Sunday, November 30, 2008

i'll take my scars and move along

You would have kept those words on your tongue,
If you had known the hurt they had done.
While your fists stay by, right by your side,
Your words they bruise me deep inside.

I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones
than the words you say to me,
Cause i know that bruises heal and cuts will seal
but your words beat the life from me.

Sometimes your words are thick as lead,
You swing them strong upside my head.
But what hasn't killed has made me strong,
So i'll take my scars and move along.

I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones
than the words you say to me,
Cause i know that bruises heal and cuts will seal
but your words beat the life from me.

Goodbye is the best way that I know,
To forgive and still be letting go. -- Dave Barnes

i'm a survivor

the past couple of days have been ridiculous.

but i made it.

i’d like to thank dave and tim (live at radio city music hall), diet coke, my employees and coworkers, my mom, and ambien.

i couldn’t have done it without you

Thursday, November 27, 2008

sitting, smoking, feeling high

Let's go drive 'til morning comes, watch the sunrise and fill our souls up andd drink some wine 'till we get drunk.

i love that there is a gilmore girl's episode for everything occasion.

(i hope you didn't skip rolls. or at least you had them for the walk home.)

i'm thankful for dmb. and family. and friends.

and for God for fixing Quickbooks. because if you ask and believe then it's done.

i'm thankful for cheesey carbs and music trivia games.

i'm thankful for black chamomile and down comforters.

i'm thankful for three thanksgivings.

i'll be thankful for coffee when i wake up at 2am and work until 7pm.

also, i miss joe. and last thanksgiving. but i'm thankful for his safety.

And here I'm dancing on the ground. Am I right side up or upside down? And is this real, or am I dreaming?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

every step you take, they remind you you're ghetto

Coldplay. Prospekt's March EP

Lost + (with Jay-Z).

Excellent. Hilarious.

He's not even really singing with them.

And the question is,

"Is to have had and lost better than not having at all?"

Because I'm... just waiting ‘til the shine wears off.

hammer strikes the metal and it makes me believe

"... what really matters is what you like, not what you are like. books, records, films -- these things matter! Call me shallow, it's the fucking truth." - High Fidelity

right now i'm listening to ryan adams. cold roses. i suggest you do the same.

i would like cardinology. please and thank you.

also, i want this book: this is your brain on music.

i'm listening to a book on cd. barack obama's change we can believe in. i'm still on disc one. this has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.

i never finish books. i read part of them and move on most of the time. decidedly, that doesn't bother me. it's like having a sampler appetizer. i want to have a little bit of everything before i decide what i'm going to have for real.

plus, when i read at the end of the day, my eyes get tired and i fall asleep.

i also really like: song we sang away by low vs. diamond.

this is random.

"There are things you cannot understand, and you must learn to live with this. Not only must you learn to live with this, you must learn to enjoy this." - blue like jazz

Now I'm not saying only bad news comes for the people who want it, but you gotta play that music for who's listening. You got to have someone you wanna sing it to.

Monday, November 24, 2008

someday i'd like to take a walk with you

book list:

The Shack
The Late Bloomer's Revolution
Deep Economy
Bright Shiny Morning
Enter the Worship Circle

no more until these.


we're reading this book in house church.

listen to the new ray lamontagne.

... maybe ride our bikes down by the seaside and watch the sun goin' down, goin' down, goin' down.

all those days are gone

i put a new hole in my ear.
and i think of everything as a that's what she said joke.

this past weekend was excellent.
this upcoming week will be nuts.

this is my life.

and i am tired.

but i am happy.


i'll trade the moon for the sun, but this feeling for no one.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

let it be me

... Asheville!

I'm so ready.

This is the last vacation of 2008.

Let's keep the beer cold, the hot tub hot and our fingers crossed.

See you after the weekend :)

If it's a friend you need, let it be me.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

i ain't got the time.

I ain't being funny, I ain't got the brakes.
I ain't got the aces, I ain't got the stakes.
If only.

This morning has sucked hard core and I only have myself to blame.

I was tired. Then annoyed. Then I full out unloaded which may or may not have been appropriate, but, nevertheless, that's how it went down. Then someone told me I was breaking out from stress. Thaaaanks. Keep it to yourself, man! Plus, I had to do Black Friday Schedule and my Sysco order. And I received 105 boxes in shipment this morning.

I have to go back to work in a few hours, but I feel certain I'll be more stable by then.

I'll also probably put on some makeup.


I ain't got the nerve.
I ain't got the makings of the man you deserve.
I ain't got the time.
If only

PS. I don't know why you bring up a problem... - this is completely true (i think), somewhat amusing and, if nothing else, it's something to think about. Read.

