we'll make the best of what's around

see you and me have a better time than most can dream of
(she is wonderful. and so was our trip. happy twenty two years!)
turns out not where, but who you're with that really matters.

i love the way you move, baby

April 26 - Jazz Fest!

April 28 - Alpharetta!

I have seen 7 Dave Matthews Band shows in which 122 songs were played, an average of 17.43 songs per show. At these 7 shows, there were 74 different songs played. (song stats here)

summertime and the wind is blowing outside

The cigarette ash flies in your eyes and you don't mind. You smile and say the world, it doesn't fit with you. I don't believe you. You're so serene. Careening through the universe. Your axis on a tilt. You're guiltless and free.

i needed that. seven days on a southeast tour.

i feel rested. and ready to take on my work again.

and my life.

i'm sort of excited. and quite content.

I go home to the coast. It starts to rain I paddle out on the water, alone. Taste the salt and taste the pain. I'm not thinking of you again.

... and I've never been so alive.

I'm going on an adventure!

check twitter for updates @withthepoodles

i'm standing on a bridge

hello. here it goes. enjoy.

i think that she knows

I like that he did this - it's my favorite part of Lovestoned. And I really have an affection for looping machines. I've never seen John Mayer live. Part of me thinks it could be boring. Part of me doesn't like the stories I've heard about him. And part of me loves his music every time I listen to it... I think, actually I know, I need to see John Mayer live. I just need to know.

funny the way it is if you think about it

download the new single here: http://rcarecords.com/dmbfreedownload/

somebody's going hungry and someone else is eating out.
funny the way it is - not right or wrong.
somebody's heart is broken and it becomes your favorite song.

i was there when you said forever and always

sometimes you need to wallow.

i get it.

taylor swift :: forever and always

listen to it loud.

i'll love you in seven days.

and it rains in your bedroom. everything is wrong.

you take my hand and drag me head first

Fearless.
And I don't know why, but with you,
I'd dance in a storm in my best dress.
Fearless.

you'll be the prince and i'll be the princess

I'm listening to the new Taylor Swift cd. Uncharacteristic, yes. I'm also reading Midnight Sun - the partial draft of the version of Twilight from Edward's point of view. Not so uncharacteristic at this point.

And the two combined make me realize that women have the same emotions from the time they're born until the day they die (I assume). At the very least, until the time they're 24 years old.

We all want to be loved and protected and desired. Forever. That's all.

That's all. (I'm chuckling to myself right now....)

That's the very premise of the book Captivating that I never finished. And it's not that I didn't believe the book, it's just that it is so very evident from the pieces of my life right now. If you put them together, it's right there. Obvious.

And maybe I'm the last person to notice and think this. Maybe I'm just slow to put my thoughts into words. Hmm.

Romeo, save me. I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you, but you never come.

etcetera etcetera

i want this book.

no lie.

facts for whatever. fifteen steps. then a sheer drop.

let's finish off this bottle & open another one or two

Come on, its a good good time tonight to be here with you. Smoke your cigarettes. Drink your wine. Have a good good time.



Kt and I were third row during this - a little to the left - in front of Boyd.

I wish they had recorded this song. *sigh* R.I.P Leroi.

Dance if you're feeling blue. You can shake it off. You can shake it off. You can shake if off. If you will, it's a good good time tonight.

maybe i'll just read all the twilight books again... hmph.

eyes on fire your spine is ablaze

two weeks.

done.

i read all four books in the twilight saga.

the end... now what?

down a road that's leading me nowhere

i ain't got no fight in me

today was better.

today i actually got uplifting news.

today i was me and it was nice.

that's all for now. xo.

big girls don't cry

sometimes i don't think i will ever be able to have the life i want. i will never live alone or travel long distances or figure out what i want to do with my life or get a salary and have health insurance. i will never find someone who's attention i can keep for more than a few dates or (at best) a few years. i will never find someone who can't imagine their life without me. dreams fade. people go away.

life is very disheartening sometimes. and it's not just me.

things keep coming and i keep wondering

Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up. -- Alex Karev, Grey's Anatomy

... I start feeling the walls close in. Things keep coming and I keep stumbling. I start feeling I'm strong enough to break.

and it's alright. yeah, it's alright.

Dear April,

Last year you sucked. I apologize for thinking you were the problem of 2008 when it turns out you merely 1/12 of the issue. That was rude. However, you still really really sucked. Please be nice this year. I don't have the time to mess around with you. Thank you.

Yours truly,
Erin

hey, when i'm making my movie, baby...

hanson is stuck in my cd player in my car.
and i listened to ashlee simpson at tae bo saturday.
and guns n' roses.
music makes the world go round, yeah?

i think i wanna dye my hair this color. comments?

and i'm on my last twilight book. yeeaaaah.

you keep saying all my lines.

hypnotic. hypnotic. you're leaving me breathless.

i can never decide how i feel.
i'm busy. i enjoy what i do, too.
i'm just not sure that i feel it.
make sense?

dunno. its weird. i'm much more aware of my own feelings while i'm reading these books. right now the book is sorta sad. edward told bella he didn't want to be with her anymore and he left. i know it'll turn around, but when i read it i feel achey for her.

also, i'm on detox day one. fun.

i need to get back to work now. ugh. paperwork.

you're pushing and pulling me down to you,
but I don't know what I want. no, i don't know...

paramore: i caught myself.

i thought i was a fool for no one

"When I was with him, the time and the place were such a muddled blur that I completely lost track of both." pg 217

Embarrassingly enough - that is how I feel when I'm reading this book (Twilight). I get so enthralled that nothing seems to exist except for me and it. It's ridiculous. I feel myself becoming flustered by the words and actions of the characters and then I realize that I have to catch my breath. I can't even remember the last time someone made me nervous or my heart skip a beat, but this book has been doing it all day.

