Friday, December 31, 2010

a few things i did in twenty ten (that i hadn't planned on)...

... dyed my hair blonde.

... sold my coffee shop.

... had a short distance relationship with my neighbor.

... participated in water sports - water skiing & kayaking.

... jumped off the top of a dock.

... learned how to cut the grass.

... started eating meat again.

... started watching LOST & got addicted.

... got my own apartment where i live by myself.

... ate a 14 course meal by chef sean brock.

... drank a wine pairing for each of those 14 courses.

... saw sufjan stevens in asheville.

... drove a stick shift in the mountains.

... experienced snow in charleston... twice.

... got a dog named lollipop.

... celebrated 25 years of life by baking my own cake.

... stood beside one of my bfs at her wedding (although that was planned).

... had one of my bfs move away to Brooklyn.

... had another bf go live on an atoll with no electricity.

... met kt's future (and current) husband, tripp.

... had three "permanent" Bath & Body Works homes.

... lost two associates to unexpected death.

... ran the Turkey Day 5k.

... canceled my pretty, pink & sparkly Vickie's credit card.

... had my car vandalized with red spray paint.

... attended a gay pride party where a drag queen yelled at my friend.

... was kissed unexpectedly.

... used (and delighted in) paid time off.

... got health insurance after two years of living on the edge.

... attended an alumni party for Homecoming.

... watched USC win the College World Series, beat Clemson, go to the SEC Championship & (tonight) the Chickfila Bowl.

it was a good year with good people and good experiences.

and now i'm going out to celebrate it and anticipate the next 365 days!

be happy & safe tonight. xo.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. - C.S. Lewis

Thursday, December 30, 2010

a look back at twenty ten.

"Start doing the things that look like what you want to change into... A wish is an unfulfilled want. A Hope, hope is the fruit of desire and the action for change. A hope." - Paul Rienzo

i did a lot of those things.

i read harry potter. and a million miles in a thousand years.

i still don't wake up when my alarm goes off.

i can't run 5 miles but i did run my first 5k & i fell in love with the stair stepper.

i saw john mayer! (and dmb - twice! and sufjan stevens!)

i didn't start my LB SARP, but my IRA is going strong & i put those $$ into savings.

my cali roadtrip was an epic fail. i had my car fixed instead.

nola trip. check. it was a week long dirty south adventure.

weddings. i went to several. i didn't go to several. (see previous blog...)

i started going to a small group. and going to church when i can. and finding community. bit by bit.

and... i am a co-manager. i did it! and i'm better at it than i thought i would be. i'm not sure what's after that though. hm.

more than anything, i'm happy. i moved out and i'm on my own. i still have a good life and good family and good friends (old and new). and i hope that i encouraged them as much as they encouraged me.


Monday, December 27, 2010

things i love about charleston:

my family
my friends
the smell of the marsh
the water
the (general) lack of snow
fresh seafood
local restaurants with local ingredients
tomatoes in the summa time
shem creek
red orchid
flippy floppies (10 out of 12 months)
all the old stuff (aka. the history)
crosstowne christian church
sunsets when i drive over any bridge after work
it's getting a trader joe's
hyman's gives out free hush puppies on the sidewalk
live music is everywhere
all of the boats
water sports
summer. duh.
the farmer's market
sweet tea vodka
the amazing praline place on market street

there are a lot of other things, too. when i was younger, i hated it here, but now i can't imagine living anywhere else. isn't that crazy? of course, i'm relocatable and ready to go wherever, whenever.

i do know that wherever i live one day (my house) must have two things:

1. a laundry room with a nice washer & dryer and cabinets and a bar to hang clothes and a counter for folding. i'm serious.

and 2. a porch with ceiling fans and a swing. if the windows had shutters, that wouldn't hurt.

ok. end of blog today.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

So, the holidays? Which ones are actually included in that? Thanksgiving, Christmas & the New Year, right? Two down, one to go. The days themselves have been quite enjoyable. Yummy food & time with family sandwiched by exhausting days at work. The New Year won't be quite like that. I'll probably stay in Charleston for the eve and go to Columbia the next two days. Chickies is getting married and then I'll get to relax and visit with my friends. I think it will be nice. I hope it will be nice. It might even be perfect if a crazy warm front moves through the Southeast.

Anyway, the end of the year always gets me thinking about life. I try not to think about my past in relationship to my present or future. It gets confusing. Things happen. Things change. People change. Life goes on. Sometimes life recycles itself with events & people, but it's never quite the same. And it's too tiring to hold onto the past. I've learned to let things go, to give second chances, to believe more in caring than in hurt. And to just see what happens.

However, despite my c'est la vie attitude, there is one thing I would change about twenty-ten.
December 20 - Beyond Avoidance
What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)
I would have un-volunteered myself from working, stopped worrying abt money/time/micromanaging/myself, and would have gone to Virginia for Andrew & Brittany's wedding. At the time, it seemed physically & financially impossible for me to attend. I was busy working in a retail mgmt position ending holiday and starting sale, plus owning my own business. Whether I could have made it happen or not is irrelevant now, but it is the one thing I regret from the past year. And, unfortunately, it's not something I get a redo on and for that I am truly sorry.
Evidently, I learned a lot from weddings this year. Five of them. And I only went to two...

From Andrew & Brittany's, I learned the value of family. You cannot be photo-shopped into a memory - only a photo. And, at the end of the day, family comes first.

From Matt & Cristy's, I learned the value of being yourself. You can find friends in the most unexpected places. You can realize you've created relationships at unexpected times. Don't ever doubt your ability to be you and have people like you. Don't ever doubt your ability to be you and have people not like you. And either way, don't ever let you stop you from being you.

From Alison & Hugo's, I learned the value of good friends (and the pain of separation anxiety). Sometimes it's just a phone call or text. Sometimes it's a tank of gas to Columbia or New Orleans. But time spent with those who know and love you best is priceless.

From Lou & Micah's, I learned that people can change and they deserve second chances. And that you should never say never to people because when you touch someone's life, you change them and they change you. And, even if you take different paths, that point where you crossed will always be a very important place.

From Kt & Tripp's, I learned the value of an honest relationship. We often build walls to defend ourselves from pain or from truth and sometimes we end up blocking out other people. And the tragedy in that is you miss out on life-changing moments with them. Don't be honest out of anger. Be honest out of love.

They say you learn a lot from marriage. Clearly, it's true. And I'm not even married, yet. Oy.

This blog seems to have turned into a bit of a self-help, discovery lesson which is not what I intended, but maybe I just needed to remind myself of these things. Or maybe someone else needed to read them. I'm not sure.

Maybe I'll write a book called My Life in Weddings : Lessons from the Guestbook. Ha. I'm totally kidding. I promise.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

things i am thankful for today:

majesta's birthday - 23! woop!
tangerine chicken w. brown rice
having leftovers
white wine
fb chat with friends in other countries
starbucks breakfast sandwiches
my sweet little tupelo pig from T
my job that pays my bills
the newest taylor swift album
the smell of the marsh
strawberry green tea
living alone so i don't have to do my dishes
good good friends

why in all this anger do you fill me up with love love love?

