that's how it will feel eventually. I'm so glad your strength is made perfect in weakness. Thank you.

dark clouds may hang on me sometimes

... but I'll work it out. And then I look up at the sky, my mouth is open wide. Lick and taste. What's the use in worrying? What's the use in hurrying? Turn turn, we almost become dizzy.

We have cable. Who knew?

I am the Secretary of Coffee. I like that. And now I do music.

It's the end of the semester. I have one final and one group presentation, then I'm that much closer to graduation. I'm excited even though I'm not nearly ready to leave this life behind.

I have to make a 94 on my accounting final to make an A in the class. That means I'd have a 4.0 coming out of 18 hours. How ridiculous. I'm not going to hold my breathe. Plus, that's assuming my group presentation goes well. It's the pro side of banning smoking in restaurants.

Matt will be home in two weeks. A week and a half if you ask Rachel because she likes to lie to me to make me feel better.

Between now and then I'm gonna dance dance with my boyfriend's sister at the Shack Ball. I have to study and see people I haven't seen all semester. I'm going to work a whole bunch. Everyday, basically. I'm going to see Dave Matthews in Asheville with Kt! And I'm going home to work for my mom.

Speaking of - There was a shooting at the Citadel Mall on Wednesday night. In the food court bathrooms right behind our store. I don't know what that means for our employees or the mall or our business or my friend who is going to have to write that press release. People don't seem too concerned which is both good and bad, I suppose. My mom, I think, will be pretty reluctant to let me work alone at night while I'm there, but I'm actually not scared of dying while making espresso.

I'm anxious about some things right now. Some concerning myself. Some concerning others. I've decided all that I can do about it is pray.

He must become greater; I must become less. John 3:30

I want some slipper socks. Like the really expensive kind they sell at J Crew or the cheaper version they sell at American Eagle and Target. Maybe then our electric and gas bill wouldn't be so high... I can't wait to start reading books for fun in the upcoming month. I have a stack.

and I would have stayed up with you all night...

Thursday I worked and it was busy.
Friday I worked and it was kinda like hell.
Today (it's still Saturday to me) I worked and it was busy.

Good for Jammin Java. I apologize to my feet and my hands - especially the parts of them I accidentally sliced with a knife or saran wrap box. Or to my right hand that I poured freshly brewed coffee onto.

I went to Papa Jazz tonight. Bought a cd. Two, actually. Um. I can't remember the last time I bought a cd.

I went running to get rid of all the tension. It kinda worked. It was cold and my throat burned, but my palms were sweaty and chest cursed at me.

I love Alison. I respect her, too. I really enjoy sitting on my kitchen floor eating cheerios and talking to my roommate. I hope that carries onto our next home. I hope I do that with my kids one day. It seems like a good way to bond.

I make decisions based on my past experiences and the things I want to avoid in my future ones. I won't ever feel bad again about not going out to bars anymore.

I always take those damn surveys that ask what I regret. I usually answer, "I regret nothing. I like to think everything as life experience whether it was enjoyable or not." It's a cop out answer. But now I know. I know what I regret. And it didn't seem like a big deal at the time because it's what I wanted, but hearing stories and switching roles in my head - it breaks my heart. And I regret it.

(And just so you all know this is nothing recent. Ok, good. You can breathe now.)

Sometimes I wish I wasn't scared of blood and that I could be a doctor and that I could save lives. But I am scared of blood and it makes me want to puke and I won't save lives. Hopefully, I'll be able to make a difference one shot of espresso at a time.

I've been watching too much Grey's Anatomy. We have season one on dvd. I would like season two - for those of you looking for Christmas ideas. I watched four episodes. I screamed several times. And now I'm just glad that Patrick Dempsey got his big break. And that the show plays so much amazing music.

I wish we'd always wake up new, refreshed and born again with nothing left to lose. But we drink too much. Who needs a crutch? Pull off the bandage there's no wound.

I bought this stuff called Peanut Wonder - It's fake peanut butter. Seriously, it has 85% less fat and 40% less calories than the regular love of my life peanut butter. Seems too good to be true, right? Because it is. It's a $6 jar of disgusting. I miss my peanut fat.

This doesn't even make any sense and I need to go to bed.
I want chinese food.
Goodnight.

i like where we are when we drive in your car

This time last week I was with Matt Jones. And unknowingly getting ready to be pulled over by a cop... I can't wait for him to come home again - Matt, that is, not the cop. It was so good.

Well, you are the one, the one that lies close to me...
Whispers, "Hello. I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
Now, there's no place I could be, but here in your arms.

I like this song. It's my new ringtone.

I'm completely done with my marketing class. One down. Five to go. And I really only have two finals to take - That I know of. I hope. I just can't wait for this semester to be over. I've mentally checked out of it.

I'm already in Christmas mode. I'm shopping and picking up all the extra work hours I can. I want to make bank and sell back my books and work with Danielle and make some cash and buy the pretty pretty presents for people and go on the fun fun trips.

And see Dave! And Mute Math! And The Fray!