I'm almost done with it. I'm on pg 363, but I'm making myself go to bed at one. I have to! Luckily, I still have three more books and the movie.

and the good girls are home with broken hearts

5 Things found in my bag: twilight, ipod, organizer, chapstick, nutty goodness

5 Things in my room: burning candles, laundry, gym bag, waffle (the fish), tons of (unread) magazines

5 Things I’ve always wanted to do: drive across the country, live alone, go skydiving, travel to europe, open a coffee shop

5 Things I’m currently into: john mayer, twilight, cappuccinos, working out, tshirts

(also, very into free fallin' if you couldn't tell. it woke me up this morning and listened to it four times while i was lying in my bed...)

loves jesus and america, too

i hate how sick my grandmother is becoming.
i hate how sick it's making my mother and the rest of the family.

it breaks my heart.

she's a good girl, loves her mama

(John Mayer - Free Fallin' - Where the Light Is)

I wanna free fall out into nothing.
Oh, I'm gonna leave this world for awhile.

it might be a quarter life crisis

i like:
john mayer.
vh1 tough love.
nicole's nutty goodness.
friends.
the treadmill.
cappuccinos.
flip flops.

i dislike:
nickelback.
most other reality tv.
gRAWnola.
strangers (i'm really an introvert)
the elliptical machine.
frappuccinos.
socks and shoes.

i'm going to read twilight now. and meet kt for coffee.

yes, you read that correctly. i caved to popular culture.

i do that from time to time. usually not so publicly though.

still everything happens for a reason. am i living it right?

everybody needs a riot of their own

i suppose a lot has been happening, but then again not really at all. i'm just working and going to the gym and hanging out with people. i suppose that's all life really is anyway. occasionally, i ask myself questions about life and the world. i'm planning my trip to nola mentally. and, hopefully, my trip to arizona, nevada and california for october.

i'm pretty much addicted to bananas and greek yogurt (preferably the honey flavored kind, but let's be honest, it's full of fat). and um. almonds. plain almonds, vanilla bean almonds, wasabi soy almonds. whatev. i like 'em. and next week i have to (said i would) do a detox - nothing but fruits, veggies, nuts and water for me. shouldn't be too hard. i'll miss my capps, but she (our hip hop cardio teacher) said we could have black coffee if we felt the need (and i usually feel the need).

we have new chai at work. it's pretty bangin'. guess i won't drink that though. ah nuts.

i did a spin class today. wowza. kick my ass, much? and one of the songs that played was powerman 5000. haha. it was crazy though. i've never left the gym quite so disgusting.

and i've decided i really like the gym. it gives me some sort of purpose and makes me healthy. so i can appreciate that. plus, it gives me time to hang out with friends who want to go too. and it gets out my aggression. which i do have from time to time.

ok. that's me for now.

living so free is a tragedy when you can't be what you want to be.

so turn the radio on. so turn the radio up.

from a ryan adams forum (and my memory seventh row center):

Beautiful Sorta
Born Into A Light
Cold Roses
Come Pick Me Up
Everybody Knows
Wonderwall
“some Neal Casal song – bev break”
Fix It
Why Do They Leave
Grand Island
Goodnight Rose
Shakedown on 9th St.
Band Intros
the “We Suck Song” for the unhappy girl in the red dress
Let It Ride
I See Monsters
another Casal song.
Mockingbird
Magick

I’m not sure if this is completely correct and I’m sorry I don’t know the names of the Casal songs. I enjoyed them though. And I very much enjoyed the show despite its brevity. I would have kicked myself in the ass for not going.

Though, out of the three shows I’ve now seen, it was probably the worst. I’m super happy they played Come Pick Me Up – it’s my fave.

I hope that Ryan doesn’t quit music. I love his too much.

Also, congrats to Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore for their Tuesday wedding. Maybe he just wanted to get on with the honeymoon tonight… hmm.

See more progress on: see ryan adams live (for the third time)

words. words. words.

"I think to myself about the weight in my pack. Last night, Paul and I talked a bit about the stuff that we carry with us, all the weight we walk around with, emotional baggage, thinking we need stuff we don't need. We weren't getting very deep or anything, but I keep thinking about it, and how much stuff I walk around with, about how life is a dance and God just meant for us to enjoy life, not get bogged down in sin and religion. Just be good, it seems like, is the point of life; be kind to people; don't hate anybody; forgive people because we all make mistakes. I know there are always going to be exceptions to this kind of thinking, but it seems like life would be better if we could just let go of the thought we need more and more stuff to be happy, more and more the approval of others." - Donald Miller

i was a little girl alone in my little world

i've had enough of romantic love

Truth time for anyone who wants to hear it.

I wear a smile most of the time to cover all the crazy things I worry about: money, my store, my hours at bath and body works, my grandmother's alzheimer's, how that is affecting our family, my brother in iraq, my lack of health insurance, relationships, other people's relationships and listening to everyone's advice. It's all very overwhelming for me. I'm trying to make sure I get everything done and that everyone is happy with me.

I've not done a very good job. I apologize.

Please don't try to analyze me. I don't need criticism. I just need you to know that's where I'm coming from right now. I'm working on it.

"I love my family so much. But, to love just isn't enough. It must be active, constantly active and often spoken." - Garrett Curry

... I'd give it up for a miracle drug.

the seasons come and go and that's just time

wow. i guess its been a minute since i posted on here. weird.

i've been working (a lot) and i joined a gym which is sort of out of character for me, but i'm pretty much in love with the treadmill now.

um. covergirl has new mascara and it comes in a pink tube. i want it.

my mom bought me an orchid flower and it died. i think i put it too close to my air vent.

i've been drinking a lot of 1% cappuccinos with 1 raw sugar. i'm addicted.

waffle (my new fish) is still kickin' it.

mmm. i can't think of anything else at the moment.

i want to move where its sunny and seventy all the time. who's with me?

i'll be back. sooner than later.

listen to jack's mannequin. (the lights and buzz)

I'm coming home from my hardest year. I'm making plans not to make plans while I'm here. And this life has been no holiday. A complicated situation. I'm fine with all my memories. So I could use vacation.

i don't know what i'm doing in this city

sometimes i listen to a song i've heard a thousand times before, but i feel like i'm hearing it for the very first time and it's written just for me. i like that feeling.

And I've never been so alone and I've never been so alive.

it's the wrong time for somebody new.

“We should all do what, in the long run, gives us joy, even if it is only picking grapes or sorting the laundry.” - EB White

this is life before you know who you're gonna be

When you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them.

2009 Grammys - Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift - Fifteen

This was the highlight of the Grammys for my little sister. And I'm not gonna lie, I enjoyed it. I think its nice that there are young girls who actually sing about what young girls are like. Refreshing.

