'cause you're independent and you got my attention

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself." -Neil Gaiman

... i just want to show you that i love what you're doing.

bought some wine and some paper cups

sometimes i hate being at the mall. and it gives me a headache to work so much. other times, i really enjoy being with the people there. and they make me very happy.

... but I couldn't think of anywhere I would've rather been.

and i'll stand here 'til the fall

"Imagine, a Being with a mind as great as God's, with feet like trees and a voice like rushing wind, telling you that you are His cherished creation. It's kind of exciting if you think about it. Earthly love... is temporal and slight so that it has to be given again and again in order for us to feel any sense of security; but God's love, God's voice and presence, would instill our souls with such affirmation we would need nothing more and would cause us to love other people so much we would be willing to die for them." - Searching for God Knows What

you change your mind like a girl changes clothes

You don't really wanna stay, no. But you don't really wanna go. I should know that you're no good for me.

so i'm told. so the story goes...

She was his girl, he was her boyfriend. Soon to be his wife, make him her husband. A surprise on the way, any day, any day. One healthy little giggling, dribbling baby boy.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." (Luke 2:10-11, NIV)

The Wise Men came, three made their way to shower him with love while he lay in the hay. Shower him with love, love, love, love love, love, love, love was all around.

Father up above, Why in all this anger do you fill me up with love, love, love?

we live in a beautiful world.

i'm going to start my christmas shopping today!!

i'm such a slacker. haha. oh my. this should be fun.

then i'm going to work work work. at bath and body.

i made $5100 in two hours yesterday. bangin'.

i have so many people i need to call back.
i just haven't had the time. i'm an awful friend.
i hope everyone can forgive it for right now.

oh, all that i know, there's nothing here to run from. 'cause here, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.

and erring on the edge of safe

i like:

Tegan and Sara - The Con
Stars - Take me to the Riot

today was completely long. 7am-6pm.

then sarah and i ate chinese food and played wii.

i got two fortunes in one cookie:
In youth and beauty, wisdom is rare.
Answer just what your heart prompts you.

and now i'm going to bed.

i am exhausted.

Calm down, I'm calling back to say, I'm home now and coming around, coming around.

all i want for christmas...

a new fm transmitter for my ipod (in my car)
big bang theory on dvd
itunes gift card
a lovely new handbag
a vacation

that's all i can think of.

also, i don't think i'm going to get around to sending christmas cards this year. my apologies. i hope you love me all the same.

these little black sandals are walking me away

sometimes i think boys aren't worth the time.
then they tell you something ridiculously sweet.

dumb.

i know better.

a blog that i read - searching for the yeti: When we were having girls night the other night, this was the phrase that came out: “I think she is one of the most intelligent yet least wise women I know.”

i went to work at 8am. i got home thirty minutes ago.
i left for 2 1/2 hours for salsa bar!
i have to be back at 7am. i can't decide if i should nap or not.

decisions.

sometimes i'm tempted. sometimes i am.

you're not my problem

i think i'm gonna read now while i listen to this cd.

can’t you see that I am losing my marbles? it’s marvelous.

there's more to the picture than meets the eye

i do not have the christmas spirit.
i did have four cups of candy cane coffee today.

it's just weird because it's so warm outside.
i'm not unhappy. or cranky. just a little tired.
but the spirit isn't there. strange.

bad things happen to good people.
i'm charging it all to oh eight.

so soon it will be oh nine. who's excited?

hey hey. my my. rock and roll can never die.

i'm just a girl you lost to cocaine

this is exactly how i feel...

4.14
LORELAI: You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, "I wish I was married," but today, I mean -- I'm happy. You know? I like my life. I like my friends. I like my stuff. My time, my space, my TV.
LUKE: Yeah, sure.
LORELAI: But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack. Someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning, meet the stupid sink before it gets sent back to Canada.

4.20
LORELAI: I can't sleep. I can't turn my mind off. It keeps running and thinking and making lists.
LUKE: Maybe if you drank a little less coffee, you'd make a little less lists.
LORELAI: Oh, I can't stop drinking the coffee. If I stop drinking coffee, I stop doing the standing and the walking and the words putting-into-sentence doing.

