Thursday, December 31, 2009

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

seriously. do this.

and if the line is busy, then try try again.

Call the Nestle Crunch Hotline at 1-800-295-0051, When you are asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, just wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will smile. Promise! Keep going and press 4. Listen to the options...then press 7. If you comment on this after listening, don't give away the surprise!

everyone is right and no one is sorry

that's the start and the end of the story.

i had a horrific dream last night that i can't get out of my head... about an airman (maybe, a soldier, but i would guess an airman bc he was on a flying mission) who died in my arms. he was talking to me & telling me about his life and then he was gone. and it was so real. the whole dream was strange - the way it happened and what happened afterwards... i was flying around the country to try and find his family... but not in a plane... with a balloon. weird, i know. but a very intense dream for me for some reason. i wish i could stop thinking about it. he was so beautiful & sweet & brave. then gone. it hurt. wish. wish. wish. i dislike all this deploying.

Try as they might, no one's immune to misfiring and acting on the wrong clues and thinkin' it's time to redo and redo.

this would be a wonderful way to camp.
another true story about women...

noooooo

been there. felt that. still sorta do. hmph.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

i’m a drug you don’t wanna give up

“My mother said recently that (the album) Happenstance is the beauty of your ’20s, this one (Elephants) is the richness of your ’30s – of someone who’s been through the mill and is trying to make the choice between optimism and defeatism,” she [Rachael] says.

i love rachael yamagata. i have for quite a while. this song is so intense. it's empowering & sad at the same time. i can't decide if it makes me feel strong or depressed. either way, i like that it moves me.



Smoke your cigarette, make your love. You pour blood in my heart, I can’t get enough. I’m drowning and you can’t decide.

It’s not about geography or happenstance, your need to fly and take a chance, your need to shine to emptiness and float on high and forever dance alone.



and today was a day like any other...

Friday, December 25, 2009

Father up above,
why in all this anger
do you fill me up with
love love love?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

i thought you said i'd be ok

i read these and laughed.

not bc i think she's being silly,
but bc this is exactly how girls are...

oh shit.

wait.

i thought you said it was easy listening to your heart?

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

correct me if i'm wrong


an owl army. for an owl giveaway.


i'm really into owls right now. they're cute.

and they make me think of harry potter.

which i'm reading at the moment. book fiiiiive.

truth: i downloaded two hannah montana songs today.

truth: i like them.

(don't wanna be torn & i wanna know you)

someone brought me a three pound bag of gummi bears at work today. awesome? yes. then someone broke a candle and i had to go clean it up. glam.

You're fragile and you're strong. A beautiful and perfect combination.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Thursday, December 17, 2009

you've taken good care of me

When it feels like I'm losing power, when I feel like a wilted flower...



... says something to make me laugh, makes me forget I was mad.

and it's been a long December



I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.

we crash when we race

today was frustrating.

No, I never wanna fall apart.
Never wanna break your heart.
Never wanna let you break my own.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

cause you're not my problem

No, I don't need drama, so I'm walking away. Yeah, I am a girl with a lot on her plate.

sometimes i feel like i am falling

i am going to be so tired come 2010. eeek. i didn't realize it until now, but my schedule is not fun. nope. and that i will be working a lot. a lot. and that i will probably only sleep during the hours i'm not at work. oh boy.

all my friends have great travel & family fun times planned for next week. i'm jealous. and i'm going to miss my cousin's wedding bc of work. i LOVE my job. i really do, but i wish i had a week off to hang out and do holiday things. oh well. i'll drink an eggnog latte at work. haha.



oh, life it seems the struggle between what we see and what we do. i'm not going to change my ways just please you or appease you.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

this is fact not fiction

and when i see you, i really see you upside down, but my brain knows better, it picks you up & turns you around.

“i would like you to know that if we ever break up (which will probably happen, since that’s how these sort of things usually work) there will always be that part of you i love. i know that sounds cliché and dumb. though i won’t always be in love with you, i will always love that part of you that made me feel completly comfortable in my own skin. that part of you that could make me forget about any of the shitty things in my life. and how you made me realize that i am capable of loving someone and someone is capable of loving me.” via leslieemkirchhoff

i should have given you a reason to stay.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

i LOVE nada surf (lucky) and the killers (hot fuss). oh yes.

i know that it's not easy

I'd really be perfectly fine with any version of Romeo and Juliet that doesn't have so despairingly lugubrious an end. Get that boy some ipecac and let's have ourselves a happily-ever-after. - Hanneke Van Dyke
i know that it's not easy, but you love me. you won't leave me. every little star it starts somewhere.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

SETH: So, what’s it gonna be, huh? You want your menorah or a candy cane? Christmas or Hanukkah?
RYAN: Uh…
SETH: Don’t worry about it, buddy, because in this house, you don’t have to choose. Allow me to introduce you to a little something I like to call… Chrismukkah.

i believe our love can save me

Sometimes all I want is another drink or another pill. If I could get anything done maybe I'd hold still...

I'm home. I made gingersnap cookies. (They are delicious.) All the candles in my room are lit. (It smells good in here.) And I'm drinking the never ending bottle of Wandering Grape. (It's a Malbec-Merlot blend.) And I'm listening to Bon Iver & Nada Surf & John Mayer. (They don't mmix, but I'm listening to them in succession.)

Today was nuts, but fantastic at work. Friday and Saturday will be nuts. And Sunday, too. But I get to see Tent Revival in the middle & hang with friends. Life is crazy. But good.

