what i fear the most.

You may tire of me as our December sun is setting 'cause I'm not who I used to be.

i wish we could open our eyes

I went to bed early last night - feeling like crap. I woke up this morning feeling like more rested crap. I think it's because I let the kitten sleep in my bed.

I'm so glad that yesterday is over. The rest of the semester is still going to suck, but yesterday I had two important tests, an access project and three hours of sleep. And it was cold and rainy and Gilmore Girls was a two hour marathon of reruns.

I'm so scared that I failed one of my tests which is completely unacceptable because I already failed one test in that class. And it's a major course. And I don't fail things. I just don't. My gpa is always good which in turn makes me good. I am my grades. (Or at least in my head, I am.) My mom and I had this conversation yesterday...

Mom: Erin, no one ever told you that you had to be perfect.
Me: Well, no one ever told me that it was ok to fail either.
Mom: I did. You just weren't listening!
Me: Oh. Well... Tell me again, then.

I still don't want to fail. It will be detrimental to my mental health.

I'm a modern girl, but i fold in half so easily when i put myself in the picture of success. I could learn world trade or try to map the ocean.

Alison and I got an apartment. The one on Henderson Street. Woot. We still need one subleaser (female) for my room this summer. Any takers?

I get a bit confused every spring -- I'm listening to lots of Death Cab, Rilo Kiley, Reindeer Section and The Weepies. This compilation of artists will keep me going through the week.

I might have to get rid of the kitten if I don't get better. There is so much more work to do for everything. I shouldn't be blogging. Alison, Stephanie and Amy are all getting ready to graduate. Corinne has stitches and is trying to travel to Dartmouth this weekend. David has so much school and a 30 hour/week job and is looking for a home in Charleston this summer. Jones is sick with something. Lou is busy trying to grow in a forward fashion while getting over plane travels and preparing for the mannatech project. (Tell me - Why is food not enough? And how exactly do glyconutrients work in your body?) Girls in group are having stressful weeks. So many people with so many troubles. I couldn't write them all if tried. Praying. Pay it forward, folks.

letters to the editor

Dear Spring Semester,
You're giving me insomnia.
Please end.
It's nothing too personal,
but thanks for nothing.
Yours Truly, Erin G. Ellis



Dear Summer,
I need you to hurry.
But please be kind
because last year,
you kind of sucked.
Hearts & Stars, Erin

i'll be there in the summertime

I just got off the phone and I have an anouncement to make... MATT CALLIS IS COMING!! On May 8. For almost six whole days! Get excited!

And please note that's one more person who loves The Weepies. thank you very much magic music box for your magic powers. take it from me. (we've got a good life.)

pictures of you still make me smile

It's crazy for me to pay $8.95/month for a blog which I shouldn't spend as much time typing in and changing as I do. So, here I am. My entire Typepad is gone. All gone. It's kinda sad. I just erased the last five months of my life. Everything I've done and felt disappeared with one click of my mouse - Yes, I understand the terms of cancellation. I just canceled my memories. I should really be more specific in a real journal. Oh well. My life needs to be simplified anyway.

I have to study now - Hotel Management Test and Accounting Exam 3 tomorrow. Boo. And an Access project - a program which is evidently not on my computer already. Boo.

P.S. Marty doesn't like going to the vet. But he is healthy. *phew*

no amount of coffee. no amount of crying.

Sunday... This morning Jones made breakfast for us - omelets, french toast sticks and orange slices. A great way to begin the day.

I spent the rest of the day listening to The Weepies (thanks to Jones) and looking through almost one thousand photos (also thanks to Jones). It was a giant ploy to get myself to procrastinate. This means tomorrow will suck.

Today, I cried. And I wasn't expecting it at all. It was over something I didn't know I was thinking about and I didn't know it bothered me so much. It's also something I have no control over. Alison saw it. I think it worried her. But it's ok.

I like this picture. I do not, however, like pears. Go figure.

(You are the hope that keeps me trusting.)

I really enjoyed worship tonight. Music is a really important part of how I communicate - even to God and tonight the songs made it so easy. I even got to worship with the warmth of a blanket. Comfortable. That's how I felt. I liked it.

Tomorrow, little Marty goes to the vet. I'm scared they're going to tell me something is wrong with him. And I'm scared he's going to cry a bunch when they give him shots. This will not be a fun experience. Kind of like when he grabs me with his claws. Like he's doing now. Ow. Not cute.

For my musically and artistically inclined friends - You are part of the good in the world. Don't ever stop... "The only way to drive out bad culture is to create good culture. We need to recognize that artistic talent is a gift from the Lord - and that developing that talent is the only way to create good culture." C. S. Lewis

Going to bed. Living in a dream, walking in between sunset and sunrise.