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine. And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind. And we both cried.

r.i.p. wally the beta fish.
July 28, 2007-February 4, 2009

you will be missed.

all the good and the bad

ebay is evil.

i just bid on discontinued bath and body works product.

i'm a junkie. oy.

i'm only a woman of flesh and bone.

i have no lid upon my head

i want this. soon please.

life is unbelievable

most relationships seem so transitory

last time, i took everyone's advice.

i didn't listen to myself at all.

everybody was happy with me.

and i was not happy at all.

they're all good but not the permanent one.

i'm still waiting in line

natasha bedingfield's new video.

this video is beautiful. i was really surprised.

who doesn't long for someone to hold?
who knows how to love you without being told.

donuts.

i like those little cinnamon sugar doughnut holes. my grandma used to always have them at her house when i came to visit. she still does sometimes. evidently only the beaufort publix thinks they’re worth baking.

i hate glazed doughnuts. hot fresh now signs do nothing for me.

i just ate one of those little powdered donuts. the kind that come wrapped up at gas stations or in bags labeled “sweet sixteen”. yeah. it was good. i like those.

See more progress on: nobody knows me at all

you don't have to be old to be wise

via spudart:

photo by Matt Maldre

A bird does not wait till it dies to fly. Emptiness is not for me. Fill me up and spill over me.

still make lemonade taste like a sunny day

via Chris Piascik

it's gonna take a miracle to bring me back

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.
Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.
Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.
- Martin Luther King Jr.

nobody knows me at all.

i think i will start posting random things about myself.

i like buying new music. i like the way cd stores always smell. i like rifling through the used section. i like that the person working knows exactly where to find the cd i'm looking for. i like that itunes is so convenient. i like live music a lot. i like sitting and listening to music. i like dancing like a crazy person and listening to music. i like music that makes me want to cry. i like music that makes me smile.

basically. i like music. it moves me.

i'd always win and you'd always lose

i just found this news out yesterday.

via Levi Weaver who got it via cardinal cave.

me- 34-a non smoker and happy, for the first time in my life.. i am excited to finish this wonderful time i have had with the cardinals and whatever new adventures may come after march. atlanta will be my last venture with the band and i am grateful for the time we have had and maybe someday we will have more stories to tell together. i am however ready for quieter times as i think it is very evident i am struggling with some balance and hearing issues.

also, no drama or anything but i am okay to step back from all of this right now and i think i did enough manic blogging when i felt alone and isolated during the last few years of travel. these last few years were the hardest i can remember and the most rewarding but i have loved ones to care for now and i am lucky i have been given a chance to turn around and see just what i am capable of as a friend and as someone who is not gone forever every year- it rendered me incapable of things i needed to be to myself and others- and my schedule sometimes never ended when the shows did- and some of that was my doing. and i lost someone i loved, and i lost myself.

that changed. i got to know just who i am in this little spell of time here recently. and change is the nature of the world and i naturally embrace that.

i won’t be blogging here anymore either- but not for effect- it just is not being kind to myself- i need a life that is mine- i need to grow up and grow in to who i have subtly been working back towards since i stopped all that nonsense and i know also no matter what i choose to do in the music world, because i chose to do things my way and never lie i will always be viewed as an “asshole” ( i hear and have seen things in the past) and i am not, and i know the truth and i know who i am.

also it is kind of ridiculous to blog as i am a musician and anything i say here just gets reprinted at some point out of context. i say NOT FAIR but it doesn’t matter what i say anymore or what is fair anymore really does it- the 21st century media has it’s own rules about what is true and what is not. it is not a life- not one i want to live anyway and i don’t really care to participate in narcissistic over-indulgent behavior anymore- that was never my intention- i just wanted to fight for my right to make music and to be given the benefit of the doubt. now, because i have stood up for myself and fought for myself i am labeled all kinds of awful things. well, i will walk away now and it will not matter what anyone say’s. there are other things i can do in this life, other ways to be creative and to try and help others and be expressive without being demonized for attempting to gain the same things any other human being desires- love- friendship- understanding- and being able to express yourself without constant fear of being mistreated for speaking up

i have friends to make, brand new books coming (two of em’ not counting that one already printed and on it’s way out there and i LOVE writing….yay!) and a whole lot of living and learning to do.

i am excited to step away. i lost more than anyone will ever know (hearing, someone i loved, my sense of dignity, a never ending losing battle with stage fright and now my hearing and balance due to an inner ear issue- people accusing me of not being sober when i am suffering tremendous pain and nausea from my inner ear symptoms- people accusing me of theft (THEFT- ….awful) and this is not much of a life, not glamorous like those ridiculous video’s a long time ago television played and no it is not monetarily as rewarding as people would like you to believe and yes, it is soul destroying. especially when you spend your life trying to write about the really difficult stuff and you stand there losing your way and people yell at you like you were in a circus. when it was your dream to matter and you realize one day, it never mattered- i mean, i am a punch-line and a footnote in what is worse to yell at someone besides “free-bird”. i mean, i lost. and it’s okay because i seriously snuck some pretty neat idea’s in there in the work when i was making those mistakes or they were being made by others. this business is no science.

and if you know, whatever this is- it’s not my dream. and it is a punishing thing to endure when you are getting worse and worse- it’s not my dream, my dream was to try and tap into that energy i saw watching Minutemen vcr tapes when i was just a little shit in NC of mike watt’s crazy shaking leg and his electric fingers- or how sonic youth droned into beautiful clouds those guitars shaking, kim and steve rattling the pulsing lines into feverish thudding imaginary subway cars racing through my heart- and how it felt to just let go and static up a riff and find the sweet spot- but getting yelled at for just being a songwriter- to be called so many horrid things because i chose to love music so much, and also to look for peace and balance in my life- that is not kindness and just not my thing. at least not now.

and i loved somebody. and i let others decided if that was okay and that was wrong and i was wrong and no one should deny themselves or others love or understanding because people don’t get it. that was an awful mistake. i always make big mistakes. it’s like i let myself learn that because that was a role, a niche’ i filled that make sense to a loud voice of strangers who would never really play a real part in my life.

never become that if you choose this path- if you go this route with your art. never listen to those loud dissatisfied bystanders who only want to see you fail because that will be entertaining for that moment. hold fast to your dreams, hold faster to your heart and never step out of the light of that love that made you whole. i did. and i know better now. and better late than never i suppose.