I'm trying to levitate. I'm trying to leave the ground. Trying to remember when I could fix anything with sound.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

i must lay down a foundation of stone

I must lay down a foundation of stone before I build a floor.

[begin ramble]

I think it's silly how much we let the opposite sex hurt us. And this goes both ways.

I don't mind being single. Sometimes I freak out or have a bad day and wish I had someone to go home to or call and be with, but that's what I have friends for, right? There's an episode of Gilmore Girls like this....
LORELAI: You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, "I wish I was married," but today, I mean -- I'm happy. You know? I like my life. I like my friends. I like my stuff. My time, my space, my TV.

LUKE: Yeah, sure.

LORELAI: But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack. Someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning, meet the stupid sink before it gets sent back to Canada.

Sometimes I think that I could be single forever - not that I want to be, but that I could. It's not so bad. I like to think that I could take care of myself. But then I meet someone who I think is lovely and funny and likes the same music as I do and I wonder. Sometimes that hurts. Sometimes it just fades away. Perhaps, one day, it will work out. I don't know. But for now, it doesn't seem so bad. I am not unhappy. Definitely not. I'm not even lonely.

I don't know what I'm yammering on about. I want to get married someday, but I guess for right now, I'm ok. Maybe it's just easier to be ok when the only people you find that you could be interested don't even live near you.

Hmph.

[end ramble]

You must pull up the weeds before they take hold and throw them on the fire.

Don't believe those hungry liars.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

beautiful beat get me out of this mess

i've run out of money.

in my pajamas. check.
eating sweet potato fries. check.
drinking beer. check.
watching the oc. check.

now i can wrap what i bought.

i still need a few more...

christmas is expensive.

but so much fun!



beautiful beat lift me up from distress
"Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R Tolkien

Monday, December 07, 2009

Thursday, December 03, 2009

i'm a modern girl, but i fold in half so easily

i don't regret much.

Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say no. Spend all your cash. Get to know someone random. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at stupid jokes. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell a jerk what you think. Laugh till your stomach hurts. Live life. Regret nothing.


sometimes i think i regret trusting people & giving them the benefit of the doubt. but i don't. it's how i get those silly little life lessons that i hold onto ever so briefly, then forget about or let go of in just enough time for someone to surprise me again with their stupidity or lack of morals.

it's a nice vicious little cycle i've started for myself.

i don't know that i'll ever really "learn from my mistakes" or stop giving second chances (third chances are definitely out of the question though... )

who knows? not me. i'm never sure of anything.

Because I'm not scared, but I'd like some extra spare time.

no one really ever wins

yesterday was good.

first of all, i slept until 9:30. crazy.
(on my flannel sheep sheets)
i started my christmas shopping online.
i cleaned my room (ish) with gilmore girls in the background.
i hung out with brian -
we had sushi for lunch and starbucks before his flight.
evidently we fall in and out of sarcasm naturally.
i cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed and did dishes.
i got my laundry started.
found out that my manager won a regional award
(Reflection Award - for being amazing)
i went to dinner at nirlep with charles & myron -
bc nothing says i've missed you like indian food.
i heard about their cruise and tried Lion Stout.
i also pondered what to feed a vegan, no soy with gluten allergies.
hmph.
i heard susan boyle sing i dreamed a dream...
it gave me chills.
i watched part of the grammy nominations
& ate some muddy buddys.
& watched gilmore girls
(i really liked when adam brody was on the show)
(and when rory dated bad boy jess)
while i waited to hear from the west coast.
then i went to bed around 11:30 or 12 and woke up at 8.
to have caffeinated granola & greek yogurt.
and i here i am. not too shabby, huh?

and here i give no credence to grammar.

... in heartbreak warfare.

Monday, November 30, 2009

each day you draw a new line

i'm listening to slow runner's mermaids album.


watch the snow fall.
make some phone calls.
spend your whole life
trying to put your heart back together.

everything is exactly what it seems

I don't have to work until 1 today. That's nice. And I slept 9 hours last night. All I have done for the past three days has been work and sleep.... And complain about how much my feet hurt. And eat pie.

This morning I rolled out of bed and ate Greek Yogurt with caffeinated granola. I lit my sensual amber candle and checked my email. It's been quite lovely even though I'm surrounded by piles of laundry and deposits that need to be entered into the computer.

I think I'll make a cup of tea instead of dealing with that.

I'm glad this weekend is over. Really glad. I know that the rest of the holidays aren't going to be easy peasy, but I'm proud of our store (Bath & Body Works) and Christmas should be a cake walk compared to what we just did.

As far as Wholly Cow goes, I'm not really in charge anymore. I've passed the torch... onto VJ and back to my Mom. I work there about one day a week and do the paperwork. We'll see how this goes.

Happy Monday after Black Friday. The storm has passed.

everyone is exactly who they are

Thursday, November 26, 2009

i could make a habit out of you...

repost from: leslieeekirchhoff In Indian (Vedic) astrology, your zodiac sign determines your karmic path and the challenges you will face during your incarnation in this life. Here is a simple break down of how your zodiac sign can reveal your karma based on past life experiences. (Via)
ARIES
Your challenge may be to put someone else first for a change as you are a fire sign who is very ambitious. Your challenges often have to do with your reputation. Problems with money can arise because of your impulsiveness.

