no it's not, not what it seems

Matt no longer has homework.

Normally, when he has 15 or so free minutes, he uses them to do homework, so he can go to bed 15 minutes earlier (since he wakes up at 3:30 every morning). I respect that and I think it makes him a better and more responsible person than me.

Tonight, he had 15 free mintues and he used them to call me because he's amazing.

I just thought I'd share that.

Partially because the irony is that I'm using "free minutes" to blog instead of doing the five million and one other things I have to do. Hmm.

Life would be so much easier if I didn't have homework. Lots of it. So much reading. So many group projects. Tests. Quizzes. Nonsense to keep up with.

I'm doing a strategic management project on Starbucks Corporation.

You don’t stand in line at Starbucks® just to buy a cup of coffee. You stop for the experience surrounding the cup of coffee. Too many of us line up for God out of duty or guilt. We completely miss the warmth and richness of the experience of living with God. If we’d learn to see what God is doing on earth, we could participate fully in the irresistible life that he offers. (The Gospel According to Starbucks)

I say the same thing all the time. My real observations are often silent. Kind of like appreciation. Which I think is okay.

To all the people doing lines - Don't do it, don't do it. Inject your soul with liberty. It's free, it's free.

i'd be under the impression i was somewhere in between

The Air Force doesn't care who you're dating. The Holiday Inn on Beach Boulevard does.

I just rented my first hotel room all by myself. I think I'm a little more grown up now.

There is no, no song I could sing and there is no combination of words I could say, but I will still tell you one thing. We're better together.

i get to wear another dress and count in time

I have a confession.
I want to try a McGriddle.

A sausage, egg and cheese Mc Griddle has 58 grams of fat. A Big Mac only has 30 grams. So, technically, those little breakfast sandwiches are heart attacks in little paper wrappers. But I really want to try one. I just don't think I can do it with a clear conscious - or clear arteries.

I am to obsessed with Corporate America these days. My background is a really cool picture of a Starbucks. That's what I get for taking management classes and reading the Wall Street Journal. Oy.

I've done myself an impossible crime, had to paint myself a hole and fall inside.

So, if you have been around me at all recently, you've noticed that I am usually doing something or getting ready to do something. Class things. Shack things. Work things.

I complain about it sometimes. I complain about the people who I have to deal with sometimes, too. I don't want to anymore.

I prayed tonight for my heart to be in all the work I do and for it to be with all the people I encounter. I'm supposed to do everything as if I'm doing it for the Lord and I haven't been acting that way.

You're old enough, boy, too many summers you've enjoyed. So spin the wheel, we'll set you up with some odd convictions because you're finally golden, boy.

and I miss your precious heart...

So much has happened.

Work. Class. Work. Class. Etc. And so on.

I had my first McCutchen House class. I wore a dress shirt and a tie and a little apron and black maryjane crocs that were too small. A little old man gave me a little box of chocolates. It was lovely. I think I'll be a professional hostess one day.

I want to work for Starbucks. Really.
It would be an amazing interim life opportunity. And I'd have benefits.

RENT was amazing. The little old ladies in front of me hated it. The girls next to me loved it. And then some boy proposed to his girlfriend in front of everyone on stage. Kara and I both cried because it was so sweet, but I would never ever want to be proposed to like that - in front of thousands of people. Oy.

Banana Pudding ice cream is amazing.
Oh my. I have so much to do. And right now I just want to sleeeeeep. Sleep. Sleep.

Kt came today. I love Kt. We had black bean wraps at HouseCoffee and she came up with a great picture/gift idea. I can't wait. I worked with BJo tonight. I love BJo. We danced to the blue grass band and ate potato salad.

In two weeks, I'll be with Matt Jones. Happy.


Now in the quiet hour when I am sleeping, I cannot keep the night from coming in.

coming and going. asleep and awake.

My boss wants to be me when he grows up. That's nice.

I shouldn't be writing this because I should use these thirty minutes between class and work to do homework or schedule something, but no. I am a procrastinator.

Kt is coming on Friday. Get excited because I am.

I cannot wait until the middle February. I think it will be a load off of my shoulders or at least I'll be used to the load by then.

I apologize in advance for my absence both in person and in blog. I love you all. Adieu.

Well, that sounds dramatic. Let's be honest, a new blog will show up in a couple of days. Oy.

Maybe these are my glory days, and I'm not even realizing it because they don't involve a ball.

i wish i was the verb to trust and never let you down

Looking back, it was a long week. These weeks will only get longer if I continue to procrastinate my school work. I'm such a senior.

