// but this morning there's a calm I can't explain.

Sometimes, it's nice to work the late shift. Not always. I like my productive work mornings followed by happy hour or dinner with friends. But I do enjoy sleeping in occasionally. I wake up to the sound of yard work outside of my window and roll out of bed and saunter around the apartment in my pajamas for a few hours. I might read a little or watch a missed episode of something. There is certainly almost always coffee involved - this morning it's Coconut Mocha. (Note to self: buy more of this.) I never bring laundry into my wandering mornings because it's my least favorite thing.

Today, I baked tofu and for a delicious lunch of kale, brussels sprouts, red onion, and mixed brown rice with a healthy pour of sriacha and sweet chili sauce. That's how you know it's going to be a good day. Actually, you REALLY know it's going to be a good day when you have brownies in the oven before 9am. They were vegan until I threw in dark chocolate chips for good measure.

So, yeah, I was vegan for two weeks. Let me tell you about that.

Why did I do it? Just to know what it's like. There's no better way to understand someone's lifestyle than to live it. You know, walk a mile in their shoes and all that jazz. Was it hard? Heck yes! Did it make me feel good? Heck yes! I lost six pounds and gained confidence in my ability to follow through on funny little challenges I set up for myself. Will I stay vegan? No. I don't have a good reason to. I'm not convicted about using animals for food - even when I was vegetarian it didn't really phase me. I think that I learned a lot about what I am putting into my body - what's good/wholesome and what's less than zero on the nutritious scale. (That's not to say I didn't eat crap. I had Sour Patch Kids for lunch at the movies one day and french fries for dinner another.) But I believe this experience is going to make me think a lot about my options and what the pros/cons are of what I'm eating. I felt pretty fantastic all 14 days. I didn't NEED a lot of caffeine despite my lack of sleep. And I was never ever hungry.

You learn something from all experiences. I can also tell you the BBQ pork nacho experience I had at lunch yesterday was amazing. Perhaps I am a riddle.

While I'm here, let me tell you how lucky I am in life right now. You know those moments when you stop and think about your life and there is not much else you could wish for besides making your first million or winning the lottery? That's where I am. There is a lot of uncertainty rolling in over the next few months, but nothing deliberate planning and learning cannot overcome.

Do you feel lucky right now? Or are you struggling? I'd like to know if you'd like to share.

One thing I am absolutely going to try to do right now is pare down my Google Reader (hello, love) subscriptions and read those that inspire me to be inspired here and in life. I miss Links I Love! Don't you?

I love Sabrina Ward Harrison. I need to own a piece of her work.

Oh and I love this as well:

Source: apartmenttherapy.com via Erin on Pinterest

Well, ok then, it's time to be (more) productive. I'll be in Charlotte the next two days for Dave Matthews Band and IKEA! Eep! So, until next time... xo.

I've been MIA for a month, then I come back and blogger is totally different. Nbd. BIG DEAL. Meh.

I'm honestly not sure why I haven't been writing. Maybe I've had writer's block. Blogger's block.

The easiest way to play catch up is to tell you that life is so good and so "this is real life" all at the same time. For ever simple task, there is a difficult chore that follows alongside. For every great happiness, there is a tragedy. For every new love, there is a heartbreak. For every great win, there is a bigger loss. This means two things: perspective and limbo.

Perspective is what really bring beauty into our lives because how can we know how sweet it is without a little bitter? Limbo is just uncertainty of a new adventure - being unwilling to step foot because you're never sure what's going to follow or it's going to effect your status quo. I suppose limbo could also be described as fear or cautiousness. I think it's different for every person.

In other less thought provoking news, I'm on day five of "operation let's be vegan". WHY ARE YOU BEING VEGAN? YOU LOVE CHEESE! Ah. Good question! I'm glad that you asked. Honestly, I like to give myself little challenges, just to see if I can do them, even if they seem silly. I'm weird. I know. Also, I just want to know what it's like - how do vegans live? What are their struggles? How does veganism make my body feel? The best way to find answers to your questions besides asking is to just do. So, welcome to "operation let's be vegan". I miss bacon, cheese and Chickfila. But I like making creative food options for myself and trying new things. I like my energy level. And I like the questions it provokes from people - I'm always up for a good conversation!