TAURUS

You are a stubborn individual and it may be your challenge to admit for once that you are wrong. Loneliness is often a problem for this sign.

GEMINI
You tend to escape reality and, as talented as you are, you may be presented with situations in this life that force you to be more grounded. Health problems could present themselves. Love triangles are common and fidelity could be another challenge for you.

CANCER
You are very inward looking and shy. Your challenge may be to overcome depression or a “woe is me” attitude. Mental health and relationship problems are common.

LEO
You are a very arrogant and ambitious individual and you may be presented with challenges in this life that force you to be a little less selfish and shallow. Financial problems are common with Lion type karma.

VIRGO
You are a very controlling individual who finds it difficult to let go. You may be presented with situations in this life that compel you to be less rigid. You may often be dealing with situations where you are not credited for your work or you feel unloved.

LIBRA
You are indecisive and you may be forced to make some tough decisions that are out of the ordinary to remedy your karma from other lives. You will learn not to blame others for your problem. The issue is to determine whether you are a martyr or a victim.

SCORPIO
You can be obsessive and too concerned with sex. Your challenge may be to rise beyond the compulsive nature of your desires. You may also be tempted to dabble in the occult.

SAGITTARIUS
You can be wayward and concerned only about your own agenda. Issues of commitment could be challenging in this life if you are born under this zodiac sign.

CAPRICORN
You love money and acquiring possessions. One of your challenges may be realizing that money is not everything in this life. You might also be presented with issues that show you that “everything” does not have to be perfect for you to be loved.

AQUARIUS
You love to be free and to while away the hours in your own mind. Unfortunately, this leads to procrastination. You may face challenges that are the consequences of not being mindful or paying attention to what is important in life.

PISCES
The Pisces zodiac sign is always looking for the other in their life time. The challenge might be how to learn how to be alone or you might face issues of coherency and addiction.

ah crap. good thing i paid off that vickie's card.

Monday, November 23, 2009

swaying to my own sound

today i am thankful for to-do lists & sleeping until 9:30am.

and my music of choice is the new one republic album.

all i know is everybody loves me.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Monday, November 16, 2009

Monday Monday Monday

5 Things found in my bag: slimfast bar, harry potter 5, organizer, volcano choir cd, rose salve

5 Things in my room: lots of books, a cup of hot green tea, scattered cds, clean clothes in a basket, jean paul gaultier evian bottle

5 Things I’ve always wanted to do: skydive, drive a ferarri, travel down the california coast, MOVE, be financially independent & stable

5 Things I’m currently into: harry potter, fall-ish music, the retail season, candles, everwood on dvd

oh, and I, I say damn your mood swings, damn your mood swings. (Tegan & Sara)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

my next adventure


View Larger Map

they say california is a recipe for a black hole. and i say i've got my best shoes on, i'm ready to go.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

i can feel the falling leaves...

my friend rachel asked me to make her a fall mixed cd in september. i just finished it today... out of necessity bc we're about to head to the mountains for the weekend. so, without further ado, here are the songs that made the cut: (note: if i knew how to post the audio files, i would, but i'm not that good. my apologies.)

for rachel, forever ago. a fall 2009 mix.

Odds - Mute Math
Blood Bank - Bon Iver
Hungry Liars - Portland Cello Project
Sticks And Stones - Dave Barnes
My Love Goes Free - Jon Foreman
The Weight Of Lies - The Avett Brothers
Cry On Demand - Ryan Adams
For You - Kalen Nash
Ain't No Reason - Brett Dennen
Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine
Wait Out The Days - Rocky Votolato
Fall Apart Today - Schuyler Fisk
Twenty Years - Augustana
I Still Care For You - Ray LaMontagne
Day Too Soon - Sia
Nightingale - Norah Jones
Lost Year - Mute Math
If Only - Fink
Skinny Love - Bon Iver
Half Life - Imogen Heap

Monday, November 09, 2009

the weight of lies will bring you down

"When you don’t forgive someone, you let them park in your life forever. These people are like parasites that can suck the life right out of you and allow bitterness to rot you out. If you let these people and their actions haunt your thoughts, emotions, and spirit, you allow them to continually damage not only you but those around you, too." Pete Wilson

Monday, November 02, 2009

i hopped off the plane at LAX

... with a dream & my cardigan.

today i worked for 12 hours.
i tied floral wire & ribbons to 100+ products.
i named a christmas tree wilbur.
i was covered in glitter & looked like a disco ball.
i had a flat tire.
i now have a patched tire.
an old man gave me the finger for driving slow.
i got jacked up on dark reese's and cherry coke.
i drank starbucks via.
and listened to miley cyrus.
we made day and conversion.
christmas happened at bath & body works.

(the dj plays my song & i feel alright.)

Saturday, October 31, 2009

things to be excited about:

rebecca's halloween candy
gaining an hour of sleep
a box of VIA and this link
the hannah montana movie
the end of Q3 at work (BBW)
the bonus to follow end of Q3
everwood on dvd
the thought of getting my laundry put away.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

i crawled out from the pain of yesterday

yesterday i got bad news.

i was counting on something that didn't happen.
when you get your hopes up high, they have a long way to fall.

it's ok. i'll get over it... get through it.
thank you to everyone who has been concerned. it means a lot.

i'm listening to our lady peace. its surprisingly calming.

i just want to get out. stuck inside of this. waiting for something else. waiting to exit.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

fuck.
“I don’t want anyone writing in to point out that I spend too much money on books, many of which I will never read. I know that already. I certainly intend to read all of them, more or less. My intentions are good. Anyway, it’s my money. And I’ll bet you do it too.” – Nick Hornby

I think I'll make cinnamon sugar pumpkin seeds today.