but i am okay now. i see a peaceful way to better days now. i am healing. and most importantly i feel loved and i have learned to treat myself with that same curiosity and lover that i have been lucky enough to feel and to learn to let guide my life. love is the great teacher and i am happy to be learning now. happy to be listening to that over this never ending painful ringing. this is the great lesson of my life. for once i want to be dignified in my study and in one place long enough to hear and understand without my pride or my lack of faith in myself leading me further away from things i need to know once and for all.

this is the real work now. the rest is something else entirely.

quitting smoking was a good step and i am happy i also am just now beginning to understand how important it is i take better care of myself in every way right now. hell i am even beginning to sleep a little and i can feel the things good and bad that i did not have time to feel when i was running towards a new oblivion of work, hoping somehow someday what i did would be accepted and maybe that would make me feel loved. how foolish.

that is not love. love is being accepted for who you are. love is taking care of yourself and caring for others and dreaming out loud when it matters. not chasing rainbows. not hoping for some eventual collective sigh of approval which will never come. how did i ever think in those terms? i always knew better. thank goodness i know now how to be honest with myself.

anyway, enjoy these shows ( i will enjoy them immensely and i will miss them just as much) and know that i am not abandoning anyone, not the cardinals and not the fans, this is just something i need to do now, and that i loved playing music in the cardinals and hell, even before i was in a place to try and learn to be well, music was my life source- and cardinals was such a heavy crush and a real dream…i honor it too much to have any regrets right now, i am just proud.

maybe we will play again sometime and maybe i will work my way back into some kind of music situation but this is the time for me to step back now, to reel it in and i wish everyone peace and happiness and if music is your dream, or if just dreaming is your dream, may you find your way through the rough patch with ease and i hope you let go and it takes you all the way there-

loving kindness to all.

R

let's agree to disagree

One day I will find the right words and they will be simple. – Jack Kerouac

i'm a war of head versus heart

death cab - crooked teeth
priscilla ahn - red cape
kanye west - robocop
erin mccarley - pony (it's ok)
the fray - you found me
akon - beautiful
rachael yamagata - sidedish friend

and it's always this way.

early morning, city breaks

Where were you? When everything was falling apart?

Desiderata:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

All my days were spent by the telephone. It never rang and all I needed was a call. It never came to the corner of First and Amistad.

Lost and insecure. You found me, you found me. Lying on the floor. Surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait?

you stumble down a yellow brick road

You’re 15 miles over the speed.
You’re going fast as you can after your daydream.


1. 11 spring, 2. 23 (twenty-three) is the natural number following 22 and preceding 24, 3. photography is only the admittance of failure, 4. Ever Reward (Panama) and Charleston Harbor, 5. FOR FAERYBOOTS ... TO CHEER YOU UP ... !!! ... FOR MY DEAR FRIEND KATE ... COME ON GET MOVING & GROOVING ... YES !!!, 6. Craig Yr Allt and The Garth, 7. Tulips Carousel @ Descanso Gardens, 8. not applicable, 9. breaking one.... winning two ♥♥!, 10. Dad Bailey's, 11. The Tyler Brûlé Challenge, 12. St. Matthew's Cathedral

found this idea via: blue lunchbox. it's cool. i like flickr.

Go on, go on, go on, the stars are watching. Just say, just say, just say, what you’re feeling. You know, you know, you know, you gotta take a bow and do it your way.

and your friends they sing along

this is a song of resolutions:

rilo kiley - a better son/daughter.

and you’ll show up for work with a smile.
and you’ll be better.
and you’ll be smarter.
and more grown up.
and a better daughter or son.
and a real good friend.
and you’ll be awake.
you’ll be alert.
you’ll be positive though it hurts.
and you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends.
and you’ll be a real good listener.
you’ll be honest.
you’ll be brave.
you’ll be handsome .
and you’ll be beautiful.
you’ll be happy.

your ship may be coming in. you’re weak, but not giving in to the cries and the wails of the valley below. and your ship may be coming in. you’re weak, but not giving in and you’ll fight it. you’ll go out fighting all of them.

come on skinny love

I was reading a blog earlier and they kept saying "Choose your Attitude." And for some reason that really hit me.

I guess so many times in my life I allow my circumstances to choose my attitude or my emotions and I stop being in charge. And I stop allowing the things that are important to matter. That's not how I want to live my life. No. Not at all!

And I suppose there is no better time than the new year to start focusing on that, huh?

beauty that moves:

There is so much that is beyond my control at the moment and it can be a scary thing if I allow it, but recently I remembered these words from my teacher... he said to me once that when things feel out of control and uncertain, the one thing we can always control is our attitude. We can choose to walk taller, breathe deeper, shift our mental focus. It's not easy, but it is within our power, always.

"Choose your attitude."

And so I have. In the face of the unknown, I remain focused and determined, hard working and truthful, and most importantly - kind and loving.

I told you to be patient. I told you to be fine. I told you to be balanced. I told you to be kind.

'cause you're independent and you got my attention

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself." -Neil Gaiman

... i just want to show you that i love what you're doing.

bought some wine and some paper cups

sometimes i hate being at the mall. and it gives me a headache to work so much. other times, i really enjoy being with the people there. and they make me very happy.

... but I couldn't think of anywhere I would've rather been.

and i'll stand here 'til the fall

"Imagine, a Being with a mind as great as God's, with feet like trees and a voice like rushing wind, telling you that you are His cherished creation. It's kind of exciting if you think about it. Earthly love... is temporal and slight so that it has to be given again and again in order for us to feel any sense of security; but God's love, God's voice and presence, would instill our souls with such affirmation we would need nothing more and would cause us to love other people so much we would be willing to die for them." - Searching for God Knows What

you change your mind like a girl changes clothes

You don't really wanna stay, no. But you don't really wanna go. I should know that you're no good for me.

so i'm told. so the story goes...

She was his girl, he was her boyfriend. Soon to be his wife, make him her husband. A surprise on the way, any day, any day. One healthy little giggling, dribbling baby boy.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." (Luke 2:10-11, NIV)

The Wise Men came, three made their way to shower him with love while he lay in the hay. Shower him with love, love, love, love love, love, love, love was all around.

