things to be excited about:

rebecca's halloween candy
gaining an hour of sleep
a box of VIA and this link
the hannah montana movie
the end of Q3 at work (BBW)
the bonus to follow end of Q3
everwood on dvd
the thought of getting my laundry put away.

i crawled out from the pain of yesterday

yesterday i got bad news.

i was counting on something that didn't happen.
when you get your hopes up high, they have a long way to fall.

it's ok. i'll get over it... get through it.
thank you to everyone who has been concerned. it means a lot.

i'm listening to our lady peace. its surprisingly calming.

i just want to get out. stuck inside of this. waiting for something else. waiting to exit.

fuck.

“I don’t want anyone writing in to point out that I spend too much money on books, many of which I will never read. I know that already. I certainly intend to read all of them, more or less. My intentions are good. Anyway, it’s my money. And I’ll bet you do it too.” – Nick Hornby

I think I'll make cinnamon sugar pumpkin seeds today.

... I've been reading Rachael Ray magazines.

how could she be so heartless...

confession: i never liked the notebook. i think that makes me a bad "girl" bc every other female who saw it loved it & could watch it over and over. not me. i cry like a baby when i watch a walk to remember, but the notebook got nothing from me. and i watched this little clip and i realized why...


“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day." - Noah

bc it's hard. bc the movie isn't easy. bc it's not a simple fall in love movie. yeah, i know she dies at the end of a walk to remember, but that's nature. no one can help that. in the notebook, people have choices to make. they have to decide what they want. and that sucks. and for awhile, you're left hanging... wondering... will this love happen? will they live happily ever after? you don't know. they don't seem to know. it's tragic. and i don't like it bc that's what life is really like... decisions. waiting. tragedy. and sometimes there is a happy ending. and sometimes things still get screwed up.

and i don't like to be reminded of things like that when i watch movies like the notebook. i like living in a fairytale bubble for two hours. hmph.

i didn't like the notebook. i didn't even cry when i watched it. heartless, i know.

walls we couldn't move came crashing down

i learned today about letting things go and forgiving.

and it's hard. and it hurts. and it forces you to face things.

and sometimes it causes you to break your own heart.

but that's the way it goes. that's what we're called to do.

phil wickham - true love (singalong)

i called.

You answered.

and You came my rescue.

i don't read my horoscope. ever. even though it comes up on my igoogle everday. but today i did. this is it:

You are ready to put on a real show today. Whether it's about expressing your feelings of love, pitching a business plan or doing some decorating around the house, you are tempted to go overboard with too much drama. Keep in mind that a bit of self-restraint might be exactly what is needed to maximize the progress you can make now.

i plan on doing all three of those today. with no drama. no no drama.

my life is average

i love mylifeisaverage.com

Today, my 6 year-old daughter was asking me questions about Santa Claus at dinner. My 13 year-old daughter was getting annoyed with all the dumb questions and simply told her younger sister that Santa didn't exist. Instead of being aghast and upset, my younger daughter just said, "Yea but neither does Edward Cullen!" My older daughter left the dinner table and I think its easy to say who won tonight. MLIA

fuckyeahtwilight

you're beautiful. every little piece, love.
don't you know you're really gonna be someone?
ask anyone. and when you find everything you looked for
i hope your life leads you back to my door.
oh, but if it don't, stay beautiful.

yes. please & thank you.

I'm Alive - Kenny Chesney ft. Dave Matthews.

So damn easy to say that life’s so hard.
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars.

sometimes i like country. and i always like dave.

fall is like this

i've learned the truth is, everyone you meet will hurt you at one point or another. you just need to decide who is worth the pain.

i saw a blog post today that said "people do not care about you as much you think they do" and it made me sad. and i don't think it's true. i care. i probably care more than you think i do. and sometimes it's weird bc i become so involved in people's lives - i want them to be so happy they explode even if they've upset me in the past. i might be angry or hurt, but i always care one way or another.

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit.

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. 1 Corinthians 13 (The Message)

I have a love/hate (completely unfounded) relationship with John Mayer.

I just can't ever decide.

"The lyrics are the heartbreak, the melody is the hope." - John Mayer

Make sure you read the article that quote was hijacked from.

i'm a satellite heart

Wisconsin/Chicago was wonderful.

It was beautiful and cold and full of cheese and I ran three miles in the freeze. And I saw HANSON. Also, I have fantastic friends. Really. I'm glad we manage to keep in touch. PS. I need to go back to Chicago and spend some more time there. I think I will love it even more if I spend at least 24 hours in the city.

Work is nuts. As usual. That's ok. I do love it. Most of the time. Though I do look forward to the day when I only have one job.

I can't wait for Fall trip to Georgia. I hate Georgia, but I love my friends. And fall. I can't wait to combine the two again.

I'm on Harry Potter 4 of 7. Seven, right? This one is taking longer bc I have a lot to do right now. I'm going to Columbia tomorrow to visit Rachel and eat Bee Bim Bop. Two things I love.

Hum. Lots of stuff going on that is unsure. And things I can't talk about. And that I'm just waiting to see what happens with...

Still working on a fall playlist. It's doubled in size. Woops.

I've got the new Donald Miller book. Need to find time to read it.

My ipod geeked out on me today and I had to restore and start over. Shit. This is taking forever. If it had died, I would have gone out and bought a new one in the morning. No lie.

I ramble when I'm procrastinating. How about that?

"... these things should be organic... free range love." - Tupac Tony

"I feel hopeful and grateful. For a while I thought we had lost everything. It makes you want to love better and live better and treat people better." And she [Michelle Williams] adds, "There is a great Gloria Steinem quote—and I'm paraphrasing—'Become the man you want to marry.' I've taken that on. What qualities do I find attractive, and can I find them in myself? What am I missing? Can I be that for myself?" - excerpt from Vogue

sometimes might knock me down

Every step I'm taking. Every move I make feels lost with no direction. My faith is shaking. But I gotta keep trying. Gotta keep my head held high. There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb. - Miley Cyrus, The Climb

so, it's how the story goes

I'm burning Black Chamomile oil. It's supposed to help me sleep and detoxify my body. Whatever. I'm losing my mind. This week has been a blur. And I think all my days will be until I go to Wisconsin and then it will start again when I return. Things break. People get sick. I forgot a birthday. I remembered a birthday too early. Payroll. New employees. I have to move out of my house. Changes. Changes. Changes. Must sleep. I'm playing this game again in the morning.

Nobody cries, they just smoke and stare at their shoes.