lunch at coleman public house :: california burger with
avocado, sprouts & bacon with a side of truffle fries.

sometimes i lay under the moon

and thank God i'm breathing

then i pray don't take me soon

cause i'm here for a reason.

sometimes in my tears i drown

but i never let it get me down. 

so when negativity surrounds, 

i know someday 

it'll all turn around 

because

all my life i've been waiting for...

i've been praying for...

one day. one day. one day.

(matiyashu)

dear person who created pinterest,
you're making me the world's biggest procrastinator.

dear francis coppola wines,
your mini pink champagne cans make me a lush.

dear salted chocolate chip cookies,
you're making me fat but happy. probably equally.

dear gym,
thank you for kicking my lush, fat & happy behind.

dear trader joe's,
i can't wait until friday when we meet for the first time in charleston.

dear spotify,
where is the newest arcade fire album? huh?

this is real life.

xo (to you all).
erin

this could be about me, but someone else wrote it about them. i'm still sharing it here with you. i am a gin girl. yep.

"I am a gin girl, through and through. Don’t get me wrong – a well-blended margarita hits the spot and nothing accompanies nachos and football better than a Bud Light (I know. I know. Stop yelling), but gin? Well, to appropriate the words of Galileo — gin is light held together by water. And what kind of people drink gin? Dames – those lovely ladies who are quick with a quip, perpetually amused and likely to break your heart." - via too sweet for rock and roll

this song is super catchy & the not acoustic version sounds awesome with my new speakers. i'm just saying.

the espinosas got chickensss!

yes and yes ::: july network of nice 

via the goodie life

two things about me...

sneak peek into my locker :: hydration & snacks are the key to my success.

also, i'd like this bag from dooney & bourke. ok thanks.

Source: aprettypennyblog.com via Erin on Pinterest

these things make think of summer. and speaking of summer, tomorrow i'm going to a food truck rodeo - yes, i'll report back. also, i think i'm going to buy some fresh cut flowers at the market for my little apartment - maybe then i'll feel like putting away my laundry & doing my dishes.

this just in... i am out of coffee.

i've used all mine to make continuous carafes of cold brew and now it's gone before i even noticed.

thisistragic.

i guess i'll buy some beans on monday - that's my day off. i don't do anything until i have a day off & then squish everything into 24 hours. i'm not saying it's the best way to operate, but it is what it is. i'll just stretch out the cold brew until then. wish me luck.

more importantly, wish my coworkers luck because you know what i'm like without my coffee.

meh.

just some things i see everyday.

Sometimes it feels people who love Jesus forget he was a liberal Jew who hung out with a bunch of bros and a whore and gave people wine. - via @kellyoxford on Twitter

so, what sounds lovely to me right now would be a plate of truffle fries & a bottle of wine sitting outside on a restaurant patio or sidewalk. i would also appreciate a nice summer breeze... it would make me feel fine. ah. i'm drinking this new wine instead and eating pasta - not half bad, but not the whole package. baby steps. little victories. so on & so forth.

if you could be doing anything right this very moment, what would it be?

[evolution pairs well with tailgating in the fall, holiday parties in winter, springtime picnics and, of course, summer shenanigans.]

"Amelie has a strange feeling of absolute harmony. It's a perfect moment. Soft light, a scent in the air, the quiet murmur of the city. She breathes deeply. Life is simple and clear. A surge of love, an urge to help mankind comes over her."

honey lately...

i've been in the sun a lot. (even at the beach
which is strange for me because i hate the sand.)

this has been breakfast. greek yogurt with
granola, coconut flakes and fresh blueberries.

i went kayaking in some creeks.
we pulled over for snacks & swimming.

mj and i went to see david gray! he was delightful.

been making my own coffee - cold brew. takes about a lifetime,
but then i mix it with vanilla coconut milk and all is right with the world.

i slept on my couch. it's just right erin size,  but it's only because
i can't seem to commit to putting away all the clean clothes
piled on my bed. (don't judge. i'm just too tired when i get home at night!)

so lately there has been frolicking with friends & family. and baking (lemon sugar cookies). watching fireworks. drinking. music listening. and lots & lots of blog reading. my new faves are everyday musings and naturally nina. go read. now.

ps. i'm moving! did i tell you that? august sixth. tax free weekend. ah! to a bigger apt in front of a pond & a pool. with my friend majesta & her pup, roxy.

... drag a salted kiss from this cup of bliss.

I'm reading...

The Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert

followed by....

East of Eden by John Steinbeck
The Help by Kathryn Stockett
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

fingers crossed.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only." - A Tale of Two Cities

I like this part. The rest was superfluous. Silly, Dickens.

so, on my days off... ok on most days... i spend an hour eating breakfast and cruising the interwebs (in bed still). blogs. email. facebook. bank account. repeat - just in case a missed something or if something was important enough to open in a tab. 

does anybody else do this? do have an interwebs problem?

i'm going to have real life now. ok thanks.

sunday funday.

what's that mean anyway? my sundays are never that fun.

anywho, it was quite the day. it began beautifully with greek yogurt, fresh blueberries, granola & big coconut shreds. yum, right? and a giant bottle of water. (oh hi, i live in the south where you dehydrate just by thinking about going outside...)

work was... work. it started with ninja cable managing. blah zeh blah this that and the third. a wrinkly tshirt. yada yada yada. feedback. feedback. feedback. straighten. straighten. the end.

then i made homemade nachos! with balsamic chicken. little orange tomatoes. romaine. and raspberry salsa. oh yes. and then i ran 2.5 miles. and drank a lot of water and gatorade. and here we are.

blogs & pandora & a shower.

see you tomorrow. xo.