No, I just don’t wanna, so I’m walking away. There is nothing that you can do. I will not stay. No, I don’t need drama, so I’m walking away. Yeah, I am a girl with a lot on her plate.

hello again. it's been too long.

Series 1-2009

Tue / Apr 14 / Madison Square Garden / New York, NY with The Roots
Wed / Apr 15 / IZOD Center / East Rutherford, NJ with The Roots
Fri / Apr 17 / John Paul Jones Arena / Charlottesville, VA with Old Crow Medicine Show
Sat / Apr 18 / John Paul Jones Arena / Charlottesville, VA with Old Crow Medicine Show
Mon / Apr 20 / Verizon Wireless Music Center Birmingham / Pelham, AL with Old Crow Medicine Show
Wed / Apr 22 / TWC Music Pavilion / Raleigh, NC with The Avett Brothers
Fri / Apr 24 / Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre / Charlotte, NC with The Avett Brothers
Sat / Apr 25 / Vanderbilt Stadium / Nashville, TN Special Show, support to be announced soon!
Tue / Apr 28 / Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre at Encore Park / Alpharetta, GA with The Avett Brothers
Wed / Apr 29 / Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre at Encore Park / Alpharetta, GA with The Avett Brothers
Fri / May 1 / Cynthia L. Woods Mitchell Pavilion / The Woodlands, TX with The Avett Brothers
Sat / May 2 / Superpages.com Center / Dallas, TX with The Avett Brothers
Tue / May 5 / Journal Pavilion / Albuquerque, NM with The Avett Brothers
Wed / May 6 / Cricket Wireless Pavilion / Phoenix, AZ with The Avett Brothers
Fri / May 8 / MGM Grand Garden Arena / Las Vegas, NV with Jason Mraz
Sat / May 9 / MGM Grand Garden Arena / Las Vegas, NV with Jason Mraz

i saw sparks

holiday time at the mall blows.
crazy hours. crazy customers. i miss my friends.

i still had a good day though.
i ended it with a smile still on my face.

tomorrow i'm going to the festival of lights!

now, i'm going to bed.

i promise you this. i'll always look out for you.

that's what i'll do.

here in the heartland...

a feeling so startling.

hot mess:

1. a person that looks just pitiful 2. a person who looks as if they've been to hell and back

that's me.

i don't know what i should do.

warning: kissing can be dangerous. (repost)

oh my.

i read a lot of blogs.

vampire weekend - bryn

you know, it's easy to see.

when i was young i didn't think about it

how the hell do you use twitter?

i just discovered dave matthews' twitter.

"hello there. I suppose I might be a bit of a truffle and champagne socialist. But I'll rob myself and by everyone a sandwich."

it's like crack to me.

speaking of crack, i should have had more coffee today.

"More coffee and more coffee and shake me more like a monkey."

boys. dating. relationships. all strange things.

bartender, please.

the end.

now i just want to run and hide.

tonight you're falling in love

this feeling's tearing me up. here we go now.

today was weird.

it's been like a giant dance party at bath and body works.

rihanna. metro station. miley cyrus. tegan and sara. alanis morisette. cher. celine dion. lily allen. natasha bedingfield.

i'm not even lying.

i bounce and dance a lot while i'm there.

i saw you dancing and i couldn't get you off my mind.

shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it.

baby, just ask me

Got stains on my t-shirt and I'm the biggest flirt. Right now I'm solo, but that will be changing eventually. Oh, got bruises on my heart and sometimes I get dark.

If you want my auto, want my autobiography. Baby, just ask me.

something is bound to turn out right

Owen Beverly and Band at the Music Farm.
courtesy of kaitlyn iserman and her iphone.

in the shadows of tall buildings...

Jay Clifford at the Music Farm.
courtesy of kaitlyn iserman and her iphone.

come on skinny love

I told you to be patient.
I told you to be fine.
I told you to be balanced.
I told you to be kind.
Now all your love is wasted?

I tell my love to wreck it all,
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall.
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall.

-- Bon Iver

This is my first Bon Iver song. I really like it. The music is really passionate. So are the words. It's full of hurt, but I'm pretty sure we've all felt this way at some point in a relationship.

Just saying.