I ain't got the bullshit and I ain't got the lies.
I ain't got the memories of tears in your eyes.
If only.

Friday, November 14, 2008

... is the rain ever gonna stop?

I am happy despite all the reasons I shouldn't be.

make a run in a midnight rain. maybe take a shot. maybe numb the pain. maybe i forgot who stands to gain. making the most of a lie called a daydream.

Maybe I'm not operating in the real world, but I feel like things are where they're supposed to be and, within the year, big things will change. This is not a point where I am stuck. This is a point where I am growing. I need roots before I can be transplanted.

This is just the beginning.

i can't recall half of what's been said. running through my mind like a ball of lead. half truths from the ones half dead. making the most of a lie called a daydream.

And, oddly enough, the past reminds us of this. I've been here before. I've felt this before. I do it the same. I deal with it differently. Life spins out of control. And then you remember...

This is just the beginning.


it's just a different point of view. somehow we can make it true. deep inside a clouded mind, i see it shine like an invisible sun.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

it's not about geography or happenstance

You need to fly and take a chance. You don't need to soar to emptiness or float on high and forever dance alone.

The ugly reality about going to work at 7am is that you have to get your tired ass out of bed and be at work at 7am.

However, there is also the beautiful truth to being at work at 7am. First, traffic is practically non-existent which means you don't have to leave quite so early to get to your destination. Second, if you're an eager beaver (which hardly ever applies to me) then you get the freshest bagels and the first pot of coffee. Also, you're normally done with work by three in the afternoon which gives you ample time to still enjoy daylight and the company of others.

The pros clearly outweigh the cons.

Yet, I continue to loathe working at 7am, but that may have something to do with the 115 boxes of shipment I had to move by myself this morning.

It was nice though to be done with work early in the day and to be able to go home and do my accounting stuff for the store and not get stuck in 5 o'clock traffic.

I took the rest of my afternoon by foot (since I'm living downtown at the moment). I went down to Fifty-Two Five and bought the new Rachael Yamagata cd which I'm currently enjoying. She does a duet with Ray Lamontange - it's lovely. And I went to Lesene to pick up a card to send to Morocco. Of course, Caviar and Bananas was included in the mix. I ordered some mediterranean tuna salad and roasted beet/goat cheese salad. And a diet coke. Just a plain diet coke.

The problem with the plain diet coke is that it's not what I wanted. I want diet cherry coke, but I can't freaking find it anywhere. I don't want a ton. I just want a 20oz bottle, but evidently that's just too much to ask.

I don't ever drink soda either, so this is a really big deal for me.

And now I'm back at the house waiting for friends. I think this might be the way life was intended to be lived. With diet coke and good music and good friends.

Of course, life is not so simple. And cars get broken and people get laid off. And it's hard, but we get through it. Maybe it's easier because I believe in something bigger - a greater cause. Or maybe it's more difficult because I do and I'm put under attack so (so) often.

I'm not sure. But "just because I'm losing doesn't mean I'm lost." Sounds silly, but it's true.

I'm not gonna live for you or die for you. I won't do anything anymore for you.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

just because i'm hurting doesn't mean i'm hurt

ok, so this is how it all went down.

we left charleston yesterday morning at 8:15am. we arrived in columbia for coffee about 9:45am. this is when jax discovered her dollars were missing and there were major issues with her bf's car.

we keep on with driving stopping a few times along the way, but we make it to ikea around 2pm. that's cool. we shop and shop for about two hours. i had a fro yo and bought a lamp. that all went ok, i suppose.

so then we go to octane coffee where i proceed to take my low to the ground car too far forward in the parking space and the curb thing rips off my bumper. we thought we fixed it and bought coffee and went along our merry little ways.

then we get to trader joe's where we spend a long time grocery shopping. that's all i'll say. and then we take food we've collected and have a little evening picnic in piedmont park. then somehow we end up with dog poo all over the inside of my car. it was awful! and some of it is still there, unfortunately.

then we get very much turned around trying to find philips arena, but we finally make it and then i drop my cell phone behind the sound stage and lovely little british fellow had to retrieve it for me.

so then coldplay comes on and it's spectacular (of course) and they played lovers in japan and i hopped i was so excited. and they planned green eyes. and, well, here is the set list:

Life In Technicolor
Violet Hill
In My Place
Speed Of Sound
Cemeteries Of London
Chinese Sleep Chant
Fix You
Strawberry Swing
God Put A Smile Upon Your Face (techno version)
Talk (techno remix)
Green Eyes
Postcards From Far Away (piano instrumental)
Viva La Vida
The Scientist (acoustic)
Death Will Never Conquer (acoustic - Will singing)
Viva La Vida (remix interlude) - ps. this was fantastic!