green tea lemonade + minty green nails = summertime.

just a few things...

chocolate peanut butter pretzel brownies.
my next baking adventure will involve lemon.

coffee.

matt & kim radio on pandora.

no gym since tuesday. its ok.

my friend tom is in town from hattiesburg.

gossip girl season four. done. (sad.)

my fave flippy floppies are back!
and this candle is addictive. mmm.

work. work. working.

lots. lots. lots to do right now.

i'm moving august 6... ah! 

ok. love you. xo.

run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must, just never give up. - dean karnazes

taken from joy the baker. it's inspiration on my desktop.

an excerpt from my journal...

so, here goes - i'm doing this because i just started training for a half marathon. crazy pants, i know. anyway, one of the training books told me i should keep a journal to track my progress - Lord willing. i guess i'll fill in the back story. i have a crazy pants friend - Faith Adedokun - who i adore with my whole heart.... ok. so she texted me one day to ask if my crazy pants would run a half marathon with her crazy pants. well, i checked my schedule and i was free (don't act like it's nbd because i'm actually already booked for most of november...) so, i said, "ok. please don't let me die." or something to that effect. really i'm doing it (mostly because of Faith) but because i need a tangible goal in my life... right. real life doesn't have goals because it's real life - you reached all of your goals to get to adulthood and, well, now you're fucked. why? because you're single, living in a studio apartment with your fish and dead mint plant, wondering wtf you're supposed to do with the rest of your life, thinking about grad school while working for a kick ass company but not making enough money to justify turning on the air conditioning in SC summer, all while battling a caffeine addiction and asking yourself why beta fish can't pay rent, too. oy. ps. who would even pay my tuition? and that brings us to week two of half marathon* training (* here on referred to as 'crazy pants' or my personal hell).

any questions? xo.

sunday, i ran two miles.
monday, i ran two miles.
today, i ran two miles.

i just need to add eleven more miles.

I spend a lot of time thinking about why we do what we do and why we don't do what we don't do. I like to do lists and checking things off. I plan my days with detail - workouts, grocery stores, visiting people, coffee breaks. It gives me a sense of control & stability. When things happen outside of my iCal, I get confused...

I'm a horrible decision maker - big or small. It takes me forever and I always wonder about my other option. Hmph. I also usually wonder about my motive - did I make the decision because I wanted it or because it was the right thing or because someone else thought it was a good idea? I think, in general, we forget to make decisions that make us happy or we don't make moves because they're scary. Is that a good way to live?

Tell me, please, when was the last time you made a big/life-changing decision for yourself and not for someone else? When was the last time you made a completely crazy decision that turned out for the best? And when you make most of your decisions what is influencing you the most?

a golden gate picnic from oh happy day

[ tell me where am i supposed to go? who am i supposed to believe?
so i grab my bags and go as far away as i can go. ]

I've been sick today so between random & small chores, I finished Season 3 of Gossip Girl and then I moved onto Sex and the City the movie. And, while I've seen a lot of movies in my day, I firmly believe the saddest scene in a movie ever is in the middle of the street after Carrie yells at Big and grabs onto Charlotte. It breaks my heart every time. Ok, maybe there's a scene in The Way We Were that rivals it, but it's a pretty close race. Oy.

via dagi.tumblr

yesterday, i made peanut butter swirl blondies with dark chocolate chunks.

today, i registered myself for the rock n' roll 1/2 marathon in savannah.

and i haven't been to yoga in two weeks. meh. makes me cranky.

also, clearly, i am a crazy person.

"The other main qualm people have with "Gilmore Girls" is the "fast talking." And well, if you can't get used to that, then maybe this show's not for you. So, fair enough."

a quote from an entire article about why you should love gilmore girls. it's all true.

28" x 18", Oil & Acrylic on Canvas ::: Copyright Pakayla Biehn 

my fave blog - the (never home)maker is back in action today! hooray! they've been on sabbatical for a few months. meh. does this make me a dork?

after the (joe's) wedding, i am getting my hair cut - a lot. and getting a tattoo. those are my goals for the summer. and to keep running. i think i'll like it.

tomorrow, i'm going to bake something. joy the baker's blog :: love & sugar :: inspired me to do so. (there is also a reciple for gluten free coconut waffles on their i'm interested in...) i'm also going to do laundry & for serious clean my bedroom. i slept on the couch two nights in a row because my clothes and mail have taken over my bed. this is unacceptable (after tonight). and if i'm lucky i'll walk the bridge before yoga, but let's not get carried away.

wednesday, i'm off again (tuesday is my first day off... two in a row - what a lucky girl i am!). i am going to pick up my bridesmaid's dress from the alterations place. and have a fro-yo date with meg. and go to zumba. and maybe sit in the middle of my (hopefully) clean bedroom.

oh. i got a plant. a chocolate mint plant. i promise i'm going to try really hard not to kill him.

this photo is courtesy of julian bialowas

i just discovered max wanger. it's love.

"We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles and work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter. But work is third." - Leslie Knope, Parks & Recreation

saturdays surf, a photo by lesliee!! on Flickr.

coffee + apple products + sunshine = life.

one of my managers gave me a very compelling reason to switch to verizon & drop a whole bunch of cash on a white iphone 4 ... because then i'd have a white iphone 4 and that's awesome. i think it's a valid point. hm.

sometimes using photobooth makes me feel like i'm creative.

sometimes, you need to step outside, 

get some air, and remind yourself of who you are 

and who you want to be. (via free people)

people always ask what's next?

why? i feel like asking what your next step or place or idea is negates your present state ... makes it a little less important ... but then again what's next is a question of ambition. so which is more important? your blossoming present or your ambitious future? how do you balance the two?

