I feel restless and I just can't sleep

I think I've done some damage to my body over the last week. I got sun poisoning, dehydrated myself, inhaled dust, and ate semi-irresponsibly. Then I wanted to go running when I came even though I was sick and now I'm having slight more trouble breathing. Huh. It's ok. I'm fine. I can bounce back. I always bounce back. I bounce back from everything.

I rented the first disc of season two of Grey's Anatomy. I watched the whole thing today. It was painful. And I cried. And I hope my life is never that messy.

"Hmm. It's a shame. It's awful being a grown-up. But the carousel never stops turning. You can't get off."

Someone asked me about my future today and when I gave my fuzzy answer they said, "Oh well. Whatever. It's your life." Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

There is this guy who comes into the store - well sometimes he just sits out front - but I've decided that I like to watch him. Not for any particular reason other than he keeps my attention because I'm never really sure what he's doing. He can't be that much older than me. I'm told he's painfully shy. And I know he's had his heart broken. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we don't. We didn't tonight. I just watched him play his silent saxophone.

I had my first franchise meeting yesterday. Owning a business is life consuming. I don't want my entire life to be consumed that way after this is over. There are too many other things I want more.

I'm tired. And I can't wait to go to Columbia this weekend. I don't know what I'm doing the whole time or even how long I'll be there or even who I'll be staying with the whole time. That's not important, I don't think. I think the city just reduces my stress level. My mom tries to get me to relax here, but I can't. I feel too out of control. Too far away from my comfort zone.

I think I'm going to take yoga again. And I'd like to watch Blood Diamond, An Inconvenient Truth, and Planet Earth.

Because leaving here is just too hard for me... But I swear I've never been this far before.