... I've been reading Rachael Ray magazines.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

how could she be so heartless...

confession: i never liked the notebook. i think that makes me a bad "girl" bc every other female who saw it loved it & could watch it over and over. not me. i cry like a baby when i watch a walk to remember, but the notebook got nothing from me. and i watched this little clip and i realized why...


“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day." - Noah

bc it's hard. bc the movie isn't easy. bc it's not a simple fall in love movie. yeah, i know she dies at the end of a walk to remember, but that's nature. no one can help that. in the notebook, people have choices to make. they have to decide what they want. and that sucks. and for awhile, you're left hanging... wondering... will this love happen? will they live happily ever after? you don't know. they don't seem to know. it's tragic. and i don't like it bc that's what life is really like... decisions. waiting. tragedy. and sometimes there is a happy ending. and sometimes things still get screwed up.

and i don't like to be reminded of things like that when i watch movies like the notebook. i like living in a fairytale bubble for two hours. hmph.

i didn't like the notebook. i didn't even cry when i watched it. heartless, i know.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

walls we couldn't move came crashing down

i learned today about letting things go and forgiving.

and it's hard. and it hurts. and it forces you to face things.

and sometimes it causes you to break your own heart.

but that's the way it goes. that's what we're called to do.

phil wickham - true love (singalong)
i called.

You answered.

and You came my rescue.
i don't read my horoscope. ever. even though it comes up on my igoogle everday. but today i did. this is it:

You are ready to put on a real show today. Whether it's about expressing your feelings of love, pitching a business plan or doing some decorating around the house, you are tempted to go overboard with too much drama. Keep in mind that a bit of self-restraint might be exactly what is needed to maximize the progress you can make now.

i plan on doing all three of those today. with no drama. no no drama.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

my life is average

i love mylifeisaverage.com
Today, my 6 year-old daughter was asking me questions about Santa Claus at dinner. My 13 year-old daughter was getting annoyed with all the dumb questions and simply told her younger sister that Santa didn't exist. Instead of being aghast and upset, my younger daughter just said, "Yea but neither does Edward Cullen!" My older daughter left the dinner table and I think its easy to say who won tonight. MLIA

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


you're beautiful. every little piece, love.

don't you know you're really gonna be someone?
ask anyone. and when you find everything you looked for
i hope your life leads you back to my door.
oh, but if it don't, stay beautiful.


yes. please & thank you.

Monday, October 19, 2009

I'm Alive - Kenny Chesney ft. Dave Matthews.

So damn easy to say that life’s so hard.
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars.

sometimes i like country. and i always like dave.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

fall is like this



i've learned the truth is, everyone you meet will hurt you at one point or another. you just need to decide who is worth the pain.

i saw a blog post today that said "people do not care about you as much you think they do" and it made me sad. and i don't think it's true. i care. i probably care more than you think i do. and sometimes it's weird bc i become so involved in people's lives - i want them to be so happy they explode even if they've upset me in the past. i might be angry or hurt, but i always care one way or another.

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit.

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. 1 Corinthians 13 (The Message)

Thursday, October 15, 2009



I have a love/hate (completely unfounded) relationship with John Mayer.

I just can't ever decide.

"The lyrics are the heartbreak, the melody is the hope." - John Mayer

Make sure you read the article that quote was hijacked from.

i'm a satellite heart

Wisconsin/Chicago was wonderful.

It was beautiful and cold and full of cheese and I ran three miles in the freeze. And I saw HANSON. Also, I have fantastic friends. Really. I'm glad we manage to keep in touch. PS. I need to go back to Chicago and spend some more time there. I think I will love it even more if I spend at least 24 hours in the city.

Work is nuts. As usual. That's ok. I do love it. Most of the time. Though I do look forward to the day when I only have one job.

I can't wait for Fall trip to Georgia. I hate Georgia, but I love my friends. And fall. I can't wait to combine the two again.

I'm on Harry Potter 4 of 7. Seven, right? This one is taking longer bc I have a lot to do right now. I'm going to Columbia tomorrow to visit Rachel and eat Bee Bim Bop. Two things I love.

Hum. Lots of stuff going on that is unsure. And things I can't talk about. And that I'm just waiting to see what happens with...

Still working on a fall playlist. It's doubled in size. Woops.

I've got the new Donald Miller book. Need to find time to read it.

My ipod geeked out on me today and I had to restore and start over. Shit. This is taking forever. If it had died, I would have gone out and bought a new one in the morning. No lie.

I ramble when I'm procrastinating. How about that?

"... these things should be organic... free range love." - Tupac Tony

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


"I feel hopeful and grateful. For a while I thought we had lost everything. It makes you want to love better and live better and treat people better." And she [Michelle Williams] adds, "There is a great Gloria Steinem quote—and I'm paraphrasing—'Become the man you want to marry.' I've taken that on. What qualities do I find attractive, and can I find them in myself? What am I missing? Can I be that for myself?" - excerpt from Vogue


Tuesday, October 06, 2009

sometimes might knock me down

Every step I'm taking. Every move I make feels lost with no direction. My faith is shaking. But I gotta keep trying. Gotta keep my head held high. There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb. - Miley Cyrus, The Climb

Saturday, October 03, 2009

so, it's how the story goes

I'm burning Black Chamomile oil. It's supposed to help me sleep and detoxify my body. Whatever. I'm losing my mind. This week has been a blur. And I think all my days will be until I go to Wisconsin and then it will start again when I return. Things break. People get sick. I forgot a birthday. I remembered a birthday too early. Payroll. New employees. I have to move out of my house. Changes. Changes. Changes. Must sleep. I'm playing this game again in the morning.

