you could make the sun go down just by walking away

"It matters a lot to my wife what I speak into her life. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out. Susan wants me to tell her that she's beautiful. Not Archie. Not Ben. Not anybody else. I'm sure to some extent she appreciates it, but it doesn't matter to her. She wants to hear it from me. She only cares if I tell her she's beautiful or if I don't tell her." - Paul Rienzo

We talked about criticism in church this morning and critics to our vision. And all I sat there thinking was "I don't have a vision" and that I am worst critic. I am the person who brings me down the most. I'm the cynic. I'm the one who is not surprised when things are forgotten or go wrong.

I need something more. Maybe. Kt says I'm in limbo where I'm supposed to be. I'm awaiting further instruction. I'm doing just what I need to do until the next phase of my life comes along. This, my friends, is what we call a lesson in patience. Lots of patience.

That aside. I'm in real pain from some Sports Illustrated 80's workout videos. I'm talking neon spandex body suits with ankle warmers on VHS. No lie.

And I've finally reached that dating someone for a year mark. I must like him alot.

[Photo by Kaitlyn Iserman]

i wanna the feel the car crash

A new song from Matt Nathanson is the free itunes single this week.

I love living downtown. I love driving over the harbor and seeing the lights of the city twinkle. I love the dark silhouettes of the boats floating silently in the water. I love being near the water and being able to smell it first thing in the morning. I love being able to run around it. Or not.

I love having a pint of Ben and Jerry's (lighten up!) Half-baked in my freezer - no questions asked.

I love a good night of worship. Focused worship. With songs that I feel. That I can put myself into.

I love watching Grey's, but hate feeling a little sad after it. But I watch it with my mom, so that may make up for it. I do miss watching it with Rachel (who just sent me one of the most amazing and true text messages ever). I say ditto to all that, my dear.

I love my brother. Even though he volunteers for early deployment. And that's all I'll say on that.

Three blinks means I love you.

passing time with you in mind

It's another quiet night. Feel the ground against my back. Counting stars against the black.

It's officially fall.

It does not feel like fall, but I had a really good day - weekend - all the same. Matt came to Charleston and we did Charleston things and met Charleston people and ate Charleston food and saw James Riley get married.

And when I left Sumter, I did my best not to cry since this goodbye is for a whole month. Ack. Ack. We've been dating for almost a whole year (next Sunday) without living in the same city. We've also been through basic training, a car accident and my DMB tardiness. A month should be nothing... So, I just listened to Dave and Tim (Live at Radio City Music Hall) all the way home. That made me happier.

The whole week leading up to this moment was insane. It involved baby hamsters, Dave Matthews, lots of trips to Costco, yelling at highschoolers, and a visit to Doctor's Care. No lie.

I'm going to be spending the next two weeks living downtown and commuting to and from West Ashley for business type things. And I think I'm going to try my old church again. Dawn and Chris are coming with the baby this weekend, too.

I am not so secretly a homebody, I think. I like reading books and watching movies and going to bed at a decent hour. Maybe I'm just aging at a quicker rate - like that movie Jack with Robin Williams.

All new Grey's Anatomy this week. Get excited.

Thinking about another day. Wishing I was far away. Wherever I dreamed I was, you were there with me.

i'm feeling nervous trying to be so perfect

Today was a good day. And busy. Busy. Busy.

The weather was beautiful and the people were great. And the music and anticipation was almost too much to handle. (Picture: windows down driving to Avril Lavigne along with cleaning my bedroom with new Dave songs.)

And who knew Jestine's Kitchen had amazing Coca-Cola cake and Cary Ann Hearst?

"I love this city." - Anthony Bourdain (about Charleston)

... 'cause I know you're worth it. You're worth it.

they start in my toes

And it starts in my soul. And I lose all control. When you kiss my nose, the feeling shows 'cause you make me smile, baby.

I drink too much coffee. If that's possible.

I have a super busy and exciting week ahead of me including lots of work, a new employee, a sysco order, daaaaave, and matt jooooones! And lots of cleaning. Sometimes I wish I was less busy and could invest in more people than I do. I suppose I have lots invested in my mall people and employees.