I've acquired much new music recently. I keep putting songs and lyrics on MySpace. It seems more appropriate there. Even that doesn't accurately portray all the newness in my iTunes.

Sometimes, I look outside, and I think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like I think that a lot of other people have read those books before. And listened to those songs. I wonder how they feel tonight. - The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Does it seem strange that even those people who mean the most to you are still impermanent in your life?

The Colts won tonight. I heard it in my ceiling. I think the boys were excited.

Don't let your soul get lonely child. It's only time, it will go by.

the road to you is long and i've been on it for a while

I know it's sometimes hard, but knowing just oh that we will get along 'til we're old and gray and doubled up.

I have a fear of apathy. It keeps me in a constant battle against frustration.

Last night we didn't leave work until 1:30. It was ridiculous.

I got a new journal. There was one I really wanted that was covered in little colorful squares made of bone, but it was $25 and I can't commit to a journal that costs that much when I'm so fickle with my other ones.

I finished The Glass Castle. I only cried twice. The first time already blogged about. The second time was during the very last section of the book when she says, "I'd never met a man I would rather spend time with." And she begins to list some of the reasons she loves her husband. Some of them are silly and some of them are worth tearing up over.

I bought a new book. Silly since I have a stack next to my bed to read already. Travels with Charley by John Steinbeck. It is a travelogue by Steinbeck which documents the road trip he took with his poodle around the United States in 1960. For three months these companions traveled the nation, meeting friends, strangers, relatives and immersing themselves in the fabric of the country as it was at that time.

I should do that.

I am very far away from lots of important things in my life. And that makes me uncomfortable.

under our bare feet in this brand new colony

My scarf is made of Alpaca.
This is a picture of an Alpaca.
You can buy them online.
(Both an Alpaca and a scarf.)

I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat with the collar up so you won't catch a cold.

in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee

My brother bought me a ticket to see RENT. He's the best brother in the whole wide world.

I am busy. Terribly busy. I had no idea. I'm trying to take a yoga class, but I keep remembering other things I've already committed to.

And I'm passive aggressive according to my Behavioral Analysis. I'm also in need of security and appreciation. However, I am also optimistic and magnetic. I'm laid back. I like peace and harmony. Also, I prefer activities that don't interfer with my family life. I'm customer oriented and not competitive at all. There's more. If you need to learn to communicate with me on a better level, let me know and I'll give you a copy...

So far my classes are hard to keep up with and it's only been two days. I think I'm sabotaging myself in my head. Oy. PS. I hate the word management right now. I'd be careful about saying it around me.

It's cold here now. I look crazy with all my layers and striped socks and plaid pj pants and a giant green scarf that wraps around me several times. With my glasses on. I should take a picture...

I hate printing slides.

Three weeks until Biloxi.

How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love.

i fooled the crowd when i made it sound like i was more than ready.

It's easy to blog when you have free time.

I'm reading The Glass Castle. I got half way through it today. I love memoirs/biographies and whatnot. I like learning about other people's lives. It seems more meaningful and important when a story belongs to someone and is not just something made up. Matt gave it to me for Christmas, so I moved it to the top of my reading stack.

On her 10th Birthday:
Dad said, "You know if it's humanly possible, I'll get it for you. And if it ain't humanly possible, I'll die trying."
I looked up at the thin swirls of clouds high in the blue Arizona sky. Keeping my eyes fastened on those distant clouds, I took a breath and said, "Do you think you could maybe stop drinking?"
Dad said nothing.

That's when I started to cry at The Wired Bean. That's when I had to stop reading it in public. It got worse, then better and now it's at the worse point again. I'm not sure how it will end up. It's a rollercoaster.

Loving someone's hard enough, but leaving them is torture. Don't think I don't think of you now. I'm with you every day dear.

i want to take you far from the cynics in this town

It is so not cold here.
Today, I sewed my pants. I'm one step closer to domestic.
If only I had a love for ironing...
And that's about as productive as I got.
I did do a lot though. And I got to hang out with some great people. So that was nice.
I met Moriah. She's hilarious.
And I missed Matt's phone call and that was sad. But that's life sometimes. I miss him having the constant conveniences of a cell phone and the internet.
In a week, I will have seen The Fray and Mute Math. How exciting.
"It's better than happy fuzzy kittens." (Regarding the Cinnamon Dolce Latte at Starbucks)
I saw The Holiday again. It was just as good.
Service plus Excellence plus Integrity does not equal Playboy. Just throwing that out there.
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick where you will sit and contemplate your day.

this is fact not fiction for the first time in years

China returned my roommate in perfect health and with lots of itself in her suitcases. I'm glad she's home.

