look around your world pretty baby...

I'm working on music for Steph's wedding. I am her music consultant. I love the way that sounds. So official and important. I like being helpful - especially for the I care about the most. I can't believe she's getting married in a little more than a week. Crazy!

I accidentally refinanced my Mom's car today. Then she fixed it. And apologized to me! I will never underestimate the power of prayer.

Speaking of... Recently, I've been paying extra special attention to the hand God has been playing in my life. Prayers are being answered. Things are unfolding. And I have nothing to do with it. It's all because of Him...

I had a Gilmore Girls moment today. I didn't even realize it until Alison pointed it out.

JESS: 22.8 miles.
RORY: How’d you know that?
JESS: Do you Yahoo?
RORY: You looked it up?
JESS: Yeah.
RORY: You looked it up.
JESS: I just hit a couple buttons on the computer.
RORY: You looked it up.
JESS: I was bored. There was nothing on TV and I was fooling around, it was something to do, that’s it.
RORY: You looked it up.

It was pretty nice. Pretty nice like the rest of my night was pretty nice. Like the weather has been pretty nice. Like I found a book I wanted in Lexington pretty nice. Like my really long phone conversations with two of my favorite people were pretty nice. Life is just pretty nice. I've been avoiding some responsibilites - *cough* practicum paper *cough* - which has made it even nicer. I am excited about school starting. Even moreso excited about school supplies. Yay! Target here I come!

Ok, I'm gonna listen to sappy songs and crazy dance music now. And finish my book. *crosses fingers* Focus...

i look at you and smile because i'm fine

Today was a tremendous day!
A new car. My first loan. Marion. I made jelly...

and Matt Jones is being stationed at Shaw! in March/April!!

I can't remember a happier time.
All eight species of swans and Jones in one place. (Sumter, South Carolina has never looked so good...)

who cares, let's rock, cause the party don't stop

Florida is also the home of Dubliner where I heard all sorts of fun early 90's covers and McDitton's (sp?) where I learned how much I really suck at pool though I did win the first time on a technicality. The really great news is that I left both of these bars without smelling like an ashtray.

There is a really terrible/kinda catchy Justin Timberlake song on VH1 right now. It's called SexyBack and he's sounds like a girl. He just threw some girl down on a coffee table and now I feel like I'm watching a soft porn music video. Ooo. The apartment blew up. Oh. It's over now. Sad.

So far the best songs of the countdown (20-11) have been by the All-American Rejects and Shakira. That's saying something.

"I wanna be so famous that everytime I fall in love Oprah does a special on it." - Jessica Simpson

Oh my gosh. VH1 is so entertaining. This Jessica Simpson video is ridiculous. Seriously. It's making me laugh out loud.

Corinne is officially moving to New York today. But that's a whole other blog that I won't post for a few more days when we're all a bit more settled. Copperboom!

On another important note - today is Matt Jones' birthday! That's right, our favorite Airman has graced this earth for 21 years. Gummi bears would be an appropriate way to celebrate in his absence.

And speaking of Mr. Jones, you can keep up with him and his Air Force adventures through his new blog!

Hmm. Tupac's ashes are finally going to be spread. I'm still not convinced he's dead.

Oh. I'm getting a new car. A green bug. Stick shift. Everyone who lives on the Henderson Street Hill should get excited.

Well, I'm going to indulge in some more VH1 and maybe some reading before I get ready for the day.

roll the red carpet out with friends

Welcome to Florida. Home of Tampa, Heather, Steve, deranged gunmen who hold up Greyhound buses on I95 South prohibiting my driving, other forms of traffic, and Diet Rum Medley. I'll keep you updated as things progress...

i find myself alone when each day is through

I'm being ridiculous. And insecure. And mopey. I'm gonna blame it on lack of sleep and the weather. Plus, sometimes listening to Johnny Cash will do that to you. And maybe it has something to do with reading Chuck Palahniuk.

When I stop this nonsense, I'll pray about it. And God will tell me it's all going to be ok. I know that it is. I just forget sometimes. My mind wanders and life gets the best of me.

Tomorrow, Alison and I leave for Tampa and will be gone until Sunday. Then Monday I'm going to fill up Matt's computer, so his Mom can ship it to him. Then Tuesday, I'm supposed to go to Marion. Wednesday I have an appointment with the oral surgeon. Thursday I might go shopping for school or go to Charleston for the day. Friday and Saturday I have to work at Jammin Java. Still no word from my Starbucks application. Sunday is the first Reunion. Monday starts the coffee bar. Tuesday and Wednesday, I'll have my new work schedule to deal with. Thursday the 24th is when 18 hours worth of classes start and my practicum is due - I still have to do another interview for that. Friday and Saturday, I'll be in G'Vegas because Brandon and Steph are getting married. Then, I'm pretty sure life slows down, but there are still appointments to make and roadtrips to plan and classes to take.

mom, it's my birthday...

"It's about me!", "Wait, I think my tiara is crooked.", "I do an excellent rendition of i'm a little teapot.", "It's my birthday!"

Well, I'm 21. It's downhill from here until I hit 25 and get that fun insurance break. Something to look forward to in my old age.

The day was great. I had an interview at EdVenture for my practicum which was another slight relief off of my shoulders. I had some wonderful lunch at Nice N' Natural with Alison, David, Corinne and Rachel. We even watched the Happy Birthday, Baby episode of Gilmore Girls. My mom and sister came to see me and bring me my car with air conditioning. Kate got a little weepie.

This picture resembles the lovely arrangement of pink gerbers that Linda gave me. They're my second favorite flower. Only to tulips. I love getting flowers, but no one ever gives them to me - I usually end up buying them for myself, so it's very nice when they're a surprise.

And from the ballroom floor, we are in celebration. One good stretch before our hibernation. Our dreams assured and we all will sleep well.

The real celebration started when I put on the tiara and we went to dinner at Bonefish. I got to partake of delicious food, drink and glowstick with 21 amazing people who all serenaded me with a lovely rendition of the Birthday song. And while we were there Jones called which made my evening that much better. Oo. And I was carded. And it worked this time!

After that it was time to take me out on the town. Alison. Amy. David. Corinne. Tony. Matt. Rachel. Stephen. Trisha. With special appearances by Neal. Becca Way. JP Kuhns. And Chuck. Flying Saucer. Speakeasy. Bar None. And I remember it all thankyouverymuch. The best part was probably the much anticipated Irish Carbomb. I'm not gonna lie. It was nervewracking, but its all in the pointer finger. The excellent arrangement of DMB played at Bar None was also quite exciting. All that and I still managed to create a Facebook photo album and correctly tag everyone in it with captions!

There's so much more I could say. And I might even update this later (clicky here for pictures), but for now I shall say thank you to everyone who made my birthday oh so special whether you were in the next room or rather far away.

i wish the world was flat like the old days...

... then i could travel just by folding a map. no more airplanes or speedtrains or freeways. there'd be no distance that could hold us back.

I'm back from Texas. I don't know what I was actually expecting when I went, but I've returned with an interesting feeling of mixed emotions. First of all, I am overly very extremely proud of our Airman Jones. I can't even describe it. After feeling proud, it was weird. I mean, Matt hadn't been able to think for himself, much less be himself, for six weeks. He was on edge and wearing glasses. And I stood there looking like a jackass not saying anything at first. I was just kind of shocked to actually be seeing him.

But the weirdness wore down and it got better. I got better at being myself around him and he got better at being himself again. It was nice.