Father up above, Why in all this anger do you fill me up with love, love, love?

we live in a beautiful world.

i'm going to start my christmas shopping today!!

i'm such a slacker. haha. oh my. this should be fun.

then i'm going to work work work. at bath and body.

i made $5100 in two hours yesterday. bangin'.

i have so many people i need to call back.
i just haven't had the time. i'm an awful friend.
i hope everyone can forgive it for right now.

oh, all that i know, there's nothing here to run from. 'cause here, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.

and erring on the edge of safe

i like:

Tegan and Sara - The Con
Stars - Take me to the Riot

today was completely long. 7am-6pm.

then sarah and i ate chinese food and played wii.

i got two fortunes in one cookie:
In youth and beauty, wisdom is rare.
Answer just what your heart prompts you.

and now i'm going to bed.

i am exhausted.

Calm down, I'm calling back to say, I'm home now and coming around, coming around.

all i want for christmas...

a new fm transmitter for my ipod (in my car)
big bang theory on dvd
itunes gift card
a lovely new handbag
a vacation

that's all i can think of.

also, i don't think i'm going to get around to sending christmas cards this year. my apologies. i hope you love me all the same.

these little black sandals are walking me away

sometimes i think boys aren't worth the time.
then they tell you something ridiculously sweet.

dumb.

i know better.

a blog that i read - searching for the yeti: When we were having girls night the other night, this was the phrase that came out: “I think she is one of the most intelligent yet least wise women I know.”

i went to work at 8am. i got home thirty minutes ago.
i left for 2 1/2 hours for salsa bar!
i have to be back at 7am. i can't decide if i should nap or not.

decisions.

sometimes i'm tempted. sometimes i am.

you're not my problem

i think i'm gonna read now while i listen to this cd.

can’t you see that I am losing my marbles? it’s marvelous.

there's more to the picture than meets the eye

i do not have the christmas spirit.
i did have four cups of candy cane coffee today.

it's just weird because it's so warm outside.
i'm not unhappy. or cranky. just a little tired.
but the spirit isn't there. strange.

bad things happen to good people.
i'm charging it all to oh eight.

so soon it will be oh nine. who's excited?

hey hey. my my. rock and roll can never die.

i'm just a girl you lost to cocaine

this is exactly how i feel...

4.14
LORELAI: You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, "I wish I was married," but today, I mean -- I'm happy. You know? I like my life. I like my friends. I like my stuff. My time, my space, my TV.
LUKE: Yeah, sure.
LORELAI: But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack. Someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning, meet the stupid sink before it gets sent back to Canada.

4.20
LORELAI: I can't sleep. I can't turn my mind off. It keeps running and thinking and making lists.
LUKE: Maybe if you drank a little less coffee, you'd make a little less lists.
LORELAI: Oh, I can't stop drinking the coffee. If I stop drinking coffee, I stop doing the standing and the walking and the words putting-into-sentence doing.

No, I just don’t wanna, so I’m walking away. There is nothing that you can do. I will not stay. No, I don’t need drama, so I’m walking away. Yeah, I am a girl with a lot on her plate.

hello again. it's been too long.

Series 1-2009

Tue / Apr 14 / Madison Square Garden / New York, NY with The Roots
Wed / Apr 15 / IZOD Center / East Rutherford, NJ with The Roots
Fri / Apr 17 / John Paul Jones Arena / Charlottesville, VA with Old Crow Medicine Show
Sat / Apr 18 / John Paul Jones Arena / Charlottesville, VA with Old Crow Medicine Show
Mon / Apr 20 / Verizon Wireless Music Center Birmingham / Pelham, AL with Old Crow Medicine Show
Wed / Apr 22 / TWC Music Pavilion / Raleigh, NC with The Avett Brothers
Fri / Apr 24 / Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre / Charlotte, NC with The Avett Brothers
Sat / Apr 25 / Vanderbilt Stadium / Nashville, TN Special Show, support to be announced soon!
Tue / Apr 28 / Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre at Encore Park / Alpharetta, GA with The Avett Brothers
Wed / Apr 29 / Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre at Encore Park / Alpharetta, GA with The Avett Brothers
Fri / May 1 / Cynthia L. Woods Mitchell Pavilion / The Woodlands, TX with The Avett Brothers
Sat / May 2 / Superpages.com Center / Dallas, TX with The Avett Brothers
Tue / May 5 / Journal Pavilion / Albuquerque, NM with The Avett Brothers
Wed / May 6 / Cricket Wireless Pavilion / Phoenix, AZ with The Avett Brothers
Fri / May 8 / MGM Grand Garden Arena / Las Vegas, NV with Jason Mraz
Sat / May 9 / MGM Grand Garden Arena / Las Vegas, NV with Jason Mraz

i saw sparks

holiday time at the mall blows.
crazy hours. crazy customers. i miss my friends.

i still had a good day though.
i ended it with a smile still on my face.

tomorrow i'm going to the festival of lights!

now, i'm going to bed.

i promise you this. i'll always look out for you.

that's what i'll do.

here in the heartland...

a feeling so startling.

hot mess:

1. a person that looks just pitiful 2. a person who looks as if they've been to hell and back

that's me.

i don't know what i should do.

warning: kissing can be dangerous. (repost)

oh my.

i read a lot of blogs.

vampire weekend - bryn

you know, it's easy to see.

when i was young i didn't think about it

how the hell do you use twitter?

i just discovered dave matthews' twitter.

"hello there. I suppose I might be a bit of a truffle and champagne socialist. But I'll rob myself and by everyone a sandwich."

it's like crack to me.

speaking of crack, i should have had more coffee today.

"More coffee and more coffee and shake me more like a monkey."

boys. dating. relationships. all strange things.

bartender, please.

the end.

now i just want to run and hide.

tonight you're falling in love

this feeling's tearing me up. here we go now.

today was weird.

it's been like a giant dance party at bath and body works.

rihanna. metro station. miley cyrus. tegan and sara. alanis morisette. cher. celine dion. lily allen. natasha bedingfield.

i'm not even lying.

i bounce and dance a lot while i'm there.

i saw you dancing and i couldn't get you off my mind.

shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it.

baby, just ask me

Got stains on my t-shirt and I'm the biggest flirt. Right now I'm solo, but that will be changing eventually. Oh, got bruises on my heart and sometimes I get dark.