Alison Stinch took this picture in England. She's studying abroad. It's my background now.

Marie Antoinette is not a good movie. It stops just short of the excitement. Oh, so those people are angry and mob her right out of Versailles. Bye. Big woop. Tell us about the imprisonment and execution. Blah.

The Holiday, on the other hand, is a spectacular movie. It was not at all what I had expected. And I think I'm going to see it again. Kate Winslet. Jack Black. Cameron Diaz (who I swear could be related to BJo). And Jude Law. And I know this isn't something I should probably say on my blog, but he is beautiful. Especially in this movie. So if any of his prior movies have discouraged you from seeing this new one, well, throw away all those notions because he is perfect in this movie.

Hmm. I love my friends. And my job. And my major. And this city. And Charleston.

And speaking of Charleston, yesterday was shoes and sushi Saturday. I actually did not get the shoes I went for, but I got two other pairs, a bag of stuff from B&B Works, and clothes from GAP and Banana Republic. Also, another book to read for only $4. Outlets are so amazing. So great. I love them. And then we had sushi at Tsunami. And by we, I mean Alison, Me, Courtney, Matt Carrowan, Hugo, Corinne, and Kt. Such a good group.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself yesterday. As I hope everyone else did. And I also enjoyed my 9 hours of sleep last night. And I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy my next two days of not working and getting ready to go back to school. *sigh* I can't wait to get back into a schedule. I like organization in my days.

I'm going to Biloxi! The second weekend of February. It's official. And I'm excited. But I'm sure no one is surprised by that. Maybe I'll buy a cowboy hat for the occasion...

Oh my. Oh my. Last semester. Last months to be young and foolish.

if you feel discouraged that there's a lack of color here, please don't worry lover, it's really bursting at the seams from absorbing everything the spectrum's a to z.

hey leonardo, she likes me for me

No skiing. Sad. I was looking forward to it. I'm using my refund to go to Biloxi.

I'm going to Charleston instead. To the outlets. Holla.

"You're the closest thing I know to a real life Gilmore Girls episode." - Claynotaiken. He's pleading that I not leave Columbia when I graduate. He's rather convincing.

You know. That's really all I've got to say.

Oh and...

She don't care about my car. She don't care about my money. And that's real good because I don't got alot to spend, but if I did it wouldn't mean nothin'...

that's the way this wheel keeps working

And airports, see it all the time
Where someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home

alieatusc: just to put things in perspective.
alieatusc: pearl earings...10 rmb.
alieatusc: i tried to buy imported orange juice...200 rmb.
eringail says: holy.
alieatusc: i just couldnt do it...that's 20 pairs of earings!
alieatusc: i walked away.
eringail says: i respect you more now

I'm going to get Alison from the airport tomorrow night! I'm very excited since I haven't seen her in almost a month. And all of her pictures don't do her pretty face justice. I'm not sure how I feel about the airport anymore. I get really excited when I go to pick people up, but the goodbyes are terrible. And, as you stand there saying goodbye, security just keeps saying "let's move it along." Guh.

I love reading Post Secret. I usually do it every Sunday and sometimes I forget and it's like a little treat in the middle of the week. I've never sent anything into them though. Mostly because I don't really have any secrets. I'm pretty open about my quirks and insecurities. Maybe I'll be one of the people who sends in an adorable picture or a single sentence like "I am happy." Something like that. One of the ones that make you aww and give a little half smile.

I bought a bag of grapefruits. Their peels smell like pot. Seriously. It's like weed farm in our kitchen. They're really good for you, though. Grapefruits. Not joints. They help lower cholesterol and fight heart disease. Red and pink ones, not yellow ones.

Speaking of red and pink... Valentine's Day threw up at Target already. I'm usually pretty cynical about the day and I've really only ever had one good Vday. But around that time, I'll be going to Biloxi, so I think that makes it better. Hallmark may get the best of me yet.

Also, I have beef with 5 Star three subject notebooks. Why does the first section have the least amount of paper and the last has the most? Do all three subjects not deserve the same amount of paper?

And speaking of books... The Pleasure of my Company was quite lovely. I didn't know Steve Martin had that in him. It was funny and really amazing at the end. I had no idea that's where the plot was headed. I'm reading The Glass Castle next. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish it by the time classes start or I'm screwed.

In other news: Courtney Jones was accepted to USC! You should congratulate her the next time you see her! And it's my brother's birthday! He is no longer a teenager. Strange. And it's Roy's birthday! Which is also exciting, yet we haven't reached another age milemark for him yet.

every word you say i think i should write down...