Um, I don't really know how else to describe it either. It was just nice. And it was really only for two days, then we had to say goodbye again. But it's not as long this time. And he reminded me of that which made it better. I really only got sad when we were flying out of Texas because I realized that even though I was going home that he was not - Matt Jones would still not be in Columbia.

You know how some people make your life better just by being in it? That's how I feel when Matt is around - better. It's just a comfort. Weird, I know. It'll be okay once he's settled in Biloxi and everyone can talk to everyone again. I can even go visit eventually.

Mmm. And his family was really great. All of them. And at some points there were quite a bit of them. I've never really spent that much time with somebody else's family. Courtney and I had to get quite close, quite quickly even though a queen size bed is made for two. She's a great girl. We had so much to talk about and so much coffee to drink. Matt was right when he told me such amazing things about her. Mike was the great voice of reason and the bearer of coffee in the morning. I told him he was quite good at what he does. And Joanne, well, she loves her son very much and was more than excited to see him and talk to him and tell him all of my embarassing missing Matt stories. But it's ok. I've cycled through the shock and embarassment of my girliness being laid out. Plus, how can you not love a lady who gives you a bookmark with her son's face on it?!?

But, yeah. The trip was good and I'm kinda melancholy about being back. It's just a weird time between the end of summer and the beginning of school. There are birthdays, travel plans, cat neutering, wisdom teeth and weddings to be taken care of now. Life is in slow motion today, but it'll pick back up faster than I'd appreciate it to, I'm sure.

Julia had her baby. That's exciting. Alison got offered some jobs. That's exciting. She also has a tshirt made of math pick up lines. I think that means life is good. I'm at Jammin Java. Gonna do some pilates later and finish Diary by Chuck Pahlaniuk. Gonna drink some coffee. Gonna celebrate my birthday tomorrow...

Yup. Life is good.

but i'll raise a glass now to you and me

Here I am.
At home.
Alone.
Just me and my suitcase.
Waiting. Thinking about the weekend. Listening to Hem, Mutual Admiration Society (thank you Mister Hislop), Butch Walker, and Ryan Adams...

You know me. You don't mind waiting. You just can't show me, but God I'm praying, That you'll find me, and that you'll see me, That you run and never tire. Desire.

You can stir coffee with a stick, but you can't drive a stick.

Words. Words. Words.

I got a pedicure today. That was real nice.

Tomorrow is my last real customer day at the McCutchen House. Sad. We were building lasting connections... Haha. I'm very glad I took this job. It's been great, but I can't say that I'm sad about never having to prep 250 bowls of macaroni salad ever again.

In case you didn't know... I'm going to Texas. On Thursday. Through Sunday. To see Matt Jones graduate from Air Force BMT. Yay!

My birthday is in a week! Next Tuesday, we'll be celebrating 21 years of my life and by we, I mean you. And you. And you. I'd love to see everyone, so talk to me or Alison for details.

did you ever know that you're my hero...

I sit here at my desk poised to blog and poised pounce. If a bat were to fly at me, I could be ready with this broom at a moment's notice. Why would I even have to worry about such a thing? BECAUSE THERE WAS A FREAKIN' BAT IN MY BEDROOM LAST NIGHT!

Um yeah. I woke up and it was kinda hot because I didn't have the AC on, so I was going to get up to fix that and I heard a noise. Marty? A bug? God? Nope. A bat. So, what do I do? I flip out. I pull my comforter over my head and wish that I had my phone next to my bed.

Joe was here because he leaves for two weeks of training in Cali, so I started yelling his name. And no, I don't care who I wake up and I bang on the wall. I got nothing and I realize that I'm going to have to take action. And by action, I mean I kicked my sheet down, wrapped me and my little lion in my duvet, shook real quick to remove any bat from my bedding and then scrambled like hell for the door. I was out and I slammed it shut.

Then I woke up Joe who says, "I don't like bats," and I said, "Not as much as I don't!" So, in he went with a broom in hand. Yeah. He hurt it pretty bad. I flipped out and screamed. Go figure.

And then Alison was kind enough to let me sleep in her room because I was just sitting on my bed in the bright lights staring at the walls. We decided that I would take everything out of my closet and make sure there were no holes, tape up any that may exist, and make sure there are no cracks in my windows. Then we prayed for relief from the bats for the entire house (because they have this problem more often than we do), rest for our bodies and minds, and I praised the Lord for letting Joe be here to deal with it. Otherwise, I would have called a boy upstairs and I'm sure they really would have appreciated that at four in the morning. Oh right, did I mention it was four in the morning?

So, that's my bat story. That's why I am armed with a broom. That's why I will never ever sleep again. And that is why Joe is my little USMC hero. The end.

... and everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle for you are the wind beneath my wings.

P.S. If you would like to pray about our building and the bat situation, I would appreciate it. Lay hands on the mailbox, whatever. I know none of us would be opposed. Thanks!

she only drinks coffee at midnight when the moment is not right.

Randy is the man. He called me yesterday with two extra tickets to Train (preceeded by I Nine). Alison and I were overly delighted in the aisle of Sam's Club.

The show was great. Pat's pants were spray painted onto his fatless body and he flitted about the stage with a great vocal range. I think he was a ballerina in a former life, too. They played Meet Virginia, All American Girl, She's on Fire, Drops of Jupiter, Explanation, Cab, Get to Me, Helpless, Save the Day and many more, of course, but those were the ones that made me the happiest.

And I got a letter from Matt yesterday... I will never voluntarily go into BMT. But he survived Warrior Week and is doing well. There's still time to write to him, so keep the letters going out! Ask me for the address if you need it.

In one week, I will be in Texas. Excited doesn't describe it. Neither does anxious...

I'm high enough from all the waiting to ride a wave on your inhaling because I love you. I can't help but love you.

The pepper died. I replaced it with petunias. They might be dying too. But its not my fault. I'm really not bad with plants. Just ask Carol, my ivy. Matt gave her to me over a year ago and she's thriving quite nicely.

I got a new liscense today. That was exciting. $25. Snap a picture. See you in ten years.

I made more scones. Blueberry this time. And I froze the dough so they can be baked freshly. Mmm. Oh, and Alison made curry stir fry after I walked to the store for a pepper. I bought peaches, too. I gave one away to a man on the street who was looking for money. He was almost as excited about the peach as I was about the one I was eating already.

I'm going to Charleston on Saturday morning before I work at JJ to switch cars with my Mom. The AC in Jimmy is broke. I think I'll be driving the Cow Mobile. Sweet.

these words in my heart pull like a team of wild horses.

I just finished baking scones, cleaning the bathroom, doing pilates, and feeding the cat. Domesticity is nice sometimes.

Work was kind of slow today. I suppose it's because the weather was kinda crappy this morning, but it was all good. I really do like my job. I didn't always. And it makes me tired, but I'm learning a lot and wanting to learn more. And I love the people I work with... All of them. Despite some differences.

I finally talked to my mom today. I miss her when I don't talk to her. I talked to Matt's mom today too, which was quite nice.

I wish I had something profound or meaningful to say, but I don't. Rejoice. Organize. Bake scones.

Now I know that everything’s alright, if we stay between the glow and the light.

wake up, but i haven't been to sleep...

So, I went to Atlanta. It treated me well which is hard to believe. There was a lot of shopping and a lot of good food and a very nice guest apartment. Plus, there were Alison, Heather and Steve who are all very delightful people. Perhaps it's not over between me and the ATL just yet...

It's almost the end of the summer. I'm actually busy until September. Go figure.