If you want my auto, want my autobiography. Baby, just ask me.

something is bound to turn out right

Owen Beverly and Band at the Music Farm.
courtesy of kaitlyn iserman and her iphone.

in the shadows of tall buildings...

Jay Clifford at the Music Farm.
courtesy of kaitlyn iserman and her iphone.

come on skinny love

I told you to be patient.
I told you to be fine.
I told you to be balanced.
I told you to be kind.
Now all your love is wasted?

I tell my love to wreck it all,
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall.
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall.

-- Bon Iver

This is my first Bon Iver song. I really like it. The music is really passionate. So are the words. It's full of hurt, but I'm pretty sure we've all felt this way at some point in a relationship.

Just saying.

Jay Clifford at the Music Farm tonight! See you there!

i'm not scared but i'd like some extra spare time

oddly enough, i plan on spending my friday night at home. huzzah!

i'm sorta flaky right now because of work and fatigue, but i have good friends who understand and that i still get to hang out with. i love 'em.

i got a forty-five dollar parking ticket. damn loading zone.

and i put my contacts in the wrong eyes this morning. they stayed that way for several hours.

just say yes to... hetero lifemate time. margaritas. salsa bar. mulled wine. mellow mushroom. graffiti. friends. espresso. blood orange juice. dave matthews band. believe boxes. heated mattress pads. to do lists. twirling. prayer.

i think that's all.

oh! and listen to rilo kiley.

they say california is a recipe for a black hole. and i say i've got my best shoes on, i'm ready to go.

the simple truth is the best i guess

I have a lot of thoughts today. Some cannot even begin to be formed into actual sentences... Does that even make sense? I'm not sure it does.

I realized, the truth is that it's very easy to stop loving someone who has stopped loving you. (sidenote: I think that makes me even more amazed by God's inability to stop loving humans who constantly fail and ignore him...)

But I guess that (the ease of being able to stop loving someone) is only if you know what real love is... but it's all relative to how you view the world and truth. What do you base your life upon? Is your foundation solid or crumbly?

I'm glad I had something to land on...

I don't feel like any piece of me is missing anymore. I feel like more of me is showing. I am more myself now than I have been in the last year and a half.

So that's good.

Also, I feel so deeply for those people around me who are struggling. I cannot fix any of their problems. I can simply pray. And believe. That's frustrating. I'm a this is what's wrong and this is what we do to fix it sort of girl. Unfortunately, most of life's issues do not work in such a fashion.

In other news... I was proposed to today. This is not the first time this has happened this week.

First come (with platinum) first served.

I kid.

"You know me I’ve always been the kind with easy confidence. Confident enough to honestly believe that nothing out there is stopping me. Especially not someone who’s not loving me. Now, listen here, I told you I could live on without loving you. I was bluffing then, but it seems that just might have been the truth." - The Avett Brothers

I feel like this post is wishy washy. My apologies.

twenty three and so tired of life

(I want to work today like I want a hole in my head.)

Such a shame to throw it all away.
The images grow darker still...
Could I have been anyone other than me?

And then I,

I look up at the sky.
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying?
What's the use in hurrying?
Turn. Turn. We almost become dizzy.

somtimes i feel like i am falling

things to do (when i have money again):

buy a bottle of firefly sweet tea vodka
find a new journal
try an espresso truffle from starbucks
have my eyebrows waxed
use my spa packages (i need tip money)
raid the used cds at monster music

things to do (when i have time again):

walk the bridge
read a book or quit a book and start another
laundry!

oh, life it seems a struggle between what we think, what we see. i'm not going to change my ways just please you or appease you.

one sweet world around the sun is spinning

i posted this last year when i finished hypocrite in a pouffy white dress and i think its important to post again now that a lot of us find ourselves in different places or, at the very least, different mindsets...

"My friends and I had reached the age when we had the great, good fortune to be living out some of the dreams we'd had when we were young. Now, we were discovering the truly hard part: the realities.

Having a new baby made you psychotic with exhaustion and self-doubt. Professional success could make you delirious with insomnia and anxiety. Living abroad rendered you lonely and infantilized. And no matter what road you took, you still had to brush your teeth every morning, pay your bills, do your damn laundry, worry about taxes, check your breasts for cancer, argue with your loved ones about whether to defrost the refrigerator. Nobody, after all, it seemed, was exempt from banality.

... This was it. I was doing something I'd dreamed of. I was living in the middle of the world, and all of us were in it together, each one of us extraordinary and yet, really, no different from each other. I flung my arms back and for a minute, it felt like I could levitate. Then I laughed, loudly, like an American. Like a defiant bride. Like a seven-year-old girl with a rhinestone earring clipped to her nose. I had absolutely no idea what would happen next. But then, I suppose, no one ever does."

-- Susan Gilman, Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress

i very much enjoy my life right now. even in the midst of having no clue what the hell i am doing or where i am going. and i realize it doesn't matter.

i'll take my scars and move along

You would have kept those words on your tongue,
If you had known the hurt they had done.
While your fists stay by, right by your side,
Your words they bruise me deep inside.

I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones
than the words you say to me,
Cause i know that bruises heal and cuts will seal
but your words beat the life from me.

Sometimes your words are thick as lead,
You swing them strong upside my head.
But what hasn't killed has made me strong,
So i'll take my scars and move along.

I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones
than the words you say to me,
Cause i know that bruises heal and cuts will seal
but your words beat the life from me.

Goodbye is the best way that I know,
To forgive and still be letting go. -- Dave Barnes

i'm a survivor

the past couple of days have been ridiculous.

but i made it.

i’d like to thank dave and tim (live at radio city music hall), diet coke, my employees and coworkers, my mom, and ambien.

i couldn’t have done it without you

sitting, smoking, feeling high

Let's go drive 'til morning comes, watch the sunrise and fill our souls up andd drink some wine 'till we get drunk.

i love that there is a gilmore girl's episode for everything occasion.

(i hope you didn't skip rolls. or at least you had them for the walk home.)

i'm thankful for dmb. and family. and friends.

and for God for fixing Quickbooks. because if you ask and believe then it's done.

i'm thankful for cheesey carbs and music trivia games.

i'm thankful for black chamomile and down comforters.

i'm thankful for three thanksgivings.

i'll be thankful for coffee when i wake up at 2am and work until 7pm.

also, i miss joe. and last thanksgiving. but i'm thankful for his safety.

