I'm waiting for the day when I wake up and it's not the first thing on my mind. I think that will be lovely because crying is no good way to start your day. But I do feel more stable. I am still unhappy and confused and want answers, but I don't cry all day - I only randomly burst into tears. And that's when I call on my friends because I know they, not just will, but want to help me through this. I am so very very blessed in a situation where I feel so lost.
"I wonder at what Paul said back in Portland, how God is good, how it doesn't do any good to run from Him because what He has is good and who He is, is good. Even if I want to run, it isn't really what I want - what I want is Him, even if I don't believe it. If He made all this existence, you would think He would know what He is doing, and you think He could be trusted. Everything I want is just Him, to get lost in Him, to feel His love and more and more of this dazzling that He does. I wonder at His beautiful system and how it feels better than anything I could choose or invent for myself." - Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts
1 comment:
late nights and early mornings have always been the worst for me on bad days, which is probably why i do so much stupid blogging in the middle of the night.. heavy hearts don't really allow for very much sleep, eh?
you're awfully strong, lady, and it's amazing.
i love you.
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