I'm finishing my last full week of work at the McCutchen House. Then I'm going to see Matt graduate in Texas. I'll turn 21 and go to Tampa the following weekend. I'll start classes and then Stephanie and Brandon get married. It's all kinda crazy.

I'm excited for things to be normal again. And by normal, I mean for it to be time for classes where I have a set schedule with everyone around. And soon it will be fall. And I love fall. Oh, I can't wait for the future to start.

... a part of us will never leave. A kiss for you while you’re dreaming. I would change not a thing. I would change not a thing. Change nothing. Nothing about it at all.

because sometimes you have something you need to say...

"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what he is doing." Donald Milller

I'm trying to revive a pepper plant. Help! If it dies, well, it dies. But I don't want it to... I'll have to get a new plant. I like having plants I've decided.

It's almost my birthday. Then I won't be at home when everyone else is out. It's almost time to go to Texas. I can't decide which is more exciting for me.

"There was a coke on the table... And it was diet!"

I just listened to a whole lot of Yo-Yo Ma. Why? Because some man complained today that we should play classical music at the Grill. I told him that I had picked the DMB, Jack Johnson, Keane medley and he told me I had terrible taste in music. I was very upset. Chef Knapp stood up for me in only a Chef Knapp kind of way, then Harry told me that my taste was a bit lacking, but I just ignored him.

Today a man at Jammin Java told me I looked like a model. Nice. He also told me I looked 15. Not nice. Sad even.

Next week Kt comes back from Europe and Train and I Nine play at the Township. I'm not sure that either of these events will have a great effect on my life directly, but I hope they do.

Oh! I did an interview at Hampton Street Vineyard today for my practicum. Anyone who would like to take me there to eat is more than welcome. It's comfortable in a NY Brownstone kind of way. I asked one of the owners to classify/describe it for me and he said, "American. We steal unabashedly from everyone around us, but we're distinctly different." I like it.

Alison brought me ice cream. Yumyumyum. I don't feel bad about eating such things since I work out everyday. Well, I do pilates. Sometimes I run. I'm not as hardcore as I'd like to think.

"The culture of Rome just doesn't match the culture of Yoga, not as far as I can see. In fact, I've decided that Rome and Yoga don't have anything in common at all. Except for the way they both remind you of the word toga." - Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat. Pray. Love.

I'm glad we all live together now. I can't wait for school to start. Shocking. I know. I'll regret saying it later when my 18 hours are killing me.

Hmmm. A lot of the words in this blog don't belong to me. Perhaps it's better that way...

It's all up in the air and we stand still to see what comes down. I don't know where it is, I don't know when, but I want you around. When it falls into place with you and I, we go from if to when. Your side and mine are both behind it's indication. This is going to bring me clarity. This'll take the heart right out of me.

i'm watching from the wall as in the streets we fight...

This week Matt Jones is going through AEF Training - Warrior Week. Pray extra hard for him while he's rolling around in the mud and shooting things...

Trainees learn basics of survival, combat skills during field training, in the Fourth Week of Training. Warrior Week is a weeklong exercise during the fourth week of Basic Military Training that gives basic trainees a taste of Air Force deployments.

Warrior Week was added to BMT to instill a warrior mentality, give recruits the necessary skills to operate in a field environment and provide them with a better concept of Air Force operations.


This training is a mock Air Force deployment where recruits are able to apply the basics of antiterrorism techniques; self aid and buddy care; nuclear, biological and chemical preparedness; weapons training; and teamwork they have learned in the First through Third weeks of training. Trainees then “deploy” to a mock air base, set up tents and start their field training. Trainees are taught the basics of using an M-l6 rifle and receive marksmanship training at the firing range. Because of the increased threat of terrorism, trainees also practice many antiterrorism techniques. These techniques give trainees knowledge and insight in terrorist tactics and how to counteract those tactics.

Next, trainees are taught self-aid and buddy care techniques. These skills include how to properly provide first aid in the field, how to treat and recognize conditions such as shock, and care for wounds or illness that may occur during a deployment.

The threat of nuclear, biological and chemical warfare is very real. To prepare for these threats, trainees are taught to properly don chemical masks and protective over garments. They are also taught to recognize and properly mark unexploded ordnance.

This world has gone to war, all I need is you tonight. And I draw a line to your heart today. To your heart from mine and pray to keep us safe.

crazy. how it feels tonight.

It's crazy, I'm thinking,
Just knowing that the world is round.
Here I'm dancing on the ground.
Am I right side up or upside down?
Is it real or am I dreaming?

Today has been so full. I had an entire blog written. Then I erased it and wrote another one. Then I erased it and started this one... I can't even remember everything, but it all came down to three things: gluten free cheesecake baking, Gilmore Girls with my girls, and a phone call from Matt Jones who I miss so much I can't stand it sometimes.

All is right with my world for the moment.

And p.s. David Hislop - you seem to have gone M.I.A. Call me back. Email. Send a smoke signal. Morse code. Something.

come and dance with me.

See you and me have a better time than most can dream - have it better than the best - and so can pull on through whatever tears at us. Whatever holds us down. And if nothing can be done... We'll make the best of what's around.

I have a whole list of things to do or not to do this weekend. Tomorrow, I do plan on - cleaning my car, go to Wired Bean, Suncom craziness, print pictures, ice cream with Clay and Alison, bake cheesecake with Corinne, and hopefully some form of exercise...

It's been a long week. Fifty hours of work. I'm glad I have a few days to play catch up.

Customer: I just wanted to tell you that your eyes... Well, you just opened that drawer and your eyes are the color of money.
Me: Oh, well, thank you. I've never been told that before.

... l'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle.

Dante talks about God...

A l’alta fantasia qui mancò possa;

ma già volgeva il mio disio e ’l velle,

sì come rota ch’igualmente è mossa,

l’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

(Paradiso - Canto XXXIII:142-145)

Loosely translated it says, "Here powers failed my lofty fantasy. But now turning my desire and will, even as a wheel that equally is moved, the Love which moves the sun and the other stars."

I love Italian. I think its a beautiful language. And when I successfully speak it, I love the way it makes me feel. I want to spend time in Italy with someone who will get excited about it just like I will. Someone who will drink espresso with me every morning and eat pasta with me every night. I want to share my passion with someone else. Maybe I'll try to learn Italian again.

Kt is in Europe right now. I wonder if she's going to Italy. I'm jealous. I want to travel.

I'm reading Eat. Pray. Love. and right now the author is in Italy. I love it. I love the way she writes. I love the way she feels. I love the way this book makes me want to find myself and be alive! Wow. It's not often a biography makes that happen.

Today, I am so grateful for so many things. I want to keep track of them. And I want to share them with you, the internet world... a slower pace, watering plants, the new keane cd, grapefruits, mail from matt, being appreciated, pilates, my mom, biographies, vanilla bean tea, bubbles and gumdrops, tomato slicers, mint oreos and good conversation.

pick me up love from the bottom.

Just in case you were wondering, I'm listening to: Snow Patrol - Eyes Open, Keane - Under the Iron Sea, Martha Wainwright's Self-Titled, My Morning Jacket - Z.

Double stamp week. Tired.

Worked 12ish hours today. Lots of hours. It's okay. I have things to spend that money on. Speaking of money, I just applied for a pretty big scholarship. Prayer appreciated.

I ate a lot of brie at the Culinary Graduation tonight. It was good.

I don't know what else to say. My life is pretty much work, sleep, drink coffee, work, sleep... I mean, you get the point.