Nobody cries, they just smoke and stare at their shoes.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

of course it is

'cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out, i just didn't know what to do. - jason derulo

mm what'cha say? mm, that you only meant well. well, of course you did. mm. what'cha say? mm that it's all for the best. - imogen heap

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

the city never sleeps

so, there was a shooting on my street this morning. two houses down. the shots woke me up and now i can't stay asleep. fantastic. esp. since i didn't have to be at work until noon.

the road is blocked off and full of police doing investigating. i don't like this.

... better slip you an ambien.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

don't believe those hungry liars

This past week was terrible.

Usually, when you come back from out of town, the week is always a little weird - you have to get back into the swing of things, etc. This was beyond that.

Retail nightmares. And personal catastrophes. It's too depressing to even go into detail here. I wanted to give up and leave this place and never come back.

At the end of the week, I was completely exhausted. I still feel slightly like a failure. I'm just trying to push through it.

B: its the weekend thoughand you're gonna be alright
me: ...
B: DOT DOT DOT
me: the retail world doesn't have weekends, silly rabbit
B: oh. have you ever thought about stopping everything you're doing and starting a diff career path?

I've experienced a lot of verbal therapy. It's been good. I've had quite a few people willing to listen and share my woes. I have good friends. Yep. And then that leads me to a whole other situation about my life and new people and the room I'm willing to make for them.

Are relationships supposed to just happen? Or do you have to work to make them happen? I know you have to work to keep them up, but should I have some sort of sparkly feeling on the inside when I know it's time? Or do I have to be patient and pour on the glitter myself?

Maybe I should just become crafty.

Anyway, I'm making a fall mixed cd. I'm also reading Harry Potter (finally - I'm on book 3). And I've been enjoying earl grey tea during the day. And Sleepy Time tea at night. That's all.

Saturday, September 26, 2009


confession: I think dating is scary.

Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it. - Rafiki - The Lion King

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

LORELAI: Huh. You know what I just realized? Oy is the funniest word in the entire world. I mean, think about it. You never hear the word oy and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word. Poodle is another funny word.

EMILY: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.

LORELAI: In fact, if you put oy and poodle together in the same sentence, you’d have a great new catch phrase, you know? Like, “Oy with the poodles already.” So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catch phrase.

RORY: Oy with the poodles already!

LORELAI: I’m telling you, it’s knocking “Whatcha talking ’bout, Willis?” right out of first place.

Monday, September 14, 2009

“Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it’s not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won’t. It’s whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.”

- Barack Obama

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I know it's hard to say 'throw it all away',
but the odds are we'll be better off.
And it's a painful thought to try another start,
but the odds are we'll be better off. - Mute Math

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

it's so loud in here i can't hear a thing

i have a lot to look forward to in the next couple of months

including (but not limited to): my Mississippi adventure, the new Donald Miller book, going to Wisconsin to see Hanneke, Chicago/Hanson, Fall trip to Georgia, decorating my store for Autumn, switching from summer home fragrance to fall home fragrance, the New Moon movie, wearing hoodies, actually reading all these silly Harry Potter books...

and more.

there is always more.

and, while i'm sure i'll be exhausted by the time 2010 rolls around (hello two retail jobs), i plan on making the most of what's left of 2009. shine on, friends.

I can see you came to rock in your blue jeans and white tank top.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

someday you will be loved

I had an interesting conversation about relationships today. And wondering - do most people believe there is one person out there you're meant to meet and be with forever? Or could you spend the rest of your life with lots of different people, but you just have to pick one?

It's just something to think about, I suppose.

And I watched a girlie movie tonight, so I'm extra inquisitive.

I forget how much I love Death Cab sometimes.

But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet.
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours." - Ayn Rand

for all we could and should be being


via papertissue

... in the one life that we've got. Pain on, pain on, play repeating with the backup makeshift life in waiting. Are we just going to wait it out? Sit here cold... just going to sweat it out?

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

and i've never felt so alive

This is how I looked this morning. Then I stumbled out to my car for my box of honey nut cheerios and IT FELT FANTASTIC OUTSIDE. I love fall-ish days. I'm in love. Really. I was gonna go to the gym, but not now. I'm gonna open all the windows and do the work I've been procrastinating because fall makes everything magical... even paperwork.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

today was good. yep.

cracks in the temperature


The more you lose the less you see, so close your eyes and start to breathe. Oh, you said yourself, this wasn’t easy.

