Thursday, December 31, 2009

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

seriously. do this.

and if the line is busy, then try try again.

Call the Nestle Crunch Hotline at 1-800-295-0051, When you are asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, just wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will smile. Promise! Keep going and press 4. Listen to the options...then press 7. If you comment on this after listening, don't give away the surprise!

everyone is right and no one is sorry

that's the start and the end of the story.

i had a horrific dream last night that i can't get out of my head... about an airman (maybe, a soldier, but i would guess an airman bc he was on a flying mission) who died in my arms. he was talking to me & telling me about his life and then he was gone. and it was so real. the whole dream was strange - the way it happened and what happened afterwards... i was flying around the country to try and find his family... but not in a plane... with a balloon. weird, i know. but a very intense dream for me for some reason. i wish i could stop thinking about it. he was so beautiful & sweet & brave. then gone. it hurt. wish. wish. wish. i dislike all this deploying.

Try as they might, no one's immune to misfiring and acting on the wrong clues and thinkin' it's time to redo and redo.

this would be a wonderful way to camp.
another true story about women...


been there. felt that. still sorta do. hmph.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

i’m a drug you don’t wanna give up

“My mother said recently that (the album) Happenstance is the beauty of your ’20s, this one (Elephants) is the richness of your ’30s – of someone who’s been through the mill and is trying to make the choice between optimism and defeatism,” she [Rachael] says.

i love rachael yamagata. i have for quite a while. this song is so intense. it's empowering & sad at the same time. i can't decide if it makes me feel strong or depressed. either way, i like that it moves me.

Smoke your cigarette, make your love. You pour blood in my heart, I can’t get enough. I’m drowning and you can’t decide.

It’s not about geography or happenstance, your need to fly and take a chance, your need to shine to emptiness and float on high and forever dance alone.

and today was a day like any other...

Friday, December 25, 2009

Father up above,
why in all this anger
do you fill me up with
love love love?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

i thought you said i'd be ok

i read these and laughed.

not bc i think she's being silly,
but bc this is exactly how girls are...

oh shit.


i thought you said it was easy listening to your heart?

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

correct me if i'm wrong

an owl army. for an owl giveaway.

i'm really into owls right now. they're cute.

and they make me think of harry potter.

which i'm reading at the moment. book fiiiiive.

truth: i downloaded two hannah montana songs today.

truth: i like them.

(don't wanna be torn & i wanna know you)

someone brought me a three pound bag of gummi bears at work today. awesome? yes. then someone broke a candle and i had to go clean it up. glam.

You're fragile and you're strong. A beautiful and perfect combination.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Thursday, December 17, 2009

you've taken good care of me

When it feels like I'm losing power, when I feel like a wilted flower...

... says something to make me laugh, makes me forget I was mad.

and it's been a long December

I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.

we crash when we race

today was frustrating.

No, I never wanna fall apart.
Never wanna break your heart.
Never wanna let you break my own.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

cause you're not my problem

No, I don't need drama, so I'm walking away. Yeah, I am a girl with a lot on her plate.

sometimes i feel like i am falling

i am going to be so tired come 2010. eeek. i didn't realize it until now, but my schedule is not fun. nope. and that i will be working a lot. a lot. and that i will probably only sleep during the hours i'm not at work. oh boy.

all my friends have great travel & family fun times planned for next week. i'm jealous. and i'm going to miss my cousin's wedding bc of work. i LOVE my job. i really do, but i wish i had a week off to hang out and do holiday things. oh well. i'll drink an eggnog latte at work. haha.

oh, life it seems the struggle between what we see and what we do. i'm not going to change my ways just please you or appease you.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

this is fact not fiction

and when i see you, i really see you upside down, but my brain knows better, it picks you up & turns you around.

“i would like you to know that if we ever break up (which will probably happen, since that’s how these sort of things usually work) there will always be that part of you i love. i know that sounds cliché and dumb. though i won’t always be in love with you, i will always love that part of you that made me feel completly comfortable in my own skin. that part of you that could make me forget about any of the shitty things in my life. and how you made me realize that i am capable of loving someone and someone is capable of loving me.” via leslieemkirchhoff

i should have given you a reason to stay.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

i LOVE nada surf (lucky) and the killers (hot fuss). oh yes.

i know that it's not easy

I'd really be perfectly fine with any version of Romeo and Juliet that doesn't have so despairingly lugubrious an end. Get that boy some ipecac and let's have ourselves a happily-ever-after. - Hanneke Van Dyke
i know that it's not easy, but you love me. you won't leave me. every little star it starts somewhere.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

SETH: So, what’s it gonna be, huh? You want your menorah or a candy cane? Christmas or Hanukkah?
SETH: Don’t worry about it, buddy, because in this house, you don’t have to choose. Allow me to introduce you to a little something I like to call… Chrismukkah.

i believe our love can save me

Sometimes all I want is another drink or another pill. If I could get anything done maybe I'd hold still...