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

i just spent three hours shopping for a dress. i went to tjmaxx, marshalls, jcpenney, express, charlotte russe, target, the loft, and belk. i bought two. i have two dress occasions, but only one requires a new dress. anyway, the point is that i shouldn't be allowed to have money. i just spend it. on dresses and shoes. and wine. i bought a bottle of my favorite red wine (wandering grape - malbec/merlot blend). and a box of my favorite rosemary & olive oil triscuits. and some protein bars for when i go to the gym. and neosporin, but that's logical, so it doesn't count.

one day, when i'm grown up and married, i would like my husband to take care of our finances. he can give me an allowance, i don't care. i need to be set on the straight and narrow.

so dear future husband, please make a lot of money or put me on a tight leash. xo. erin

also, christmas? oy humbug. those shoppers are crazy. i mailed my christmas cards and finished christmas shopping. it was a light year for me - perhaps not if i didn't buy dresses and shoes - but i just need to wrap my gifts for my family and i'm done. i shouldn't even have to be at a mall. it's miserable. long lines. cranky customers. get a grip. it's one day a year. and it's the thought that counts, not the dollars that you spend. matter of fact, it should be the time that you spend with your family and friends. go out to eat together. get a cup of coffee. hang out and watch a movie. i hate christmas shopping. i hate dress shopping. next year, everyone is getting quality time for christmas & i'll wear jeans. bah.

and one more thing... why is it so cold? i live in charleston, sc. i should be able to wear sandals all year long. where can i do that? i'm moving there asap.

alright. rant time over. it's time to drink my oj, wrap some gifts and go to bed! xo.

Monday, December 20, 2010

i don't have time for as many blogs as i used to bc i'd rather be visiting with someone or sleeping, but i always read this one (caffeinate me). and i like this post. and i like when "new year posts" aren't abt resolutions or adding things to your life, but abt making changes or savoring what's there. so, eleven things in two thousand eleven it is...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

last night was girls night in with jen skoy! frozen pizza, beer, break & bake cookies & a chick flick - julie & julia.

have you seen that movie? so good. inspiring. even if you're not into cooking, the idea behind it is to find your passion. so many things to think about there, BUT it really did make me want to cook. (that and the article abt sean brock in charleston magazine.) so, i've been checking magazines, looking at cookbooks and reading real simple in hopes of extra inspiration, but now i want to hear from you!

what's your favorite thing to cook? what's your "go to" recipe? is it cost effective? is it simple? can the leftovers be used again? is it best when shared with friends? rally the troops & send me your recipes! invite me over & teach me how to cook (better)! be my inspiration!

Thursday, December 09, 2010

life rarely goes as planned.

i'll probably go crazy by christmas.

listening to: horse feathers radio on pandora.

also, i built a tv stand today.


Tuesday, December 07, 2010

this is awesome. i think i'll play sandstorm at my wedding.

Monday, December 06, 2010

hanneke sends wise words from somewhere in the pacific.

"meanwhile, the cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is a monday morning." - c.s. lewis

she often reminds me of things i didn't know i needed to be reminded about.

also, i just turned the heat on in my apt. it's so cold. i miss my flippy floppies.

a thrill of hope; the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new & glorious morn.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

occasionally, life will really surprise you.
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

Friday, November 19, 2010

hazelnut > vanilla
coke > pepsi
harry potter > twilight
sawyer > jack
grey > gray
Me: I don't know. I'm pretty bad at dating.
Friend: I think you're good at dating. You do it enough and don't fall in love with every guy who takes you out.
Me: So, then I guess I'm pretty bad at being in a relationship.
Friend: Well... I wouldn't say bad. You just haven't found the right person. When you find the right person, then you'll be good at it.

oh geez.
so. life. whoa.

for each personal "tragedy" recently, i've been handed a huge dose of perspective. i am so blessed. i am healthy. my friends are healthy. my family is healthy. and most of us (myself included now) have insurance to cover the unexpected. i am so blessed. so very very blessed.

i've certainly been busy. work - duh, it's almost black friday. the gym - cycle kicked my butt this morning, yo. small group. gobble wobbling on thanksgiving. moving & unpacking. dave matthews band! keeping up with friends - old & new. it's a lot, but i think that now is the time to be busy and stay out late and be exhausted if i have to bc people are worth investing in.

and last night, i had my first home cooked meal in a really long time. my friend alex invited me over and he made turkey lasagna (that's right - i'm back on the poultry bandwagon) and salad with spinach, tomatoes, and blueberries. it was delicious. i think i had almost forgotten what it's like to eat real food at a table with someone else that's not in a restaurant.

i'm trying to focus on the positives right now. at the holidays, i have a tendency to stress out and be glass half empty... or glass half full of craziness... one or the other - they're both bad. this year, i'm going to try a new perspective.

i'm also trying to take time for myself. once a week, don't make plans. keep a night or morning to myself to do things around the apartment or read - which i haven't been doing, but need to. hopefully, i'll be able to do all this & make it through the holidays alive.

also, note to self: go see the new harry potter movie. get vacuum from mj. do laundry. get some mixing bowls.

so there you have it. life. whoa.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

“He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy.”
Jonathan Safran Foer

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"He said to me I was a tree in a story about a forest, and that it was arrogant of me to believe any differently. And he told me the story of the forest is better than the story of the tree."
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
I'm still not unpacked. Oy.

My kitchen is put away. Mostly. The shelves are lined and things are in the cabinets now. Score.

I'm using red & orange as my kitchen colors. I'm basing it around the only dishtowel I own.

I have to unpack just a couple more boxes and put away my laundry. Yuck.

I need a broom. And a tv stand. And a curtain rod for my bedroom. I haven't decided what to do with my living room window at all. It's huge... like I could take a nap there if I had a cushion.

I really really need to hang stuff on the walls.

May I please have more hours in a day?

Slow and steady wins the race.

Monday, November 08, 2010

i'm making up for lost interwebs time.

i'm good. content. happy.
friends. shelter. food. coffee.
all the glory when He took our place.
let's not make it complicated.

and when i live, i'll give it all i've got.

Monday, November 01, 2010

sleepless, long nights. that is what my youth was for...


Sunday, October 31, 2010

"Joy is what you feel when the conflict is over. But it's the conflict that changes a person." - Robert McKee

Friday, October 29, 2010

things i need for my new home:

toaster oven
silverware divider
shelf paper
dishwasher detergent
shower curtain & liner
couch (i have a temp.)
tv stand
washer/dryer (haha. pls!) lies. i don't have hookups.
toilet paper
a wireless router (also an internet provider)
LOST on dvd
a travel mug (not so much for the apt as it's just for me)
tea kettle
hendrick's gin
wine (i like malbecs. or nice dry whites)
(if i get wine) wine rack
mich ultra (only 95 calories)
air mattress (for visitors i don't want to share my bed with)
cookie sheet (in case i feel betty crocker-ish)
kitchen aid (a girl can dream)
barista magazine (for my coffee table, duh)
ikea gift card (the apt will spend it wisely)
red orchid gift certificate (apts get hungry too)
target gift card (just because)
a bathroom trash can
mixing bowls

i need to pack.
i'm so not prepared for this.
but i do have electricity & renter's insurance.

i also pretty much have no seating. if you come visit, byoc (bring your own chair) and leave it. please & thank you.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

why i love twitter, land rovers & jay frizz
note: for you non-tweeting folks - you need to read it bottom to top.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

guilty pleasures

we can dance until we die.

i can't help it. they're just so catchy.

