Tuesday, March 31, 2009

hey, when i'm making my movie, baby...

hanson is stuck in my cd player in my car.
and i listened to ashlee simpson at tae bo saturday.
and guns n' roses.
music makes the world go round, yeah?

i think i wanna dye my hair this color. comments?

and i'm on my last twilight book. yeeaaaah.

you keep saying all my lines.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

hypnotic. hypnotic. you're leaving me breathless.

i can never decide how i feel.
i'm busy. i enjoy what i do, too.
i'm just not sure that i feel it.
make sense?

dunno. its weird. i'm much more aware of my own feelings while i'm reading these books. right now the book is sorta sad. edward told bella he didn't want to be with her anymore and he left. i know it'll turn around, but when i read it i feel achey for her.

also, i'm on detox day one. fun.

i need to get back to work now. ugh. paperwork.

you're pushing and pulling me down to you,
but I don't know what I want.
no, i don't know...

paramore: i caught myself.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

i thought i was a fool for no one

"When I was with him, the time and the place were such a muddled blur that I completely lost track of both." pg 217

Embarrassingly enough - that is how I feel when I'm reading this book (Twilight). I get so enthralled that nothing seems to exist except for me and it. It's ridiculous. I feel myself becoming flustered by the words and actions of the characters and then I realize that I have to catch my breath. I can't even remember the last time someone made me nervous or my heart skip a beat, but this book has been doing it all day.

I'm almost done with it. I'm on pg 363, but I'm making myself go to bed at one. I have to! Luckily, I still have three more books and the movie.

Monday, March 23, 2009

and the good girls are home with broken hearts

5 Things found in my bag: twilight, ipod, organizer, chapstick, nutty goodness

5 Things in my room: burning candles, laundry, gym bag, waffle (the fish), tons of (unread) magazines

5 Things I’ve always wanted to do: drive across the country, live alone, go skydiving, travel to europe, open a coffee shop

5 Things I’m currently into: john mayer, twilight, cappuccinos, working out, tshirts

(also, very into free fallin' if you couldn't tell. it woke me up this morning and listened to it four times while i was lying in my bed...)

loves jesus and america, too

i hate how sick my grandmother is becoming.
i hate how sick it's making my mother and the rest of the family.

it breaks my heart.

she's a good girl, loves her mama

(John Mayer - Free Fallin' - Where the Light Is)

I wanna free fall out into nothing.
Oh, I'm gonna leave this world for awhile.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

it might be a quarter life crisis

i like:
john mayer.
vh1 tough love.
nicole's nutty goodness.
the treadmill.
flip flops.

i dislike:
most other reality tv.
strangers (i'm really an introvert)
the elliptical machine.
socks and shoes.

i'm going to read twilight now. and meet kt for coffee.

yes, you read that correctly. i caved to popular culture.

i do that from time to time. usually not so publicly though.

still everything happens for a reason. am i living it right?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

everybody needs a riot of their own

i suppose a lot has been happening, but then again not really at all. i'm just working and going to the gym and hanging out with people. i suppose that's all life really is anyway. occasionally, i ask myself questions about life and the world. i'm planning my trip to nola mentally. and, hopefully, my trip to arizona, nevada and california for october.

i'm pretty much addicted to bananas and greek yogurt (preferably the honey flavored kind, but let's be honest, it's full of fat). and um. almonds. plain almonds, vanilla bean almonds, wasabi soy almonds. whatev. i like 'em. and next week i have to (said i would) do a detox - nothing but fruits, veggies, nuts and water for me. shouldn't be too hard. i'll miss my capps, but she (our hip hop cardio teacher) said we could have black coffee if we felt the need (and i usually feel the need).

we have new chai at work. it's pretty bangin'. guess i won't drink that though. ah nuts.

i did a spin class today. wowza. kick my ass, much? and one of the songs that played was powerman 5000. haha. it was crazy though. i've never left the gym quite so disgusting.

and i've decided i really like the gym. it gives me some sort of purpose and makes me healthy. so i can appreciate that. plus, it gives me time to hang out with friends who want to go too. and it gets out my aggression. which i do have from time to time.

ok. that's me for now.

living so free is a tragedy when you can't be what you want to be.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

so turn the radio on. so turn the radio up.

from a ryan adams forum (and my memory seventh row center):

Beautiful Sorta
Born Into A Light
Cold Roses
Come Pick Me Up
Everybody Knows
“some Neal Casal song – bev break”
Fix It
Why Do They Leave
Grand Island
Goodnight Rose
Shakedown on 9th St.
Band Intros
the “We Suck Song” for the unhappy girl in the red dress
Let It Ride
I See Monsters
another Casal song.

I’m not sure if this is completely correct and I’m sorry I don’t know the names of the Casal songs. I enjoyed them though. And I very much enjoyed the show despite its brevity. I would have kicked myself in the ass for not going.

Though, out of the three shows I’ve now seen, it was probably the worst. I’m super happy they played Come Pick Me Up – it’s my fave.

I hope that Ryan doesn’t quit music. I love his too much.

Also, congrats to Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore for their Tuesday wedding. Maybe he just wanted to get on with the honeymoon tonight… hmm.

Monday, March 09, 2009

words. words. words.

"I think to myself about the weight in my pack. Last night, Paul and I talked a bit about the stuff that we carry with us, all the weight we walk around with, emotional baggage, thinking we need stuff we don't need. We weren't getting very deep or anything, but I keep thinking about it, and how much stuff I walk around with, about how life is a dance and God just meant for us to enjoy life, not get bogged down in sin and religion. Just be good, it seems like, is the point of life; be kind to people; don't hate anybody; forgive people because we all make mistakes. I know there are always going to be exceptions to this kind of thinking, but it seems like life would be better if we could just let go of the thought we need more and more stuff to be happy, more and more the approval of others." - Donald Miller

Saturday, March 07, 2009

i was a little girl alone in my little world

i've had enough of romantic love

Truth time for anyone who wants to hear it.

I wear a smile most of the time to cover all the crazy things I worry about: money, my store, my hours at bath and body works, my grandmother's alzheimer's, how that is affecting our family, my brother in iraq, my lack of health insurance, relationships, other people's relationships and listening to everyone's advice. It's all very overwhelming for me. I'm trying to make sure I get everything done and that everyone is happy with me.

I've not done a very good job. I apologize.

Please don't try to analyze me. I don't need criticism. I just need you to know that's where I'm coming from right now. I'm working on it.

"I love my family so much. But, to love just isn't enough. It must be active, constantly active and often spoken." - Garrett Curry

... I'd give it up for a miracle drug.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

the seasons come and go and that's just time

wow. i guess its been a minute since i posted on here. weird.

i've been working (a lot) and i joined a gym which is sort of out of character for me, but i'm pretty much in love with the treadmill now.

um. covergirl has new mascara and it comes in a pink tube. i want it.

my mom bought me an orchid flower and it died. i think i put it too close to my air vent.

i've been drinking a lot of 1% cappuccinos with 1 raw sugar. i'm addicted.

waffle (my new fish) is still kickin' it.

mmm. i can't think of anything else at the moment.

i want to move where its sunny and seventy all the time. who's with me?

i'll be back. sooner than later.

listen to jack's mannequin. (the lights and buzz)

I'm coming home from my hardest year. I'm making plans not to make plans while I'm here. And this life has been no holiday. A complicated situation. I'm fine with all my memories. So I could use vacation.