"Joy is what you feel when the conflict is over. But it's the conflict that changes a person." - Robert McKee

things i need for my new home:

microwave
toaster oven
silverware divider
shelf paper
dishwasher detergent
shower curtain & liner
couch (i have a temp.)
tv stand
bookshelf
washer/dryer (haha. pls!) lies. i don't have hookups.
papertowels
toilet paper
groceries
a wireless router (also an internet provider)
LOST on dvd
a travel mug (not so much for the apt as it's just for me)
tea kettle
hendrick's gin
wine (i like malbecs. or nice dry whites)
(if i get wine) wine rack
mich ultra (only 95 calories)
air mattress (for visitors i don't want to share my bed with)
cookie sheet (in case i feel betty crocker-ish)
kitchen aid (a girl can dream)
barista magazine (for my coffee table, duh)
ikea gift card (the apt will spend it wisely)
red orchid gift certificate (apts get hungry too)
target gift card (just because)
a bathroom trash can
mixing bowls


i need to pack.
i'm so not prepared for this.
but i do have electricity & renter's insurance.

i also pretty much have no seating. if you come visit, byoc (bring your own chair) and leave it. please & thank you.

why i love twitter, land rovers & jay frizz
note: for you non-tweeting folks - you need to read it bottom to top.

guilty pleasures



we can dance until we die.



i can't help it. they're just so catchy.

things i like right now: mexican food, mint & chocolate together, wine, LOST, to do lists, darius rucker, productivity, twilight woods, scheduling, packing, coffee, backroom organization.

and some other things. and lots of people.
i'm really blessed by the people in my life.
really.

i would like more hours in the day though. mmk.

Hugo: C'mon. Get up. We got work to do.
Sawyer: What's your problem, Jumbotron?
Hugo: Shut up, red.. neck.. man.
Sawyer; Touche. What's Jiminy Cricket doing here?

i really love sawyer. i know. i'm just as surprised as you.

blondes. blondes. blondes. blondes.

so, i had a lovely nola day.

(after i shaved my finger with a razor. yeah, it was as painful as it sounds. eff.)

breakfast with craig at surrey's uptown. mailed a nola letter to hanneke. a jaunt to lakeside shopping center (on the way, an old lady gave me the finger for running a stop sign and i almost killed a retired marine on the causeway). lunch with tony at chill out (breakfast & asian fusion). thai iced tea. rue on oak street (where i found this gem of a van). then i got my hair did in the paddock living room (legally blonde). a turn about audubon park. whole foods deliciousness for dinner. cafe du monde with tori and laura - au lait! walk around jackson square.

i love new orleans. and i love traveling. and i'm super excited about fall trip. for real.

i also miss charleston. my friends. my dog. my bed. the marshy smell when i wake up.

funny, huh? i've never been one to get homesick. maybe it's because i've been listening to the new darius rucker cd. hmph.

i need some front porch rockin', some back road walkin', some sittin' 'round talkin' 'bout nothin'.

on the other hand, my skin is a billion times clearer since i started on my little paid time off adventure. no stress + sleep = happier skin. i shouldn't have to go on vacation to have clear skin. i'm just saying.

tomorrow, i might be hanging out with miss rockett whilst the paddocks work. anthropologie & starbucks? yes, please and thank you. now who wants to pay my credit card bill. any takers?

ps. this quote is on my desktop...

"But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not." - CS Lewis

i love reading it when i see it.

there are two kinds of payday.

the kind involving direct deposit and the kind made of caramel and peanuts.

i like them both.

ok, so now i'm at starbucks. i'm loading cds onto my computer bc my cd player in my car is a piece of shit. and i'm not apologizing for my foul language bc that's how i really feel about it. now, i have to update my ipod with the ipod cord i didn't bring with me, but luckily, apple has inundated the lives of all the people in the world around me and i know i'll be able to find one. heck, i could probably ask a stranger at a table and they would have one i could use. anyway, i digress. i'm reading this blog entry and it's hilarious, so i am going to share it with you.

searching for the yeti :: quotes

doesn't understand this whole over-specified coffee-drink thing. How many drinks did you have to buy before you found a combination that you liked? Why not make it at home if you're that afraid? I love my high-maintenance coffee-drink-ordering-friends, but if your order takes more than one breath to place, then you shouldn't be drinking coffee-based drinks in the first place. You're already too high-strung.

Hello from vacation!

I'm in Hattiesburg, MS right now. I drove here yesterday... I left Charleston at 9am (EST) and got here around 6:3pm (CT) with only four hours of sleep the night before from crazy holiday phase one floorset. ANYWAY. Six shots of espresso later, I made it.

I like Hattiesburg. It's adorable. It's the home of Southern Miss for those of you who weren't aware. And, as everyone knows, I love my college towns. They're full of book stores, record stores and coffee shops. This particular town has T Bones - it's a record and coffee shop all rolled into one. Heaven might be like that.