Monday, October 25, 2010

things i like right now: mexican food, mint & chocolate together, wine, LOST, to do lists, darius rucker, productivity, twilight woods, scheduling, packing, coffee, backroom organization.

and some other things. and lots of people.
i'm really blessed by the people in my life.

i would like more hours in the day though. mmk.

Hugo: C'mon. Get up. We got work to do.
Sawyer: What's your problem, Jumbotron?
Hugo: Shut up, red.. neck.. man.
Sawyer; Touche. What's Jiminy Cricket doing here?

i really love sawyer. i know. i'm just as surprised as you.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Friday, October 15, 2010

so, i had a lovely nola day.

(after i shaved my finger with a razor. yeah, it was as painful as it sounds. eff.)

breakfast with craig at surrey's uptown. mailed a nola letter to hanneke. a jaunt to lakeside shopping center (on the way, an old lady gave me the finger for running a stop sign and i almost killed a retired marine on the causeway). lunch with tony at chill out (breakfast & asian fusion). thai iced tea. rue on oak street (where i found this gem of a van). then i got my hair did in the paddock living room (legally blonde). a turn about audubon park. whole foods deliciousness for dinner. cafe du monde with tori and laura - au lait! walk around jackson square.

i love new orleans. and i love traveling. and i'm super excited about fall trip. for real.

i also miss charleston. my friends. my dog. my bed. the marshy smell when i wake up.

funny, huh? i've never been one to get homesick. maybe it's because i've been listening to the new darius rucker cd. hmph.

i need some front porch rockin', some back road walkin', some sittin' 'round talkin' 'bout nothin'.

on the other hand, my skin is a billion times clearer since i started on my little paid time off adventure. no stress + sleep = happier skin. i shouldn't have to go on vacation to have clear skin. i'm just saying.

tomorrow, i might be hanging out with miss rockett whilst the paddocks work. anthropologie & starbucks? yes, please and thank you. now who wants to pay my credit card bill. any takers?

ps. this quote is on my desktop...

"But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not." - CS Lewis

i love reading it when i see it.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

there are two kinds of payday.

the kind involving direct deposit and the kind made of caramel and peanuts.

i like them both.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

ok, so now i'm at starbucks. i'm loading cds onto my computer bc my cd player in my car is a piece of shit. and i'm not apologizing for my foul language bc that's how i really feel about it. now, i have to update my ipod with the ipod cord i didn't bring with me, but luckily, apple has inundated the lives of all the people in the world around me and i know i'll be able to find one. heck, i could probably ask a stranger at a table and they would have one i could use. anyway, i digress. i'm reading this blog entry and it's hilarious, so i am going to share it with you.

searching for the yeti :: quotes
doesn't understand this whole over-specified coffee-drink thing. How many drinks did you have to buy before you found a combination that you liked? Why not make it at home if you're that afraid? I love my high-maintenance coffee-drink-ordering-friends, but if your order takes more than one breath to place, then you shouldn't be drinking coffee-based drinks in the first place. You're already too high-strung.
Hello from vacation!

I'm in Hattiesburg, MS right now. I drove here yesterday... I left Charleston at 9am (EST) and got here around 6:3pm (CT) with only four hours of sleep the night before from crazy holiday phase one floorset. ANYWAY. Six shots of espresso later, I made it.

I like Hattiesburg. It's adorable. It's the home of Southern Miss for those of you who weren't aware. And, as everyone knows, I love my college towns. They're full of book stores, record stores and coffee shops. This particular town has T Bones - it's a record and coffee shop all rolled into one. Heaven might be like that.

I slept 10 hours last night and woke up to a cool breeze blowing through my open windows. This morning, I worked out and went running, then I got awesome cold brew coffee magic and visited my friend Tom at A Gallery. I went to Target bc I needed new sunglasses and the new Darius Rucker cd. And I got a pedicure at this place that had TWO chandeliers. I love chandeliers. Now, I'm at Java Werks eating a panini and taking advantage of wifi. I like to stay connected.

Tonight, there will be porch drinking and what not with my friends. Tomorrow, I'll head to Nola. I would be more descriptive and use lovelier words, but my battery is going to die soon. Wah. Wah. Wah.

Some final words from a PASTE article ::

"he (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) pauses and says: 'I just don’t like to say bad things about particular people just because it doesn’t, like…' Pause. 'It’s not a practice worth perpetuating.'"

Friday, October 08, 2010

Enter the Worship Circle :
Toddlers live in a constant state of wonder. Everything is new. Each object is full of new color, shape, weight, and orifice-filling potential. The tragedy of this blissful life is that it will die a slow death with the aging of experience.

Things become known.

Secrets are uncovered.

By the time we leave adolescence for adulthood we are threatened with life-killing boredom, having lost all sensation of wonder because we can't find anything that is really new.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

i make so much sense when i'm sick and my vocabulary is overwhelming. not.

Brian:  what are you doing right now?
 me:  clearing off my bed and looking for cold medicine
 Brian:  you sick / and going to bed?
 me:  i dunno.
 Brian:  either or?
 me:  right.
 Brian:  i was gonna see if i could call
 me:  you may.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

God is not proud... He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him. - CS Lewis

Monday, October 04, 2010

columbia when it's cold. photo by heather dearmon.
my room is a mess. i need to unpack from being away. i need to pack to move.

instead of either, i'm drinking ginseng peppermint tea & watching LOST with my window open because the weather is oh so fall like at the moment.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

i have a song by the killers stuck in my head.

all these things that i've done.

i just thought i should mention that.

so, it seems quite a bit of time has passed since my last blog.

and you all certainly mentioned it. my apologies.

tonight, i'm in columbia bc my friend tony is turning thirty (tomorrow). what a big event. turning thirty seems crazy to me bc it's five years away. five years is a long time. although, i feel quite certain that i will feel like today was just yesterday when i actually hit the digits myself. did that make sense?

anyway, i love columbia. i do. i love my friends here. i love that it feels like home no matter what. no matter how long i've been gone. no matter what has happened. no matter who is here. i feel like columbia is where i grew up and the city embraced me through four very awkward and formative years. so very kind.

i suppose i should update you all on my life at the moment.

i moved to a new store (again). i work at the bath & body works at tanger outlets. we're not an outlet store. just a store at the outlets. this is infuriating to some people. some people are infuriating to me. it all evens out in the end.

it's really stressful though. it's high traffic, but not doing the comparative volume in sales. operationally, it needs some tweaking. and talent wise, well, we need some associates. anyone looking for part time work? i need you to be responsible, hard working & dependable. i would also prefer it if you liked to take ownership over your work. please & thank you.

also, i recently had a boyfriend & lost a boyfriend. and by lost, i mean i broke up with him. he's a really great guy. nice. attractive. attentive. so, why did i break up with him? well, we're different people in different places in our lives. it's hard to describe, but it didn't feel right to keep dating him when i wasn't as invested as i should have been. it also doesn't feel right for me to have gone 24 hours without talking to him or seeing him. and i'm sure it won't feel right when i go home tomorrow either. but that's life and you deal with it.