Sunday, August 30, 2009



i must remember to pick up this album soon. maybe next paycheck.
this is how my day went when i played it back over in my head...

sleeping. yogurt. peaches. hemp seeds. vitamins. coffee. soy milk. irish cream. caramel. skim latte. hot. iced. (it ended up a hot skim latte with 1/2 pump caramel - if you were wondering) work. customers. candles. black amethyst. octagon. leaves. fall. scarves. hoodies. pumpkin spice. cider. crisp air. apples. doughnuts. more coffee. tired. hungry. smoothie. shea cashmere. wall move. pizza. chinese. pizza. chinese. pizza. michelob ultra amber. two slices of greek pizza. closing. store support. wait. wait. wait. coffee. driving. texting. pizza. tony. pizza. dogs. cherry garcia fro yo. email. texting. cleaning. pineapple orchid. sour skittles. blogging.

hydration. finish cleaning. make a to do list. read. sleep.

i like this blog. and this song. and i'm excited for fall.
I'm realizing there are things I want in my life that I need to start taking action toward even if I can only take baby steps right now. An IRA is not enough, but it was a good start. Now I have to do something else... Slow and steady wins the race. Hmph.

Tonight, someone asked me where I saw myself in 5-10 years and I had no idea what to tell them. This was the first question of a three hour conversation.

So, now I'm thinking about lots of things. Yep. Good. Bad. All those things.

Btw. I'm reading Harry Potter and listening to the new Mute Math album.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

you were my world this tuesday morning

hindsight is scary at times, but such a beautiful view.

today had good things and bad things.

now i'm standing on the outside staring into daylight.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Sometimes life is best at 7am with iced coffee, a warm blueberry muffin and a friend.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

turns out not where but who you're with...

so my laptop is playing dead.

or it could actually be dead. i'm not sure.

mj and steve have been so kind to let me borrow one of theirs until i get my shit together. so thank you to them.

i saw post grad tonight with rachel. it was good. and cute. and kind of made me think about my life. and what i'm doing. and what i'm not doing. who i'm spending my time on. and who i'm wasting my time on.

and about my quirkiness. i'm weird, man. i hope someone finds it endearing one day.

all very interesting topics.

it's been a long weekend with some excellent highlights (dinner for charles's birthday) and some crappy stories, but i'm too tired for specifics.

i'm going to bed now. gotta get up super early for coffee.

... that really matters... we'll make the best of what's around.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

today i took a cycle class, cardio pump, and piyo. then i baked brownies and ran errands. then i worked from 1:30-10. now i'm doing payroll. and probably watching an episode of true blood. and tomorrow i'll repeat (most of) it.

it was productive. and i am exhausted. but content.

the end.

ps. happy birthday charles and rachael! you're fantastic.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

(via adventures of mascarah)

and everybody only wants to fight

You're up against never being right.

stars - today will be better, i swear!
the decemberists - the engine driver

Sometimes, I'm afraid that I will just feel nothing after all the things that have happened - that nothing but a shell of myself will exist - because there is only so much a person can take before they become numb.

I hope that's not true though. I don't think it is.

When the worries of the world hold your feet and there's little left to believe in.

Monday, August 10, 2009



i dig electronic. this plays at work every so often and i love it.

Sunday, August 09, 2009


I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center. - Kurt Vonnegut

Sunday, August 02, 2009


“I like being on my own. Relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in the one of the most beautiful cities in the world, we might as well have fun when we can, and save the serious stuff for later.” - 500 Days of Summer


Friday, July 31, 2009

via jessicachu.tumblr.com


“I don’t expect the great lengths; I just expect them to keep up with the details and the small things. I can get by on a text message—a lot of girls can. That’s all we want is someone to text us in the morning and say, ‘Hi! Hope you have a fantastic day!’ And then call us as night. Super-simple. It doesn’t take yachts; it doesn’t take big flashy things. It takes just knowing that they’re there and care.” - Katy Perry (on guys & romantic gestures in Seventeen)


Thursday, July 30, 2009

I wear a Size 8. Thank you.

and now i cannot stop pacing

You know those moments where you feel like you've become the worst version of yourself?

That's how I feel right now.

I woke up too late to take my friend to the airport this morning. And yesterday I was half an hour late to my coffee date with some friends.

I've become unreliable.

Fuck.

There's an episode of Gilmore Girls like this:
CHRISTOPHER: Where were you?
LORELAI: Fruitlessly trying to rectify a ratty transgression.
CHRISTOPHER: Oh. You want some coffee?
LORELAI: No.
CHRISTOPHER: What?
LORELAI: What?
CHRISTOPHER: Well, I know you well enough to know that when you say no to coffee, especially in the morning, all is not right in Whoville.
LORELAI: Very astute.
(There's an episode of Gilmore Girls for everything.)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

my birthday wish list:

  1. influence by mka olsen
  2. a new phone (ex. Samsung Gravity or something with a full keyboard & camera compatible with TMobile)
  3. cook yourself thin
  4. a cold brew coffee maker
  5. the oc on dvd
  6. cash (to pay off credit cards)
  7. gift cards (for retail therapy - target, gap, express, whole foods, itunes)
  8. and gas cards
  9. movie tickets to see post grad
  10. yet another fm transmitter


please and thank you.

and i wish you the best


I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic. - George Carlin


Monday, July 27, 2009

“Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void.” - You've Got Mail

Saturday, July 25, 2009

moving at the speed of light into eternity

I went to dinner with Charles and Myron this evening. Shine on Line Street is delicious. I had a nut burger. Yes, a burger made of nuts. Almonds. Cashews. Peanuts. Crumbly, but yummy. With tasty tots. And magic cocktails made from local honey and Hendricks Gin. Sometimes life is just the way you want it to be - too bad you can't keep those moments forever. Oy.