[where you invest your love, you invest your life. awake my soul.]

249, a photo by julianbialowas on Flickr.

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

Everything I want is just Him, to get lost in Him, to feel His love and more and more of this dazzling that He does. I wonder at His beautiful system and how it feels better than anything I could choose or invent for myself." - Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

i think i have writer's block.

blog block. haha.

or i just haven't had the time.

i'm sure i'll be over it soon.

i'm glad i'm friends with the people i'm friends with.
i'm glad i'm not friends with the people i'm not friends with.

i like gossip girl, but not actual gossip.

and i would like to stop hearing about people's personal business.

ok. thanks.

my life is fine.
nothing is wrong.
not technically.


but, for some reason, i've been feeling "off" and i'm not sure why.


does anybody know what i mean?


i've been unusually frustrated by people recently. and i don't feel happy. i'm still outgoing and optimistic, but i'm not happy. i'm usually happy. i guess i'm not unhappy, but i'm definitely not happy. if you asked me i was doing well, i would say yes. if you asked me if i was happy, i would say no.


i read through some old blogs and i think i was happy in them. or at least ambitious. i think i need a goal. i'm happier when i'm working toward something. i dunno. perhaps i lack motivation.


“It’s true that while ambition creates fear, it also creates the story. But it’s a good trade, because as soon as you point toward a horizon, life no longer feels meaningless. And suddenly there is risk in your story and a question about whether you’ll make it. You have a reason to get out of bed in the morning.” - Donald Miller


please note, this is no cause for concern. if you have any insight/suggestions, then i'd love to hear from you, but please don't worry about me. ok? ok! this is just my little venting area...


xo.

i have a hard time drawing lines professionally and personally, i think. or maybe i don't and other people do. i'm not sure.

some of the people i work with are nice and i really enjoy them and would like to be fb friends with and hang out with outside of work. some of the other people i work with are negative and i probably wouldn't benefit from being friends with them outside of work.

so do i pick some and not the others? do i not befriend any of them and just keep the friends i have? or do i befriend them all and take the risks of having all of my personal life out there?

decisions. decisions. any insight?

via :: Sommer Atkinson

i took a quiz in oprah magazine that said i was a super optimist, but i'm not sure that's always true...when i sat down to write this blog, the first things i thought about were all the things that i didn't do today or that went poorly. however, i'm trying to make good on oprah's diagnosis (well, make it consistent) so i decided that i would just list all the things i did do or liked about today. here goes...

i had blueberry muffins frosted mini wheats with almond milk for breakfast. delish. i went to the dentist for the first time in almost two years. my teeth are slick and shiny. i'm also pretty sure they're whiter. i got to wear my polka dotted rain boots. i used them to step in an ankle deep puddle - take that rain! i had delish lunch with the lovely alana nelson at yo burrito. salsa bar, please & thank you. i saw my old youth pastor! my hair stylist texted me to tell me she wanted to gloss my hair for free. i cleaned my living room and did all of my dishes. i also made egg salad - with hummus and spicy mustard and egg whites. then i drank three cups of coffee and ate a pudding pop. i got new cute new city flats in the mail today. and a twenty percent off coupon at ulta. i went to kinetic (small group) and connected - sometimes i really don't want to go bc i'm anti-social or too busy, but it's a small step to take compared to all that has been afforded to me through my beliefs. i remembered how much i love florence + the machine.

also, today someone told me they thought i was much happier at my new job despite the financial ramifications on my life. then, as we discussed jobs and work/life balance, we threw around some potential career paths for myself. [note: i love my current job and do not plan on leaving it anytime soon and cannot wait to see where my career goes within the company.] so anyway, she thinks i should be a blogger. really? can you make money doing that? yes. yes you can, but i don't think i would be able to wrangle any benefits out of the deal. (this is the part that requires me to have a husband who has a good, solid job...) also, i would blog from my macbook pro in coffee shops. best.job.ever. sign me up.

one last topic... why do they say 70% chance of rain instead of 30% chance of sunshine? this was a real conversation topic at work the other day. think about it.

ummm. that might be all. and by all, i mean, oh boy! what a day! i'm so glad i got to experience it.

good night & good luck. xo.

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment, wisely and earnestly. (Buddha)

i let a coworker give me a tattoo today. boom. winning.

do any of you read the post secret blog?

i'm sure you do.

i haven't read it in awhile, so i just did some catching up on google reader.

some of the secrets make me cry. some of the secrets make me laugh. some of the secrets sort of freak me out.

occasionally, i think one of the secrets could be directed at me. or that maybe i wrote one of them and sent it in without remembering.

then i wonder if anyone i know has ever written to post secret at all.

after that, i just hope that if writing to post secret doesn't make people feel better, then they find away to tell their secret for real. and that it's not as bad as they think it is. or that they get the help that they need.

it's a lot of thinking/emotion from one blog.

today i ...

dropped someone at the airport.

got my starbucks fix.
checked my mail.

made breakfast.

activated a financing card.

paid my bills.

checked my emails/facebook.

did some dishes.

got ready for work.

and it's only 7:30am.

whoa. tgif.

olivia got extra injured so i gave her a tie dyed band-aid/duct tape.

today someone asked me what the best part was about living alone...

i told them that i don't have to put pants on to make coffee in the morning.

you just roll right out of bed and into the kitchen to the coffee maker. nbd.

ok. so that might not be the best part, but it is pretty awesome. don't you think?

my last post was my 1000th post. it was sort of anticlimactic don't you think?

so on to the next one...

monday my macbook pro was in china. yesterday it was in memphis. today...?

i hope it's in my hands!

last night i worked 7pm-3am. whoa. i'm not sure visuals is my jam, but i did learn a lot. i sort of just followed matt around and tried to act helpful. lucky for me, he seems to have infinite patience. unlucky for him, i ask a lot of questions and lose my pep around one in the morning.

i had six shots of espresso and an iced pour over coffee yesterday. too much?

yesterday, someone said i didn't seem excited about life - i guess i don't have too much going on right now. which is NOT TRUE because i have SO much going on right now. i guess i better get excited.

oh alright. time for work. EXCITED FACE. ps. ipad two on friday! asldkfakdfj!