And here I'm dancing on the ground. Am I right side up or upside down? And is this real, or am I dreaming?

every step you take, they remind you you're ghetto

Coldplay. Prospekt's March EP

Lost + (with Jay-Z).

Excellent. Hilarious.

He's not even really singing with them.

And the question is,

"Is to have had and lost better than not having at all?"

Because I'm... just waiting ‘til the shine wears off.

hammer strikes the metal and it makes me believe

"... what really matters is what you like, not what you are like. books, records, films -- these things matter! Call me shallow, it's the fucking truth." - High Fidelity

right now i'm listening to ryan adams. cold roses. i suggest you do the same.

i would like cardinology. please and thank you.

also, i want this book: this is your brain on music.

i'm listening to a book on cd. barack obama's change we can believe in. i'm still on disc one. this has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.

i never finish books. i read part of them and move on most of the time. decidedly, that doesn't bother me. it's like having a sampler appetizer. i want to have a little bit of everything before i decide what i'm going to have for real.

plus, when i read at the end of the day, my eyes get tired and i fall asleep.

i also really like: song we sang away by low vs. diamond.

this is random.

"There are things you cannot understand, and you must learn to live with this. Not only must you learn to live with this, you must learn to enjoy this." - blue like jazz

Now I'm not saying only bad news comes for the people who want it, but you gotta play that music for who's listening. You got to have someone you wanna sing it to.

someday i'd like to take a walk with you

book list:

The Shack
The Late Bloomer's Revolution
Deep Economy
Bright Shiny Morning
Enter the Worship Circle

no more until these.

ha.

we're reading this book in house church.

listen to the new ray lamontagne.

... maybe ride our bikes down by the seaside and watch the sun goin' down, goin' down, goin' down.

all those days are gone

i put a new hole in my ear.
and i think of everything as a that's what she said joke.

this past weekend was excellent.
this upcoming week will be nuts.

this is my life.

and i am tired.

but i am happy.

huzzah!

i'll trade the moon for the sun, but this feeling for no one.

let it be me

... Asheville!

I'm so ready.

This is the last vacation of 2008.

Let's keep the beer cold, the hot tub hot and our fingers crossed.

See you after the weekend :)

If it's a friend you need, let it be me.

i ain't got the time.

I ain't being funny, I ain't got the brakes.
I ain't got the aces, I ain't got the stakes.
If only.

This morning has sucked hard core and I only have myself to blame.

I was tired. Then annoyed. Then I full out unloaded which may or may not have been appropriate, but, nevertheless, that's how it went down. Then someone told me I was breaking out from stress. Thaaaanks. Keep it to yourself, man! Plus, I had to do Black Friday Schedule and my Sysco order. And I received 105 boxes in shipment this morning.

I have to go back to work in a few hours, but I feel certain I'll be more stable by then.

I'll also probably put on some makeup.

Sheesh.

I ain't got the nerve.
I ain't got the makings of the man you deserve.
I ain't got the time.
If only

PS. I don't know why you bring up a problem... - this is completely true (i think), somewhat amusing and, if nothing else, it's something to think about. Read.

I ain't got the bullshit and I ain't got the lies.
I ain't got the memories of tears in your eyes.
If only.

keep it kind. keep it good. keep it right.

if autumn oh eight were a list of songs....

... is the rain ever gonna stop?

I am happy despite all the reasons I shouldn't be.

make a run in a midnight rain. maybe take a shot. maybe numb the pain. maybe i forgot who stands to gain. making the most of a lie called a daydream.

Maybe I'm not operating in the real world, but I feel like things are where they're supposed to be and, within the year, big things will change. This is not a point where I am stuck. This is a point where I am growing. I need roots before I can be transplanted.

This is just the beginning.

i can't recall half of what's been said. running through my mind like a ball of lead. half truths from the ones half dead. making the most of a lie called a daydream.

And, oddly enough, the past reminds us of this. I've been here before. I've felt this before. I do it the same. I deal with it differently. Life spins out of control. And then you remember...

This is just the beginning.

Strange.

it's just a different point of view. somehow we can make it true. deep inside a clouded mind, i see it shine like an invisible sun.

it's not about geography or happenstance

You need to fly and take a chance. You don't need to soar to emptiness or float on high and forever dance alone.

The ugly reality about going to work at 7am is that you have to get your tired ass out of bed and be at work at 7am.

However, there is also the beautiful truth to being at work at 7am. First, traffic is practically non-existent which means you don't have to leave quite so early to get to your destination. Second, if you're an eager beaver (which hardly ever applies to me) then you get the freshest bagels and the first pot of coffee. Also, you're normally done with work by three in the afternoon which gives you ample time to still enjoy daylight and the company of others.

The pros clearly outweigh the cons.

Yet, I continue to loathe working at 7am, but that may have something to do with the 115 boxes of shipment I had to move by myself this morning.

It was nice though to be done with work early in the day and to be able to go home and do my accounting stuff for the store and not get stuck in 5 o'clock traffic.

I took the rest of my afternoon by foot (since I'm living downtown at the moment). I went down to Fifty-Two Five and bought the new Rachael Yamagata cd which I'm currently enjoying. She does a duet with Ray Lamontange - it's lovely. And I went to Lesene to pick up a card to send to Morocco. Of course, Caviar and Bananas was included in the mix. I ordered some mediterranean tuna salad and roasted beet/goat cheese salad. And a diet coke. Just a plain diet coke.

The problem with the plain diet coke is that it's not what I wanted. I want diet cherry coke, but I can't freaking find it anywhere. I don't want a ton. I just want a 20oz bottle, but evidently that's just too much to ask.

I don't ever drink soda either, so this is a really big deal for me.

And now I'm back at the house waiting for friends. I think this might be the way life was intended to be lived. With diet coke and good music and good friends.

Of course, life is not so simple. And cars get broken and people get laid off. And it's hard, but we get through it. Maybe it's easier because I believe in something bigger - a greater cause. Or maybe it's more difficult because I do and I'm put under attack so (so) often.