My brother is amazing. He takes such good care of me and my car. I appreciate him more than he probably believes. (My car tag light is broke and he's been helping me with it for the past week. He even called the dealer for me!)

Courtney Jones is gonna be my lucky, music referencing date to the Shack Christmas Ball. Get excited.

I'm against global warming and the effect it has on my clothing choices (tank top vs. new cute GAP coat), but I like that it inspires Mr. Ben Gibbard.

Praise God for turning my attitude around this week. For keeping me busy and on my toes and surrounded by people who care about me!

Oooooh. I just want everything to be the way I want it to be right this very moment!

this may not surprise you at all

I had a great weekend. I am a very lucky girl.

All this time we've been together, you were my best friend, but now all I want to do is love you.

In case you didn't know - Carolina beat Clemson. That's pretty awesome.

And wherever you fall I want to be, I want to be there to lift you.

There is a large amount of Bulk Barn powdered cheese in our pantry.

All I want to do is love you and wherever you are I want to be there with you.

And Matt Jones will be home in approximately 26 days.

put sufjan stevens on and we'll play your favorite song.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. And today was absolutely perfect.
Even though my family was in Charleston. Even though I had to help Alison cross the border at 5am. Even though I got a Happy Thanksgiving warning ticket from Mr. Policeman.

I don't know what I did to deserve all this amazingness in my life.

I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it - collapse into me tired with joy.

life is good. life is great. life is unbelievable.

Wow. The past couple of days have been... I don't know what to say.

I can't wait to be with you. No, I just can't sit still. Are we there, yet?

Tonight ended my week of music. Thank you I Nine for playing in the drizzly cold while I stood sidelines and watched Cocky try to eat Alison's ponytail.

Thanks also goes to Ben Folds, Cornmo, Regina Spektor, and Imogen Heap with Kid Beyond and Levi Weaver. Levi is my new musician crush. And mostly because he played his guitar with a bow and then used a looping machine to cover Idioteque.

Thank you LFO for your lyte and funky lyrics.

So, what would you do if you wake tomorrow, there's no more sorrow, your dreams came true. So, knock on wood and cross your fingers, now count your blessings, it might be you.

With USAA, I can now deposit checks without leaving my apartment. Cool.

I bought a digital camera! It should be here Tuesday or Wednesday. How exciting? I feel all grown up.

Joel dances on the sidewalk when his phone rings. I think that's funny.

Tonight was cheap bar places night. And by that, I mean I had pizza at Idiot before 7 and celebrated Pint Night at Saucer. Now, I have a distinct bar smell. I am not fond of it.

Tomorrow is the last day of classes for the week. SoooooExcited.

I really just can't wait for Thursday to come. And, by now, I think it goes without saying why, but let me know if you have questions.

Closing in. I hope that you make it. Closing in. I hope you find your way.

and this old world is a new world and a bold world

"I find it so impressive that you live on your own, pay your own bills, live in a different city, found someone that makes you so happy, and so much more. I want to say I'm proud but that doesn't seem like the right thing to say.

Your awesome, that about says it all."

It's weird to grow up and move on. It's weird to share your new life with old friends. It's good to combine them, too. I used to hate making my own decisions. I used to hate living in Columbia. I used to be so concerned with making a mistake and being alone. Hmm. I'm glad things are the way they are. And I guess that's all I've got to say about that.

the window's open now and the winter settles in

I don't understand how Blogger in Beta is different from old Blogger.

I like Kroger. It has an excellent vegetarian and organic selection. Plus, it has Odwalla juices for cheaper than Fresh Market. And it's like everything there is on sale. And that makes me happy.

Tonight, I went to Target and saw a group of people outside. It was cold. They are spending the night there, so they can be first in line when the new PS3 comes out. Silly. Except that you can buy one for $600 and sell it for thousands on eBay. Not so silly. I pray they can still feel their toes in the morning.

I am missing the hidden track on the Damien Rice cd because I got it from allofmp3. Someone should help me fix that. It would be nice.

M&Ms now come in Mint Chocolate. I think that statement speaks for itself.

I have a lot of work to do from now until Tuesday. Then I just have random things to do. Like paint my toes and clean my room. Oh and study for tests, but thats neither here nor there.

I am pretty sure I get to see James Riley this weekend. Awesome.

And ohmygoodness. Dawn is pregnant. My friends are starting to have children.

This time next week, I will be in the same time zone with Matt Jones. The same city, even. And, more than likely, I might even be in the same room as him. And that is what I have to be thankful for this year (above and among some other amazing things).

Rachel made vegetable soup and she is coming over with it and we're going to watch Grey's Anatomy. Life is good.

a poem:
sleep is for the weak.
coffee is my crack.
by rachel smith.

I love most everything you bring to this offering.

but I'll shout out my love to the stars

... and I swear to the stars, I'll burn this whole city down.

Today.
I could've been more productive.
I could've bought coffee instead of a latte.
I could've gone into work on time instead of early.
I could've been rude to some customers.
I could've skipped my classes.