"so what i hear when i'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me." - parks & recreation

one of my managers told me to netflix that show. it's hilarious.

i think i'm going to buy a new computer this week. that's pretty sweet.

i've been trying new beer. i don't like mojo ipa. i do like fat tire amber ale.

today, i made fudgey pumpkin brownies. and homemade peanut butter.

yesterday, i had a great day at work.

a customer asked me out. that part was a little awkward.

i think i'm a bad dater. or maybe i don't know what i'm looking for...

i have been in love though. i know what that feels like.

i just watched love & other drugs. it made me a little teary.

heyyy. i want to get my nose pierced. thoughts?

anyway. life is good (for me). really. i'm blessed.

suppose i never ever met you. suppose we never fell in love.

remember to give yourself grace to grow!

alright. alright.

"you love fun dip & cherry coke. i like the way you laugh when i tell a joke."

i am...
listening to LFO.
reading about the ipad 2.
wondering about ram upgrades.
drinking water.
smelling exotic coconut.


i had an earl grey tea/gin drink tonight.


haters gonna hate.


xo.

Walking Far From Home - Iron and Wine

today ...

the weather was BEAUTIFUL.
bob day made alison & i DELICIOUS peppy vanilla bean frappy drinks.
munched on YUMMY sour starburst jelly beans.
listed to the ADDICTIVE first song on the new iron & wine album.
was my very FIRST quarterly meeting.
ROCKED the little miss sunshine dance scene with other new employees.
awarded my first peer award for being a breath of FRESH vanilla roasted air.
was good.

sometimes i'm really nervous to do or say the wrong thing with new people, but everybody is doing their best to make me feel welcome and comfortable. that doesn't mean there is no awkwardness. that doesn't mean there is no snarkiness. that does mean that we're all in this together. and that makes me glad. it also makes me a little more patient with myself. and that's REALLY good.

i've decided to leave today with some good things from work...

1. a co-worker told me i was a ray of sunshine.
2. we made a girl so happy that she looked like she might explode.
3. i triaged three products on the sales floor.
4. my picture was on the daily message - it says i change lives daily.
5. i learned a lot that i didn't know before that i do know now.

these are all positive.

also, i got a pretty little spring card in the mail.

i love my new job. love. really. i'm sure you've heard me say that before.

but today was hard.

it didn't start off difficult, but by the end of the day, i was on the verge of tears. and now i'm nursing my day with a mango vodka & orange juice with our lady peace (spiritual machines) playing in the background - if that tells you anything.

so, i was brought in as a specialist at my job with the idea of moving onto expert relatively quickly. well, relatively quickly has been three weeks since i began my core training. it's certainly not that i lack the customer service skills to take that position, but there are two other things that i do lack... 1. product knowledge and 2. the respect of my peers.

these are real concerns.

they are also intense pressures that i put onto myself.

basically, 1. i want to already have all the knowledge i need and 2. i want everyone to think i'm in the position i'm in because i earned it and deserve it and not just because i used to work with one of our managers at my last job. (this second pressure i can't confirm, i just feel the vibe sometimes, but i could be crazy. you never know.) anyway, i'm not sure how to reconcile all of this in the here and now. actually, i know that i can't which is even more frustrating.

after my tech exam today, my head almost exploded from information and the realization that i HAVE SO MUCH LEFT TO LEARN. then i almost burst into tears when someone asked me why i even had to take a test. i wanted to say "so they could figure out how much of an idiot i am." then, i almost bought an iMac just so i could practice this nonsense at home. and you could definitely tell that i was having a hard day because three people had a conversation, feedback, lesson or hug to share with me about it.

so, long story short. i'm not doing the interview panel (unless requested by the market leader) and i'm not ready to move on and i feel like i'm letting myself (and other people) down by not being ready. i know it's crazy to think that i would be doing cartwheels in the store after only three weeks, but that's the sort of person i am. that's how i was raised. i called my mom to tell her and she was upset. i could hear it. and then i almost started to cry again.

being a girl is so embarrassing sometimes.

plus, hello, my job wasn't hard today. i made it that way. oy.

and, um, no one is upset with me except for me. not even my boss.

(girls are crazy. sorry you have to put up with us, fellas...)

i guess the good thing is i know my strengths. i also know my limitations. and i know that i just have to be patient with myself and keep asking questions.

i also bribed the team by saying i would bake cupcakes once i went one whole day without having to ask any questions. gluten free. vegan. full fat. cream cheese frosting all over the place.

but, to get over this, i kicked my own ass at the gym tonight and now i'm going to hide from the world until the morning. good plan, yes?

lucky for me, tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to learn. hmph.

good morning to my 42 subscribers!

i realize in the grand scheme of life that 42 is very little. i mean, there are over 6 billion people in the world. however, 42 seems like a ridiculously large number and i'm very glad to have all of you reading. i just thought i would let you know.

anyway, today is day off number two. i plan on studying today for an interview that i may or may not have pending a technical exam that i may or may not pass. meh. it's for work. i'm actually nervous. not about the interview panel, but the tech exam. my customer service skills are above and beyond, but i'm still learning about how to use all these machines. oy.

