you'd think I'd never seen grace before

And I just can't decide to sink or swim.

I'm putting off the inevitable... I'm still in my pajamas.
I need to get up. I need to take a shower. I need to get dressed.
I need to go to work and back to real life.

Because maybe there’s no gray and I was wrong to tell them so. Then maybe all that I’ve to do was done a long time ago.

For the past couple of days I've been in a bubble surrounded by my close friends, my bed and a little lion who is oddly full of comfort. But now I have to do it by myself. I have to go back to my normal life even though a huge piece of my normal life is missing. And it hurts. My whole body aches and my heart clenches in my chest and I can't breathe. And my head spins and spins with questions. Maybe I did what I was supposed to do - played my role. And even though it hurts me - it was the Plan. I don't know. I may never know. I just want to know what to do now because I'm lost and everything I thought was wrong.

Cause I’ve been dressing up and dressing down for too many people. And I’m a little young to live like a troubled boy, a troubled soul, fish out of water. Cause we’re all just the same. We’re all just as good, and just as bad, and just as distracted by the corners of our eyes.

I need help. I need strength. I need You. Jesus. Come to my rescue. Help me walk. Help me face the day.