it's weird how you can be both so sure and unsure of things at the exact same time. maybe, deep down, i'm just afraid of being alone. or maybe, deep down, i'm just afraid to let someone in. i'm not sure. but they say you'll know it when it happens. so, i'll go with that explanation and just wait for now.

in one month, i'll be in my new home. i wonder if i'll love living alone? i wonder if i'll be lonely? i wonder if i'll be too busy to notice? i wonder if people will come over often? i wonder a lot of things. i probably shouldn't do that. i wonder about things a lot.

you know what i miss though... being in wonder of things.

i've been going to this small group at church on wednesday nights and i know what i'm missing. i know what i need to be doing and i need to just do it. that's how i'll get the wonder back. that's how i'll get true perspective back. that's how i'll get direction back. that's how i'll get motivation back. i know. i just need to do it. i need to own my own faith. to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. to be held accountable. to be pushed. i wonder if i can do that on my own.

i'm stubbornly independent sometimes. oy.

um. i looked at some master's programs. retail. maybe. i don't think i really want to go back to school though. it would cost me money this time.

and last, but not least, i'm considering eating poultry again. 

well, it looks like i just wrote a short novel on all the things that have been rolling around in my head. maybe this will help make it clearer. maybe not. there is a lot going on right now and a lot that will be going on in the next couple of days. weeks. months.

and maybe now i'll watch LOST bc i am pretty far behind. or catch up on blogs. oh how i've neglected my google reader. my life is messy right now. hmph.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

i almost got beaked by some birds today. i got too close and they charged. some call the noise they make a quack, but i call it a battle cry. i screamed like a little girl.
"do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

Friday, September 17, 2010

I got measured today for a bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding. My chest size puts me in a size four. My waist size puts me in a size two. And my hips put me in a size eight. I'm sorry, but does anyone else find that upsetting? Hmph.

Also, walked the bridge today. Hot as a mother... I thought Tonya and I might die. Note to self: Hydrate. If you think it's not going to be hot - hydrate. Hydrate. Hydrate. Hydrate. And maybe wear sunscreen. I have acquired some wicked tan lines.

Now, it's time for a story where I was socially awkward:

I went to Starbucks earlier... I ordered a tall, two pump peppermint, two shot affogato vanilla bean creme with no whip. And then the barista came back to me and told me they didn't have any peppermint. I was floored. I literally didn't know what to do.

Barista: I'm really sorry. I forgot. We're actually out of peppermint.
Me: (completely flustered) Really? Oh. Ok. I need to re-evaluate my situation.
Barista: What other flavors do you like? We can figure out something different.
Me: I don't know. This has never happened to me before.
Barista: We have pumpkin spice and new toffee mocha. They're really good.
Me: Yeah... I know... (still looking really stunned)
Barista: I'm really sorry. Let me call the store a block away and see if they have it. (makes phone call) They do. It's just down the street. And here's a free drink coupon for you.
Me: Oh no, you don't have to do that. I'm not upset. I was just momentarily confused.
Barista: I know. I just felt really bad. You looked so disappointed.

Me: I just don't think I would have been happy with something else.
Tonya: You wouldn't have.
Me: I put a lot of thought into what I order before I do it.
Tonya: I know that about you. And you wanted peppermint.
Me: I'm a big dork.

Oy. I shouldn't be allowed in public.

And Tonya and I got interviewed today for a broadcast journalism class in all of our sweaty glory on King St. The girl was incredibly nervous talking to us and filming us. Wanna know what she asked? Basically, how we felt about "sexting" ... ie. sending photos, etc. What? Really? That's what you're asking us about and filming us? PS. Personally, it's not for me. And I think it's awful if younger kids are doing it. But if you're an adult who pays their own phone bill, then by all means. I don't tell you what to do in your bedroom and I'm not going to tell you what to do on your phone. Please just don't involve me. Ok. Thanks.

Anyway, it has been an interesting day for sure.

I can't wait to move into my new place. I took Tonya by to see it today. And I took Patrick last night to see if it was sketchy - we may or may not have stumbled across a drunk fella laying next to the pond on the phone. I will neither confirm or deny it.

Alright. Alright. Time for a shower and laundry. Then sushi. Delish.

Monday, September 13, 2010

I feel like I have a lot to say, but I'm at a loss for words. Crazy, right? That hardly ever happens to me.

"The time has come,' the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes - and ships - and sealing wax -
Of cabbages - and kings -
And why the sea is boiling hot -
And whether pigs have wings."

But... I am moving!

On November 2, I will have an apartment all to myself! I'm so excited!

My lease is a year. But that doesn't mean I'm not still on Team Cola 11!

more details to come...

Friday, September 03, 2010

via beth gillespie
Patrick: You have a lot a friends.
Me: Yes. Yes I do.
Patrick: How do you know all these people?
Me: I'm a delight.
Patrick: It's true. I'll give you that.
Out the Wazoo.

That's the name of the "series" we're doing at Kinetic :: Crosstowne's 18-30 age small group. I like it. Both the "series" and the group. I don't always talk, but I'm always listening and then I usually share it later with someone. Or with you, my devoted blog readers. So, I like Out the Wazoo because it's a mashup of topics. Wednesday, we talked about things marriage is not...

Marriage is not a cure of loneliness. Marriage is not a means for a makeover. Marriage isn't all about sex. Those are interesting things to think about because those three reasons are probably three of the biggest reasons why people get married. Love, of course, but to cure or fix something in their lives by adding another person.

"Don't be in a hurry to add another person to your life."

I'm pretty selfish. I don't know how to take care of my dog, much less a husband.

We also discussed Things You Should Do Before You're Thirty:

1. Lose your stupid friends. - Paul tells us in the Bible to arouse each other from inactivity and provoke one another to love and good works. Makes sense, right? So, why do we hang out with people who hold us back? It's time to grow up.

2. Read Books. - Not just for fun, but books that will develop you.

Right now, I'm reading The Happiness Project. It's a book that breaks down daily life behaviors into months as this women tries to become happier. She's not unhappy. She just wants to spend more time focusing on things that are important. I'm only in February and I've learned a lot from her already.

3. Write down your GOALS. - Next year. Next month. Next week. This one is hard for me. Personal life goals. Spiritual goals. Volunteer goals. This is one I'm struggling with.

4. Find a parent/mentor that you can ask for criticism. - What do you think I lack and what can I do better? It needs to be someone you trust and feel safe with, but someone you know will be honest with you.

5. Accept Hardship. - It happens to everyone. Try to be glass half full about it.

6. Cut the cynicism. - Don't roll your eyes at other people and their lives. AND I QUOTE, "If someone loves Dave Matthews Band, let them love Dave Matthews Band. It turns out their last album wasn't actually that bad." Oy with the poodles. This also means, if someone doesn't love DMB, then let them not love DMB. Oy with the poodles, again!

7. Volunteer. - Do something for somebody else. For free. This is hard for me too because, again, I'm selfish and I like my free time.

This was by no means the end of the list, but it certainly gave me quite a bit to think about.