In less than a month, Matt will graduate, I'll turn 21, and senior year will begin. The next 31 days promise to hold a lot.

oh, crystal ball, crystal ball,
save us all.
tell me life is beautiful.
mirror, mirror on the wall...

from my heart flow...

R.I.P Little Red Fish

i got another letter today.
matt had ice cream!
happy. happy. happy.

when our depravity
meets his divinity
it is a beautiful collision.
dc*b

let's waste time chasing cars around our heads

Coffee without caffeine is like a car without wheels. - Ben Larrew

what a week.
what a weekend.
what a life!
all types of busy.
we're almost there.
oy with the crazy playlist.

And that's all I got to say. I love you, is that okay...?

there's a letter in my hand you wrote to me...

I have never been so excited to get mail in my entire life. This was even better than the time my brother wrote me from Parris Island. It's even way better than all the cool postcards Kt has made me. Better than any overage check or package. Even better than my iPod! *gasp*

I swear. I've read these two pages so many times that I could just tell you what they say. And be careful if you see me because I might just do it... "Folding towels and rolling socks will be the end of me."

... and every line, it speaks to me, in a thousand ways for miles and miles.

Life has been very good to me recently. My brother is even here. He's going to Fort Jackson for a Physical Fitness Test.

God and I had a little talk about my attitude the other day. He didn't like it so much. I suppose I didn't really either. I need to rejoice! and remember that all things happen by God and through God and for God.

So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that this pleasure is from the hand of God. (Ecclesiates 2:24)

And I want to focus on all the great things going on like orange toes, canoeing, the rain, walk the line, corinne's birthweek, sparklers, fondue, the cat empire, gilmore girls, coffee, quiet times, my brother visiting, hallmark, tacos, letters in the mail, hearing about phone calls, going running, charleston, turning 21 in exactly one month, and going to texas!

I am so blessed. And so loved. Rejoice!

gone be the birds when they don't wanna sing

Today was full of wonderful things - all of which I plan on blogging about later, but there are two I want to share with you all now.

1) Matt Jones is alive and well in BMT. It's better and worse than he expected, but he's taking everything in stride and he's met some really awesome people. He doesn't have a lot of time to write, but letters to him are encouraged. Just let me know if you don't have his address and I'll get it to you!

2) My knowledge of obscure sixth grade pop culture came in handy this evening when a frantic Matt Carrowan called me saying, "Hey Erin, I have a question to ask, we're kind of having a meltdown here, can you name all of the Spice Girls?" Yes, thank you very much. And please, people of the world, spice up your life.

I feel great! I really mean it. I have to remember this for the next time I'm having a terrible week.

the fourth of july issue

Let's hear it for the good boys,
Thank God they want to save my life.
Let's hear it for the good boys,
I pray they make it through the night.

This time last year, I was waiting for my brother to go into Boot Camp. Now, I'm waiting for Matt to get out of Air Force Training and for Joe to be shipped to Korea next March.

I don't want to get sappy here, but I do want to say thank you to our military because for whatever reason these men and women joined, they're doing our best to protect our country and it's people.

Let's hear it for the red stripe,
They wear a touch of the white and the blue.
Let's hear it through the lonely nights,
Thank God I'm thinking about you.

You're giving it all up for me and for her and this stray man.

we need to feel breathless with love...

... and not collapse under it's weight.

You could be happy.
I hope you are.
You made me happier
than I'd been by far.

I have a new desk! Oy. It needs work. It belonged to Matt Jones when he lived in The Shack. Alison told me I could have it. She's so good to me.

I've been eating red, white and blue peanut m&ms. And for several reasons... 1. They are yummy. 2. Jones is not here and neither are his peanut allergies. 3. They are celebratory. 4. They are on sale at Target. 5. They are all the food I have in the apartment now. (No better reasons than those...)

I'm supposed to be going canoeing today! It's been a bit of time since my last canoeing experience when Dawn told me she would never go with me again. Hopefully I will not die. I'm too young to die. I have a lot of things left to do in my life.

I am in love with the new Snow Patrol cd. I really am.
And I'm re-reading The Perks. I love that book. I really do.

More than anything I want to see you go take a glorious bite out of the whole world.

gone. i feel so all alone.

... you won't be alone 'cause i'll be there.
what can i do? pictures of you still make me smile.

Peace. Love. Roo.

I made a Facebook Event announcement because I lost a lot of the numbers in my cell phone. So, if you want me to have your digits you should email me or something.

By the way, you are hysterical. - Carole Muedder

Alison is in Tampa having the time of her life celebrating Canada Day and I just got off of work. Not fair. When I turn 21, we're going to Tampa.

Dan and BJo are the cutest not dating couple I know.

Girl: Don't order anything. They're closed.
Boy: I know. I'm not. She's just cute and I wanted to look at her.
Me: What?
Boy: You're very pretty, by the way.
Me: Well, thank you.

It's so much nicer when someone tells you you're pretty or beautiful. The word hot has no real meaning to me.

Last week an old man named Albert sat next to me at Muddy Waters and after some conversation told me he was glad to have met me. That made me happier than anything.

Cause you don't ever slow down to find what you lost or lose what you found. No one's saying what you need to hear... You've been loved.

I don't have to work for the next three days. I hope I sleep some. I've been sleeping terribly and I'm not sure why. I woke up with my head at the wrong end of the bed today... at 7:30am. I did accomplish alot though.

Today, I missed Matt Jones awholelot. And that is all I shall say.

spoon in spoon, stirring my coffee.

Chef Knapp: Erin, send Harry to my office when he gets here.
Me: Okay. Why?
Chef Knapp: I'm going to yell at him.
Me: Oh... Why?
Chef Knapp: He ruined an entire case of pork.
Me: Oh.

Poor Harry. Even though he's insensitive to everyone else, I'm pretty sure he still has feelings that can be hurt too. I'm waiting for the day I do something stupid at work and get yelled at by Chef Knapp. I will cry. Then he might yell some more. Gosh, I hope that never happens. I'm praying against it. His birthday is Saturday. So is Rachel's. This means Friday should be interesting and full of cake. I hope.

Oh, maybe I'm crazy, but laughing out loud will make the pain pass by. And maybe you're a little crazy, and laughing out loud will make it all subside. Holding, I'm holding out.

I'm worried about my health. I'm going to start paying more attention to it.

When I drink coffee, I can feel my headaches melt away. I noticed this first at Bonnaroo (which thank God had a coffee shop) and I'm noticing it now - here at the Wired Bean. I decided to go to a place I wasn't familiar with. The coffee here is good, but they're out of soy milk. No problem. Skim is good too. There is a guy playing music from his laptop without headphones. That is improper coffee shop etiquette. It is so not busy here.

Sometimes I like to do things alone that I know I'll enjoy, so I can remember that I'm ok by myself. Occasionally I forget that and feel very very small and then I have to go fix it.

I'm supposed to be writing a paper. Ha.

So evidently my phone is broken. The ear piece doesn't work. I can only hear people when I have it on speaker or when it has a headset plugged in. I'll get a courtesy phone on Thursday-ish and then in 3-4 weeks I'll have my phone back or a new one. Something else to look forward to I suppose.

Lalala. Thank you to the people who surround me and love me and let me rant. You are way too awesome for words.

Alison has been looking at real estate in Charleston. I hope she gets a teaching position there that she loves.

It's weird to think how quickly life goes by. In a year, I'll be living in Charleston - managing the Wholly Cow store I worked at in high school. And that'll keep me occupied for a couple of years until I can save money and figure out where I'm going and who I'm going with.