The Cause that has gripped us is so great that the small weaknesses of individuals cannot destroy it. Therefore I ask you only one thing: do not be so worried about yourself. Free yourself from all your plans and aims. They occupy you far too much. Surrender yourself to the sun, the rain, and the wind, as do the flowers and the birds. Surrender yourself to God. Wish for nothing but one thing: that his will be done, that his kingdom come, and that his nature be revealed. Then all will be well. -- Eberhard Arnold

Oh, I chopped all my hair off. And I got my car back! And I heard I Nine on the radio. Freaky. I really dislike the song as their song, but it's so damn catchy.

Today, I saw lots of police cars driving in the mall. And we were very busy in a very good and much needed way. Thank the Lord.

"Freedom is when your bra comes off at the end of the day." - Yolonda and Ms. Joyce.

Aaaand. I'm doing Race for the Cure on October 20. If you're near to Charleston and wish to participate, please join our team! If you're far away or don't wish to wake up, please feel free to donate to our team. My personal goal is $125 and the team's is $5,000.

Wherever you go, I always know 'cause you make me smile.

life's what you make it

Yesterday, a lady asked me to please match my hair color with a box at the store so she could dye hers to match mine.

Today, I baked espresso chocolate chip cookies at work. I made the dough with real espresso. And little mini chocolate chips. And they were delicious. Plus, I brewed Vermont Maple Syrup coffee. Seriously, my job has never smelled better.

I ran three miles on the elliptical machine today. It didn't really seem like three miles. And I can't decide if that's because 1. I wasn't really going anywhere, 2. Three miles on an elliptical machine isn't actually three miles, or 3. I was watching Gilmore Girls... Pippie!

Whatever. I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow. And on Friday, Kt and I are going to pick up my car in Columbia. (I really miss Jimmy.) And then I'm working like a crazy person all weekend. Imagine that.

This time next week, I'll be finishing up a concert with Dave Matthews. *sigh*

Grey's Anatomy Season 3 is on dvd. I want. (And 1 and 2.) Please and thank you.

I have the Hannah Montana theme song stuck in my head. The end.

everything i do i give my heart and soul

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay... I miss you.

What I learned this weekend: There are pros and cons to everything and neither of those matter if you don't care. Bananas and blueberries go well on waffles. Sometimes we're lost because we don't have maps. Such as. Pumpkin Spice Owls and Blueberry Birds are especially there to make me happy. We have the rest of forever to make money and drive lumps of metal. Avril Lavigne songs can make me cry. My friends and family are for keeps. And Matt is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I am blessed.

I always needed time on my own. I never thought I'd need you there when I cried.

"What's it say about worrying? Don't do it. It's all over the place in the Bible. Don't worry about about tomorrow - today has enough trouble of it's own. That's Matthew. Another place it reminds you that tomorrow may never come." - a Mom paraphrase

I can't really keep my eyes open to type anything else. So tired.

but never is a promise and i'll never need a lie

But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights.
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception.
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights.

I found a cd today that someone made me years ago with lots of beautiful songs with beautiful lyrics and I'm upset that I had lost it for so long.

I think I need to take the scale out of my room. I'm driving myself nuts.

I start my yoga class next week. I'm excited.

I miss my boyfriend. I can't wait to see him this weekend.

I'm reading Women's Health Magazine. It's very enlightening and quite informative. I suggest it to anyone who seems vaguely interested.

I love this line of Nike Women's Ads. This particular ad-copy reads: My butt is big And round like the letter C And ten thousand lunges Have made it rounder But not smaller And that's just fine. It's a space heater For my side of the bed It's my ambassador To those who walk behind me It's a border collie That herds skinny women Away from the best deals At clothing sales. My butt is big And that's just fine And those who might scorn it Are invited to kiss it. Just do it.

close your eyes and feel the wind blow through your hair

This is my desktop. That's real graffitti on James Island.

"It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate wilfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better." -- Robert Frost, Birches

... And cool your perfect body and blow away the cross you used to bear.

the latte radish

maybe you should just drink a lot less coffee
and never ever watch the 10 o'clock news.

coffee by erin. photo by kt.