My life is good. I like it. I've been working well at the store with my new manager and sales lead. I've been going to the gym 4 times a week. Drinking coffee. Hanging out with my neighbor - going kayaking and watching the Gamecocks. I've spent time with my family and friends. I've started looking for an apartment with plans to move by the end of the year if I can find an available place where I want to move. I've been reading and continuing to watch LOST. I'm going to Columbia soon to see my friends. My life is happy. But what is it's meaning? What are my goals?

I'm just saying. It's a lot to think about. Your twenties prepare you for the rest of your life. I have five more years to do it right. And I want to do it right.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

things i like (that i've thought about so far today)...

fall. porches w. ceiling fans. LOST. sawyer. coffee. sitting & reading outside. organization. coconut things. going to the gym w. mj. bookstores. the happiness project. free ice cream. knowing the words to songs playing in stores. the smell of the marsh. texting. chickfila sauce (as it compares to zax sauce). hayley williams (of paramore). retail therapy. luna protein bars (cookie dough). driving with the windows down. green. NEW! dark kiss.

i'm sure there have been other things, too, but i'm done for now.

it's been lovely. and i'm going kayaking later with the neighbor. hopefully, i won't die.

"I am happy - but I'm not as happy as I should be. I have such a good life, I want to appreciate it more - and live up to it better... I complain too much, I get annoyed more than I should. I should be more grateful."

Thursday, August 26, 2010

"I think Christian spirituality is like jazz music. I think loving Jesus is something you feel. I think it is something very difficult to get on paper. But it is no less real, no less meaningful, no less beautiful."
last night, i helped patrick cut the grass next door. and by helped, i mean i whined until he told me i could do it in my flip flops, then he taught me how to push a mower properly and i cut one long strip across his yard. he let me go along my merry little way after that.

when he finished the part of the yard i didn't get to (about 99% of it) then he set up the hammock and pulled out the beer. i hammocked and he sat and we drank. we went inside once the fire died and the mosquitoes had taken over.

it felt like such a summer thing to do.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

words can be daffodils or a fire in an open field

dave barnes :: little lies
"I don't know if you have heard it lately but you are a very impressive young woman.  Keep it up."

It's nice to hear nice things sometimes.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Boat. Beer. Burrito.

I jumped off the top of a dock. Twice.
tomorrow (tuesday) i have the day off and since i'm too lazy to get out of bed to make my to-do list, i've decided to post it here, so i can look at it in the morning...

sleep in

buy new ray lamontagne cd
make iced coffee
write to rachel
write to hanneke
call nathan lowe
message kayla
clean off desk (again)
finish development plan
find change purse
change cohen's water
make wednesday's lunch
watch an episode of LOST

that seems like enough, yes? i'm sure i'm forgetting something.

also, go out on the boat.


tonight, my friend mandy took me to dinner since i was born 25 years ago and when we got our cookies she said tell me what my fortune is about (ie. what it relates to in her life) and i'll tell you what yours is about. she told me that mine was about my neighbor. my cookie said,

be patient and it will happen.

so tonight, he asks me if i want to go out on the boat with him & his dad tomorrow. i'm all sorts of confused... as to why he asked. as to why i said yes. as to why i'm hanging out with his dad. as to what i will wear since my bathing suit has ties on the side.

anyway, that fortune cookie was magic.

and for the record, i miss rachel. and i miss columbia.

but i do like this flickr set :: PERSONA


Monday, August 16, 2010

Sometimes, loving people is hard.

Not because they make it difficult, but because there are so many ways to love a person. From far away. From across the street. For a long time. Only for a moment.  You can be in love or you can just love. So many variables.

And then what? Do you love them & leave them? Do you leave them & love them?

What do you do?

I think it's impossible to stop loving someone that you have truly loved. But, I also believe, that sometimes you have to let the people you love go. And it's even for the best, at times.

The question is then, do you actively hope for their best interest? Or do you live & let live in apathy?

It's all quite confusing.

Just something I've been pondering with myself & other people.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

"you musn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

me: what time is it where you are? Hanneke: just about 3:45pm on me: wednesday?? Hanneke: yep me: it's 11:41pm on tuesday Hanneke: i think i'm 17 hours ahead of you me: weird. Hanneke: hrm. maybe not 17... me: you're in tomorrow. Hanneke: i don't knowi am in tomorrowit's a good day me: thank goodness bc tuesday wasn't completely awesome
something to remember...

from Psalm 42:

  Chaos calls to chaos,
      to the tune of whitewater rapids.
   Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers
      crash and crush me.
   Then God promises to love me all day,
      sing songs all through the night!
      My life is God's prayer.

  Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
      Why are you crying the blues?
   Fix my eyes on God—
      soon I'll be praising again.
   He puts a smile on my face.
      He's my God.

[the message version]

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Mj and I went to the gym at 6 this morning. We figured if my mom, Roy and the neighbor can all get up that early to work out, then we could do it, too. So, there we were at the gym with A LOT of people - more people than when we went at 8 yesterday. Not what I was expecting. Makes sense though.

We did the stair stepper. I love the stair stepper. My bum has missed the stair stepper. Oy.

We're going to do it for a week and see how it goes. How many days does it take to form a habit?

Also, I ran into my neighbor after gymin' it, when I was walking the dog... (Note to Self: look cuter when you go to the gym. And be more sociable first thing in the morning.)

Now, I am getting ready for work... checking facebook, drinking coffee, streaming the new Ray Lamontagne album. Not a bad way to start the day if you ask me. I hope it's lovely for you all. xo.

Monday, August 09, 2010

me: i brought you a surprise!
assoc: does it have to do with dark kiss?
me: gross. no. sorry.
assoc: does it have to do with food?!
me: yes!
assoc: now i'm excited!

assoc: what book did you buy?
me: the happiness project.
assoc: let me see it... "or why i spent a year trying to sing in the morning, clean my closets, fight right, read aristotle, and generally have more fun"... that sounds like you!
me: you're the second person to tell me that!
assoc: it must be true!

me: we would've left on time.
assoc: yeah, but the customer always comes first.
me: yeah, the customer is always right.
assoc: no. not when they buy dancing waters for their hot hot date.
jim denevan at
so, the past few days have been pretty excellent.

friday, i went running barefoot in the rain with lollipop. the neighbors probably think i'm nutso, but we had fun. well, i had fun. she was definitely opposed to the idea at first and then happy to be back inside. she passed out in my room and watched her while she had little puppy dreams. she makes little yip noises. it's adorable.

saturday, i had coffee with a friend and then helped bake my birthday cake and had a glorious party with lots of friends & food. there aren't enough good words for me to write here.

sunday, i officially turned 25! woohoo! so far, i'm loving it. i went to church & had lunch with the fam, watched LOST, went to Sbux with Rebecca and helped baked cupcakes. and by help, i mean i liked the beaters and went to the store to buy butter. other than that, i was pretty lazy. (also, completely exhausted from saturday - dang, i'm getting OLD!)

oh, i watched Remember Me - i got it with my netflix. it was... good and... not good. it made me think a lot about life and how we live it (or how we don't). but the end. yeah, thanks for that.... hmph.

this morning, i got up and went to the gym with mj - we needed it! and then i made coconut curry tempeh and broccoli to take for dinner tonight. brewed coffee & drank it with dark chocolate creamer while watching an episode of LOST. i'm in love with sawyer & kate right now. them together even though they're not together. this episode made me cry. (season two, episode eight) it's the very first one to make me do so. go figure.

now, i'm gearing up for work. my last night with my favorite associate before she heads back to gamecock country. wah. wah. wah.

ps. i got my anthropologie comforter! so excited! and lots of other fun & delicious goodies - including five bags of coffee... my friends know me so well!

listening to sigur ros.

i am very lucky.