From time to time, minutes and hours. Some move ahead while some lag behind. It's like the balloon, it rise and then vanish. This drop of hope falls from his eye.

as i went down in the river to pray

This morning I went to Starbucks and the woman in front of me was fussy and ordering gifts. She was mumbling about Barista behind his back. You know, typical impatient customer. And I just didn't understand why you would be mean to the person who holds the key to the coffee so early in the morning. You're supposed to be nice to the people who give you coffee. That's just the way it is.

I should have known this meant the day was going to be rough.

I sent Matt some letters this morning. A lot actually. And I felt good about that until his mom called and had found out that the dorm number was wrong. And he, in fact, isn't graduating until August 4. I tried to be calm on the phone, but on the inside I was freaking out. I stopped everything I was doing at work made several phone calls and changed all of my flight information. I went back to work and did my best to be happy, but I was still freaking out on the inside.

When I got home I completely broke down. Poor Alison. I just started sobbing about how much I wanted him to get my letters and I wanted him to know that I was thinking about him and that I missed him. And then I started sobbing about changing my flight and spending extra money, but of course that didn't matter to me because I really just wanted to see him and I would pay anything. Sobbing. Holding that lion. Then my mom called and I started sobbing again.

I wrote him another letter that was rambling and stupid just because I wanted to make sure he got something from me.

And I think I'm frustrated because I'm feeling so much. I'm supposed to be calm. And not show my feelings. I'm not supposed to be sad.

Then I had to calm down and I went for a drive. I went down to the river to pray. I prayed for so many things that I can't even remember. It was nice. I was much calmer when I left. I even met a nice man and his son who were about to go canoeing in a storm.

I'm just so glad that God is on my side and I know that I have nothing to worry about. It's just the humanity that gets to me sometimes. It's crazy how people effect your life so much and you don't notice it until they're gone. Ramble. Ramble.

It's true, it may seem like a stretch, but its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away when I am missing you to death.

There's a dead bat on our porch. This day just keeps getting better and better.

when I think of all of the things that we've done and what's to come

I just bought my ticket to San Antonio. Well, Dad bought my ticket. Because he loves me - despite the lack of communication at times.

I can't wait. (Everything's bigger and better in Texas!)

I started thinking about this trip back when Joe graduated from Parris Island, so it's been a long time coming. It just never seemed real until last week. It's strange how you think you're prepared for something until the time for it actually comes. Every second seems shortened, yet more important than the last.

I can't help but think it's part of some plan.

now my feet turn the corner back home

Just to let you know - I'm still alive. I've just been keeping busy. I have jobs to work and trips to plan. And school work to do. Boo. Thanks for calling. It's good and I appreciate it. I'm doing okay. I'm adjusting. It's weird.

I've been too tired to blog. And I still have to devote a lot of typing to Bonnaroo (four most amazing days of my life).

But I got a fish. It's name is Little Red Fish. (I'm not sure if it's a boy or girl...) It lives in our coffee pot. I saved it from certain McCutchen House death.

We never said what we were dreaming of, but you turned me into somebody loved.

kiss me and smile for me. tell me that you'll wait for me.

The pain now is a part of the happiness then, that's the deal.

This past week has been pretty insane. I don't even know where to start. I guess I'm procrastinating writing about Bonnaroo because I still haven't quite put all the happenings of those four days together and into words. So, for now, I will wait and use words that have been given to me recently. And if you know, then you understand.

You have made me a better person. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy! - 1Peter 1:8 I'm sorry I have to leave you. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18 Please please call me when you do not feel strong and brave. I love you much and I am always here for you. Be not sorrowful on account of separation; verily thy Lord is of more good to thee than anything in the material world. He is the best companion and the best friend and will accompany thee under all aspects. - `Abdu'l-Baha' I truly admire you two... Everytime I think of you, I give thanks to my God. I always pray for you, and I make my requests with a heart full of joy. - Philippians 1:3-4 It's only six weeks. It's going be alright. I just have this feeling that everything is going to be alright.

and i've never felt so speechless in my life.

Everybody's doing it. Listing their choices for Bonnaroo. So, I am, too. I'm such a follower. And I obviously still have decisions to make...

Thursday:
I Nine, 7:15-8:15

Friday:
I Nine, 12-12:30
Ben Folds, 2-3:15

Bright Eyes, 4-5:30

Nickel Creek, 4-5:30
Oysterhead, 5:30-7:30
Robert Randolph, 5:30-7
Death Cab for Cutie, 6:15-7:45
Tom Petty, 8-12

Saturday:
My Morning Jacket, 12-2:30am
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, 2:30-3:30
Mute Math, 3-4
Elvis Costello, 3-4:30
Rusted Root, 3:15-4:45
Blues Traveler, 5:15-6:45
Beck, 5:30-7
Radiohead, 8:30-11

Sunday:
Rusted Root, 1:30-2
Bela Fleck, 3-4:30

And I kind of want to see The Disco Biscuits, but only because they call themselves The Disco Biscuits.

And speaking of music... I'm loving Mute Math right now. So much. I listened to them while I blew the leaves off the patio this morning.

And I just got the new Plumb cd - finally. It's much "harder" than I thought it would be. And when I say hard, I mean like Evanescence not like Killswitch or anything. Ooo. And Chef finally brought me all the cds he told me he would - Wilco, Elvis Costello, Kevin Ayers and The Freddy Jones Band. The latter two are bands from his seventies, crazy days. I'm excited to hear those.

My Mom called and told me she wanted a song called Fireflies. She didn't know who it was. I figured it out for her, bought it on iTunes. I'll make her a cd before Kt leaves next Tuesday, so she can have it. But the point is that the song is adorable. Rebecca danced to it at her recital. I got excited because it talks about fireflies - and well, I have a secret obsession with them.

I believe in fairy tales. And dreamer's dreams, like bedsheet sails. And I believe in Peter Pan. And miracles, and anything I can to get by. And fireflies.

That's a lot about music for right now, so I think I'm gonna quit - ya know, save myself for Bonnaroo blogging later.

(Behold and enjoy the sand sculpture evolution pictures. They're here for your viewing pleasure. Please refrain from touching them. Art is art. Thankyousomuch.)

Oh, I can't stop drinking the coffee. If I stop drinking coffee, I stop doing the standing and the walking and the words putting-into-sentence doing.

A theme. A theme. A coffee theme. In my life. Wowza. Unhealthy. But so fun. Two in one day. It's been done before. It'll be done again.

I'm stocking up on canned caffeine for Bonnaroo. Did you know they have an 18 page info guide? EIGHTEEN PAGES!

Reality has absolutely no place in our world!

Today, I love Dave Matthews Band, Our Lady Peace and Death Cab for Cutie.

We watched lots of Gilmore Girls. Four episodes of pure procrastination. No paper finished. It's ok. It's a draft. I think that means it doesn't completely count. Holla.

I'm looking forward to this week. It's going to be amazing. I'm not going to want it to end. For many reasons. One having to do with five stinky bodies in one van. Others more serious.

Boo yah means "to fill a tooth" in Chinese.

Beth the Barista is playing at NBT on Tuesday. I hate NBT. But I like Beth. Dilemma? Nah.

I have words to write and things to say, but my body says no. Nope. Nope. Nope. No more words. Just sleep for five hours. Just enough to get me through the pressure washing tomorrow.

and it's bad and it's mad and it's making me sad.

