This morning, the fear lasted longer when I saw a long list of updates topped by a text from a friend. I knew why they texted and I just couldn't seem to get my phone unlocked quickly enough to read it.
The fact of the matter is - life is short and it appears that way at any age.
I had this conversation with my boss yesterday. He asked me why I had decided to go let myself be beat up by the ocean and a surfboard. I'm crazy? I said, "I just don't see why I shouldn't be doing things right now." Really, the older I get, the more I want to do. I've cultivated this unusual desire to try things I'm scared of or things I think I may hate.
Why? I don't know. What's the worst that could happen? Why do I make any of the decisions I do? Because I realize life is too short to not do what you want to do? Because life is too short to not be with the people I want to be with? Because one day that 4:30 am text will be from me or about me and I don't want it to be full of regret?
There are no words that accurately express the feelings of loss. There is nothing a person can say to describe it. And on the opposite side, there is nothing to be said to make it better. It's just a part of life.
And I have faith in the next part - in a beautiful eternity that is more amazing than anything this earth could ever offer. I'm not scared of dying, but I know my life is a gift and I am certainly frightened to look back and feel as though I haven't been living it.
So, tell the people you love that you love them and do all of the things you want to do. Live within your means, but remember that this time is temporary. And life is short, but sweet for certain.