i did apply for information regarding UPenn's Masters of Applied Positive Psychology program yesterday. i listened to there virtual session and it was quite informative. fall 2012, perhaps? note: i will not have to move to pennsylvania. i just have to go once a month for three days.

oh! i baked those cookies yesterday! they are good. the ginger was a little much for me at first, but i don't really like ginger. if you like ginger, then you're definitely good to go. they're like brownies mixed with no-bake cookies. and they're pretty healthy!

also, i'm really embarrassed to admit this, but they were playing a song at the gym that i just couldn't get out of my head, so i looked it up when i got home... yeah. it's sean kingston w. justin bieber. it's called eenie meenie. *hangs head* don't judge me.

did you know that if you spill red wine on your white walls that it leaves a bluish tint? eff.

well, it's beautiful outside - again! so i'm gonna try to get some sun in - vitamin d! be lovely. xo.

i plan on making these today. funky black magic cookies via never(home maker)

this past week, a friend's brother died (suddenly & unexpectedly) and another friend was in a car accident where he broke his ribs, collarbone, and punctured his liver.

what a huge reality check.

at the age of twenty-five, i have had the privilege of working as both a manager for a large retail company and an owner of my own small business. i now have the unique experience of working as a sales associate for a multinational computer corporation.

i've been around the job experience block (already) which gives me a different perspective on the way stores are run. the definition of work. the definition of management. the definition of development. the definition of promotion. so on & so forth.

today, i realized that my unique experiences & different perspective are, in fact, just that - unique & different. often, people forget the job qualifications & expectations of others. and it's incredibly easy to criticize what we don't comprehend or what we've never done ourselves.

perspective is often so far from the realm of reality.

so, what do you do? my advice is... walk a mile in their shoes... teach a man to fish... do it with an open mind... play devil's advocate... assume positive intent... think before you speak... grasp the situation before you handle it.

of course, this is all easier said than done, but it's still something we should practice. daily. with family. with friends. with coworkers. with strangers. it might make the world more pleasant. and, if nothing else, i promise you'll learn something.

i adore this weather. really.
i'm so excited for spring/summer.
i can't wait. but i have to... wah.

in the meantime, i've decided to make a list of all the things that warm weather brings...

sunshine & happiness. duh. (seasonal affective disorder, anyone?)
the beach. (i rarely go but i like having the option open)
restaurants with patios.
eating & drinking on those patios.
sundresses.
sunglasses. (they're just cooler in the summer)
italian ice carts.
fro-yo. (it will taste even better than it already does.)
iced coffee. yum.
seasonal summer beer (i heart abita strawberry harvest)
jack's cosmic dogs (hotdogs are better when you're not freezing)
boats. all of them.
suntans!
shrimp records mondays at pour house (they'll be out on the porch!)
the farmer's market.
fresh produce... tomatoes & berries! hooray!
bonnaroo (and a slew of other music festivals)
driving with the sunroof open
blaring (upbeat) music (all summer long, so on & so forth. i'll make a mix)
guacamole. (it's just better in the summer)
dining with friends! (benefits lowcountry aids services)
trip to nyc. (this doesn't normally happen, but it will this year!)
joe & kara's wedding. (ohmygoodness.littlebrother.married.)
pepperminty espresso vanilla bean starbucks goodness.

i'm sure there are more good reasons, but this is a good starting point.

and now we wait.

i don't particularly care for valentine's day. it's a silly day and a lot of pressure for people - whether they're single, have a date, or are in a relationship. i don't think one's happiness on this particular holiday can be directly linked to any of those anyway.

exhibit a. once, my boyfriend at the time, forgot valentine's day after i had driven a quarter of the way across the country to visit him. he didn't call for over a week and i'm pretty sure he lied about it (by telling me my gift must have been lost in the mail).

exhibit b. once, when i was single, my friends threw me a big valentine's surprise by decorating my dorm and filling it with streamers, balloons and pink and red everything! we ate heart shaped things and chocolate all night long.

i rest my case.

however, i generally choose to be happy on valentine's day no matter my relationship status. there is so much love and cuteness that it's hard to ignore, even if it's not directed at me (or you). and maybe you've been hurt recently (i'm very sorry to hear that) and you have every right to despise today. march on and hate it. but, if you're okay and no one broke your heart in the last year, then keep calm and carry on. it will be an okay day. maybe even a good one.

this is from one of my very favorite blogs... CAFFEINATE ME
and, no matter what happens to it, i would like to be able to re-read this letter one day.

Dear 27-Year-Old Drea,

Hey, Happy Birthday! I hope you really enjoy today because, tomorrow, you're going to wake up feeling really unhealthy. Yes, "unhealthy." Yes, that's a euphemism.

Mostly because, at some point, late in the evening, after most people have gone home at a decent hour, someone is going to show up and give you tequila, and then, I dunno... there were tater tots and you got to go inside a food truck. Which, in all fairness, is damn awesome (except the tequila part). So, to sum up? Not worth it. You would have gone in that truck sober.

Anyway, when you wake up tomorrow morning, you are going to do something very stupid. Very, very stupid. You are going to go to work. Why would you do this? It's not like you're going to actually do any work while at work. All you're going to do is slowly drink from a can of Coke, a cup of coffee, a bottle of water, and a cup of mint tea, alternating in whatever order feels LESS BAD, until you decide it's time to go home around 6:30pm. Why would you do this to yourself?

Oh, I know why.

It's because you need everyone to think you're okay.

Oh, 27-Year-Old Drea. You are so young and stupid. Let me tell you something that it's going to take you the next 10 to 11 months to learn: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE OKAY ALL THE TIME.