Lovers In Japan
Death And All His Friends

Encore 2

The Escapist (outro)

anyway, so then we leave and have zero gas and finally hit up a gas station and my piece of shit car has it's bumper hanging off of it. awwwwesome. so some people duct taped it for me. yes DUCT TAPE. i didn't misspell that.

and so on and so forth. we got home at 4:30 am. i was at work at 6:50 am.

you do the math.

how about that? huh? yeah.

and now i'm on a break inbetween jobs.

i am very much in love with chris martin though and his ability to make the whole world stop and exist purely in a moment. i think he could save humanity if we let him.

no one ever said it would be so hard

lots of things to say about the coldplay concert, but this picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go and more to come...

Sunday, November 09, 2008

i wanna give my soul

Perhaps we all just need a reminder that it's not about us. And it's not even about political parties. We're so wrapped up that we've forgotten who gave us this great democracy in the first place.

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. - 1 Timothy 2:1-4

Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to malign no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men... avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. - Titus 3:1-2,9

Somethings gotta break. You gotta swing the bat. Too many years have died. Why is that?

Saturday, November 08, 2008

breathe in the future, breathe out the past

I opened at BBW for the first time by myself today. Smoooooth like butter. But they couldn't have chosen an easier day for me to do it. Unfortunately, I frittered away my entire day in the mall. It wasn't a bad day - I just missed most of the daylight.

On the record - I'm blessed by both my jobs - what I do and who I do it with.

I'm living downtown right now with the dogs while Laurie and Rob are in Spain, Italy and Greece. I haven't had much time to really enjoy it, but I think next week might be different. I hope.

NEXT WEEK IS COLDPLAY! Yay! Yay for Coldplay and Ikea and Trader Joe's and Octane Coffee! Yay!

I'm listening to this band called Fink. I like 'em.

Have you ever considered what an amazing thing healing is? I've had lots of intense and awesome conversations this week and I just love how my life is and how it is interwined with others' lives. I love being a part of something bigger than myself... even when it proves to be difficult or discouraging.

And, decidedly, it is much better for me to be shocked and discouraged by humanity than to accept this behavior as the status quo.

So much to look forward to...

Anyway, I'm going to change and defunk before I head out for a drink or two.

I can't wait to have my own house one day. Except for the bills - that part I could put off forever.

Savor this moment as long as it lasts. Let me tell you. Put it back together piece by piece. Make it good.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

i hope you stay american baby

If these walls came crumbling down and fell so hard to make us lose our faith, from what’s left you’d figure it out. Still make lemonade taste like a sunny day.

I, I hold, hold on to you. You bring me hope I’ll see you soon. And if I don’t see you, oh, I’m afraid we’ve lost the way.

rock the vote

good morning! this is from simply breakfast.
and it is my way of reminding you to vote!
still deciding? go to:

Monday, November 03, 2008

if i were a boy, even just for one day

If I were a boy, I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl; I swear I’d be a better man. I’d listen to her, cause I know how it hurts when you lose the one you wanted 'cause he’s taken you for granted, and everything you had got destroyed...

I saw this on Bjo's blog, so I listened to it and now I kinda like it.

I think I (not so) secretly love pop music. oyyyy.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

i'm trying to figure out what else to say

A thought: Somedays... via Truebeliever.

Yesterday was long. At both jobs. But they both went by surprisingly quickly. That sounds backwards.

I'm going to open a coffee shop where we sell just coffee - none of that frilly crap. Just Coffee. And that's what I'm going to call it... "Just Coffee". And we'll make tshirts that have our logo/name on the front and on the back it will "It's not rocket science."

I just don't understand why it is so difficult sometimes. Seriously, people. It's just milk and espresso and sugar. It's not going to end your world if you don't like it and I will ALWAYS make you something different if you don't like it.

Also, I've begun to view children and large familes as conversion killers while I'm at work. I'm only hostile about it in my head though. Oyyy.

At this rate, I probably won't have any children.

Did I even tell you all I was promoted at Bath and Body Works? Probably not, but I was and I'm glad and it should make for a terribly interesting (busy) holiday season.

9 days until Coldplay! 19 days until Asheville! 25 days until Black Friday!

Today (is my one day off!): church, indian buffet, nap, exercise tv, (different) church (i think).

for breakfast: 1/2 c oats, tbsp craisins, tbsp sunflower seeds, tbsp almond slivers, 1 c skim milk (i used soy, but its a little powerful if you don't like soy). mix together in an airtight container and refrigerate overnight. mmm.

You turned me out and now I can't turn back.