Also, let's see, I've been to Columbia twice this week for work. Hi, traveling for work! You're fun! And that's good since I might be doing it more with a new career experience I will be beginning for my job! So, that means work is going well. That means work is challenging and engaging and I like where I am and what I do. I have great aspirations to move forward, but where I am is good for right now.

Driving to Columbia gave me time to catch up on my Joy the Baker Podcasts. Nerd Alert. I was a month behind in my episodes, much like I am with reading all of my blogs. Nerd Fail. A few episodes back, they asked us to blog our five favorite things right now and since I forfeited that opportunity then, I have decided to take it now. Here we go:

1. Coconut. In all it's various forms. I'm serious.
2. Norah Jones new album // Little Broken Hearts.
3. Days off spent at the beach with people I adore.
4. My iPhone - esp, Instagram, Clear, and Spotify.
5. SoCal. I think about going back all the time.

I thought I would have a longer list or that it would be easier with me to come up with, but no. Weird. Anyway, I feel like that's enough rambling for now. It's good to be back and hopefully I'll feel inspiration sooner rather than later next time.

xo.

In an effort to postone laundry, packing & cleaning for as long as possible, I've decided to write a blog post! I never regret the time I spend reading or writing blogs, but I may regret the procrastination. We shall see.

Wait. What? What am I packing for you ask? Oh hey, I'm traveling to the West Coast this week! I'll be in San Diego & Los Angeles starting Thursday and I'll make my triumphant return the following Wednesday. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it! Part of me doesn't want to leave and break up my routine - but to be honest, I don't have a routine at all right now, so I guess it will be just fine.

That's the exciting upcoming part of life.

What's been going on? Oh, a lot. More than I can possibly remember. More than I can possibly type. More than I can share in a public forum. Hi, world wide interwebs!

Yesterday was Easter. I went to church for the first time in ages. Isn't that terrible? At this moment in my life, I feel like a holiday church goer. But it was good. It was SO good. We talked about Courageous Love and things that aren't easy. And what do you do? And what do you deserve? What a Courageous Love we've been shown, but are we also up to the challenge?

Something to ponder.

I spent the day with my family. Both sides of it in one home! I played volleyball with my little sister and ate cheesy carbs and went on a hunt for some eggs. Today, I'm sore, bloated and sun burnt, but it was all completely worth it. Worth noting: I survived the tattoo debut of 2012. *phew*

Other things... Work has been challenging. I'm learning new things & integrating them into my old work flow. I have a lot of support from my leadership and a lot of support from my peers. It's amazing to see how we work together when we want. Really.

I haven't been to yoga or the gym in weeks. It's sad, but I'm not worried about it. Recently, I baked Avocado Poundcake, and two different kinds of oatmeal cookies - dark chocolate/craisin/walnut and coconut/butterscotch/cinnamon chip. It's coconut season to me now. I'm wearing it. I'm burning it. I'm drinking it. I'm eating it. It's love.

In headline news today, Facebook bought Instagram for $1 billion. No big deal. PS. RIP Instagram. I'm not being a Negative Nancy - I'm just being a realist - if only to save myself from certain sadness when Instagram bites it big time.

I was thinking about being vegan. That seems hard. I like challenges. That seems like a HUGE challenge. (Hi, Charles! I can see the disappointment in your face. Don't worry - I don't think I can go through with it.) Also, I'm baking bbq tofu right now with Slatherin' Brands sauce - the spicy one. This junk is delish - you must get your hands on a bottle of it.

Am I rambling now? I think I might be.

And now I'm super tired again - even though I took an almost 2 hour nap after work today.

Life is good. The people in it are good. Everything is good.

And for those of you who are experiencing way more challenges than I am right now, I am proud of you and grateful for your strength. It's these sorts of moments in our lives that let us know what we're truly capable of and what's worth it in the end. xo.

Also, it's ok to be Cranky Pants.

   

This is my family. It's full of love & happiness which is more than someone could ever hope for.