I'm not sure. But "just because I'm losing doesn't mean I'm lost." Sounds silly, but it's true.

I'm not gonna live for you or die for you. I won't do anything anymore for you.

just because i'm hurting doesn't mean i'm hurt

ok, so this is how it all went down.

we left charleston yesterday morning at 8:15am. we arrived in columbia for coffee about 9:45am. this is when jax discovered her dollars were missing and there were major issues with her bf's car.

we keep on with driving stopping a few times along the way, but we make it to ikea around 2pm. that's cool. we shop and shop for about two hours. i had a fro yo and bought a lamp. that all went ok, i suppose.

so then we go to octane coffee where i proceed to take my low to the ground car too far forward in the parking space and the curb thing rips off my bumper. we thought we fixed it and bought coffee and went along our merry little ways.

then we get to trader joe's where we spend a long time grocery shopping. that's all i'll say. and then we take food we've collected and have a little evening picnic in piedmont park. then somehow we end up with dog poo all over the inside of my car. it was awful! and some of it is still there, unfortunately.

then we get very much turned around trying to find philips arena, but we finally make it and then i drop my cell phone behind the sound stage and lovely little british fellow had to retrieve it for me.

so then coldplay comes on and it's spectacular (of course) and they played lovers in japan and i hopped i was so excited. and they planned green eyes. and, well, here is the set list:



Life In Technicolor
Violet Hill
Clocks
In My Place
Speed Of Sound
Cemeteries Of London
Chinese Sleep Chant
42
Fix You
Strawberry Swing
God Put A Smile Upon Your Face (techno version)
Talk (techno remix)
Green Eyes
Postcards From Far Away (piano instrumental)
Viva La Vida
Lost!
The Scientist (acoustic)
Death Will Never Conquer (acoustic - Will singing)
Viva La Vida (remix interlude) - ps. this was fantastic!

Encore



Politik
Lovers In Japan
Death And All His Friends

Encore 2

Yellow
The Escapist (outro)

anyway, so then we leave and have zero gas and finally hit up a gas station and my piece of shit car has it's bumper hanging off of it. awwwwesome. so some people duct taped it for me. yes DUCT TAPE. i didn't misspell that.

and so on and so forth. we got home at 4:30 am. i was at work at 6:50 am.

you do the math.

how about that? huh? yeah.

and now i'm on a break inbetween jobs.

i am very much in love with chris martin though and his ability to make the whole world stop and exist purely in a moment. i think he could save humanity if we let him.

no one ever said it would be so hard

lots of things to say about the coldplay concert, but this picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go and more to come...

i wanna give my soul

Perhaps we all just need a reminder that it's not about us. And it's not even about political parties. We're so wrapped up that we've forgotten who gave us this great democracy in the first place.

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. - 1 Timothy 2:1-4

Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to malign no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men... avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. - Titus 3:1-2,9

Somethings gotta break. You gotta swing the bat. Too many years have died. Why is that?

breathe in the future, breathe out the past

I opened at BBW for the first time by myself today. Smoooooth like butter. But they couldn't have chosen an easier day for me to do it. Unfortunately, I frittered away my entire day in the mall. It wasn't a bad day - I just missed most of the daylight.

On the record - I'm blessed by both my jobs - what I do and who I do it with.

I'm living downtown right now with the dogs while Laurie and Rob are in Spain, Italy and Greece. I haven't had much time to really enjoy it, but I think next week might be different. I hope.

NEXT WEEK IS COLDPLAY! Yay! Yay for Coldplay and Ikea and Trader Joe's and Octane Coffee! Yay!

I'm listening to this band called Fink. I like 'em.

Have you ever considered what an amazing thing healing is? I've had lots of intense and awesome conversations this week and I just love how my life is and how it is interwined with others' lives. I love being a part of something bigger than myself... even when it proves to be difficult or discouraging.

And, decidedly, it is much better for me to be shocked and discouraged by humanity than to accept this behavior as the status quo.

So much to look forward to...

Anyway, I'm going to change and defunk before I head out for a drink or two.

I can't wait to have my own house one day. Except for the bills - that part I could put off forever.

Savor this moment as long as it lasts. Let me tell you. Put it back together piece by piece. Make it good.

i hope you stay american baby

If these walls came crumbling down and fell so hard to make us lose our faith, from what’s left you’d figure it out. Still make lemonade taste like a sunny day.


I, I hold, hold on to you. You bring me hope I’ll see you soon. And if I don’t see you, oh, I’m afraid we’ve lost the way.

rock the vote

good morning! this is from simply breakfast.

and it is my way of reminding you to vote!

still deciding? go to: votehelp.org

if i were a boy, even just for one day

If I were a boy, I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl; I swear I’d be a better man. I’d listen to her, cause I know how it hurts when you lose the one you wanted 'cause he’s taken you for granted, and everything you had got destroyed...

I saw this on Bjo's blog, so I listened to it and now I kinda like it.

I think I (not so) secretly love pop music. oyyyy.

i'm trying to figure out what else to say

A thought: Somedays... via Truebeliever.

Yesterday was long. At both jobs. But they both went by surprisingly quickly. That sounds backwards.

I'm going to open a coffee shop where we sell just coffee - none of that frilly crap. Just Coffee. And that's what I'm going to call it... "Just Coffee". And we'll make tshirts that have our logo/name on the front and on the back it will "It's not rocket science."

I just don't understand why it is so difficult sometimes. Seriously, people. It's just milk and espresso and sugar. It's not going to end your world if you don't like it and I will ALWAYS make you something different if you don't like it.

Also, I've begun to view children and large familes as conversion killers while I'm at work. I'm only hostile about it in my head though. Oyyy.

At this rate, I probably won't have any children.

Did I even tell you all I was promoted at Bath and Body Works? Probably not, but I was and I'm glad and it should make for a terribly interesting (busy) holiday season.

9 days until Coldplay! 19 days until Asheville! 25 days until Black Friday!

Today (is my one day off!): church, indian buffet, nap, exercise tv, (different) church (i think).

for breakfast: 1/2 c oats, tbsp craisins, tbsp sunflower seeds, tbsp almond slivers, 1 c skim milk (i used soy, but its a little powerful if you don't like soy). mix together in an airtight container and refrigerate overnight. mmm.

You turned me out and now I can't turn back.