Saturday, August 07, 2010

Friday, August 06, 2010

good morning, bloggers... tgif!

so much going on right now. and i can't even manage to put away my laundry.

"so we saved the world together for a while, and that was lovely."

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

you can box me in, but you know i'm not right for you. - pearl & the puppets

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Today a customer said, "You are so pretty. I think that every time I come in here."

Monday, August 02, 2010

the crack on my laptop has grown to a missing piece.
i'm still not sure how this little mishap occurred. it will always be one of life's little mysteries.

like which came first, the chicken or the egg? and how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

the world may never know.

"keep calm & eat oreos." - one of my associate's fb

ps. i have today off and all i wanna do is hang out at a coffee shop and read & write, but i have to clean. seriously. i can't live this way anymore. wah. wah. wah.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

the market common in myrtle beach is a magic place.
first, p.f. changs, then i went to anthropologie *le sigh*

this dress was lovely.

this bedding felt amazing.

unfortunately neither was in my budget after the new handbag i found at the coach factory store. hpmh.

Coach Leather Convertible Zoe. Graphite.

and heck no, i didn't pay as much as it's listed for anywhere on ebay. silly rabbit.

ps. has anyone read the happiness project? there is a link to it on my wishlist. it sounds as interesting as the geography of bliss, but perhaps more entertaining.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I would also like a subscription to Barista Magazine. Please & Thank You.
I want need a gps. Life is happier with direction.

(Let's not forget I have a birthday coming up... hahaha... Pass it on!)

Monday, July 26, 2010

I am so confused.
And I thought Charlie was dead.
Who the eff is Ethan?
Why do they want Claire?
Sawyer did two nice things.
Jack & Kate just need to get together.
Locke freaks me out.
Everybody loves Hugo.

I'm seriously contemplating watching a third episode tonight. I might not get my life back until after I watch all six seasons. I haven't even unpacked from my trip yet. Oy.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

An excerpt from my inbox:

"I'll try not to send you messages in the middle of the night while intoxicated in the meantime."

Wait. Why am I single?

Friday, July 23, 2010

Ryan: I have this red power tie on today and aside from looking like a member of the Click Five, I want to like... take over some shit.
Me: Haha. Do it. Did you also wake up this morning feeling like P Diddy?
Ryan: Sean Combs wake up feeling like ME. Duh.
Me: Haha. Oh really? That wasn't in the song...
Ryan: This isn't just some song and dance Erin Gail. This is real life!
It was surprisingly easy to go back to work today... once I was there of course. The idea of going back was horrific. I miss vacation. I have other trips planned this year, but hopefully I'll be able to take some time in September to head down to the Dirty South to visit friends.

We're missing a manager again at work. She stepped down while I was gone. Eff.

Oh well.

I'm reading at least three different books right now.

I want to go see Inception this weekend. Date Night. With myself. Score.

Speaking of dates.... last Friday, I was helping this lady (about sixty-ish years old probably)...

Me: Can I help you find anything, ma'am?
Lady: No. I'm just looking... I'm getting ready for a date. A hot hot date.
Me: Oh... Ok. (I was a little taken aback... ) Well, let me show you my favorite. It's Sensual Amber.

Evidently, the aforementioned date was with a man she almost married two decades ago. She ended up buying Moonlight Path and Dancing Waters. Those don't scream I'm ready for some action to me, but I hope they worked out well for her.

Me: Good luck on your date tonight!
Lady: Thank you... I can't remember the last time I went on a date.... much less a really hot one.

She was really excited. And awkward. And just kept saying "a hot hot date" over and over again. I was kinda jealous to be honest. I can't remember the last time I was that excited about a date. Hmph.

Anyway, I need a jar for my coffee. I ground a bag and realized I didn't have a cute little (airtight) jar for it. Sad.

Oh and yes! Vacation was lovely. The entire time. I'm so glad Mj got to go with me. It was her first DMB experience and there was only one person between us and the stage. And I really like Virginia. It's for lovers. I think that's because it's lovely.

And, finally, I miss Columbia. Decisions.

I can't wait until my birthday. I'm so very excited to have a lot of my friends all in one place and to be a quarter of a century old and to get a break on my insurance.... little victories.


Sunday, July 18, 2010

PTO. Day 2.

I'm actually only using two days of paid time off (pto) for this little five day adventure. The other three are just days off. It's nice to get paid to do what I want.

I'm really enjoying my time in Columbia. Every time I'm here I remember how much I love it. Maybe it's just the people and if they weren't here, then I wouldn't love it so much. Or maybe it's really the city... the coffee shops, the food, the scenery. I think it's the people. Yep.

Last night, after Blue Cactus, we hung out at the Espinosa Homestead. Joey made irish cream and Greg packed a bowl of blue mist and we all just hung out until three in the morning. It was lovely.

Until I realized I forgot my toothbrush. Who does that?

This morning I went to Strudel with Alison & Courtney. Hangover Hashbrowns. Chocolate Chip Coffee. And a sticky bun to go. Yum. Yum.

Now, Alison is looking at puppies online and Hugs is watching a movie on the pink couch while Bruce sleeps wherever it's convenient. It's a super cute home/family. I hope one day that I can get married and make a home this happy.

I'm busy googling whoopie pie recipes. We were going to bake a cake, but we decided to leave that to the professionals (i.e. Charles) while we venture into the category of mini minty things. We'll see how this goes.

PS. I did get my hair fixed. It's... not blonde. It's brown with caramel & reddish browns. I can't explain, but I'm pretty sure I like it. I don't have a picture or I'd show you. Wah.

Two days until DMB. One day until my Immac Mocha.

Also, I just realized that my blog has followers that aren't spammers. Hi, readers! Some of you I know and some of you I don't, but thanks for reading. It makes me really happy.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Holy blogging, Batman!

I've done this a lot in the last 24 hours.

But I had a really good day - except for my super blonde hair which I will have fixed on Saturday.

I got some excellent Majesta & Tonya time. (I swear those two keep me sane.) And family time. And Kara came by. And I went to Kinetic (the new small group at Crosstowne) tonight. Now, I'm doing laundry & watching LOST. But wow, I forgot how much I love being a part of a small group. I like being challenged and learning new things. It's refreshing. And it has been so easy for me to get out of the habit of a right mind and to get stuck in dreary monotony. Wah. Wah. Wah.

I've let my cup be filled with preconceptions of life and of settling.

I deserve better than that and so do the people around me.

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."

if you fall for me, i'm not easy to please.

or wherever flip flops are possible. i hate being financially responsible, but i love my salary. it'd be awesome to just up and move... like rachel did to nyc. but even moving back to columbia would require everything to line up just right so i would be able to keep my position. not to mention that i do love charleston and it's people. c'est la vie.

also, grey or gray? does it matter?

it does to me. i prefer grey. just so you know.
I started watching LOST tonight.
I have so many questions right now.
And I'm only on episode three.