I am on day two of a two day off streak. Yesterday, I spent the day by the pool, at the beach, or asleep. I didn't clean or fold laundry. I didn't bake. I wasn't able to make appointments or return phone calls. I drank fun drinks and smoked hookah with friends. Sometimes, life is just about doing what makes you happy in the moment and picking responsibility back up later. Yep. Today, I clean and mani/pedi myself - it should be a happy medium.

Also, it's Good Friday. A day someone had to give up everything so I could have all of this. That's an incredible love.

It is almost April. APRIL! How did that happen? Where did the last three months go? I know they've been awesome, but too quick!

Oy.

Do you ever stop and take a look at your life and wonder how the heck you got where you are?

I'm not saying it's a bad thing or a good thing... just a thing.

And I wonder if where I am is where I'm supposed to be. If I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. If I'm with who I am supposed to be with. If I'm making the most of the time that's been given to me.

This is not to say I'm not completely happy with my life at the moment. Life is good. I've got goals. I just wonder if they're the right ones and how am I supposed to know?

How do you know if you're living it right?

[cue the John Mayer music]

But seriously. How do YOU know? Tell me your stories.

Oh hey new profile photo!
Who made me so pretty? The beautiful & talented Elle Andersen!

Elle’s passion for her work has given her many opportunities and taken her to many different places. And, if you ask her, the best part of it all has been filling her life with the vibrance of those whose paths she has crossed.

Check out more of her work at Elle Olivia Photography!

Dear Blog,  

We have been together for quite sometime now- six years, in fact. Crazy! This was our very first post together... And since then you've taken me through a lot and kept all of my words & secrets safe. So, I just wanted to say thank you and I'm sorry this is the only year I've remembered our bloggiversary... But here is to many more! You mean the world!

Dear Readers, 

Some of you have been along for the ride just as long! Maybe you even hopped on the train back when we were a live journal. (Oh hey! Blast from the past!) I used to only write these posts for me, but I now know that they've also been for you. I love your texts, emails and comments. You all are hilarious, encouraging and inspiring. Thank you - you're the best!

xoxo.  

 

”...if a person knows Christ, they become the sort of [person] who says difficult truths with [their] mouth and yet feels things with [their] heart that make [them] want to go around and die for people. It’s quite beautiful, really.” - Donald Miller

photo via cohabitaire. see more here.

My alarm has been going off since six thirty. That was silly of me to set. I have had this terrible habit recently of staying up late and thinking that I could wake up five hours later ready to take on my day. I've had more caffeine in the last two days, then I've had in the last month. Crazy. I know.

It's ok.

Sometimes you just have to go watch your friend get a tattoo and celebrate with drinks.

But I'm on vacation. I'm on vacation with a messy room and an unpacked suitcase, but still. Six days.

Today, I will head to Savannah to visit the lovely Mrs. Degar. (Whoa. Sometimes I still have trouble remembering that Chickies is a Mrs. now.) And I will be joined by the always amazing Laura. I already know how awesome this is going to be.

I'll miss my town while I'm gone. I'll miss my people. I'll even miss my job. But it's going to be good to get away. I need to get away. I was starting to overload.

And when I come back, I'll start over fresh for spring. I think that will be a good idea.

xo.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes. - Charles R. Swindoll 

Sometimes I wake up while it's still dark and I panic about the time. Did my alarm go off? Am I late for work? Will I still have time to shower and stop for coffee? You know what I'm talking about. It's a fear that seizes me for two whole seconds before I can get my phone close enough to my face to see the time.

This morning, the fear lasted longer when I saw a long list of updates topped by a text from a friend. I knew why they texted and I just couldn't seem to get my phone unlocked quickly enough to read it. 

The fact of the matter is - life is short and it appears that way at any age.

I had this conversation with my boss yesterday. He asked me why I had decided to go let myself be beat up by the ocean and a surfboard. I'm crazy?  I said, "I just don't see why I shouldn't be doing things right now." Really, the older I get, the more I want to do. I've cultivated this unusual desire to try things I'm scared of or things I think I may hate.

Why? I don't know. What's the worst that could happen? Why do I make any of the decisions I do? Because I realize life is too short to not do what you want to do? Because life is too short to not be with the people I want to be with? Because one day that 4:30 am text will be from me or about me and I don't want it to be full of regret?

