as i went down in the river to pray

This morning I went to Starbucks and the woman in front of me was fussy and ordering gifts. She was mumbling about Barista behind his back. You know, typical impatient customer. And I just didn't understand why you would be mean to the person who holds the key to the coffee so early in the morning. You're supposed to be nice to the people who give you coffee. That's just the way it is.

I should have known this meant the day was going to be rough.

I sent Matt some letters this morning. A lot actually. And I felt good about that until his mom called and had found out that the dorm number was wrong. And he, in fact, isn't graduating until August 4. I tried to be calm on the phone, but on the inside I was freaking out. I stopped everything I was doing at work made several phone calls and changed all of my flight information. I went back to work and did my best to be happy, but I was still freaking out on the inside.

When I got home I completely broke down. Poor Alison. I just started sobbing about how much I wanted him to get my letters and I wanted him to know that I was thinking about him and that I missed him. And then I started sobbing about changing my flight and spending extra money, but of course that didn't matter to me because I really just wanted to see him and I would pay anything. Sobbing. Holding that lion. Then my mom called and I started sobbing again.

I wrote him another letter that was rambling and stupid just because I wanted to make sure he got something from me.

And I think I'm frustrated because I'm feeling so much. I'm supposed to be calm. And not show my feelings. I'm not supposed to be sad.

Then I had to calm down and I went for a drive. I went down to the river to pray. I prayed for so many things that I can't even remember. It was nice. I was much calmer when I left. I even met a nice man and his son who were about to go canoeing in a storm.

I'm just so glad that God is on my side and I know that I have nothing to worry about. It's just the humanity that gets to me sometimes. It's crazy how people effect your life so much and you don't notice it until they're gone. Ramble. Ramble.

It's true, it may seem like a stretch, but its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away when I am missing you to death.

There's a dead bat on our porch. This day just keeps getting better and better.