My days seem the same. Wake up. Coffee. Work. Sometimes more work. Insert some type of socialization. Always ends up being tired.

Yesterday the Sysco Rep forgot to enter our order, so today our Sysco order didn't arrive. Not until Chef Knapp called her and told her to fit as much of our order as possible into her car and bring it to us. My grill brush was in that car. That made me happy.

The cheeseburger with no meat lady drove me a little crazy though.

Matt Jones comes back sometime tomorrow! Yay! And we get internet tomorrow! And Chef is making french toast for breakfast!

So despite the double jobbing it, I'll be quite happy.

Oh. I saw Bryson Jennings play at Jammin Java tonight. Very good. Check out his myspace. And he's only 17 - crazy.

Ok, that tired is setting in and, well, I'm a sucker for a feather pillow.

it ain't about the things you say

Or how you make me feel this way.

Dateline: To Catch a Predator is on. I'm definitely not going to watch it. I'm going to watch an episode from my favorite season of Gilmore Girls instead (that's 3, btw). And this tv is pretty amazing, so I think I should take advantage of it.

I got my hairs cut today. Nothing drastic. No one has even noticed. And I'm okay with that. I went to 7 Doors and told Kate (my stylist) to do what she would with my bangs, but I wanted my length. I've decided there's no such thing as too much spent on a hair cut that doesn't make me cry.

I finally wrote my thank you letter to Dr. Moody for my scholarship. I'm finally settling down into my job. I'm still always tired at the end of the day though. I still haven't started my paper yet. I don't wannaaaaaaaa. Boo.

Mmmm. I had excellent coffee from Immac this morning. Coffee with a shot of espresso. And a biscuit. A darn good biscuit, too. With preserves. Yum yum yum.

I wish JJ had a really excellent working espresso machine with really excellent espresso beans. We usually have the latter, but right now we're batting 0 for 2. Speaking of the Java... Mandatory meeting tomorrow. Dunno why.

I feel like being at Matt Jones' house is like staying at a really elaborate, personal hotel except they don't remake your bed or fold your toilet paper into triangles. And, well, that's the best part of a hotel. But I really like driving into Columbia in the morning.

I'm making a mixed cd. I like the songs a lot, but I feel the overall mood of it is overwhelming.

Lalala. Next week I'm going to Bonnarooooo. Holla.

Gonna cut up magazines now. I wanna collage. I wanna collage. No need to work. I wanna create something...

When I'll walk myself down sycamore street, the sun beats down, no shoes on my feet. And I stumble on a daisy through concrete.

all the dreams you have you save

I went out to Lexington tonight to check on the house and all the house type things and I was sitting on the porch and I saw the coolest thing. It looked like silent fireworks going on in the trees in front of Matt's house.

There were sooo many fireflies. I love fireflies. I think they're mezmorizing. I hope that I live in a place where fireflies like to come and hang out. I hope I have a garden, too. I like watering the plants and the yard. I don't like the spiders and whatnot that live outside, but the flowers and greenery are lovely.

A house is so different than an apartment.

Well, I don't have much to say. Things are pretty much the same minus Matt Jones (which actually makes everything different since he's usually a daily part of my life and now I've acquired Lexington responsibilities in his place...) He's gone for a week at the beach with his family and bonus family. I'm working. The weather is a bit cooler, so that's nice. Yoga today was really good. A little painful, but overall enjoyable.

I think I'm going to HouseChurch tomorrow. I guess there's no better way to fill my free time than with God and fellowship, aye?

Ooo. I downloaded an electronic version of Canon in D. It's awesome. Listen to it on iTunes.

the taste of summer sweetness on my mind

A quote: "Oh, no thanks. I'm saving myself for the sea bass."

For a person with no friends, I sure did manage to have an excellent yesterday. I had coffee and an excellent muffin at HouseCoffee - love, right there. I went to the library twice. Drove out to Lexington and went to Books A Million (bought Eat. Pray. Love.), then I went over to the May House (a.k.a. Matt's highschool home) to pick up mail, water plants, check on Mookie the Cat, and look at about six or seven albums containing baby Matt pictures. Adorable. And amusing. Moms are cool that way. Then I went to Rainy Day Used Books and to Wired Bean. Met a guy named Clint there. He was cool. From Red Bank - I think that's supposed to be negative. Whatever. I went to the Art Museum - GO NOW!

I love the exhibit. Julie Heffernan - Everything that Rises. I was pretty sure I was going to be bored by Renaissance -esque painting, but the subjects are a haunting, stream of conciousness meets enchantment. I would totally own one.

I saw Nate Lowe while I was there and we finished up the galleries together. And then we went exploring over on Bull Street - did not know that the Mental Hospital was closed. It's like a little ghost town - and if I believed in ghosts, that's exactly where they would reside. It would have been uber creepy if it had been at night, but it was just really cool during the daytime.

I did lots of other random things, including (but not limited to) going to Jammin Java to help Carole and Stephen close because Carole took my shift for me - God Bless Her. But then so tired, so I went to bed right away.

This morning I got up to do run. Thought better of it and did half of some pilates and some yoga. Much better. Adriana's and Alison followed. Two excellent things for a Sunday. Then Corinne and Mellen came over to picnic in the living room. That was fun. Now, here I am in Lexington again.

I just found out that I seriously lack a green thumb. All Mrs. May's flowers and plants are being watered in addition to myself. I finally figured out the sprinkler and, well, I got soaked. Oops. I like Lexington though. Maybe it's just that I like being so far from the "real world" or at least my real world.

Mmm. Love summer. Miss people. Working on it.

It's a clear day, in this city. Let's go dance under the street lights.

i just smile once in awhile

Long is the day, take it away. Hold it up and don't let it fall.

Recently, I've been very impressed by comments made by people serving me, such as:
Is your cheese delicious?
This sauce, well, it's a little angry.
I don't want to brag, but that may be the best caramel macchiato you'll ever drink.

Also, recently, not too impressed with my own customer service skills. I'm real flakey when it comes to giving out canteloupe and coleslaw. For heaven's sake, no! We don't have any pasta salad. And who knows what happened to your cheese and onions? Certainly not me.

I'm just real tired of saying "What side would you like with that ma'am? Coleslaw, pickle or chips?" Hooray for being grill cook again next week. (Boy, who ever thought that would come out of my mouth??)

I just dropped off Alison at the airport. She's going to Philly. Not fair. Jones is leaving today for Mexico Beach with his family. Not fair. I'm in charge of four cats this weekend. Wowza.

Bonnaroo tickets are in the mail! Holla. I hope I get another paycheck by then...

I really like this Brandi Carlile song - Fall Apart Again. I recommend it. I'm still not sure how I wholly feel about her though. Three cheers for indecision.

Ok. Going to be productive or something or whatnot. And tgif to you (and you. and you. and you!)

As long as the day is full of time - there will always be room for your hand in mine.

for the times they are a-changin'

Some nights I just really love Bob Dylan.

I Nine has played at Jammin Java three times that I can remember. All three times something bad has happened to me. Hurt me once. Shame on you. Hurt me two more times, well, that just means I still haven't learned my lesson.

One day. Maybe. We'll see.

Life is still interesting and busy. I finished another book. Now I'm reading Captivating - trying to figure out my soul... Good luck, right?

Oh. I went to Red Lobster tonight. I just wanted to say that.

Ok. Love to all of you.

days like this i don't know what to do with myself...

Hi Saturday. Bye Saturday. I think I worked a good fifty hours this week. Body says more. Paycheck says nothing because I still haven’t gotten one. Darn the University and its payment policy. I mean, I’m going to have to pay rent soon.