There are no words that accurately express the feelings of loss. There is nothing a person can say to describe it. And on the opposite side, there is nothing to be said to make it better. It's just a part of life.

And I have faith in the next part  - in a beautiful eternity that is more amazing than anything this earth could ever offer. I'm not scared of dying, but I know my life is a gift and I am certainly frightened to look back and feel as though I haven't been living it.

So, tell the people you love that you love them and do all of the things you want to do. Live within your means, but remember that this time is temporary. And life is short, but sweet for certain.

xo.

So a few people have texted/emailed me to ask about my previous post. What's the secret? What makes me so good with life? I can say it's not any one thing or person. It's everything combined.

It's the beautiful weather. It's work. It's when work is hard and I learn something from it. It's when work is smooth and I feel accomplished by it. It's the people I work with and how much they support me. It's the people I work with and how much I am able to support them. It's my friends - new and old. It's getting to know people for real. It's trying new things, new foods, new adventures. It's saying yes even if I want to say no. It's saying no when I really want to say no. It's my health. It's the roof over my head. It's Charleston and the water that surrounds it. It's the music I hear. It's the words I read. It's taking the negative and turning it into a positive. It's phone calls with friends who live far away. It's half priced bottles of wine. It's dancing the night away. It's trying to surf. It's baking and baking some more. It's lunch with friends. It's dinner with friends. It's supporting people who need supporting. It's vanilla chai tea. It's instagram. It's yappy little Roxy pants. It's the sound of the fountain as I fall asleep. It's a free massage. It's a juice cleanse high. It's going running. It's my family. It's cotton candy colored sunsets.

It's a lot of things. I have so many things to be thankful for - so many things to be happy about. And I am trying to be positive and work hard and just do it - whatever it is. That's all. Sometimes I forget to stop and be grateful, but today that's what I'm doing. That's my secret!

I've been a bad blogger again. I'm sorry! I've been doing more of the eating and drinking with people. And dancing. And running. And beaching. Reading, too. I'm on the third book of The Hunger Games series. I dig it.

My days off/last week have been so wonderful. I can't even begin to fill you in on all of it. But I'm so very happy with life at the moment.

And I have been listening to this song all day. Do yourself a favor. Evidently I just skipped it every time I listened to this album before.

Daydreamer, with eyes that make you melt. He lends his coat his shelter. Plus, he's there for you when he shouldn't be, but he stays all the same. Waits for you, then sees you through.

courtesy of joy the baker & her bp experience

Hi Friends.

It's Tuesday. But not just ANY Tuesday. It's the Tuesday that I begin my Blueprint Cleanse! Why? Because it's supposed to be amazing for your body... and I like a challenge. Also, because I'm highly susceptible to advertising - Joy the Baker, Tracy Shutterbean, Andrea with the Hyperbole, and Nicole is Better have all endorsed this juice drinking campaign.

And I believe in a TREAT YO' SELF lifestyle.

Ok, so it was actually really hard for me to buy this. Why? BECAUSE IT WAS SO DAMN EXPENSIVE. I could have bought a juicer and done it myself, but I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into. But sometimes in life, you need to go on a juicing adventure.

So, now I'm waiting for the FedEx juice deliverer. If they don't show up before I leave for work, then I'll have to start tomorrow. I hope they get here soon because I'm hungry! Meh.

... this was a good idea, right?

Right.

And don't worry, I will let you know how it goes!

I cannot stop listening to Trevor Hall.

Listen to The Lime Tree. If you've been around me at all recently, then I'm sure you've heard it already. Just listen to it again. And come see him with me on March 24 at The Pourhouse.

Save me love, save me all the time. I wash it down with a simple sip of wine. Toast my glass to all my loved ones to let them know that the stars, they still shine. It took a while for you to find me, but I was hiding in the lime tree.

So, today. I am constantly surprised how far I've come in life, but then again not at all. 

Professionally, I have a plan. I know what I want and I am so willing to work for it. I am dedicated and competitive. I am fiercely passionate about what is good for me and what is not - what is acceptable and what is not. I am focused. I command attention. And I can stand alone. This translates into my personal life as well.

via instagram

I spend time by myself sometimes, but often balance a full social calendar. I schedule time for spontaneity and fit in as much as possible until I overload and take time off. I am quick to make friends, but slow to trust them fully. And when I get to that point with someone, then I absolutely adore them. I have high standards for myself and I hold those around me to the same standards.