Today. I could have done a lot of things different.
But I don't think it would have been nearly as good. I wouldn't have been encouraged as much as I was. I wouldn't have received some beautiful compliments. I wouldn't have seen some people who I like to see. I wouldn't have learned some new tricks. I wouldn't have enjoyed any frosted mint goodness.

Today might have been worse without all that.

ps. Dave Matthews in Asheville on December 16. Try to stop me.
And I'm going to see The Fray and MuteMath with Cindy in January.

(i'm gonna pay no mind to taunts or advances. i'm gonna take my chances on everyday.)

i miss you more than i thought i could

Mmm. S'mores. I love them.

This weekend was amazing. It was encouraging and affirming. I love Shack on the Lake. And even though I'm graduating, I hope it's not my last.

If you could do anything to glorify the Lord, even if it was pumping gas, what would you do? "I would snowboard down a mountain playing my guitar with Tori on my back." - Craig

I'm comfortable here. I'm going to miss it when I'm gone.

Ben Folds is tomorrow. And Regina on Friday. And Imogen on Sunday. And I Nine on Monday.

And then Matt comes into Columbia on Thanksgiving which is way more exciting than anything else I just mentioned.

I recommend the new Damien Rice cd - 9. I like it and I think you will too. I wonder if any of the songs are about Rene Zelwegger. Hmm. Maybe Rootless Tree. It's particularly angry.

I'm listening to Joshua Radin, too. He is also highly recommended.

I'm drafting a report right now on the need for new cash register operations. It's not fun, but it happens. Oo. And tomorrow I register for my very last semester of classes at USC. Crazy.

I hope my next blog is more meaningful.

i’ve been dying to tell you anything you want to hear

... and sugar, we're going down swinging.

I want to go to Nashville to see Rachel and to meet the new baby. She's awfully adorable. I hate missing out on people's lives.

I think I could work at a country club if I needed geographic flexibility.

I watch two shows during the week: Gilmore Girls and Grey's Anatomy. Next week, these two shows will both be overwhelming. Proposals. Marty. Paris, the city not the girl. Dr. McDreamy. Two surgeries. And so much more to look forward to.

Speaking of things to look forward to... Matt and I will be in the same time zone again in two weeks. Happy. And we'll get to spend Thanksgiving together - with his family. I like his family. It's nice of them to include me and I really appreciate it. It's weird though because I've never spent this holiday with anyone other than my mom.

Oo. And Shack on the Lake is this weekend. I'm excited about that, too.

A thousand miles seems pretty far, but they've got planes and trains and cars. I'd walk to you if I had no other way.

i don't know the perfect conversation

I ate my gelato too quickly.
Now I'm feeling sort of sickly.

P.S. Pumpkin gelato should only be taken in small doses. And not mixed with cinnamon if there is any chance that the cinnamon tastes like a freezer.

On a better note, the guy who works there now (David, 2months) is incredibly friendly. He's definitely no Matt Jones (when Adriana's days were good), but he's waayyy better than Phil. Weigh your options. I recommend going to visit him and tipping him well. Even if your gelato makes you sick.

I miss food that I can chew.

Babababa. It's a busy week. Tests. Papers. Projects. All colliding into Shack on the Lake. I'm so excited. Fuzzy boots. S'mores (I hope I can eat them by then.) And, of course, amazing fellowship with amazing people. Ooo and forced alone time with God. I love it.

There are so many people at The Shack now that I don't know that well. Kinda makes me sad. Kinda makes me happy. Kinda makes me wish I wasn't leaving so soon.

DMB - The Best of What's Around, Volume 1 comes out tomorrow. I think I could've done better. Alas. Um. I'm thinking of buying a digital camera. Soonish. I dunno if I can wait around until Christmas just to see if I maybe get one. I miss Kt. I really do.

Other good things: It is pint night at the Flying Saucer. And I like pint night. Also, there is no class tomorrow. Lots of work to do, but this is outweighed by my lovely lunch date and the fact that I don't have to actually go to class. Suckers. Ooo. New Gilmore Girls tomorrow, too. And I'm gonna make soup.

sing it out. la la la la.
oh yeah. i saw sparks.

So, whilst I complain about only being able to open my jaw (maybe) an inch, I will enjoy the rest of life's little pleasantries.

(There's no good reason for the way you love me, but I thank God that you do.) D.Barnes

one step closer to being just where i want to be

Meet me in the middle. Come on, let's make up a dance. And we'll agree to call it the compromise.

It's supposed to be 81 degrees today. Oy, Columbia. Pick a season.

I'm having my pictures done today. I have no idea how this experience will turn out this year.

Also. I have every day filled until the Shack Christmas Ball. Yes, that is the last day of classes. I apologize for the inconveniences this may cause to anyone reading this. Or anyone not reading this.

Lou wrote a blog about insecurities and I understand it. That was my last week. It's hard to feel not enough.

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

And it's nice to find out that all those silly insecurities are not necessary. And that you are thought about all the time. And loved. A lot.

"... but God's love, God's voice and presence would instill our souls with such affirmation we would need nothing more and would cause us to love other people so much we would be willing to die for them." - D.Miller, Searching for God Knows What