confused with all the lines in between

The past two days have been really excellent. Really. Charleston and it's people have treated me spectacularly. And I look at my life and realize what it is and what an impact I'm having and what an impact those around me are reciprocating and I'm simply amazed. And the more time I invest around me, the happier I am.

And then sometimes I get scared and lonely and overwhelmed. And I feel empty - I feel empty when I look around and don't feel at home. I feel empty when my friends aren't upstairs or across the street or sitting on my couch. I feel empty when I remember my boyfriend lives hours away and his stupid schedule won't allow him to answer his phone.

And I don't know how to make it all balance. I can't figure it out. I want to move forward with my life, but I'm stuck in the past and I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going or how to stay happy with my circumstances.

And now I'm just sitting here crying because I just watched the last two episodes of Gilmore Girls from the very last season and it made me think of all these things. And it just makes me so confused.

I should know better than to watch these things alone.

And the really weird thing is that I'm upset over the fact that I just had two really good days. I'm such a girl. A very confusing girl.

"It's like it's not even real to me. It's like my life isn't even real to me unless you're there, and you're in it, and I'm sharing it with you."

Therefore I ask you only one thing: do not be so worried about yourself. Free yourself from all your plans and aims. They occupy you far too much. Surrender yourself to the sun, the rain, and the wind, as do the flowers and the birds. Surrender yourself to God. Wish for nothing but one thing: that his will be done, that his kingdom come, and that his nature be revealed. Then all will be well. - Eberhard Arnold