Turns out, I can't always do that.

Turns out, we're not all the same.

Turns out, what is good for me is not good for everyone else.

My therapist brought up a very good point today. Maybe I haven't been put in people's lives to help them figure something out, but to help me figure out how I see people, how I treat them, how I respond to them, and how I love them.

(She makes me spend a lot of time thinking about myself...)

I have a really difficult time relating to people who make decisions that are vastly different than my own. And whether I am right or wrong, I have to remember to accept those decisions as the right ones for that person.

Turns out, my adoration has some limits.

Turns out, I let my head own more of me than my heart sometimes.

Turns out, I may be handing out judgement and didn't' realize.

And it's so crazy for me to realize that. I just sat their in silence while my therapist handed this idea to me. Silent because I was processing. Silent because I realized she was right. Silent because I felt horrible for making anyone doubt themselves in my eyes.

That's not to say I will always agree with people. I will always have an opinion. I will always give it to the people I care about. But after that, then it's up to them.

My job is to love. love. love.

There, but for the grace of God, I go.

It's just a little something for me to think about. And I think it's time for me to practice some good intention and follow up with it. It might just make my life easier, too.

I wonder... Do you love your job?

Maybe "love" is too strong of a term. Do you even like your job?

I'm not going to say that I love waking up at 5:30 every morning to go work for 9 hours, but I will say that I adore where I am, who I am with, and what I am doing. And I feel so very blessed by that.

Today should have been one of "those days". You know - the days where you need a drink. Or the days where you order takeout because you're too tired to move or cook. And the gym? Eff that noise.

What today really was...  An example of hard work, teamwork and communication. When the correct expectations are set with the right group of people, well, great things happen. And, at the end of the day, you can go work out and cook your own meal. Maybe even write a blog about it.

It's not always bubbles & gumdrops, but my good days definitely outweigh my "those days".

So, if I haven't been blogging, then what have I been doing?

Valid question.

I have two answers:

1. I have been OUT. Seriously. Working. Eating. Drinking. Yoga-ing. I've been living it up. That's what your twenties are for, yes?

2. I got a sinus infection that left me somewhat bedridden and extremely addicted to Downton Abbey.

Oh. What's a girl to do?

So, hi! I love you. February and I were busy. And I appreciate your patience. xo.

My mom had a conversation about boys & dating & friends with my little sister the other day. She told her that she doesn't need to have a boyfriend to be someone or to be cool. She told her that she was a wonderful someone all on her own. And she reminded Rebecca that I didn't have a special someone right now or all of the time and she asked if Rebecca thought I was sad or had a bad life. Rebecca told my mom, "No. I think she's happy and has a really good life." And I do. Truly.

Occasionally, I feel lonely and want someone to take care of me when I'm sick or be my permanent date to sappy movies or to bring me flowers for no reason at all, but not all the time. My independence is empowering. My community is overwhelming and uplifting. I like who I am and I think other people do, too.

I think sometimes I forget why I am the way I am though. I wasn't born a nice and optimistic person. Those are traits that are cultivated. My good traits were grown and they were grown by Jesus. He was introduced to me at a young age and has stayed by my side ever since... through everything I  have done - good or bad. I am who I am because of Him. I want to be more like Him because he was a pretty amazing person. Not only because I believe He died for me (that's another fantastic thing in itself), but because he was kind, intelligent, and inviting. He was dynamic in creating life around Him! (I also like to think he was funny, but I can't prove it.) He was the kind of person this world needs more of and if that's what the world needs, then I want to be it.

"Let's go with Jesus. Not the gay-hating, war-making political tool of the Right, but the outcast, subversive, supreme adept who preferred the freaks and lepers and despised and doomed to the rich and powerful." - John Cusack (on his hero in Vanity Fair)

Source: Uploaded by user via Cheryl on Pinterest

Tonight I cried.

Nothing bad happened. Nothing sad occurred.

I just listened to Jump Little Children and

I felt the overwhelming feeling of loneliness for a moment.

And I cried.

It's okay to cry sometimes.