this is the war that's never won

I do not have the Christmas spirit. I wish I did, but I'm too stressed out. I'm tired and cranky and touchy about everything. This is not what the holiday season should be like.

I'm jealous of the people who are traveling or are spending time celebrating. I know my time will come, but it seems so very far away. Maybe that's because I've been awake for about twenty or so hours now. Or that I just watched Spanglish and that's a bit emotional.

Everyone in our house (and that's a lot) is so busy and everyone else I care about seems so very far away. I hate not being close. I hate reading about people's lives online. I hate that I keep everyone up to date through my blog.

I also hate holiday shoppers and mall traffic.

I would like for a moment to be able to stop worrying about customers and milk and scheduling and to be with my friends and family and boyfriend and just be.

And I'm not really upset - I'm just adjusting. I'm not used to being an "adult" with responsibilities. I'm not used to having a boyfriend I want to spend time with. I'm not used to my friends living more than five minutes away. I'm not used to having extra people live in my home. And I am certainly not used to not having Christmas Break. I wasted 22 years of Christmas Break. I never appreciated it until now. Blah.

Pictures of you. Pictures of me. Remind us all of what we used to be.