Today, I worked with Clay at the Java. I clocked in until 4, then I laid around until 5 reading just to make sure he didn’t get busy. So, that means I’m going into hour six of solitude. And I really haven’t spent all that time “alone” either. There has been phone conversation and people coming in and out of my experiences.

I had planned on eating a Blue Cactus tonight, but I realized about half way down there that they were closed. I walked all the way anyway, then I walked around five points and back to my apartment where I walked up and down the hill trying to think of a place to eat. I had no ideas, so I decided to drive. I drove to Harbison taking stock of all the places I was passing. I got on Lake Murray Blvd and drove over the dam and into Lexington. I realized I was semi-lost. I wasn’t worried about it, but I refused to turn around. Lou was the one to call me back and got me to a place where I was no longer confused. I ate at Riviera’s. All by myself. I’ve never done that before. It was good too. I read and ate and talked to my waiter and the other wait staff because I was the only person inside – all the other customers were seated outside.

I drove around Lexington some more afterwards. It’s a nice town. I appreciate it and the fact that it’s not just an extension of Columbia. While I was doing this, I listened to a cd that David gave me last summer right after the breakup. I had mentally refused to listen to it at that time, but now I really like it. So I called him and told him that. We talked for a bit – I miss David. I’m glad he likes Charleston, but I still wish he was here. But that’s just me being selfish.

But now I’m doing laundry and I just ate some green tea ice cream from Sushi Yoshi which was/is good, I’m just not sure if it’s worth $5. I don’t suppose it really matters though. Hmmmm.

Jones is coming over soon. With coffee. Both of these things make me happy.

There’s no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard.

Hello. How are you doing today? I hope I find you feeling healthy.

“You haven’t gotten out recently, have you?” – Blue Cactus Lady

She’s right, I suppose. I work. A lot. I hang out with people though. A bunch of them. *huff*

In front of me is a list of things to do with Matt Jones (or at least facilitate for him) before he leaves. Sad because he’s leaving. Happy because it involves a whole lot of good food. It does not, however, involve a surprise going away party thrown by me. There is to be none of that… Makes sense, I suppose.

I'm eating a chocolate chip scone for breakfast. Is that heathy? Probably not. Yummy though.

So, there’s been one thing getting me through my days. It’s a bible verse that came in the form of a lovely card from Kt (p.s. I encourage mail at the new apartment). Anyway, it is this:

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy! (1 Peter 1:8)

And for now, that is all I have.

you don't know how lovely you are.

I think I'll go to Boston. I think that I'm just tired. I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.

For as slightly, mildly, or wholly elaborated as A Million Little Pieces is as a memoir/non-fiction novel, it is one of the most indentifiable and moving things I have ever read. Now I'm reading My Friend Leonard which was not the way the list of books read, but oh well.

I feel busy this week for some reason. I'll work until 3 everyday, then Wednesday night I'm going to serve a six course meal at McCutchen House. I'm excited. And kinda nervous. Oh yeah, I finally yelled at the coworker. Surprise. Friday, Saturday and Sundays are Jammin Java days, so I don't know where that really leaves me.

Lots of things have been happening around me and with me. I can't remember them all, but most of them are good. Some of them seem sad, but I think it's a process I'm going through. Cry now. Not later. Think now. Do later. Things are coming full circle. Things are falling apart. I wonder and put it all aside. Because that's all I can do.

Imagine that.

John Mayer is on the radio. The damn Daughters song. Grr. He wrote a blog the other day about sexual predators being caught by police sting operations. It pissed me off. And looking back at it, He didn't really say anything offensive. I think I just take it as such a personal experience now that it felt like a violation of privacy.

Well, I'm done here for now. Yoga. Dinner at Moe's because Corinne is home! Then hopefully some laundry in the new (say it with me) washer and dryer. Woop.

I don't give a damn. I'm as happy as a clam. (Nobody knows me at all.)

lyrics for thought

Just so you know, I love you in my life. I hope you stick around. That'd be nice. We can play a little game of finding souls, but I'll let you win on purpose - just so you know.

Courtesy of Pete Schmidt.

it's friday night and i just got paid

Except it's friday morning and I've not been paid and will not be paid today at all. Boo. Still, tgif to you all.

Yesterday, I spent the majority of my day making lemonade and slicing canteloupes. Sounds about as much fun as it really is. I seem to keep having nervous relations with one of my coworkers too. And by nervous relations, I'm nervous I'm going to scream at one inparticular. Holding back. Good.

Yeah, so, 270 people came into the Grille yesterday. Words cannot describe my weariness yesterday. I lacked all desire to be around large groups of people after that. I went to Pecknel and, after much explanation, I was finally allowed to pay for the cello. This was much more of a hassle than it needed to be and P.S. there are a lot of pissed off musicians in Columbia - they hang out at Pecknel on Thursday evenings.

I went to Starbucks and got my free drink which was both good and bad. Good because it was free and full of espresso. Bad because they didn't have caramel sauce for the caramel macchiato I wanted. Iced white chocolate mocha with skim - alright, but not up to my personal tastes.

Anyway, I read my book. A lot of my book. I'll finish it this weekend. And I listened to Pete Schmidt. So, those two things (reading and listening) spurred me into thinking about some very emotional things, then the band outside started playing (annoying), so I walked. I walked down Saluda to Henderson to go home, then I kept walking down Greene to Sumter to Jammin Java. Not sure why. I just did. I ate a cookie there and read some more. I walked back and it started to rain, but it felt real nice.

If it were raining now, I wouldn't have to go to work. Darnit. Oh yeah, I want to go on record as saying I freakin' hate wearing a hat to work. It's not even required by law. It's for the "benefit of the customer." Stupid.

Then Mellen came over last night and so did Jones for a bit. I learned to open a bottle of wine, that Queen Latifah is indeed well endowed and that "pink, it's the color of passion 'cause today it just goes with the fashion." Mmmm. Good times.

Well, that brings us to now. Now when the coffee is brewing and I'm typing. Now when I need to get ready for work. Now when I semi-dread the day before me, but know it will be fine. Excellent. I'm going to get some grog - later yo.

so they say that life's a play and that all the world's a stage

This picture is my desktop. Welcome to my world.

I miss the tanning bed. I miss exercising. I miss eating three normal meals every day. I miss being and looking healthy. I should fix that.

I'm tired all the time. It's rather obnoxious.

I fell asleep while reading my book this afternoon. I woke up to Coldplay on my computer. And Alison walking through the new apartment. I love all of those things: sleeping, reading, Coldplay, Alison, the apartment.

But in voices loud and clear, you say to me, "It's only superstition. It's only your imagination. It's only all of the thing that you fear and the things from which you can't escape."

I just got a ZeroChance newsletter in my inbox. Weird. I never ever talk to Erick anymore. Which is sad because he's a great guy - amusing and skilled. I was always afraid that breaking up with Brian would mean breaking up with other people in my life. I don't suppose it really matters because I have still have amazing people in my life who I love. Really love too. Not middle school, BFFE love. I guess I should just say all is well that ends well. I just hate not being in touch with people.

I digress.

I hate hate hate coupon week. I think that food running wouldn't be so bad if there weren't 180 people coming in with so many hydration demands. We're making bank and handling it well, but it's starting to work my nerves. Oh well. It'll be over in two days. Two very long, very busy days. Oh oh oh. My my my. Catch me on Saturday. I'll be happier and not working then!