I know this is still a foreign concept to you and that you’re still not really telling people what’s up when the opportunity arises, but let me tell you what’s about to happen to you over the next year: Some Shit. Some Shit is about to go down and it’s not all going to be good and it’s okay to acknowledge that. You’re a tough girl, but you’re still just a person. It’s okay to tell someone when they’ve hurt you or confused you. It’s okay to demand that they stop. It’s okay to be offended. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel lonely. Basically, it’s okay to not be okay. It’s human to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is beautiful.

Be thankful for the relationships you will cultivate this year, because they are the ones that will teach you this. They are the ones that will hurt you, and they are the ones that will embrace you when you’re hurt.

Speaking of opportunities, take them. Take some risks at work, at home, and in your closet – but especially at work. Take time to reflect on what you like and don’t like. Take more time to evaluate the opportunities around you. Remember, it’s never a bad time to take on something new. It might look good on you. There is possibility in every “yes” you say. Laugh too loudly and too much. Wrinkle your nose as much as possible. Get out there and be your charming self.

Spend some time imagining the perfect life that you want, and then wake up one morning late in the year, and start living that life. It probably won’t happen all at once, but there are some easy steps you can take first: Send holiday cards with personal messages in them. Write thank you notes. Get past some old shit. Reach out to friends who might need a hand. Reach out to strangers who you find interesting. Put it out there; don’t be afraid to say, “Hey. I like your energy. I think we’re going to be good friends” and then make that happen. Do what you want. It’s your life.

It's time to start living it for you.

Love,
Turning-28-year-old-Drea

(The One With an Open Letter to My Younger Self)

things i made today...

pb banana spinach coconut milk deliciousness.

blueberry crisp! i bet you didn't know i could make that!

good news... i don't like breves, so i don't have to worry about that.

i worked on the sales floor (for the first time) yesterday. hooray! a man told me (and the guy i was shadowing) that we were his heroes. also, a guy told me i did a really good job helping him even though i was new. i rang two people up with the machines we carry in our pockets. and i took an ipad workshop! i learned all sorts of craziness. and i loved every moment. (that's good news.)

i'm practicing patience by ordering a book online that i want today. i'm saving almost half this way. wah. wah. yay! pros & cons. i should just buy an iPad because instant gratification is where it's at my friends. anyway, maybe i'll read a different book while i wait. something small because hopefully this book comes fast.

it's an object of beauty by steve martin. just in case you wondering.

speaking of wondering, i ask a lot of questions. it's not because i'm nosey. it's really just because i like people and i'm interested in knowing about them. i'm waiting until one day someone yells at me for it. i thought it might happen today at the gym. i think they realized i'm well meaning though.

more good news... i realized all my social networking has finally paid off... (although, it was kinda awkward to find out in real life that the stuff i put on the internet really gets heard. it's like if a tree falls in the forest... i hope my gym doesn't read my blog.)

me: so, do you actually train people in the gym?
nate: no. i don't. you're the only one.
me: and i don't pay you. why?
nate: because i like to help & you say nice things about me on twitter.
me: yes, yes i do.

he's a really excellent person and he's really qualified to do what he does. pivotal is super lucky to have him and, while i hope he never leaves, i think he could do big things. he also told me that if i came to the gym everyday, then he would tell me i was his hero everyday. that's motivation.

so, clearly, i was training again this morning. i like it because i have someone to keep me on track. i don't like it because i feel like i'm going to die. we're working on shaping because i don't want to be a body builder. i don't want anything about me to be big... well, not nothing, but i need to be proportional and my trainer told me i had a teeny teeny teeny tiny waist. ha. no one has ever told me that. he worked my legs out hardcore and then stretched me out which was nice. it made my muscles feel all loose.

i wish i could afford to have a trainer for real. one day, i'll win the lottery & get a full-time trainer. or maybe i'll marry a gym buff.

i went grocery shopping today and i bought a lot more than i intended. the check out lady told me it was ok because i bought healthy things. that made me feel better.

and, when i got home, i made a peanut butter/banana/spinach/coconut milk smoothie. it was delicious and i'm sure nutritious. and i actually discovered it on my new favorite blog the (never home)maker. love. love. love.

hm. i think most of this was good news.

alright, i'm off to be actually productive (and not just online productive because i do enjoy doing this and i do think it's productive) before i go hang out with patrick tonight. wish me luck! xo.

today...

my boss was blasting three little birds and told me it was bob's birthday. there was also a photo of bob marley on the bottom of our schedule. he was spreading the love.

i learned that i will never be able to sit at a desk all day. never. i hated every inactive moment of it. the good news is that i taught myself a lot... like how to use iPhoto and iMovie to actually make something worth showing people. well, perhaps it's not worth showing people, but i made it and it has a bob dylan soundtrack.

i used wiki wiki to teach me about a lot of computer terms. i learned the difference between memory/RAM and a hard drive/storage space. whoa.

i discovered that i have an incredibly uneven complexion. effing photobooth. thanks for pointing that out.

i started watching pushing daisies. it's adorable. and netflix is a wonderful gift.

i think i'll make blueberry crisp this week.

and, finally, it's easy to make friends when you share your sour cherry cola gummies with them.

work goals:
1. get on the floor & sell something to someone
2. get a (spontaneous) hug from a customer
3. have a customer request me (when they come back to the store)

life goals:
read one book every month - i'm not making a list because i can't commit to specifics.

ps. tomorrow is world nutella day. celebrate!

ok. that's all. thanks. bye.

tonight, at kinetic:ct, i learned about being a leader (specifically in the church, but i think a lot of it applied to life in general).

1. be beyond reproach - own your flaws. be honest about them & guarded against them.