I currently smell like Sweet Fig and Aragan. I pushed the product so hard on customers today that I convinced myself that I loved and needed it as well. I'm too good at my job sometimes.

I can't wait to get paid and have my 120k mile service done and for life to be normal (or at the very least to slow down).

Work in the A.M. Lalala. I hope I wake up on time.

Watch this video. It's fantastic. One. Two. Three. Four.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

"You want to know what living life to the fullest actually is? It’s waking up on a Monday morning with no complaints. It’s knowing you always deserve to laugh. It’s doing what feels right no matter what. It’s doing what you want to no matter how stupid you look. It’s about being yourself, because no one can tell you you’re doing it wrong."

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

and there's no way around it

ack. ack. ack. ack. ack.

i just needed to get that out.

i really like twenty years by augustana. listen.

Could this be our last dance? Just fall asleep with the TV, darling. I'll be back again.

Friday, July 10, 2009

california here we come

we've been on the run. driving in the sun. looking out for number one.

i often think it's best for me to not get too attached to people. they have a tendency to leave. i would like to leave next time. i want to be the one who ends something. who says goodbye. is that crazy? mean? selfish? maybe.

i want to go to california.

every time i watch the oc, this happens.

it never goes away. it just gets stronger. and right now it's on demand. oy.

i would like all of these seasons on dvd please and thank you.

Ryan: What kind of music do you listen to?
Marissa: Right now, punk.
Seth: Yeah, I am sorry, but Avril Lavigne doesn't count as punk.
Marissa: Oh yeah? Well, what about the Cramps? Stiff Little Fingers? The Clash? Sex Pistols?
Seth: I listen to the same music as Marissa Cooper? I think I have to kill myself.

california. californiaaaaaaaaa. here we come. oohhh.

Monday, July 06, 2009

and here we can rest safely

things i like today:
bananas
orange dulce tea with raw sugar and cream
flipsides - half pretzel & half cracker
"into the wild" radio on pandora
crossing everything off my to do list

i will not take the time to list the things i disliked because i do not want to dwell on them. and tomorrow is another day. with a whole new list of things to get done.

yep.

i want frosted animal crackers. (i am so susceptible to advertising and things with sprinkles...)

Saturday, July 04, 2009

i told you to be patient

no matter how many times i hear skinny love (bon iver) i LOVE it. really.

i don't love customers who don't like to leave the store after we've closed. i don't understand them. they make me agitated.

strawberried peanut butter m&m's are good in theory. the execution of the idea left me wanting waffle fries and a big bottle of water. i dunno if that makes sense at all.

i was reading searching for god knows what at the starbucks on garners ferry the other day and i started to cry when i got to the chapter about jesus. he was so good to people. why can't we all be like that? our motivation is so screwed up sometimes.

i noticed things i missed about columbia while i was there. people. places. the conversation i had and that i overheard. but mostly i think i miss the free time. and i missed charleston. weird.

also, mute math - stall out. very good. always.

Friday, June 26, 2009

i like what you say

today i read that, on average, los angeles has 333 days of sunshine. and the average citizen of the city consumes 250 tacos a year.

(from bright shiny morning. he's lied before he might have done it again.)

you say, baby, i only want to make you happy.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

she just goes stumbling through her memories

three years ago today ::

Dear Brothers & Sisters,

Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.

God blesses the people who patiently endure testing.

(paraphrased from James 1 - I found this in an old journal, but it's a mish mash of different versions of scripture and perhaps the person speaking to me.)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

sugar will kill you

This week has been... interesting.

And today I made this.

And I think I'm going to be sick now.

The end.

and too much of a good thing, maybe not so sweet. well, what do you think about that?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

you're different and i like that

my heart was beating slowly, at least it was until i saw you, and now it's beating faster as my eyes are chasing after you. - "california" audio summer

i'll find the words if i can just stop thinking

Twenty Life Lessons : : :
  1. If you’re smiling right now, you’re doing something right.
  2. It’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel.
  3. The biggest mistake you can make is doing nothing because you’re scared to make a mistake.
  4. No matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.
  5. Freedom is the greatest gift. Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom.
  6. If you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
  7. It’s not about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance. You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work. But you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Sometimes you just have to go for it!
  8. Complaining is like slapping yourself for slapping yourself. It doesn’t solve the problem, it just hurts you more.
  9. The one with nothing to hide is always the one left standing tall.
  10. You can press forward long after you can’t. It’s just a matter of wanting it bad enough.
  11. There’s a big difference between knowing and doing. Knowledge is basically useless without action.
  12. In work and business, when they need you more than you need them, you have succeeded.
  13. Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad. It just depends on your perspective.
  14. We are all weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we call it love.
  15. True friendship and true love do sustain the tests of distance and time.
  16. You can’t change who you are. You can only change what you know and how you apply this knowledge.
  17. It is okay to be angry. It is never okay to be cruel.
  18. Even when you feel like you have nothing, someone else likely has far less. Find them and help them. You’ll see why.
  19. Having a thousand credentials on the wall will not make you a decent human being. But genuinely helping one person everyday will.
  20. Remember, change happens for a reason. Roll with it. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
via: thresca

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

a strawberry avalanche crashed over me

today was not particularly good.

nope.

and my jeans have a hole in them.

so i went shopping and ate chocolate.

and i'm listening to owl city because my employees say it's music that "just makes you smile". i particularly recommend : hello seattle, west coast friendship, strawberry avalanche.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

i wonder why we are the way we are

you spend your whole life waiting,
but you don't know what for.
you have everything you need right here.
still you want more.

this is how we are fading.

you hold on to yourself.
you're afraid that you might get left behind.
and so you hide your eyes.
you're afraid that the lie will make you blind.
but it's time. it's time to shine.
yes, it's time to believe in what you know.
time to believe in what you know.
time to believe in what you know.
and you don't need strength to be strong.