And, yes, I'm always the last to do everything. i.e., watch LOST, read Twilight, read Harry Potter. I'm not a joiner, but I like to follow up.

Also, tomorrow is my day off. Huzzah!

And I have a giant to-do list before I peace out of Charleston on Saturday.

Baby steps.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Note: It is nice when someone tells you they find you both mentally & physically attractive.

Note: It is not flattering when someone you don't really know texts you "goodnight sexy".

I'm just saying.

Monday, July 12, 2010

good morning interwebs.

i'm excited about this week.

i'm even more excited about this weekend.

and my five days off.

yes, please.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

an evening at home alone includes:

glasses for my tired eyes
grilled cheese w. tomato
reading I Was Told There'd Be Cake by Sloane Crosley
Dave Matthews Band Live at Piedmont Park
making iced coffee
playing with the dogs (the big one busted my lip)

"I do want to get married. It's a nice idea. Though I think husbands are like tattoos - you should wait until you come across something you want on your body for the rest of your life instead of just wandering into a tattoo parlor on some idle Sunday and saying, 'I feel like I should have one of these suckers by now. I'll take a thorny rose and a MOM anchor, please. No, not that one - the big one.'" (from I Was Told There'd Be Cake)

i'm thinking of starting my netflix again.
do i want to watch House or Lost? please cast your vote.

also, the backroom at my store looks fantastic if i do say so myself.

melatonin kicking in.

psalm 42

when my soul is in the dumps, i rehearse everything i know of you...

[the message]

the way coffee should be made. with love.
today (ok, yesterday technically...)

gym with mj.
monster music: edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros. plainfield project. patrick park. wakey!wakey!
steven hug for the first time in a year.
hope&union. with kt. banana nutella turnover. iced panama. friendsoverload. secrets and good good talk. clean.clean.clean. organize.organize.organize.
green tea & a vanilla bean cupcake.
chittychat with rachel. talk about life. boys. food. snarkasm.
read blogs.
change my blog around. do it again. and again.

and here i am.

good day.

this time next week, i'll be beginning a 5 day vacation. paid time off is awesome.

Friday, July 09, 2010

gmail chat makes long distance bearable & conversations more interesting.

me:  and what do numbers and flirting matter if you don't want to date any of them?
Rachel: at least there is an option if times get desperate. and if some people seem to like you then there's a glimmer of hope that someone awesome will too.
me:  meh. i prefer being single to dating losers or marrying one.
that's my story and i'm sticking to it.

“I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty… you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are." -  J. D. Salinger (via misswallflower) (via watertoboats) (via laura bousman)

p.s. boys (men) totally get the short end of the dating stick.

yeah. i said it.

well, hot & heavy, pumpkin pie...

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. - 1 Corinthians 13, 12-13

Monday, July 05, 2010

I just realized I got paid to not work yesterday. Fantastic! I love this country.
i don't know everything about what i want out of life, but i do know a little bit of what i'd like to see unfold. i need a plan of action. one day at a time. go go gadget thinking cap.

i cut up my pink sparkly vickie's card.

and i have awesome friends. it's true.

me: i dunno who i was talking to, but the night matt broke up with me was... 1. awful but 2. awesome bc you and tony and bob and kt rushed to my rescue with beer and cigarettes and i got to get drunk and write a bill 
Rachel:  hahahahahahaha
me:  i'm just saying.
Rachel:  you're loved. a lot.

being in columbia over the last 24 hours renewed my spirit and made me remember what life is really all about.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

the time my best friend moved to brooklyn 
and i made a cd about life...

the city swells up like a symphony:

1. Brooklyn - Wakey!Wakey!
2. Wheel - John Mayer
3. Brooklyn Blurs - The Paper Raincoat
4. Places - Blue Merle
5. I and Love and You - The Avett Bros.
6. Shadows - Au Revior Simone
7. Something Pretty - Patrick Park
8. Oh My Stars - Andrew Belle
9. Make Me Love You - Slow Runner
10. No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses
11. Manhattan - Kings of Leon
12. Bulletproof - La Roux
13. I'm Good, I'm Gone - Lykke Li
14. I Got You - Leona Lewis
15. Almost Everything - Wakey!Wakey!
16. My Night With The Prostitute From Marseille - Beirut
17. Forever Young - Youth Group
18. One Crowded Hour - Augie March
19. Paint the Silence - South

Thursday, June 24, 2010

"just because i graduated doesn't mean you need to ask me what i am going to do with my life...if i knew i'd be doing it. and once i know i'll just start doing it so you don't need to keep asking.
side note: finding a sugar daddy is a lot harder than i thought it was going to be...."

via. searching for the yet

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

something i read this morning:

"Why should I spend an hour in prayer each day when I do nothing  during that time but think about people I am angry with, people who are angry with me, books I should read, books I should write, and a thousand other silly things that  happen to grab my mind  for a moment? The answer is because God is greater than my mind and my heart, and what is happening in prayer is not measurable in terms of  human success  and failure. What I must do first of all is be faithful. If I believe that the first commandment is to love God with my whole heart, mind and soul, then I should at least be able to spend one hour a day with nobody else but God. The question  as to whether it is helpful , useful, practical, or fruitful is completely irrelevant, since the only reason to love is love itself. Everything else is secondary.

The remarkable thing, however , is that sitting in the presence of God for one hour each morning - day after day , week after week, month after month - in total confusion and with a myriad of distractions, radically changes my life. God, who loves me so much that he sent his only son not to condemn me but to save me, does not leave me hanging in the dark too long.  I might think that each hour is useless, but after thirty, or sixty or ninety useless hours, I gradually realize that I was not as alone as I thought; a very small, gentle voice has been speaking to me far beyond my noisy place. So: be confident and trust in the Lord."

And now I'm listening to  Andrew Belle and Wakey!Wakey!

Me likey likey.

but you know i'll never let this go to waste. i'll keep this memory on the map i trace.

Monday, June 21, 2010

I feel like a 25 year old shouldn't miss her friends this much when they leave. Hmph.

Listening to: Everybody's Leaving Town - David Gray. I and Love and You - The Avett Bros. Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise - The Avett Bros. Wheel - John Mayer. Shadows - Au Revior Simone. My Night With The Prostitute From Marseille - Beirut. One Crowded Hour - Augie March. Over the Hills and Far Away - Led Zeppelin. No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses.

And Ke$ha. Duh.

And you can't build a house of leaves and live like it's an evergreen. It's just a season thing. It's just this thing that seasons do. 

espinosa wedding was a success! and, oddly, this song will now always make me think of my friends. love. love. love.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Many is a word that only leaves you guessin', guessin' 'bout a thing you really ought to know.

Monday, June 14, 2010

today was good, then bad, then good, then bad.

the end.
lykke li + drake = little bit (remix)

i love remixes.

i would type more but i think i jacked up a muscle or nerve or something in my right hand. it hurts like whoa.

gym. early bird diner. starbucks. work. full day. xoxo.

