my lipstick fades away

Aren't I lovely? And do you want me? Cause I am hungry for something that will make me real.

Captivating has explained so much to me. About myself. It's beautiful and frightening at the same time. I'm interested to see where the rest of this book takes me.

Can you see me? And do you love me? Cause I am desperately searching for something real.

Tonight I was struck by the knowledge that it is Christmastime, so I stopped at Walmart on my way back from the Wired Bean. Mistake. It was so busy. And I took my meager purchases to the front of the store and stood in line for a very long time.

The woman in front of me had tons of stuff. An overflowing buggy full of toys and tortilla chips. It took quite awhile to go through it all. When I quickly paid for my things and started to leave, the woman apologized to me for not letting me go ahead of her. I told her it was okay, that I didn't have anyone waiting for me at home and she obviously did.

She thanked me for being so understanding and I then I told her to have a Merry Christmas.

Then I was sad because I realized I had nothing except a dirty pile of clothes to go back to at my apartment. Oh well. At least now I have Christmas lights and little tree that needs me.

Then that whole feeling made me think of what Captivating had said about women being relational beings. And my whole evening came full circle. Weird.

I have the next two days off from life. And Matt Jones is coming home. I can't wait.