Monday, June 25, 2007

all my little plans and schemes

... lost like some forgotten dreams.

This weekend was good. Hanging out with Courtney was good. Seeing Matt was good. Tori getting married is good. Friends are good. Columbia is good. A giant window in a bathroom is good (surprisingly). Hospitality is good. Spiritual pushes are good. Oh and coffee is good.

Today I went to three different Starbucks - all very different and important in their own way. Also, at the mall, I almost bought a $120 purse at Banana. Courtney has one and I want one, too. So there. I'm two sometimes.

I bought a nice selection of movies and rented Season 2, Disc 2 of Grey's.

I don't want to own anything anymore after the summer. And I would really like to study Health Education and Promotion.

Instant Karma.

No need to be alone. Oh. It's real love. It's real.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

its time to be a big girl now.

It's 11:11. Make a wish.

Today was the longest day of the year. I've blogged three times.

Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to 'cause I want to hold yours too.

don't miss your boat, it's leaving now

Our kitchen is going on a diet. My mom is reading this book "The Sugar Solution" and we're starting to do what it says. Luckily for me, I already do most of what it suggests, so this will only be bringing more things I like to the table... literally.

And FYI: By drinking your 8 glasses of h20 a day you can burn about 35,000 calories (10 pounds!) a year. And drink it cold because your body burns more calories cooling the liquid to body temperature...

Also. Does anyone have a copy of Jane Eyre I can borrow? I've been inspired to read it again. It is a favorite.

"I loved him very much - more than I could trust myself to say - more than words had power to express." - Jane Eyre
In other news...

This is for Courtney. Because I said so.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I feel restless and I just can't sleep

I think I've done some damage to my body over the last week. I got sun poisoning, dehydrated myself, inhaled dust, and ate semi-irresponsibly. Then I wanted to go running when I came even though I was sick and now I'm having slight more trouble breathing. Huh. It's ok. I'm fine. I can bounce back. I always bounce back. I bounce back from everything.

I rented the first disc of season two of Grey's Anatomy. I watched the whole thing today. It was painful. And I cried. And I hope my life is never that messy.

"Hmm. It's a shame. It's awful being a grown-up. But the carousel never stops turning. You can't get off."

Someone asked me about my future today and when I gave my fuzzy answer they said, "Oh well. Whatever. It's your life." Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

There is this guy who comes into the store - well sometimes he just sits out front - but I've decided that I like to watch him. Not for any particular reason other than he keeps my attention because I'm never really sure what he's doing. He can't be that much older than me. I'm told he's painfully shy. And I know he's had his heart broken. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we don't. We didn't tonight. I just watched him play his silent saxophone.

I had my first franchise meeting yesterday. Owning a business is life consuming. I don't want my entire life to be consumed that way after this is over. There are too many other things I want more.

I'm tired. And I can't wait to go to Columbia this weekend. I don't know what I'm doing the whole time or even how long I'll be there or even who I'll be staying with the whole time. That's not important, I don't think. I think the city just reduces my stress level. My mom tries to get me to relax here, but I can't. I feel too out of control. Too far away from my comfort zone.

I think I'm going to take yoga again. And I'd like to watch Blood Diamond, An Inconvenient Truth, and Planet Earth.

Because leaving here is just too hard for me... But I swear I've never been this far before.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The world's on fire, it's more then I can handle.

Yesterday evening after dinner, my mom and I were driving down Sam Rittenberg and I looked up and saw tons of smoke coming across the highway and then all of a sudden we saw more. It was like a big black funnel of smoke coming from somewhere on Savannah Highway. All the traffic was being redirected toward us. We called all over trying to figure out what it was and to make sure our family was all accounted for. This is what the paper said this morning:

It was the single-worse loss of firefighters since 9/11, according to a spokesman from the U.S. Fire Administration, which tracks fire deaths and injuries. "Nine brave, heroic, courageous firefighters of the city of Charleston have perished fighting fire in a most courageous and fearless manner, carrying out their duties," Charleston Mayor Joe Riley said at a news conference this morning.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

some courage is well overdue

I keep thinking of this time last year. 365 days ago. What was I doing? Who was I with? How did I feel? I was getting ready to go to Bonnaroo. I was getting ready to say goodbye.

This time this year isn't any different. Except it's completely different.

Rachel and I were discussing Columbia. The city. It's inhabitants and its lack thereof. And I wondered if I missed Columbia or if I missed my old life which Columbia was a part of. *sigh*

I'm glad I have these places and faces to miss. And, more than that, I'm glad I have these places and faces to see again.

PeaceLoveRoo. OhSeven.

Every moment of time’s just an answer to find what you’re here for, what you breathe for, what you wake for, what you bleed for.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

i lie down like a tired dog

I hate making milkshakes. I just wanted to go ahead and get that out of the way.

So, I finally started Dreams from My Father by Barak Obama. And by started I mean I've read the first couple of pages. So, really the introduction to the book and not even the book itself. Huh. The point is I finished one and started another. And Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs is well worth the reading.

We're doing a three day diet at my house. Theoretically, I could weigh ten pounds less by Friday morning. Today when I got to work there were fresh chocolate croissants. Diets are stupid. Friday morning I'm going to have a chocolate croissant and coffee with cream for breakfast. And it's going to be GLORIOUS.

We have fresh blueberry muffins coffee at the store. I love giant bags of coffee. They make me happy.

It's amazing how much affection you can extract from one person when you make them an excellent beverage.

I'm going to Columbia this weekend. Holla.

Next weekend I'm going to Bonnaroo Oh Seven. I just made the chart of music I want to hear and things I want to do. I'm going to have to make some sacrifices. Argh.

My music listening habits are completely random. The Police. Dave Matthews Band. Beirut. Lily Allen. Dave Barnes. Random. Did I tell you all that when Kt and I see DMB in September we're going to be sitting third row center? Yay!! Love.

Tonight when I ran the sky was pink. And it was beautiful. And just for me.

I try to imagine a careless life, a scenic world where the sunsets are all breathtaking.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

i felt every ounce of me screaming out

... But the sound was trapped deep in me.

finch5287: congrats on your wifi! welcome to the joys of interneting!

(An amazing customer came and set it up for us because we're inept.)

This morning I went on a walking field trip to a mexican restaurant with two classes of first graders. That was interesting. It involved a giant plate of crispy cinnamon chips and ice cream with sprinkles as well. It was a mess.

Some kid blew chunks in the front of the store today.

My boyfriend is very nice to me on the phone when I'm cleaning up puke.

I found real solace in the new ice cream - hunka hunka banana love. It's banana ice cream with chocolate chips and peanut butter cups. Kt and I agree that it's life changing.

I started running (not very far and not very fast) because it gives me something else to think about. And exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy. And happy people shouldn't feel stressed.

Tomorrow Kt, Alison and I are going to the Farmer's Market. Yay!

Forced fear falls away to leave me naked. Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety.

Friday, June 01, 2007

She left a note that said I'm sorry...

This sounds crazy, but everyday is a rollercoaster of emotions. I feel so unstable.

Some really crappy things happened today. Some pretty awesome things happened today too. Oy. Oy. Oy. I have to figure out what I'm doing with the rest of my life.

My mouse looks like a dinosaur when my computer is thinking. And I love my mom.

... I had a bad day again.