I had a little heart to heart with Harry - things are looking up up up.

Tom Petty on the brain. Everyday. I'm gonna free fall out into nothing. Gonna leave this world for awhile. I can't wait to see him at Bonnaroo. Seriously cannot wait. Let's go. Now...

I joined Mocha Club tonight at the Dave Barnes Show. I think that was a good thing. It was kinda convicting. Alison joined too. We can start a team. You should join it.

I've been listening to lots of random music. Thanks to Tupac Tony and Clint/Laura's Wedding cd. I really like music. And people. And books. Ooo and soy lattes with a splash of almond. I like lots of things. I forget this sometimes. Ok, book and bed. Get excited.

i'll trade the moon for the sun, but this feeling for no one.

When I see you the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There's nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The World just stops, and it is a beautiful place.

I think that's the single most meaningful and uplifting passage to come out of A Million Little Pieces so far. Yes, I'm still reading the same book. I'm slow. And busy. If that's a problem, please bite me.

Oy with the cynicism tonight.
Sometimes I just feel inadequate.

But it has nothing to do with my reading habits.

My fortune cookie tonight said "The coming month shall bring you much happiness." It's too bad I've already cancelled the month of June.

I'm tired. And a bit frustrated. But it's ok. Happiness is not a fish that you can catch.

This blog title is from a JLC song. I think they might be my favorite lyrics. Maybe ever.

It's coupon week at the McCutchen House. And by that I mean if you show up you automatically get $1 off. So, if you have $4 then you should stop by and see me even though I'll be running around like a crazy person.

The picture you see is a painting that Kt did for me. It was inspired by the Ryan Adams song. You should listen to it if you haven't.

Birds flying high - You know how I feel.

the play on time is won...

I wanted to stay.

I've moved to Henderson Street! How excellent? Now when people say they'll be over in just a few seconds, well, they really mean just a few seconds. I think that's superb.

Thank you to everyone who helped us move. You have all been more than wonderful. I'm so blessed to have you all in my life. Really.

And I'm going to Charleston on Sunday. Not really for Mother's Day, but I assume I will see her. And Kt! (She's painting something for the new apt and some end tables for me.) I love Charleston.

I wanted to play.

Matt Callis is here! That makes me very happy because we never got to see him in Indiana. It's been almost a year. Oy.

Listening to strings. Reading a book. Drinking Starbucks. In my new room with three green walls and one tan one. I'm going to take a shower in the tiny crooked bathroom. I love it.

I have this limited, sometimes connection to Lou's internet. I think it's about to go away. I just wanted to share that moving news with you.

I wanted to love you.

it has been quite a day.

alison graduated this morning. along with five million other people i know. congrats class of 2006. she's in charleston now.

sushi and blizzards with david. yum.

work with claynotaiken from 5 to midnight. bring nubar 3 hudson's homemade wet napkins.

then jones helped me start moving into the new apartment. and by help, i mean he did basically all the heavy lifting and i opened doors and drove to and from.

and now i'm eating the gelato he brought for me. mmm. i just don't know what life will be like when he leaves. thats a whole other blog.

i just found a packet of duck sauce under my desk...

time is never time at all

After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.

'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight.
And somehow stop this endless fight.
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.

This morning I was inspired.
The rest of the day was a jumble.
The Family Stone - 2 thumbs down.

I feel like tonight is the end of something
and tomorrow is just the beginning.
I just can't figure out what it is...

Something is scratching its way out.
Something you want to forget about.
No one expects you to get up
All on your own with no one around.

Ok. That's all I've got.

it was one of those nights that will ring in your ear

Tonight, I had one of those really good nights. After a productive day at work, I came home, put in some new contacts and showered which was amazing because I could see clearly and I got rid of the Jammin Java smell. I put on clothes that weren't jeans and a tshirt. My hair straightened nicely and my makeup went on evenly. I felt really nice because for the past couple of days I've looked gross and just felt bad about it. I know it sounds superficial, and it kind of is, but sometimes it's just nice to feel pretty.

Then Jones and I went to Motor Supply Company for dinner. I was told to order whatever I wanted no matter what because it would probably never be put on the menu again. So I did. Blackened King Clip with some sort of Beurre sauce over Creamy Jasmine Rice and snow peas. Amazingly good. After each bite of something new on our plates, Jones and I had to stop and savor it for a moment. That was just my main dish. The appetizer was superb as well - think artichoke hearts, goat cheese and portabella mushroom cap. Dessert was good, but nothing to write home about. We did go to Nonnah's though afterwards for coffee. I had a very excellent cappuccino that I took a ridiculously long time to drink and Jones even had extra foam put on it for me. Such a great experience.

Then we watched Gilmore Girls which wasn't as pleasant as one would hope, but it was explained to me that it was a TV show which meant it had no bearing on my reality or my judgement skills. Fair enough.

Corinne showed me pictures from Ithaca. Some of them included a rubber ducky race. Yes, that’s when they send 3400 rubber duckies down a creek type thing and its every ducky for him/herself. Only 10 lucky ducks get to claim fame from it.

I'm sitting next to a broken cello now. Just having a cello in my room makes me feel like a better person. It's weird how that happens. I used to think I was a better person for having a guitar. Eventually, I realized that having a guitar didn't mean crap if I couldn't play it, so I gave it to someone else who would use it. I'll probably never learn to play guitar.

(I don't understand about the weather outside, the harmony in a tune, or why somebody lied.)

There are more important things for me to learn… Like yoga. I really loved my yoga class even though I’m a little sore from it. It was incredibly relaxing and it’s amazing the things you learn about your body when people force you to draw your attention to it.

Oh I know, oh I know that you're beautiful. Oh I know, there's something more that I can't see. And I have tried, I have tried to find the words for you, but none will come to me.

And I've thought of it from 100 different directions.

i really think that everyone should have watercolors, magnetic poetry and a harmonica.

sooooo. i got a new job. at the mccutchen house. working at the garden grille (as you can see on your right). i will make food, clean, food run, serve, take orders, learn payroll and marketing skills. [Our Garden Grille opens the first week of May and operates until mid-August. The Garden Grille serves burgers, chicken, mushrooms, hotdogs, and other delicious foods and refreshing drinks. Lunch is served Tuesday through Friday from 11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m.] all in all i hope this will be a fun, eventful, and perhaps even educational experience for me. i like the people in the hrtm department and at the mccutchen house. today, the paperwork lady gave me a sugar daddy. i think i'm going to like this job.

i'm a little screwed up with my schedule at jj. i don't know when i'm supposed to be working really. so, i guess we'll work that out as it comes along...

um. i went to the doctor this morning. i wasn't really diagnosed with anything. i think she really just said that my cold and allergies have spread to my eyes. so either viral, bacterial, or allergic conjuctivitis. i've never had conjuctivitis before and i hope i never have it again. she told me to take claritin until the day i die or until allergy season is over and i received two prescriptions - one for eye drops and one for some sort of pill for congestion.

i am over medicated. and contagious. so don't touch my eyeballs. but i'll be fine tomorrow. oh, and i have to wear my glasses. if you see me and laugh, i'll kick you in your shins.

p.s. stephen justice is a great guy. i hope he always is and that no one ever forgets.

alright, well, i think i'm going to take a nap or read before yoga tonight. thanks for tuning in. and speaking of tuning in - you need to check this out.

"We have all had new beginings and life changes this year, and here we all are together again. I know you will only laugh at this, but I will never understand the love you all shower on me, but I never doubt that love either." -- The Perks of Being a Wallflower