another four aspirin morning

This is morning. It's when I spend the most time thinking about what I've given up.

I painted my room. I rearranged my furniture. It no longer looks or feels like where I was broken up with. My walls are empty which is depressing, but, hopefully that will change soon.

I feel like people's lives are going on without me. People are happy and productive and I'm stuck in this place where I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I guess just do what I'm doing and doing it well. I'm so glad my friends are happy, but I'm not and it's hard to watch. I need to turn my eyes to God. I know that.

Damn it. I'm trying. I swear. Really. I am.

Ps, I love Jack's Mannequin. This cd is so perfect right now.

I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this - like every inch of me is bruised.