Thursday, June 10, 2010


Officer: Who does the car belong to?
Roy: It's my daughter's car.
Officer: Ok. Do you have any enemies or know who would do this?
Me: Enemies? No. I'm very lovable.
Officer: I believe that.

moral: it is not ok to spray paint a car that does not belong to you.

the end.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010


1. "Decisions, decisions, decisions . . . they're the driving forces in life, and today's 20-somethings are swimming in them. In "The Choice Effect, " Amalia McGibbon, Lara Vogel, and Claire A. Williams identify the dilemma of 20- and 30-somethings whose options in love and life have been greatly enhanced by unprecedented opportunities and promise of fulfillment. As ambitious, successful women in their late twenties, the authors offer their personal accounts of trying to balance their personal, professional, and romantic endeavors, as well as those of their friends and interviewees. In analyzing the options available in the modern world, "The Choice Effect" not only celebrates the opportunities of today's young adults -- and the potential to live the life they want -- but also offers a glimpse of what they might be conceding along the way."

2. The One Where Not Much Has Changed (except for everything)

This room might be the perfect room. Purple. Hint of green. Lots of light.
yesterday was lovely.

i did just about everything on my to-do list! woohoo!

first, target, of course. but then tonya and i went downtown to have coffee and visit the spoleto art. then we went to steven madden where i found gold shoes in my size that were 40% off for the wedding. salsa bar beckoned us for lunch. then there was sephora to be striped and buy new makeup. more coffee & mini vanilla bean scones. then Whole Foods because tonya had never been. so very fun. it was a complete charleston day.

then i came home to bathe lollipop. i cleaned the kitchen & the bathroom. i started laundry. and made iced zen tea concentrate so i don't spend my life savings at starbucks or barnes & noble. i ate the macaroni & cheese tonya sent me home with for dinner & maple vegetarian sausage. yum.

my life is good.

Monday, June 07, 2010

via thresca
i should be at the gym. i'm getting there. i swear. just a little late today. hmph.

this week i close every night i work. lame. so i am going to focus on good things from my days instead of the lousy things.

my weekend was lovely, btw.

matt & cristy lee's wedding was beautiful. i wish i had taken pictures.

seeing old friends & making new ones was wonderful.

being in columbia was both happy & sad because i have both happy & sad memories there. it's hard to let go of it.

courtney was a lovely little hostess who filled me with caffeine & cheese fries (which i'm certain is the key to winning my heart).

i'm really enjoying iced green tea & dark chocolate covered apricots right now.

i got the new jack johnson. i don't like it as much as i wish i did. i am really enjoying the fall playlist i made last year.

this morning, i had homemade blueberry preserves in my greek yogurt. maryann sent them to me from hattiesburg. yum.

my room smells like sandalwood fig. i love it.

ok. that's all i have right now, i believe.

oh. i am thankful for to-do lists. the end. xoxo.
"When people wait on an ice cream line, they're waiting for a treat. So they're happy, they're thinking, what flavor should I get? They don't mind the anticipation. But a coffee line is for drug addicts. And drug addicts are assholes." - Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress

This is one of my favorite quotes from a book ever. I remember reading it in the waiting room while my Dad was having his lungs checked and I laughed out loud and all the people looked at me funny. Then I read it to my Dad who laughed out loud. Then people stared at me like I was evil for making the man with a bunk lung laugh. It's ok. He still quotes it to me all the time.

And it's true, btw. But I've seen people waiting for ice cream get uber cranky, too. Don't let the treat part fool you.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

"BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account that is mocking the oil company. In response, Twitter wants BP to shut down the oil leak that's ruining the ocean." - Jimmy Fallon, Late Night (via delete the adjectives)
"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life - love shouldn't be one of them."

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

example number 3: logan vs. marty in gilmore girls

"I still maintain she should've ended up with Marty. Logan was too pretentious and stupid. He jumped of cliffs with no regard for anyone but himself. Pssh. Marty was a pretty decent guy. He never called her "Ace" the way Logan did, but still. Marty watched Duck Soup with her. And they were bonded after she found him in her corridor naked after the party they had in their dorm."


I don't know how I find these blogs. Really. It's like they're just handed to me sometimes. And when I read entries like this one, I know that the blog is special (like stop eating the paste special) and I add it to my Google Reader (i.e. the best thing to happen to me since gmail on the interwebs).

And, just for the record, this isn't necessarily my point of view on the subject.

Monday, May 24, 2010

you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
"We have left black and white Kansas behind, people.  Welcome to the technicolor Oz of the kingdom of heaven, where anything is possible."

via Internet Bard

That post made me cry a little. I'm just saying.

I'm listening to Angel Taylor. The first song on her cd is called "Chai Tea Latte". I like it. I mean it's silly, but she sings about chai & reese cups. It's kind of sad though too. She's waiting for someone (specific) to ask her out. "And seeing you in person is so much better than my thoughts and my dreams."

I had the last two days off. They were lovely. And now I have to go to work... at my new store... and it's raining. I hope this is a good week.

Last night I watched Gilmore Girls - when Lorelai & Luke break up and Rory & Logan get together. It made me cry a little, too. Dang. I'm a mess. But it also made me laugh, so perhaps I'm just well-balanced.

"Coffee-coffee-coffee is a saying, like an exaggeration. It's a funny, desperate cry for caffeine. It's just my thing. 'Cause everyone knows I drink a lot of coffee, so the day can't start until I've had my jolt. It's a bit. My bit."

I realize this post is short and not very detailed oriented - my apologies. Maybe next time!

Friday, May 21, 2010

I just found out I get bonus from Citadel Mall today. It's an $85 gift card - so exciting!

By this time next week my credit card will be paid off. How crazy is that? My mastercard will have a zero balance. My Vickie's card will have a zero balance. My Express card always has a zero balance. I am going to start paying extra on my car loan. Maybe joy is financial freedom.

Ok, so not JOY. But satisfaction. No one can find JOY through dollars. Trust me, I know... I shop in all the right places.

I'm almost done with A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I'm loving it. It reminds me of hope. Hope that everything happens for a reason and that everything, including pain, has meaning.

"Frankl's papers, written after surviving the camps, and even after losing his wife to the Nazis, indicated a philosophical conclusion that misery, though seemingly ridiculous, indicates life itself has the potential of meaning, and therefore pain itself must also have meaning." Interesting, huh?

He also talks about Job and how God basically says to Job (who has his family, wealthy & health taken from him) "I know what I am doing, and this whole thing isn't about you."

And "Job responds, even before his health and wealth are restored by saying, 'All of this is too wonderful for me.' Job found contentment and even joy, outside the context of comfort, health or stability. He understood the story was not about him, and he cared more about the story than he did about himself."

Crazy, right?

It's just so much easier to be upset. How do these people do it?

Anyway, I'm almost done with it. I think I learned from it. Maybe I'll read another Don Miller book. Or maybe I'll finish 'In Defense of Food' or 'Crazy Love' or re-read 'Eclipse' since the movie comes out next month.

I need shoes for Alison's wedding.

I need to finish my coffee. I've become addicted to peppermint mocha creamer - I'm not sure why. It doesn't really taste like mocha at all. But I also hate mochas. Except from Immac.

I need to go to work & get prepared for all my interviews - eek! And all my changes for tonight - oh boy! Then two sweet days off. Yess.