I slept 10 hours last night and woke up to a cool breeze blowing through my open windows. This morning, I worked out and went running, then I got awesome cold brew coffee magic and visited my friend Tom at A Gallery. I went to Target bc I needed new sunglasses and the new Darius Rucker cd. And I got a pedicure at this place that had TWO chandeliers. I love chandeliers. Now, I'm at Java Werks eating a panini and taking advantage of wifi. I like to stay connected.

Tonight, there will be porch drinking and what not with my friends. Tomorrow, I'll head to Nola. I would be more descriptive and use lovelier words, but my battery is going to die soon. Wah. Wah. Wah.

Some final words from a PASTE article ::

"he (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) pauses and says: 'I just don’t like to say bad things about particular people just because it doesn’t, like…' Pause. 'It’s not a practice worth perpetuating.'"

Enter the Worship Circle :

Toddlers live in a constant state of wonder. Everything is new. Each object is full of new color, shape, weight, and orifice-filling potential. The tragedy of this blissful life is that it will die a slow death with the aging of experience.

Things become known.

Secrets are uncovered.

By the time we leave adolescence for adulthood we are threatened with life-killing boredom, having lost all sensation of wonder because we can't find anything that is really new.

i make so much sense when i'm sick and my vocabulary is overwhelming. not.

Brian:  what are you doing right now?

 me:  clearing off my bed and looking for cold medicine

 Brian:  you sick / and going to bed?

 me:  i dunno.

 Brian:  either or?

 me:  right.

 Brian:  i was gonna see if i could call

 me:  you may.

God is not proud... He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him. - CS Lewis

columbia when it's cold. photo by heather dearmon.

my room is a mess. i need to unpack from being away. i need to pack to move.

instead of either, i'm drinking ginseng peppermint tea & watching LOST with my window open because the weather is oh so fall like at the moment.

i have a song by the killers stuck in my head.

all these things that i've done.

i just thought i should mention that.

so, it seems quite a bit of time has passed since my last blog.

and you all certainly mentioned it. my apologies.

tonight, i'm in columbia bc my friend tony is turning thirty (tomorrow). what a big event. turning thirty seems crazy to me bc it's five years away. five years is a long time. although, i feel quite certain that i will feel like today was just yesterday when i actually hit the digits myself. did that make sense?

anyway, i love columbia. i do. i love my friends here. i love that it feels like home no matter what. no matter how long i've been gone. no matter what has happened. no matter who is here. i feel like columbia is where i grew up and the city embraced me through four very awkward and formative years. so very kind.

i suppose i should update you all on my life at the moment.

i moved to a new store (again). i work at the bath & body works at tanger outlets. we're not an outlet store. just a store at the outlets. this is infuriating to some people. some people are infuriating to me. it all evens out in the end.

it's really stressful though. it's high traffic, but not doing the comparative volume in sales. operationally, it needs some tweaking. and talent wise, well, we need some associates. anyone looking for part time work? i need you to be responsible, hard working & dependable. i would also prefer it if you liked to take ownership over your work. please & thank you.

also, i recently had a boyfriend & lost a boyfriend. and by lost, i mean i broke up with him. he's a really great guy. nice. attractive. attentive. so, why did i break up with him? well, we're different people in different places in our lives. it's hard to describe, but it didn't feel right to keep dating him when i wasn't as invested as i should have been. it also doesn't feel right for me to have gone 24 hours without talking to him or seeing him. and i'm sure it won't feel right when i go home tomorrow either. but that's life and you deal with it.

it's weird how you can be both so sure and unsure of things at the exact same time. maybe, deep down, i'm just afraid of being alone. or maybe, deep down, i'm just afraid to let someone in. i'm not sure. but they say you'll know it when it happens. so, i'll go with that explanation and just wait for now.

in one month, i'll be in my new home. i wonder if i'll love living alone? i wonder if i'll be lonely? i wonder if i'll be too busy to notice? i wonder if people will come over often? i wonder a lot of things. i probably shouldn't do that. i wonder about things a lot.

you know what i miss though... being in wonder of things.

i've been going to this small group at church on wednesday nights and i know what i'm missing. i know what i need to be doing and i need to just do it. that's how i'll get the wonder back. that's how i'll get true perspective back. that's how i'll get direction back. that's how i'll get motivation back. i know. i just need to do it. i need to own my own faith. to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. to be held accountable. to be pushed. i wonder if i can do that on my own.

i'm stubbornly independent sometimes. oy.

um. i looked at some master's programs. retail. maybe. i don't think i really want to go back to school though. it would cost me money this time.

and last, but not least, i'm considering eating poultry again. 

well, it looks like i just wrote a short novel on all the things that have been rolling around in my head. maybe this will help make it clearer. maybe not. there is a lot going on right now and a lot that will be going on in the next couple of days. weeks. months.

and maybe now i'll watch LOST bc i am pretty far behind. or catch up on blogs. oh how i've neglected my google reader. my life is messy right now. hmph.