The Last Kiss is not all bubbles and gumdrops. It made me very upset to think that is what real life is like. People cheating on people. Oy. PS - who lied and told me that Zach Braff wrote The Last Kiss?

I finally went grocery shopping. I spent $40 on lots of fruit and vegetables and stuff to make hummus. I bought strawberries. And they smell wonderful.

Then I made dinner. And I had to have Tony open my jar of pasta sauce in the driveway for me. But it was delicous. Bean sprouts, baby bellas, fresh tomato and spinach with tomato/basil sauce and parmesean cheese. Mmmm. Who needs noodles anyway?

Delicious is Ben and Jerry's Pistachio Pistachio ice cream mixed with Haagen Daz Mayan Chocolate with sliced bananas and chocolate Teddy Grahams...

Sometimes I lead a terribly unhealthy life.

I am terrible at multitasking, by the way. I hardly got anything done that I was supposed to tonight. Oh well.

Today, I am thankful for the people I work with, Sugar Free Bawls, having Blockbuster and Hollywood Video around the corner from each other, Rachel, text messaging, and Zach Braff's inherent good taste in music.

And for my bed. And my lion. And my book. The end. Amen.

so don't fret

I worked alot today. And yesterday. And will again tomorrow.
I need two things: an iHome and a car rental to Biloxi whenever I go.
But certainly not in that order.

MmmmMiyos. How I love Maestro's Tofu. And Spring Rolls. And Coconut Cake.

Steven Fiore. I did enjoy.

so don't fret - that's just how God designed us. our hearts were made to form an alliance. in such great defiance.

I'm finishing my book tonight. (The Pleasure of my Company by Steve Martin). I thought I lost my Matt Jones bookmark. Fortunately, after crawling around on the floor, I found one of several books I had begun to read and then quit. There it was. Thank goodness. Seriously.

I'm going skiing in a week. And I am quite busy until then. The end.

in your arms warmth i did find

I will never get used to saying goodbye to Matt. But I do like it more and more everytime I get to say hi to him.

I was always a special child, circuit boards for my insides. All I dreamed of was flying high, so your lips came as some surprise.

Corinne and Courtney are amazing at keeping a girl company. As are those Gilmore Girls and the people who created the banana split. Thank God I'm so looked after.

I woke up this morning and finally called my mom. She had been waiting. It was a good talk. I think I'll like it when I can see more of her or even talk more to her. Wholly Cow has taken over her life.

I wonder if I'll end up not wanting to own my own business because I want a family more than I want a coffee shop.

Your lips come as some surprise. That they would want to come and meet mine.

I bought a cd last night. From Ireland. It cost a whopping thirty one American dollars. Um yeah. But Gary Lightbody is on it and Lisa Hannigan and so many others. It's The Cake Sale and all the proceeds go to Oxfam Ireland. It was two in the morning and I wanted it and I have a tendency to buy things when I'm upset. I get it from my mom. I swear. Ask me about the Pottery Barn quilt and our trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Anyway. It's a new day and I have errands to run, schedules to pick up, books to read, and so on. Happy third day of the new year. xoxo.

Even after all this time, your lips come as some surprise.

so everybody put your best suit or dress on

I rang in the New Year with some amazing people and with Matt Jones by my side. I'm still not sure how I got so lucky...

I wish the world was flat like the old days, then i could travel just by folding a map. No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways. There'd be no distance that could hold us back.

Looking back at 2006, there are so many things I wish to remember. So many things that were amazing and so many things that made me take a good look at myself. I'm glad because 2005 was a kick in the ass and I had no desire to remember it.

I hope that these next three hundred and sixty some odd days are filled with more moments I want to commit to memory and more people I don't want to live without.

This year, I'm going to graduate and go into the "real world" and not be surrounded by the comfort of my city and my friends. And I'm scared. I'm terrified to leave and to have everything change even if I'm taking some of my friends with me. And this is way scarier than going to college because this is the beginning of forever and I don't know where forever is going to take me.

But I'm excited. I'm excited because I do have some plans. I'm excited because I'm moving to another city I love. I'm excited because Matt and I will live in the same state again. I'm excited because I'll be able to spend more time with my family. I'm excited because I'm going to see some amazing music. I'm excited because I'm not quite sure what this year will hold and not knowing is kind of a thrill.

Mostly, I'm excited because I do know that it's going to be good. If I keep asking God what it is I'm supposed to be doing, he'll keep guiding me. And I know he wants me to succeed and be happy even more than I do.

So this is the new year and I have no resolutions for self assigned penance, for problems with easy solutions.