2. be apt to teach - both able to teach & teachable. it can happen at anytime. be open to it.

3. be hospitable - love strangers. welcome people into your life and care for them.

these are good church rules (because the church is the pillar & support of truth and the physical example of christianity to non-christians). they are also good work rules (because it means you are approachable & develop-able). most importantly, i think, they are good life rules (because no one cares what you know until they know that you care).

and it's hard. i hate being wrong or feeling guilt. learning new things is sometimes difficult and overwhelming and i hate asking for help. plus, i'm really self conscious and introverted (i swear) so meeting and getting to know new people scares the crap out of me and takes time.

but when you can overcome your fears and live by these rules, then you open yourself up to growth. and from growth comes new relationships & opportunities. and from those you can foster growth in the lives of other people. and i think that's where beauty happens... don't you?

me: you should come over and have a cookie.
friend: (laughs)
me: they're good. i promise.
friend: i just think it's funny that you had egg whites & oatmeal for breakfast because a trainer told you to and when you got home from the gym, then you baked cookies.
me: whatevs. i'm taking baby steps.

also, i never got all my laundry put away. hmph.

it's my last day off before i start my new job!

what if i suck? what if they don't like me? what if i can't pay my bills? what if i have to give up starbucks? what if...? oh geez.

i had coffee with my dear megan this morning. coffee and four egg whites with asparagus & a half cup of oatmeal with slivered almonds & some craisins. craisins are so delicious. i don't think they're on "the diet". it's ok because i don't have to report to a trainer who holds me accountable to those sorts of things. momma majesta will check up on me though.

ps. thank you everyone for all of your recipes and suggestions!

my pro-bono training got canceled this morning. wah. i did a pretty good job myself though. i love the bosu ball. i did the elliptical. meh. and lunges and squat because i got all that junk in the trunk. i did a lot of stuff he made me do yesterday minus the things that would require me going out into the main workout area because i'm terribly self conscious and hate working out in front of other people.

it is so lovely outside. i have my blinds & windows open. dave matthews band on the ipod. rosie is coming over to bake cookies soon. i just need to put away my laundry. that's my least favorite chore ever. i'd rather clean a toilet.

but really i would marry this weather if i could.

today, i read about getting a master's in applied positive psychology.

the MAPP program explores the history, theory, and basic research methods of positive psychology. This new branch of psychology focuses on such issues as the empirical study of positive emotions, strengths-based character, and healthy institutions. In the Master of Applied Positive Psychology program, you’ll learn to apply these aspects of positive psychology in your particular professional setting. 

i wouldn't mind doing that. nope. i wonder if that would be better than a master's in human resources. do i really want to go back to school? hm.

recently i've been all of content and dreaming... xo.

so, about a week ago, mj went to the gym for a personal fitness assessment and i crashed in on it. and despite my not so amazing experience with a personal trainer before, this guy had me rethinking the idea. unfortunately, it's just not in the budget, but i guess he likes to work pro-bono when he's not recruiting/managing the rest of the staff because he pretty much handed my ass back to me in twenty minutes this morning.

and i get to do it again tomorrow. i mean who am i to say no to an attractive trainer who wants to help me for free? (and by free i mean for no dollars outside of what i already pay to go to the gym. which is totally worth it, btw. i love my gym.) i told him i had no problem taking advantage of him. [note: no, he's not single so i'm really just using him for his brain. also, i think his gf is a body builder and i'm sure she could kill me.]

dude also thinks i'm a boozer. i'm such a homebody, so that's crazy. one wrist band and you're scarred for life.

all this to say, i have to start cooking & eating healthy because i almost passed out on him this morning. a ZONE bar is delicious, but not enough for breakfast. evidently neither is a whole wheat waffle & peanut butter. tomorrow i have to eat 4 egg whites and a 1/2 cup of oatmeal. i'm sort of small... WHERE AM I GOING TO PUT ALL THAT FOOD? oy vey.

so today, i went to whole foods and stocked my kitchen with all sorts of things a kitchen needs.

tomorrow i bake (espresso chocolate chip cookies) & make butternut squash pasta w. blue cheese & spinach. i also have a date with some brussel sprouts & asparagus this week.

reading: the happiness project.
listening: dave matthews band.
consuming: peppermint hot chocolate.

today, on my way to beaufort, i decided there are three things (besides jesus & my peeps) that i never want to live without: coffee. dave matthews band. my car (the freedom to travel).

what would you never want to live without?

me: hi! i'm so excited to see you :)Alison: I'm Erin! I get to spend the weekend with someone else's wife. :)
It's hugs. Have fun this weekend!

big day.
new ball joint. coolant gasket. oil change.
plane ticket to nyc.
whole foods & menchie's with T.
pivotal fitness in summerville.
tried to be wireless. fail.

and i finished the romantics today while i was at the dealership.

abrupt. sort of disappointing.

it's not a normal love story, so i don't know why i was expecting a normal ending.

oh well.

alison is coming tomorrow!

i took the stars from my eyes and then i made a map

and knew that somehow i could find my way back.

yesterday, i made chicken soup from scratch. all by myself. and i'm not lying.

i wish i had a larger pot bc i have a disproportionate amount of chicken & veggies to broth, but that's ok. it's a chunky soup.

and it's so easy that you can make it, too!

you just boil your chicken, celery, carrots & garlic together in a pot with water over medium heat until the chicken is cooked. then you remove the chicken and set it aside and throw out the veggies. then you start adding whatever vegetables into the pot - whichever take the longest to cook first. so, for me, that was carrots, potatoes, celery, squash, and tomatoes. i also put another clove of garlic in bc i like it. once that was ready i added in my bouillon and put the chicken (shredded) back in. then i left it sit a few minutes. voila! chunky (bc i didn't use enough water) chicken soup!

let go of where you think you’re going.

and you'll be bright. 
- cloud cult

i played catch up with a friend last week.

friend: so you're pretty much doing the same then...
me: except i'm blonde. i eat meat. i live alone. and i have a new job. the only thing about me that's the same is that i'm not dating anyone inparticular at the moment, but i was not too long ago.
friend: but other than that you're the same.
me: sure.