Alexi Murdoch, Shine

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

looks like you're headed for a crash landing

i need coffee.

i like tuesdays. i get to go to cardio hip hop.

also, people continue to fascinate/confuse me.

that is all.

listening to schuyler fisk. you should too.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

sittin' on a roof eatin' alligator pie


stella said, "daddy, when you gonna put me in a song?"

today. big whiskey. yessss.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

i can't stop thinking about you



cigarettes and coffee.
broken hearts and being lonely.
little girls and ponies.
the things that go together.
yes and no. you have to choose.
romeo and juliet. the hangman and his noose.

you and me would go good together.


shake me like a monkey, baby

stream the new dmb album @

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

i'm the opposite of moderate

just live your life

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter." - Lewis Carroll

Saturday, May 23, 2009

you're tying up your hair

today all my friends bailed on me.

literally. all of them.

luckily, i'm resilient and i like strangers.

long day. good day. weird day. i'm tired now.

xo.

... you're putting on your shoes in the dark. i bet you never though leaving me would be so hard.

Friday, May 22, 2009

LeftRightLeftRightLeft


pretty much my life
Originally uploaded by eringail
yep. this is pretty much my life in a picture.

right now i am highly caffeinated and getting ready for work - both of them. then tent revival at the tin roof. yep.

also, "I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can google it." yeah. i'm never gonna get tired of that line.

i bought the new magic hat summer ale. haven't tried it yet. hope it's good. gotta go. tgif.

Monday, May 18, 2009

keep your hand in my hand

Kelly Clarkson : I Do Not Hook Up

A friend recommended this song to me. and it's not particularly catchy, but I like the lyrics.

"Of course you’re gonna get your heart broken. And it isn’t just gonna happen once, but a lot. That’s just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better the next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you’ll be a stronger person because of it. Then, one day, someone will come along, and it’ll all pay off, and no one will ever break your heart again."

(both picture and quote are via : of vice and men)

all the surprises in a size too small

sometimes when things seem terribly wrong or i’m highly offended or life seems to be falling apart, i try to remind myself that “surely this is not the best God has planned for me.” and then i breathe a little bit easier and make a plan to move forward.

worry about nothing. pray about everything.

Friday, May 15, 2009

you broke another mirror

customer [older italian man] : you have boyfriend now?
me : nope. no boyfriend.
customer : good. [leans into whisper] boys. they're all pieces of shit these days.
me : [laughs] agreed.
customer : they don't care and they want no responsibility.
me : you know, i think you might be right.
customer : i know. my oldest daughter lucky. she find good man. nice man. makes a lot of money. my youngest daughter, she wants none of it. not worth her time. not enough good men left. you take care of yourself first then maybe find someone good.
me : yes sir.

... turning into something you are not.

i hope i can find my forever a home

weird day. good day. quick day.

listen to this song: ben harper - forever

and if you love someone, then tell them.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

this love is difficult, but it's real

I'll never understand.

When did it become socially acceptable to ask someone out via text? And really, please tell me, when did it become socially acceptable to tell someone you want them via text? I mean, really? Am I supposed to swoon because you tell me you want me through nonverbal communication? Knock me off my feet, Romeo. Yes, please, take me now. You can't come up to me and tell me in person, but you want me to hook up with you? I don't care how hot you are. That's not gonna fly. I don't think so.

This is what we call a "red flag".

I'm jaded and cynical sometimes. I've had my heart broken a time or two. And I've done it to other people myself. But I still believe in happily ever after. I know I bitch and complain about never getting married, but I would rather wait forever than settle for a text booty call. Maybe I'm just confused because things like this don't ever happen to me. Is this normal?

When did relationships become so "easy" and technological?

What happened to regular dating? To going out and getting know someone? I just want someone to like me and my quirks and to want to spend time with me and to think about me when I'm gone. Someone who likes holding hands and going slow and hanging out at coffee shops and reading books. Someone who loves music and art and wandering. Is that too much to ask?

Maybe. But I can wait if I need to do that. Yep. I can wait.

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring. He said, marry me, Juliet. You'll never have to be alone. I love you and that's all I really know. I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress. It's a love story. Baby, just say yes.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

maybe the sun will shine today

of vice and men:
via unicornology:
yes, when he asks you in for coffee, you should say yes. you should follow him in through the door. you should be polite and funny and a little weird, and he will find it endearing. he will.
maybe i won't feel so afraid. i will try to understand. either way.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

the wake up call to a rented room


“Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn’t mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It’s what you do to the people you say you love, that’s what matters. It’s the only thing that counts.” - The Last Kiss

... sounded like an alarm of impending doom to warn us that it's only a matter of time until we all burn.

Friday, May 08, 2009

i just can't get enough

"... The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering. If we take this view, life becomes one great romance, a glorious opportunity for seeing marvelous things all the time..." - Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

picture: via : of vice and men (via : thresca)

"We don't have much, but we're happy."

And it's just money anyway, right? Right.