I'm home. I made gingersnap cookies. (They are delicious.) All the candles in my room are lit. (It smells good in here.) And I'm drinking the never ending bottle of Wandering Grape. (It's a Malbec-Merlot blend.) And I'm listening to Bon Iver & Nada Surf & John Mayer. (They don't mmix, but I'm listening to them in succession.)

Today was nuts, but fantastic at work. Friday and Saturday will be nuts. And Sunday, too. But I get to see Tent Revival in the middle & hang with friends. Life is crazy. But good.

I'm trying to levitate. I'm trying to leave the ground. Trying to remember when I could fix anything with sound.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

i must lay down a foundation of stone

I must lay down a foundation of stone before I build a floor.

[begin ramble]

I think it's silly how much we let the opposite sex hurt us. And this goes both ways.

I don't mind being single. Sometimes I freak out or have a bad day and wish I had someone to go home to or call and be with, but that's what I have friends for, right? There's an episode of Gilmore Girls like this....
LORELAI: You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, "I wish I was married," but today, I mean -- I'm happy. You know? I like my life. I like my friends. I like my stuff. My time, my space, my TV.

LUKE: Yeah, sure.

LORELAI: But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack. Someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning, meet the stupid sink before it gets sent back to Canada.

Sometimes I think that I could be single forever - not that I want to be, but that I could. It's not so bad. I like to think that I could take care of myself. But then I meet someone who I think is lovely and funny and likes the same music as I do and I wonder. Sometimes that hurts. Sometimes it just fades away. Perhaps, one day, it will work out. I don't know. But for now, it doesn't seem so bad. I am not unhappy. Definitely not. I'm not even lonely.

I don't know what I'm yammering on about. I want to get married someday, but I guess for right now, I'm ok. Maybe it's just easier to be ok when the only people you find that you could be interested don't even live near you.


[end ramble]

You must pull up the weeds before they take hold and throw them on the fire.

Don't believe those hungry liars.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

beautiful beat get me out of this mess

i've run out of money.

in my pajamas. check.
eating sweet potato fries. check.
drinking beer. check.
watching the oc. check.

now i can wrap what i bought.

i still need a few more...

christmas is expensive.

but so much fun!

beautiful beat lift me up from distress
"Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R Tolkien

Monday, December 07, 2009

Thursday, December 03, 2009

i'm a modern girl, but i fold in half so easily

i don't regret much.

Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say no. Spend all your cash. Get to know someone random. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at stupid jokes. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell a jerk what you think. Laugh till your stomach hurts. Live life. Regret nothing.

sometimes i think i regret trusting people & giving them the benefit of the doubt. but i don't. it's how i get those silly little life lessons that i hold onto ever so briefly, then forget about or let go of in just enough time for someone to surprise me again with their stupidity or lack of morals.

it's a nice vicious little cycle i've started for myself.

i don't know that i'll ever really "learn from my mistakes" or stop giving second chances (third chances are definitely out of the question though... )

who knows? not me. i'm never sure of anything.

Because I'm not scared, but I'd like some extra spare time.

no one really ever wins

yesterday was good.

first of all, i slept until 9:30. crazy.
(on my flannel sheep sheets)
i started my christmas shopping online.
i cleaned my room (ish) with gilmore girls in the background.
i hung out with brian -
we had sushi for lunch and starbucks before his flight.
evidently we fall in and out of sarcasm naturally.
i cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed and did dishes.
i got my laundry started.
found out that my manager won a regional award
(Reflection Award - for being amazing)
i went to dinner at nirlep with charles & myron -
bc nothing says i've missed you like indian food.
i heard about their cruise and tried Lion Stout.
i also pondered what to feed a vegan, no soy with gluten allergies.
i heard susan boyle sing i dreamed a dream...
it gave me chills.
i watched part of the grammy nominations
& ate some muddy buddys.
& watched gilmore girls
(i really liked when adam brody was on the show)
(and when rory dated bad boy jess)
while i waited to hear from the west coast.
then i went to bed around 11:30 or 12 and woke up at 8.
to have caffeinated granola & greek yogurt.
and i here i am. not too shabby, huh?

and here i give no credence to grammar.

... in heartbreak warfare.