Jay Clifford at the Music Farm tonight! See you there!

i'm not scared but i'd like some extra spare time

oddly enough, i plan on spending my friday night at home. huzzah!

i'm sorta flaky right now because of work and fatigue, but i have good friends who understand and that i still get to hang out with. i love 'em.

i got a forty-five dollar parking ticket. damn loading zone.

and i put my contacts in the wrong eyes this morning. they stayed that way for several hours.

just say yes to... hetero lifemate time. margaritas. salsa bar. mulled wine. mellow mushroom. graffiti. friends. espresso. blood orange juice. dave matthews band. believe boxes. heated mattress pads. to do lists. twirling. prayer.

i think that's all.

oh! and listen to rilo kiley.

they say california is a recipe for a black hole. and i say i've got my best shoes on, i'm ready to go.

the simple truth is the best i guess

I have a lot of thoughts today. Some cannot even begin to be formed into actual sentences... Does that even make sense? I'm not sure it does.

I realized, the truth is that it's very easy to stop loving someone who has stopped loving you. (sidenote: I think that makes me even more amazed by God's inability to stop loving humans who constantly fail and ignore him...)

But I guess that (the ease of being able to stop loving someone) is only if you know what real love is... but it's all relative to how you view the world and truth. What do you base your life upon? Is your foundation solid or crumbly?

I'm glad I had something to land on...

I don't feel like any piece of me is missing anymore. I feel like more of me is showing. I am more myself now than I have been in the last year and a half.

So that's good.

Also, I feel so deeply for those people around me who are struggling. I cannot fix any of their problems. I can simply pray. And believe. That's frustrating. I'm a this is what's wrong and this is what we do to fix it sort of girl. Unfortunately, most of life's issues do not work in such a fashion.

In other news... I was proposed to today. This is not the first time this has happened this week.

First come (with platinum) first served.

I kid.

"You know me I’ve always been the kind with easy confidence. Confident enough to honestly believe that nothing out there is stopping me. Especially not someone who’s not loving me. Now, listen here, I told you I could live on without loving you. I was bluffing then, but it seems that just might have been the truth." - The Avett Brothers

I feel like this post is wishy washy. My apologies.

twenty three and so tired of life

(I want to work today like I want a hole in my head.)

Such a shame to throw it all away.
The images grow darker still...
Could I have been anyone other than me?

And then I,

I look up at the sky.
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying?
What's the use in hurrying?
Turn. Turn. We almost become dizzy.

somtimes i feel like i am falling

things to do (when i have money again):

buy a bottle of firefly sweet tea vodka
find a new journal
try an espresso truffle from starbucks
have my eyebrows waxed
use my spa packages (i need tip money)
raid the used cds at monster music

things to do (when i have time again):

walk the bridge
read a book or quit a book and start another
laundry!

oh, life it seems a struggle between what we think, what we see. i'm not going to change my ways just please you or appease you.

one sweet world around the sun is spinning

i posted this last year when i finished hypocrite in a pouffy white dress and i think its important to post again now that a lot of us find ourselves in different places or, at the very least, different mindsets...

"My friends and I had reached the age when we had the great, good fortune to be living out some of the dreams we'd had when we were young. Now, we were discovering the truly hard part: the realities.

Having a new baby made you psychotic with exhaustion and self-doubt. Professional success could make you delirious with insomnia and anxiety. Living abroad rendered you lonely and infantilized. And no matter what road you took, you still had to brush your teeth every morning, pay your bills, do your damn laundry, worry about taxes, check your breasts for cancer, argue with your loved ones about whether to defrost the refrigerator. Nobody, after all, it seemed, was exempt from banality.

... This was it. I was doing something I'd dreamed of. I was living in the middle of the world, and all of us were in it together, each one of us extraordinary and yet, really, no different from each other. I flung my arms back and for a minute, it felt like I could levitate. Then I laughed, loudly, like an American. Like a defiant bride. Like a seven-year-old girl with a rhinestone earring clipped to her nose. I had absolutely no idea what would happen next. But then, I suppose, no one ever does."

-- Susan Gilman, Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress

i very much enjoy my life right now. even in the midst of having no clue what the hell i am doing or where i am going. and i realize it doesn't matter.