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor or those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." - William Somerset Maugham

so for those of you falling in love, keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right. throw yourself in the midst of danger, but keep one eye open at night. - elephants, rachael yamagata

it's weird how moments that made you so happy can turn into memories that make you feel rather lonely.

i've been going through lots of my stuff and getting rid of it. if i'm moving again this year, then i don't want to have as much to move. also, i read in a magazine that it would make me happier. i don't feel happy, but magazines never lie, so the happiness must be coming. fingers crossed.

on a better note: i got mail. unexpected, joyful (handmade) mail containing a little bird that holds a heart with my name on it. a tangerine dum-dum. and one of the nicest notes anyone has ever written me.

i have a good life. and how can i possibly feel lonely when i look at this bitty bird?

anyway, life is going going going. i've had an odd day. pretty much thought i was dying. it's absolutely true that you can be in so much pain that you feel nauseous. i never believed it before. other than that, days are going by quickly, but january feels like it's dragging, i suppose that's because there is so much happening in february. my last day at bbw is january 29 (although i'll probably still be doing floorsets) and i start at apple on february 3. wow. i'm so excited. slightly nervous. sort of sad. but mostly excited. and, if i have time for a part time job, then i would really like to work at starbucks. really. i miss making coffee so very much.

also, i'm reading a book. the romantics. i blogged about the movie awhile back, but never saw it since it never opened in theatres here. note: this book is not on my twenty eleven to-do list, so that's off to a good start... ha. oy. baby steps!

and last, but not least, i filed my taxes. brooklyn, here i come! but at the end of april when it's warmer!

ok. that's all for now. xo.

ps. there are few things in life that make my day brighter than when i get a comment, message, email or text from somebody who has been reading my blog. i'm glad that you all seem to enjoy reading it as much as i enjoy typing it.

we have nothing if not belief. - reepicheep

i put my hands up in the air sometimes. photo credits : laura bousman

photo credits: jennybunny

well, this certainly took me longer than expected, but i did get snowed into columbia and ended up taking a five day vacay. thank goodness for being an "and guest".  anyway, without further ado, my twenty eleven to-do list:

• I will finish LOST... within two months... go!
• I need to get my address changed at the DMV
• I need a Costco membership. Stat. I hate Sam's Club.
• I will throw away my break up box from 2.5 years ago. It's time and I don't want it anymore. It's just taking up space where handbags could live. Why is this so hard?
• I am going to purge the rest of the stuff in my various closets & my parents attic. It's a lot. This is a really big undertaking. Oy.
• (Again) I will try to wake up when my alarm goes off. Maybe I'll try a bedtime. Hmph.
• I want to finish The Happiness Project and In Defense of Food. Also, I'd like to read Beach Music and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. And maybe I'll actually finish Crazy Love, but I  need to start it again from the beginning.
• I'll take my tax return and pay off my credit card, get new sway bar bushings for the front of my car and buy a plane ticket to NYC.
• I'll take a trip to NYC (if you didn't get that from the previous bullet) to visit Rachel.
• I'll be in my brother's wedding! Ah!
• I would like to join a produce co-op like the Rosebank Farms CSA. Veggies, flowers, giddy goat cheese - oh my!
• I want to cook more. For myself & with others.
• I will throw out all of my old magazines & start fresh with this year's subscriptions. 
• I will move onto pork & beef as I enter back into the world of meat eating.
• I will keep my gym membership and continue to go. And try all the new classes! I am probably at one of the most physically (and mentally) healthy times in my life and I'd like to stay that way.
• I will use my insurance. Regular doctor's visits. Prescriptions. Chiropractor. Therapist.
• I will actually set up my 401k. It's free retirement money. Duh.
• I will keep better track of my finances. I won't buy things unless I need them. I won't use my credit card unless its an emergency. I will spend more on doing things than on things themselves. And I will give money to my church.
• I will look into getting my master's degree in retailing or human resources.We shall see.
• I want to be able to do the crow pose in yoga & hold it for thirty seconds. Heh.
• I will tell the people I care about that I care about them. Sometimes, I forget to show it & say it. Unacceptable.
• I will start a new job! At Apple, Inc. Get excited for new work challenges!

it's nothing fancy, but it's mine and i want to do it all, please and thank you.

this is my new job (starting february 3):

Apple Specialists are at the heart of our reputation for extraordinary customer service. You love people. Have an encyclopedic knowledge of all things Apple. And can translate technology-speak into everyday language. You’re ready to not just serve up information, but also inspire the next generation of Mac, iPod, iPhone, and Apple TV fans.

olivia's first sc snow day.

i'm working on my twenty eleven to-do list.
most people make resolutions, but not me.
i think they're lame because they never get done.
so, get excited, it's on it's way... the big to-do.

listening to: mumford & sons, cary ann hearst, edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros.

I had a character building weekend.

That's what T & I have decided to call life when it's pushy or uncomfortable.

Anyway, it was good! I put my past behind me and I'm now completely ready for a new year.

I want there to be more change & less settling.

Copperboom!

my apartment is a mess.

i'm supposed to be cleaning & unpacking & repacking.

i got distracted by gilmore girls & ice cream.

it happens.

the second week of twenty eleven will be more productive.